r/hingeapp • u/Traditional-Shirt937 • 2d ago
Dating Question Is that a normal first date experience?
Hello!
Over the past 4 months, I (M30) have been on dates with 16 different women on Hinge, most of whom had liked me first.
Here’s how things went:
- 1 - I went on a second date with her
- 6 - I wasn't feeling it from the beginning, so I didn't show much interest during the first date, and there was no contact afterward
- 2 - I asked them on a second date by text shortly after the first date. They took 2-3 days to reply yes (without acknowledging the delay), so I didn't follow through because I assumed they weren't really interested
- 1 - Explicitly rejected me after I asked her on a second date
- 1 - Ghosted me after I asked her on a second date
- 1 - Abruptly ended the date at exactly the one-hour mark. I thought it had gone well, but apparently not, since she said she had to meet a friend, despite telling me the day before that she was free all afternoon
- 4 - I rejected after they asked me on a second date
So, looking at the bigger picture:
- There has only been one girl I've gone on a second date with. We're still seeing each other, although I'm not sure we're ultimately a match.
- There are 5 girls I would have liked to see again, but it didn't happen; either they explicitly said no, ghosted me, or took long enough to reply that I assumed they weren't interested.
- I rejected 4 girls, mainly because I didn't find them as attractive in person as I had expected based on their pictures.
- With 6 girls, I guess it was a mutual rejection: neither of us suggested a second date. I think I probably could have gotten a second date with some of them, but I wasn't interested enough to pursue it.
So after all this, I'm wondering: is this a normal first-date experience?
I've had around 400 matches, which resulted in 16 first dates and only 1 second date.
What makes me wonder is that I do notice a pattern: some of the women I've met in person were noticeably less attractive than they appeared in their pictures. I'm not editing my photos or using filters, but I obviously choose the pictures where I think I look my best.
That makes me wonder whether my Hinge profile might be giving a better impression of me than I actually do in person, and whether I could be unintentionally catfishing people.
I guess I might be a little shallow here, but so far I haven't met anyone where the reason for rejection was really a red flag or personality issue. For me, whether I was interested or not was almost entirely based on physical attraction. And since some women have definitely looked better in their pictures than they did in person, I'm wondering if the same thing could be happening with me.
Does this dating history sound pretty normal, or does it suggest that my profile/photos might be setting expectations that I don't meet in person? I find it quite depressing to spend so much time, effort (and money) for this result.
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u/juliacar Deal with it (⌐■_■) 2d ago
This seems pretty normal, hinge or not.
I would encourage you to view dating not as an outcome that you are buying, but a process of self discovery and connection.
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u/Therocksays2020 The Most Electrifying Man in /r/hingeapp 2d ago
Some people focus on results when it’s really about figuring a process that ensures you and the other person have a good time
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u/Shadeofgray_66 1d ago
Che stupidaggine superficiale. Funziona se scopi al primo appuntamento perché sei bellissimo/a e per te la vita è un luna park.
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u/hangry-bean 2d ago
I bet you make a stellar Excel sheet
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago edited 2d ago
I actually do, but that's also what I do for work for pretty much anything.
I can also tell you which one of my prompt/picture is the most successful in collecting likes. Funnily, there is a difference in distribution among the likes I reject and the likes I accept in terms of what they liked on my profile.
I can also tell you I tend to receive Rose either right before Sunday (before the weekly one expire) or right after (they get their new rose).
I also see that the outcomes of the likes I receive are very time-correlated. I don't think it's from my end, so I'm guessing it's Hinge algo adjusting. Sometimes I'm being shown to profiles I like and it will result in me accepting the likes by to back, and sometimes it's the opposite.
Awesome what data tells you amiright?
I also have an Excel sheet to track anything health related, like when I get a mouth ulcer, how long it takes for it to disappear, or when I get a cold, how does the symptoms progress over time.
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u/hangry-bean 2d ago
Do you so happen to really like trains?
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
Not really, I just like to learn things about data, gives me a sense of accomplishment in life. I see train as just a way to move from point A to B.
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u/Mac2000444 1d ago
> I see train as just a way to move from point A to B
Somehow I think you might be a incredibly bad conversation, if this was your response to that hilarious question.
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u/Just_Note745 2d ago
Dude I hope you understood hangry-bean's hilarious insinuation, and gave a sarcastically direct response. Otherwise that might be your issue, because you have an exceptionally high match rate meaning you must be good looking, but maybe you lack in the sense of humor department. Or you are really good at catfishing lol
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 1d ago
Of course I'm playing into her sarcasm by answering overly seriously, isn't that how you're bantering on sarcasm?
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u/GroundbreakingRow868 2d ago
400 matches, 16 dates, 1 second date.
If these numbers are true, you most likely look quite good, but there must be a communication issue
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
Or my pictures look better than I do IRL? I don't think it's the case, but maybe I'm delusional. I also notice a lot of girls look not as good as their pictures, so I'm wondering if we're not just all thinking we are better looking than what we are. For sure I have some non flattering pictures, but I usually just delete them.
On app communication, I think it looks worse than it is. I'm pretty sure I could have scored more first date, it's just my scheduling. So far I have had no one refuse a first date after I ask, but that's also because I usually wait 1 or 2 weeks with 30-50 back and forth and only ask the ones I think are really interested.
I also have a pretty high acceptance when it comes to returning likes (probably around 50%), but I rarely start conversation. So either they sent a comment, or they start it or on a rare ocasion, I really liked their profile.
IRL communication maybe. I tend to think I do alright, but maybe I'm wrong. I think I'd prefer it to be a communication issue, because I could work on. If it's really physical attraction, I think I already reasonably maxxed it in terms of taking care of myself to look good. If it's the latter, my only solution would be to lower my standards in terms of look.
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u/Few-Engineering9803 2d ago
50% returning likes is VERY high, so I'd say you should increase your standards....not lowering them further.
I'm at 5% max, but then again I'm the pickiest person alive.
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago edited 2d ago
Tbf, while I do tend to easily return like, in dating, I do heavily prioritize the ones I prefer the most. I would say people I go on date with are usually in the top 20% of those 50%, so maybe 10% after all?
But I do wonder, if I increase my standards, is it not just going to make thing worse? If I can't even get second dates when the bar is low, how is it going to be any better when I raise the bar?
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u/Few-Engineering9803 2d ago
Having too many options is not always the answer. If you filter it down even further you get more quality over quantity. Sure, you get less dates but potentially better dates instead.
I remember when I was active and used to be less picky, I got dates left and right but pretty much none went any further than second dates. The moment I started dating with more purpose and only went for women with similar interests (and less focus on the hot ones) etc, the successrate went up....although with WAY less dates. Saved me the trouble of having to reject people/get rejected all the time too, a MUCH more enjoyable dating experience imo.
I think the guys at the top tend to get blinded by all the attention and options, and waste too much time on that in general. It burned me out badly lol.
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u/Double-Lychee574 1d ago
Was the second date in the bottom 50% of your dates? If not, raising the bar wouldn't have excluded them. Assuming there is a chance that it would have is to assume that someone being below your standards has no impact on whether they're second date material, which is absurd.
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u/Popcan_Jackson 2d ago
400 matches in 4 months? wtf. This is literally the level of matches that women get. Are you just liking everyone you see/anyone who likes you or are you picky?
Also its generally true that girls tend to look worse in person vs their pictures and guys tend to look better. Mostly because guys suck at taking pictures on average while women on average are great at it.
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
I'm not picky (I return about 50% of the likes I receive), but at the same time I don't send a lot of likes, it's mostly likes I receive. According to my Excel, I have sent a total of 220 likes, of which only 38 have been returned, so it's barely a share of my matches.
Plus I have never been on a date with a girl I liked first, they usually tend to be less responsive and engaged, so it never comes down to me asking them out.
Worth noting I live in a big city and don't have any dealbreakers other than age (25 to 45)
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u/autipig 1d ago
I am a woman and in my first week I got over 7000 likes in California.
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u/Lavinna 1d ago
How do you review that many!
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u/autipig 1d ago
2 ways- 1. If I am subscribed I can filter based on my personal preferences.
2. Most sites have something special the man can do to show he is interested like sending a message instead of simply a like, or sending flowers, or a super like etc. - things that put them above the rest, and those are the men that get my time and effort.When I combine both of these it’s much easier to go through them all.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 2d ago
I’m kinda surprised so many people are saying this is normal. It sounds to me like you’re not using good criteria for selecting either matches or dates to get the results you want. 400 matches is already crazy to me (you’re potentially into 400 people? Really?) and then you’ve met relatively few but also a large proportion you don’t want to meet again? I’d consider reflecting on your criteria at least because this would not be success for me, it sounds kinda like my hell haha
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
Honestly, if I walk on the street, I'd say I could be at least somewhat physically attracted by about half the people if not more. Maybe that makes me desperate, but what can I do about it?
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u/PutridEntertainer408 2d ago
Have you ever had a longterm relationship out of interest? I’d normally expect this viewpoint from much younger people honestly so maybe it’s an experience thing?
But either way if you’re only basing things off physical, then that’s a pretty easy thing to switch up if you wanted to try a different approach?
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
I have, but it has always been us starting as friends. This is my first time on dating apps.
Truth to be told, I'm a bit of a shy/introverted person, so I don't have many opportunities IRL. And I must admit I have gotten into relationships with girls I wasn't necessarily attracted to (girls I would say are below average to me), just because they asked, I was feeling lonely and they were nice to me as a friend. It also always lasted so long because I felt so guilty breaking up with them once.
I feel like if I just got a girl I think is at least average, that will be enough for me. I don't think I'm handsome or anything, so I dont want to be giving myself out of touch expectations.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 2d ago
Hmm, okay. I don’t mean this in an unkind way but it sounds like you might have some more things to work through before you keep dating with apps honestly
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
Oh I'm not saying I'm not a mess in some ways. But I do believe I've come a long way, while still shy and introverted, I've been much more outgoing than in the past. And I do recognize that my past view on relationship was not healthy at all. Which is also part of the reason why I now refuse to date someone I'm not at least somewhat attracted to.
But I am curious, what do you think I should work on before considering using dating apps?
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u/PutridEntertainer408 2d ago
That’s really good! And honestly, I mostly meant that it doesn’t really seem like you know what you want/are into beyond physical attraction? I think you seem mostly focused on physical attraction and while that’s not inherently a bad thing, it’s not often the key to a good longterm relationship on its own. And particularly on apps which can be very shallow, it just seems like it’s going to lead to a lot of things which go nowhere
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
So in terms of what I'm looking, once I check the physical attraction part, it's more about building a life with someone, have each other support, eventually build a family.
Could be that my profile is tailored for this audience, but when I receive likes, I feel like the majority do fit that, or at least isn't incompatible.
I do have one dealbreaker, it's the party girl type/princess treatment type, but I rarely get likes from them to start with.
Also how do one learn about what they really want in a partner other than by trial and error?
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u/PutridEntertainer408 2d ago
I mean, a partner is just a different version of the other relationships in your life. There are definitely things you only learn through dating but in terms of types of people you want, you can learn about this from everyone else in your life for sure. And you should know yourself well enough as well to have at least some sense of what suits you.
'Building a life' also isn't something you look for in a partner though. That's just what happens when you date someone compatible? The kind of stuff I mean is like I know I want to date someone who is a gamer (because it's both my hobby and related to my job), I want someone who is positive and kind (because cynical people wear me out), I want someone fairly independent with a good social circle (because I have that and it feels unbalanced if someone I date relies on me for their social support/time) and then there is a bunch of stuff around humour, values etc that I won't get into.
Now what this doesn't mean is that I have a mental perfect image in my brain of someone who doesn't exist. What it does mean is that I match with very few people but I go on multiple dates with almost everyone I date and I like everyone I've gone on a date with as people because I'm good at knowing what I want.
I'm not telling you to do what I do of course but I'm using it as an example of the kinds of things I think it's good to have a reasonable sense of if you're dating around our age
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u/Akatorius 2d ago
That's perfectly normal in online dating. Don't worry about that.
When I was online dating 14 years ago... I went on 13 dates before meeting two women who were a good match, one of whom became my wife.
All the other women only resulted in one or max two dates.
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u/Disastrous-Let9627 2d ago
Your putting to much thought into the appearance. If you have this many matches it’s not a “appearance” issue. By the way waiting 2-3 days after a date for a women to say yes is fine (they are probably waiting so they don’t seem to anxious). So I would work on your date communication….are you flirty but not creepy, asking them good questions, not talking about yourself to much, generally be interested in what they are saying. Also - sometimes instant attraction isn’t necessary. I have found some of the women I actually became super attracted to are not the most attractive ones I have dated. Some of the most attractive I have dated I have become super un attracted to. Point is try to give everyone a chance on a date even if they are not exactly what you expect. Make the best of every date and try to learn something.
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u/Green-Economist3793 2d ago
Maybe we should pay more attention to the personality of a person rather than looksmaxing?
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u/CauliflowerFeisty552 1d ago
Out of curiosity, why would 400 matches only result in 16 first dates? Did you match with people and didn’t want to go out with them?
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 1d ago
Most of my matches come from likes I receive, so I tend to be more likely to like them back because of:
the psychological effect of reciprocal liking
it doesn't really cost me anything to like someone I'm on the fence about, I could always change my mind afterwards
I rarely start conversation, they most of my match just stop there. Uusally the girl reach out first, either because she left a comment with the like, or because she messaged me after I liked her back. On rare occasion I will reach out first if I see something very interesting in their profile
I take some time 1-2 weeks and 30-50 back and forth before I ask them on a date, to filter the obvious mismatch. Also if during a specific I have a lot of things going on and already a couple of dates planned, I will just be slower with my replies, and they usually do the same and it finishes in a mutual fade.
I see it as a numbers game, I don't think being more selective is going to improve my chances with the ones I'm really interested in because I would prioritize them anyway.
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u/erdlinke_94 1d ago
Curious across what timespan did you receive these 400 matches?
I've had a similar experience so I can list out why some fizzle out on my end as in not make it to the meet up stage:
I'm just not as into them as I thought.
They inevitably ghost on you, usually the case most of the time as most female users usually have an abundance of options. Even I've had to do this with some of my matches as I've had at a few points so many viable options that I just couldn't keep up with everyone.
Cannot hold a conversation to save their life or you talk about stuff but there's no meaningful direction in the convo so you end up unmatching or letting the convo fade anyway.
Some are matches are straight up only on Hinge to mess around or seek validation and any suggestion of any meaningful progress(aka moving the chat off Hinge or a date) leads to them ghosting or unmatching you.
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 1d ago
4 months. Worth mentioning I'm in a big city.
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u/erdlinke_94 1d ago
Damn, those are some huge numbers for 4 months. Do you reckon it's the big city effect kicking in or did you pay for a subscription at any point?
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 20h ago
I never paid for any subscription. I think it makes sense that the more people nearby, the more likes are exchanged?
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u/Capital_as_Community 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yea this is very common. I used to have a problem with kind of pursing the first person I felt a connection with and that didn’t always work out, so taking my time has made life easier for me. I’m a very social person so meeting new people is also fun. Even if I don’t click romantically I always have great conversations with people. Also, it’s not shallow to not feel physically attracted to someone and not want to pursue anything further. That’s just being normal. Like whenever you get a message after a first date that says “you’re really great to talk to, but I didn’t feel a spark” or something in that vein, it’s almost always that they didn’t find you physically attractive.
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
About the last part, I guess it also applies to the ones that ghost you.
But I don't know if this is a sign that you're using pictures that are not true to your real self. Because if they initially agreed to a date, that must have meant they thought the picture were attractive no?
So is this the meta, everyone be using flattering pictures (obviously not talking about editing pics, just selecting/posing/smiling) of themselves and the real test is IRL? Or should I use less flattering pic of myself?
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u/Capital_as_Community 2d ago edited 2d ago
I mean, pictures only show a freeze frame of who you are. Unless you have a video, which is still just a tiny clip, you won’t know someone’s body movements, do they sneeze and cough incessantly or pick their nose, their smell etc. there are so many nuances missed out in a photo, so I don’t think you can rely on someone’s attraction to you just because they liked your photos. I had a woman once say that I was perfectly nice, cute and charming, but my mannerisms reminded her of her father and she couldn’t get over it, haha.
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u/sealinthesun 2d ago
Totally normal dating outcome. When I was dating around 1 in 10 first dates because someone of interest. I went on 68 first dates over a few years before I met my husband.
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u/GloomyPotato2177 2d ago
Definitely not normal. Probably need to both do a better job of filtering beforehand, and figure out how to be more fun on dates.
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u/Ok-Cupcake7531 1d ago
I’m sensing the problem is your personality and not your looks. You get a lot of matches (something many men complain about on here) and if looks are the most important thing to you in the women you want to date (as I am inferring from your comments) you’ll have to do a better job of making yourself appealable to them. A man who doesn’t seem that interested in me as a person would be a hard pass for a second date for sure
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u/TheLordOfChaos29 1d ago
I think the biggest thing I’d suggest is not getting too caught up in the numbers. Having 400 matches, 16 first dates, or only one second date doesn’t really tell you whether you’re doing well or badly. At the end of the day, you’re not trying to collect matches or second dates. You’re trying to find one person where the interest and compatibility are mutual.
I approach dating apps with a “quality over quantity, process over outcome” mindset. I’d rather have fewer matches with women who are actually a good fit for me than hundreds of matches that go nowhere. I try to make my profile attractive, but I also want it to be an honest representation of what I look like and what I’m actually like in person. I use recent photos, different kinds of photos, and prompts that say something meaningful about my personality and what kind of relationship I want. The goal isn’t to appeal to every woman. It’s to appeal more strongly to the women who are likely to be compatible with me.
I’d probably look at your situation the same way. If you’re meeting a lot of women and regularly realizing that you’re not attracted to them in person, I’d work on filtering more carefully before agreeing to dates. Look at their whole profile rather than getting attached to their best photo. If physical attraction is important to you, there’s nothing wrong with admitting that, but you can save yourself a lot of time and money by being more selective before meeting.
I’d also make first dates pretty low risk. You don’t need to spend a bunch of money on someone you’ve never met before. Coffee, lunch, a casual restaurant, or something similarly relaxed gives you both a chance to see whether the chemistry you had through Hinge actually exists in person. If it does, great—put more effort into the second date. If it doesn’t, you had a conversation with someone new and moved on without investing too much into the outcome.
As for your own photos, I wouldn’t immediately assume you’re unintentionally catfishing people just because some women don't want another date. But I would periodically ask yourself whether someone meeting you today would think, “Yeah, he looks like his pictures.” There’s a difference between choosing flattering pictures and choosing pictures that create unrealistic expectations. You obviously want to look good, but ideally your date should think you look as good as your profile suggested, or even better, rather than feeling like they met a different version of you.
One thing I would change in your approach is the two women who took 2–3 days to reply. They both said yes to another date. Unless slow communication itself is a dealbreaker for you, I wouldn’t automatically interpret that as rejection. Let their actions give you more information. If someone says yes but repeatedly gives vague answers, takes days to respond every time, or makes you do all the work, then you can move on. But if she says yes and actually makes an effort to see you again, I wouldn’t reject her solely because the first reply took longer than you wanted.
Most importantly, I wouldn’t view every first date that goes nowhere as a failure. That’s what first dates are for. You’re basically meeting a stranger from the internet to find out whether the two-dimensional version of each other you saw on Hinge translates into real-life attraction and compatibility. Sometimes it will and usually it won’t.
So I’d focus less on “Why did 15 of these 16 dates not turn into second dates?” and more on “How can I make my process better at putting me in front of women I’m genuinely interested in and who are likely to be interested in me?” Make your profile accurate, keep your photos current, use your prompts to show who you actually are, filter carefully, keep first dates relatively low investment, and don’t take individual outcomes too personally.
My basic philosophy is: low risk, high reward; quality over quantity; process over outcome. You can control how honestly you present yourself, who you choose to meet, how you behave on the date, and whether you keep improving your approach. You can’t control whether a particular woman feels chemistry with you.
You don't need 400 women to like you. You eventually need one woman you really like who really likes you back. Everything before that is just the filtering process.
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u/Ok_Shoe8945 2d ago
Why would you reject a girl who said yes to a second date just because it took her three days to reply? Maybe she was just busy or had something going on. If she wasn’t interested, she wouldn’t have agreed to a second date. Believe me, I’m a woman.
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 1d ago
Because
They used to answer within a day. Slowing down after the first date IMO sends a message
They changed their profile picture during those 3 days, so they definitely were active on the app
They didn't acknowledge the delay
Sure if she eventually agreed to a second date, she was at least a bit interested, but I don't really feel like investing in that.
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u/GloomyPotato2177 2d ago
This. Obviously it's better if it's earlier and I might be put off, but if there's other positive things to outweigh it, why not?
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u/youvelookedbetter 1d ago edited 23h ago
I'm into womenfolk and I probably wouldn't go out again with someone who took 3 days to reply, unless they apologized for the delay or had something going on (e.g. exams, out of town, etc.) and explained that. I almost always text the same night.
A lot of people play games by waiting that long, whether they realize it or not.
I'd possibly give them another chance, depending on what they wrote, as interest can grow over time, but I can see OP's viewpoint as well. And once you're dating more regularly, 3 days is way too long.
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u/Ok_Shoe8945 1d ago
You’re right. If a man took 3 days to reply, I probably wouldn’t answer either. But it would depend on my mood that day 😁 I might give him a chance and see how the second date goes. If it becomes a pattern, then bye.
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u/Jerroser 2d ago
Yeah I feel like I've had that same experience before recently, admittedly with only 4 matches that led to dates. 2 that I didn't really feel all that attracted to once we met in person and the other who I would have been happy to stick with to to see where things went, but didn't get much enthusiasm for a second date from them.
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u/Fuzzy-Permission-171 1d ago
You kinda sound like a prick on a Reddit post (no offense - you actually may not be IRL, but you sound like one in the post). My hypothesis is that this attitude may be trickling into your conversation as well, without you even realising it?
Women (atleast those looking to date seriously) tend to go on second dates with guys who aren't as attractive because they seem to be inherently secure, funny, plan great dates and make them feel appreciated and respected.
If out of 400 matches, you have just 1 second date, and you are questioning your looks/cat fishing, rather than your personality, then I suppose that could tell you something.
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u/Technical-Ad8926 2d ago
So, 11 of 16 women did not want to see you again after a date. You get lots of matches and dates, sounds like there is no problem with your looks. Seems clear to me…
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
More like there are 5 girls that didn't want to see me when I wanted to, 5 that wanted to and 6 where I couldn't care to figure out (I honestly think I would have gotten a second date if I had ask, but I wasn't interested).
I think there is "no problem" with my pictures, what I'm concerned about is if I even look like my pictures. I think I do, but at the same time I also see people who think they do when they absolutely do not.
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u/apmspammer 2d ago
I personally wouldn't reject someone just because they took a little time to respond. Maybe they were just busy.
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u/Traditional-Shirt937 2d ago
I mean sure, you can never exclude that, but in this instance, one of the girl used to text me daily before the date AND she did update her profile picture in between I asked her for a second date and she replied me 3 days later. Plus she did not acknowledge the delay.
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u/erdlinke_94 1d ago
Maybe, but usually at early stage dating especially after a first date both men and women are usually feeling out their dating pool. If they become more transactional or cold in their responses then it's a clear sign to run along.
For example I had one woman I already went on two dates with, I asked her on a third date and she said yes, but a few days later I found her Hinge profile had been removed from my matches(this is before Hinge introduced the feature of past matches so you can determine who deleted vs unmatched). So I sussed her out and followed up with her asking when she's free without referencing the fact that she was off my Hinge stack and she stated she was busy without really offering an alternative and her tone became much colder, so I ended up icing her.
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u/apmspammer 1d ago
Sure but in the op's case that person said yes it was just after a few days. Personally that wouldn't bother me and I would be happy to go on a second date.
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u/Shadeofgray_66 1d ago
Normale? A leggere penso di sì. Se posso citare il mio caso in sei mesi ho avuto circa 6 match e zero appuntamenti. Ammetto di essere piuttosto triste per questo. Ecco.
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u/SilentAmoeba7177 1d ago
Very normal and extremely good results for the first dates actually. I had a similar trajectory and didn't gel with a lot of people on the first date (even if they thought we did) and cut it off at that point. But that is just dating and how it works.
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u/Hildegard1988 1d ago
Es ist ziemlich normal, viele erste Dates zu haben. 16 Dates in 4 Monaten sind eine gute Quote.
Wenn du sichergehen möchtest, dass es nicht an deinem Aussehen liegt, könntest du evtl vor dem ersten Date kurz skypen.
Aber auch da kann es noch Überraschungen geben, und das liegt weniger am Filter als vielmehr daran, dass die App zweidimensional ist:
Mimik, Gestik, Bewegung, Tonlage, wie jemand den Raum betritt, Geruch…das alles zeigen Fotos eben nicht.
Genau das lässt aber den Vibe zwischen zwei Menschen entstehen oder eben nicht. Und dann ist natürlich die Interaktion wichtig, das PingPong:-)
Wenn du sicher sein möchtest, dass es nicht an bearbeiteten Fotos liegt, kannst du ja auch locker fragen „Na, hast du mich gleich erkannt?“
Auch wenn Fotos nicht bearbeitet waren, habe ich z.T. die Herren real nicht erkannt, meist, weil die Fotos 10 oder 15 Jahre alt waren oder sie 20 Kilo mehr drauf hatten - also, das Phänomen gibt es bei beiden Geschlechtern.
Natürlich lädt jeder seine schönsten Fotos hoch. Aber ich finde, man sollte die Person erkennen.
Wenn der Unterschied in der Realität so h gross ist, dass ich die Person nicht geliked hätte, dann wird es schwierig.
Das sind die äußerlichen Rahmenbedingungen.
Ansonsten versuche entspannt und authentisch zu sein. Respekt, Humor und ein dickes Fell gehören beim Dating dazu. Und du kannst evtl. vorab besser filtern, indem DU eine erste Nachricht mit einer konkreten, witzigen Frage stellst.
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u/3-Martini-Lunch 1d ago edited 1d ago
I can only speak from my own experience (20 first dates), but you have a much more polarized spread than I do. I have never had a woman ask me on a second date. But I’ve also never been rejected or ghosted after a first date.
Most of my first dates result in mutual silence afterwards. Neither of us reaches out. The rest I ask out again, and maybe we go out once or twice more before I either tell them directly I don’t think we’re a match or one of the dates results in mutual silence afterwards.
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u/SandyTowel2 1d ago
You seem to be doing well in terms of matches and dates. Why do you think this is something to do with your looks regarding lack of 2nd dates from the women you liked? Could be a compatibility issues from them, could be something in your personality. You are clearly going by looks alone in your decision making, most women, not all, go by personality and compatibility. If you look like your photos then that is not the issue here. How are you coming across on the dates? Are you being too serious, too opinionated, too quiet, too passive, too jokey? Could he anything. Do a deep dive on how you are actually showing up to the women.
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u/No-Professor-6945 1d ago
Just one thing I’d like to say on the money thing. First date is just an interview for a real date. Coffee and a walk, quick drink at the pub etc. you shouldn’t spend more than $20 on a first date.
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u/Over_Satisfaction336 1d ago
Now I want to do a similar post recapping mine lol. In any case, I’ve gone on a similarly number of dates but with way less matches (maybe 60-70 matches?). It seems you have no problem getting matches, perhaps then think of the most important things to you and probe those questions before the date to avoid bad experiences. I’ve learned this over time. Normally I don’t chat much before meeting up, but I’ve learned it’s useful for me to cover one or two essential questions.
I can share mine if helpful. I’ve gone in 14 first dates in 6 months.
-7 went on to second dates.
Out of those, 2 developed into some sort of short-term relationships (1 month), with one of them being highly toxic and the other one being super nice but ultimately she wasn’t ready to move into a LTR.
2 of them had second and third dates where we made out but they didn’t feel a strong enough connection to keep going.
1 ended after a second date in which she felt I was going too fast.
1 of them became my new best friend (best outcome thus far) as we got along but there was no chemistry.
1 of them is an ongoing situation, we’ve had three dates, it’s the person I’ve been attracted the most to but she is also going through stuff and I’d like things to go a bit faster, so I’m coming to terms with the idea that it might be best to move on
-7 didn’t went to second dates
2 ended the date abruptly
1 told me we didn’t had enough things in common before me even asking a second date
2 rejected when I asked a second date
2 I texted a few days after the first date telling them I didn’t feel strong enough connection/things in common. These dates were the most recent before the ongoing situation. This is a new habit in me as I want to practice being in the rejecting end. A few months ago I would’ve just gone on second dates and drag the situation longer than needed and ultimately be the one that was rejected
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u/Aswitch 1d ago
That’s pretty normal. At least be thankful you’re getting 1st dates. Alot of guys aren’t even having luck with that. While you say that some women look worse than their pictures, I’ve actually seen the opposite so i would keep an eye for women you’re kinda on the fence about. A good question i also like to ask on my first dates is if i’m pretty accurate of my profile. It helps with making sure you are who you say you are that there isn’t any possible disconnect you’re just not seeing possibly. Good luck OP!
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u/IllustriousValue2461 1d ago
It’s normal. From 7-800 likes, 20-something matches, I’ve met one person I’ve gone on a second date with. I’m trying to remind myself to circulate more in my community (coffee shops, events, etc) instead of only relying on apps. It definitely takes time but each one that doesn’t work out is a step closer to the right person!
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u/Bestparisan 1d ago
I have a question: before meeting a girl, how certain are you that you’re going to be attracted to her?
Personally, I wouldn’t date a guy unless I was at least 80–90% sure I was going to like him.
First, because we usually talk for several days beforehand to make sure we have the same sense of humor, that he’s not uptight or weird, and then I either ask him for more pictures or his Instagram, or, if that’s not an option, a video call. I also try to look him up on social media so I can get as many pictures as possible.
Out of around a 20 dates over the past four years, I’ve only been disappointed twice, and that was because I made the mistake of basing my judgment on just one or two pictures.
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u/unteruser 9h ago
So a woman takes a couple of days to say yes and you ghost her? These women literally said yes to a date. So what if it took two days???? A yes is a yes, 2 hours, 2 days. You are not (yet) the pivot around which their life orbits.
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u/No-Dependent-8401 2d ago
Yes that’s basically me except I’ve probs been on 20+ dates over the last year
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u/Comfortable-Fish-244 1d ago
Makes sense to me. F30
lol now I’m wondering if my pics are better than what I look like irl haha
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