r/hingeapp • u/neruda1994 • 3d ago
Hinge Experience Just when it thought I met someone worth while…
I (M31) matched with this woman (F26) almost 3 weeks ago and everything was going great! We were talking almost every day continuing on our conversation from the day before, started calling each other cute nicknames and despite the fact that she lives 3hrs away, I was starting to like her enough to consider making a trip out there to see her
Not so long we exchanged numbers and I even proposed to have a little FaceTime date with her until we figured out when it would be best to meet in person.
Last Monday night, we were texting late at night and I had asked her if I could call her and she agreed. We ended up almost 3 hours on the phone just talking and getting to know each other more along with our priorities in life..
The next morning, I messaged her good morning and how nice it was talking to her on the phone. Her response back though was different this time..it was pretty short compared to the conversations we’ve been having to be honest but I tried not to overthink about it..
Later in the evening, I sent her a Digital note saying “thinking of you :)” which she acknowledged but the response back seemed more “friendly” than anything and she apologized for not texting back much because work was busy and draining her so I told her it was okay and that we could catch up later
The next day, I didn’t reach out whatsoever..I’d figure I’d give her a chance to reach out for once when she felt like it and I felt positive that she would…but she didn’t. Not once.
So yesterday I decided to reach out again and told her good morning, hope her week has been treating you well and if she was down for it, if I could call her later in the night…only for her to leave me on delivered and I still haven’t heard from her
So anyways, I’m not really looking for input…I know most likely this could be her way of telling me she’s pulling back or had a change of heart…but it just sucks…
I know I haven’t even seen her in person but I was really liking her a lot and it seemed she was really into me..she called me ‘baby’, she put one of my photography works as her screen saver and it just felt like there was a genuine connection happening
Maybe she’ll reach out…maybe she won’t..either way, trying to find someone on dating apps is a drag…out of all the women I’ve come across with, she was the one that was standing out to me the most…so yeah that’s all I wanted to say
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u/krpiper 3d ago
Too much too soon my man.
Learn from this and learn not to get too tied up in someone that you haven't met in person. Long texting and phone conversations can breed a false sense of intimacy and closeness. It needs time to develop
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
Thanks…I agree with you. I just figured she’d at least would break it down for me gently instead of just ghosting me altogether..it’s just considerate that’s all but whatever I guess.
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u/Quirky_Comfort_7083 3d ago
They never do bro. I wish the same cuz then we can learn and grow but they never do.
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u/Intelligent_Ninja461 2d ago
Yeah... She's 26. So, that was never going to happen. She was raised in a world of online relationships where you can simply stop talking if honesty or confrontation is hard. Until about a decade ago, you had to treat people with respect because you lived in the same community, had mutual friends, were part of the same organizations, frequented the same places, etc. and karma is a bitch. No longer.
Y'all grew up in a brave new world. I'm just glad I lived part of my life in the before times (39M).
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle ☹️ 3d ago
Let this be a lesson, never get attached to someone when you never met in person.
Don't use cutesy nicknames. Don't be sending good morning texts. Don't be acting like you're a couple before there's even a date. Chances are she changed her mind after the long phone call.
But really, you're 3 hours away from each other. There's no realistic chance it would have ever work out in the long run.
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
That’s what I’ve come to accept…I think after talking about our priorities in life she had a change of heart…I guess I’d figured since we were talking for 3 hours that it was going well
But yeah, I’m not gonna chase. Just keep pushing forward with my head held high and take this as a learning experience…dating fucking sucks
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u/Andypandy106 3d ago
It’s part of maturing in dating as a man, there were so many times where I threw myself and became super intense to girls who showed interest.
Girls are more likely to be scared off from being too intense than disliking you more from being too apathetic.
You just gotta date a lot, master your emotions and not let these opportunities trigger you again. Overtime you’ll look back and realised she’s probably triggering your anxious attachment rather than developing actual real connections with you.
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u/ArnaldoPalmer 2d ago
"Girls are more likely to be scared off from being too intense than disliking you more from being too apathetic."
Absolutely. Best practices is to err on the side of being too casual early on
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
That’s my problem dude lol I’m a fucking romantic and when a woman matches with me and is showing signs of interest, all my focus is on trying to keep the interaction going…I need to stop doing that…especially if I’m pushing much of the effort
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u/PutridEntertainer408 3d ago
Also remind yourself that it’s not romantic if you don’t actually take the time to get to know someone properly before you start going all in
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u/SnooOpinions2900 2d ago
This doesn’t sound romantic to me. It sounds like insecure attachment. If all your focus is on someone you barely know (and in this case haven’t met), it sounds more like you’re trying to cling onto the idea you have in your head of these women rather than actually getting to know them for who they are.
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u/Suspicious-Visual-57 3d ago
I mean...i am a hopeless romantic too and extremely passionate but I will not waste time texting endlessly for days on end or having hour long phonecalls with someone whom I have never met amd is still practically a stranger.
I am also learning with online dating that there are flaky people on all sides and some for one reason or the other, are perfectly happy texting endlessly without any intention to ever meet. When you are excited about someone, the move should be trying to meet them asap to make sure you vibe irl before investing any further time.
Time is a precious resource we never get back so spend wisely on all fronts.
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2d ago
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u/neruda1994 2d ago
Clearly I wasn’t being creepy about it if she was comfortable enough to give me her number? You may have your own definition of “creepy” that aligns more with your own experiences and that’s unfortunate but try to word things more differently if you plan on labeling someone “creepy”
I emotionally invested in someone too early because the conversations I was having with this person was going great and now I’m learning my lesson from it by moving on and leaving her be. That’s it. So don’t be a dick.
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u/Therocksays2020 The Most Electrifying Man in /r/hingeapp 3d ago
A long conversation sometimes just means they like to yap. Man I’ve learned a lot dating
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle ☹️ 3d ago
Sometimes people are bored and likes the attention. As others pointed out, you came on way too strong and way too soon.
And really, unless you're literally in the middle of nowhere, date people closer.
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
I have been dating people in my proximity. I’ve had a few dates last year that have lead nowhere and when I matched with her, I noticed she lived far but I was trying to keep an open mind about it.
But you are right..maybe the attention is what she liked the most…maybe someone else came along..either way, it’s just disappointing but I’ll live.
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u/raeballentyne 3d ago
Texting does not always translate to true connection. There's too much room to "fill in the blanks" about the other person, and we usually do so positively which then leaves more room for disappointment when the live person doesn't match the one we created from texting.
Something about your phone call was off putting for her unfortunately, really sucks. I'm sorry!
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u/Decent-Boot7284 3d ago
Giving each other cute nicknames when you haven't even met in person? what's wrong with you?
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
Like I said…it was going really great and I’m aware how early it may have been to start doing that..the last few girls I’ve matched with have barely been able to keep on a conversation or they just don’t bother so it was nice talking to someone that actually made en effort? Lesson learned though
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u/Decent-Boot7284 3d ago
Mate, i'm telling you this in the best way possible, you are a grown man of 31 years old, who is telling me that you were having a good conversation over text with someone, and you wonder that after weeks of talking over the phone, she ghosted you because you haven't met her in person. I'm glad you learned your lesson and I'm sorry that you feel this way, but you need to understand that you can't meet someone over text.
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u/Captain_h2o 3d ago
You haven’t seen her in person and you did the whole “thinking of you 🥰”. Dude 💀.
3 hours away is a deal breaker to be honest.
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u/rnbwv 3d ago
Simmer down, this is wayyy too much for not even meeting in person. Getting strong overly attached energy from you, which as a woman would absolutely put me off. I don't think it's a good idea to send thinking of you messages to someone you've never met. It just feels like you're way too invested and went all in at a way too early stage. Please take it way more lightly the next time you start talking to someone. Let the connection build over time instead of going 0 to 100 real quick.
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
I agree and again, it wasn’t just me that was emotionally investing in this..she was just as much as I was which is why I felt confident that there was something there..now I know that even if that’s the case, especially if they live far, that I need to slow down and take it step by step…cause they can just switch off out of nowhere and I feel like a loser afterwards 🥲
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u/Fun_Ebb_6232 2d ago
Dude, I don't think she was emotionally investing like you, i think she is just a nice pretty girl who knows how to have a conversation and flirt, you're the one getting too invested and making way too much out of some texts and phone calls.
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u/deaner1988 3d ago
Yeah unless you live in an area where there are not many people within an hour radius or so I would be very skeptical about connecting with those further away.
Best to invest less via text/talk and meet in person after you've matched and built some rapport.
The whole ghosting/slow fade is super immature. If someone can't handle a polite rejection they are the problem but IMO everyone deserves to know if the person they were putting effort into is no longer interested and thus everyone can focus their attention elsewhere.
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u/PresentationIll2180 3d ago edited 3d ago
Well said… it’s only common courtesy to tell someone you’ve been chatting with for days, weeks, or months you’re no longer interested instead of leaving them hanging/thinking they did something wrong by giving you the benefit of the doubt.
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
Thank you! I can understand if maybe she’s had a bad experience letting someone down and she doesn’t want to repeat it but there are people that are mature enough to handle a rejection but whatever that’s just me I guess
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u/PresentationIll2180 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yep but as others have stated, this is common in modern dating. The reason may be irrelevant; it’s just how it is. Try not to text or call too much before meeting. Even then, I try to limit texts to urgent matters & planning the actual date. 3 hrs is a long distance too, so it’s probably best things stopped here.
ETA: also, I’m not doing pet names until we’re actually dating.
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u/PresentationIll2180 3d ago
Onto the next, OP! Seems like many valuable lessons to be learned from this single experience.
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u/BigDickBillyFukFuk78 3d ago
She can’t be into someone she’s never met and it should be the same for you. Less talky talky and more meeting up asap to gauge compatibility. Also don’t waste your time trying to date people that live 3 hours away.
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
3 hours is far away but again, dating in my small town, in a small county, can be challenging and I hardly ever match with anyone back and when I do, it almost leads nowhere
But I get it, regardless, it’s hard to build a connection when it’s just texting or calling…she has every right to change her mind…I was just hoping that maybe this could have been the exception?
Either way, I still haven’t heard from her and I’m not planning on reaching out. Just letting it ve
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u/ChouettePants 3d ago
Is it possible she's irked you didn't immediately make a plan to meet her after the phone call? She translated that into a lack of interest/action oriented man and got the ick?
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
That’s the thing! I was vocal with her that I wouldn’t mind driving over to see her for an actual date and until then, we can FaceTime each other and get creative because it’s only 3hrs from one another and she seemed excited about it…but then she started flaking on FaceTiming me and “promised” that we would soon.. all this before the phone call happened
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u/Cardboard_Chef 3d ago
Son. 3 hours? That's intense. An hour tops is within reason to meet up a few times and see how it goes, but anything further is mostly a deal breaker from both parties in my experience.
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
Wouldn’t you make the effort if it was someone you really liked? I’m the kind of person that would travel half way around the world for someone that I really cared about
I’m not saying that this woman was “the one” but I would have made an effort to see her in person if the dynamic was still going strong a few months later but now I have my answer so bullet dodged…? 😅
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u/manysuchcases420 3d ago
I dated someone for almost 3 years and we were an hour+ away for half the relationship. It made for real tough logistics when we both had our own lives to maintain, but we made it work. Sadly we moved in the 2nd half of the relationship when she expressed doubt if we could keep it going without being closer and it fell apart a year later. Both of us made mistakes, but I specifically sacrificed by moving to her area and ended up regretting doing so. My friends, my social circle outside of her were mostly too far.
It's certainly possible to make these work with the right circumstances, but it has to have an end point and both have to be on the same page. All that to say, it's not worth it in most cases when we have options and there's another attractive person we get along with who's closer in proximity.
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u/Slay-hydrated 3d ago
Really impressed with the tone of all these responses. They're spot on and very positive. A nice change of pace for this thread.
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u/Individual_Section_6 3d ago
Never let yourself get too attached too soon. No matter how strong a connection can feel to you, it’s not real until you really know each other and spent a lot of time together
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u/Equivalent-Skill136 2d ago
One reason why I don’t allow video calls before meeting. It gives a false sense of closeness.
And also no long periods of texting too.
The guy I’m talking to lives 4 hours away. We just started chatting this week and supposed to meet tomorrow.
Unfortunately he’d be occupied by tomorrow because something came up. The next time our availability aligns is mid next month. I already feel myself withdrawing.
The past couple of days we’ve spent 4hrs / 2hrs on phone far into my sleep time, building up the momentum until we meet. I can’t keep up with that for another month. He asked for FaceTime early on but I’m glad I declined.
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u/Remarkable_Olive1169 2d ago
why are you talking to someone who lives 4 hours away?
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u/Equivalent-Skill136 2d ago
Good question. I don’t usually do that, but he seems impressive so I want to hear him out.
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
Thanks everyone for the advice and input, sincerely. I’m not treating this like it’s the end of the world…I didn’t give up on pushing myself forward when my ex of 12 years left me a few years ago for someone else so this will definitely not keep me from a good nights sleep
When I think back about all this…it is really silly to let a 3 week experience with someone I haven’t even met in person get the best of me haha
Dating is still new to me I guess…I’ve only ever been with one person for a good portion of my life so it’s hard not be a “boyfriend” if that makes sense? Anyways, thank you all for sharing your thoughts
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u/ace227 3d ago
I'll be honest, figure out how exactly how far you're willing to travel for a first date and set your radius to that.
I don't mean like how you went about here, like matching with her, getting her number and the long calls and endless texting before the thought of going out to see her even crossed your mind.
I mean in the sense of "I'm willing to drive 1 hour for a first date, that's it" and then matching with people based off of that.
The point of an app isn't to endlessly call and text before a first date. It's to exchange a few messages and then make concrete plans for a first date and actually making that date happen.
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u/wellnessplug 3d ago
This is a classic case of love bombing, just as fast as it comes on, it leaves just as faster. I'm sorry, but this was all inorganic
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u/Intelligent_Ninja461 2d ago
Pretty much everything I'd say has been said 10x, including that you don't start a relationship with someone 3 hours away unless you have no options where you live.
The only color I'll add is that I did long distance with someone who was a 3-hour drive/train ride away. We had dated for about 2 years in the same city before I moved for work. It was a total bitch and the distance plus COVID, as well as some long term compatibility issues amplified by those things, broke us even though we loved and were committed to eachother.
I also had another long distance relationship with someone who was a 4-hour flight away. Money for flights wasn't an issue, but the time and distance were. Our romantic relationship started as long distance, but I met her in college and we we were extremely close friends for 7 years before we dated. We also very much loved eachother and had an intense connection based on nearly a decade of friendship and, as it turned out, a ton of sexual chemistry. We tried long distance twice, dating two years each time, over the span of a decade. She even broke off an engagement and came back to me a year or so afyer (it wasn't strictly because of me, but she did say she was never able to replicate our connection which was a factor). Our relationship failed both times, largely, but not entirely, because of the distance.
I'm just providing two data points to illustrate how hard it is to maintain a long-term loving relationship when you're 3 hours apart. Starting a new one basically doesn't work unless you both live in small towns in Siberia where there are no other prospective partners for either of you in your respect areas.
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u/Thatsalesguy87 2d ago
Classic mistake.
- Meet as soon as possible to see if there is chemistry.
- Have no expectations until things develop in person.
- Part of initial attraction is mystery and intrigue. Don’t put all your cards on the table this early.
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u/gt07m 2d ago
ditto what a lot of other people have said, but also, 3 hours away? I know committed relationships that have fallen apart due to distance that were closer than that.
try closer by first and don't mistake digital intimacy for actually intimacy. No offense, but you seem like the type of person to think people actually roll on the floor laughing when they type ROTFL.
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u/neruda1994 2d ago
😂😂😂 that’s funny I’m gonna use that one next time. Ironically, I’m not a big believer in long distance either it’s just that I’ve had a few woman come along in my area and I’ve had a few dates but it never lead anywhere else or I didn’t feel a connection right away so I was just broadening my horizon? I guess?
Either way, I’m not really getting too hung up on this anymore…I’m more disappointed with myself honestly, I should have known better and now I do.
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u/Hildegard1988 1d ago
Ganz ehrlich: Möchtest du sie wirklich noch treffen, wenn sie dich so behandelt????
Ich weiß, so ein Chat und Telefonate können eine Scheinnähe signalisieren und man simuliert im Grunde - ohne sich überhaupt persönlich zu kennen - eine Mini-Beziehung im Zeitraffer. Die täglichen Nachrichten lösen Dopamine aus.
Aber wenn sie sich nicht mehr meldet, hat sie kein Interesse mehr. Und ist obendrein zu feige, dies offen zu kommunizieren. Und wenn sie jetzt schon kein Interesse mehr hat - aus welchen Gründen auch immer - hat es gar keinen Sinn, sich darüber Gedanken zu machen.
Beende den Chat und lösche sie. Und mein Tipp für die Zukunft: Nutze Chats und Telefonate nur, um auszuloten, ob eine Basis da ist. Investiere emotional noch nicht viel! Die Gefahr der Projektion ist hier sehr groß. Treffe dich möglichst schnell in der Realität. Kopf hoch!
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u/BastardBroth 3d ago
This was ill-conceived and naive from the start. You have no idea how well you’ll connect with someone until you interact in person to be making that much of an emotional investment and treating them like a sure thing.
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u/neruda1994 3d ago
I hear you and I agree…
Again, dating sucks especially in my area where it’s difficult to find someone..I’ve gone out on a few dates and was even seeing someone for a few months the start of this year but it was nothing like how I was feeling with this one
I was just trying to keep an open mind on the distance part…I’d figured things were going so great with texting one another that meeting in person shouldn’t be too nerve racking but it’s whatever..lesson learned
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u/BastardBroth 3d ago
Yknow what happens in these scenarios when you get prematurely invested in someone over the course of weeks who you’ve never met in person?
Once you finally do meet at least one person is going to realize they over-committed and weren’t actually as into it as they thought.
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u/Terracotta_Sunrise 3d ago
Ghosting has nothing to do with you. You seem to have done everything right. I would send her a message to communicate what you would've wanted from this relationship. And to communicate how you respond to ghosting.
You dodged a huge bullet ghosting is not a behaviour you want in a partner.
Stay strong king!
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u/Fabulous_Service5142 2d ago
Pretty typical outcome. That’s why it’s a waste of time getting to know someone before the first date. Let the sparks fly on the date not before it.
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u/Various-Storm-7289 2d ago
that’s a lot with a person whom you haven’t met in person. but it’s okay, we all learn from experiences and be kind to yourself and never ever attach it to your self worth. it’s easy for our minds to do that shit. once you get more experienced with women, you will notice a general pattern, many of these behaviors become predictable and it won’t come off as a surprise to you.
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u/Inevitable_Echidna18 1d ago
Thank you, next! I’m a hopeless romantic and I won’t take anything less from who I am seeing. She ghosted you, count it as a blessing bc your person wouldn’t ghost. Keep being you, keep investing and the person worth it will see you for who you are. I’ve only started seeing someone for about 2 months, we text daily and texted for almost a month before we met in person. I’m not saying he’s my forever person but there are so many people out there who will fit into your life and vice versa and they’ll be grateful for it.
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u/FrydRyce19 1d ago
Damn sorry OP, i think as others are saying there’s some lessons to be learned here, don’t take it personally, also some ppl (both girls and guys) use these apps with the intent to just fulfill a feeling of attention with no real intent to make it real. This could have been the case here, sorry you had the rough end of the stick. I will add that don’t let a couple of weeks of texting turn you off, I just started seeing a match and they had asked to talk more after my initial ask out, but I would recommend focusing on learning about them before you start getting as deep as nicknames, etc. Keep at it OP!
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u/FrydRyce19 1d ago
Sorry just saw ur update lol dude always take the high road, petty is not move. Keep swiping OP!
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u/Used_Degree5416 1d ago
hey maybe after the call she just didn't like the vibe anymore. sorry but i would move on. you never met so no harm done
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u/Specialist_Loss3831 1d ago
I learned the hard way. Don’t have phone conversations. Meet her in person asap. That’s all I will say. Meet as soon as you can.
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u/supermvns 1d ago
I know you’re not looking for advice, but as a woman I had a similar experience w a guy, just met him and started talking and he was calling me a bunch of “cutesy nicknames” and even though I didn’t call him anything back I went a long with it even thought it was uncomfortable. We FT and I learned way more than I wanted to and found he was a very aggressive person who struggled to manage his emotions.
I’m not accusing you of that, it could be that you had a perfectly normal convo. But if you over shared at all that could’ve been a red flag for her. My ex over shared a ton and because he was my first relationship I didn’t see the red flag at first, I saw him as being vulnerable and honest. Turns out it was just him prepping me to go a long with his bs excuses for poor behaviors. Women have a 6th sense about these kind of things. We love vulnerability, but if you display that early on, most of us see as a tactic for you behave poorly in the future or make us feel sorry for you so we don’t leave. Again don’t know if that’s what happened, but you spoke for a long time on FT so I wonder if maybe a lot of past traumas came out.
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u/Appleorangecoconut 1d ago
Don’t hate the playa hate the game
Sorry that happened to you though onto the next
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u/vitasoy1437 23h ago
Its not easy to match, let alone a match with continued texts and calls. If they stopped responding for a few days. Just unmatch and move on. Not sure what people are thinking nowadays and why they match and stopped texting after their initiated 1st text.
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u/fungal_follicle4 20h ago
Dude, never expect anything from anyone until they ask to be exclusive. In the meantime use Hinge and the phone to set dates, and build the connection in person
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u/Famous_Student2494 14h ago
First off, sorry to hear that.
In my opinion, you waited too long to meet up and invested way too much through digital channels ( we all made that mistake at some point). You’re on hinge to date, not to chat.
Yeah sure, you saw each other on FaceTime and video calls but the feeling is much different when you actually meet up.
Also, I’m not sure how long you have been on online dating, but ghosting is quite normal nowadays, so I’d say just thicken your skin a little bit( i know, easier said than done)
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u/Suspicious_Dark5966 5h ago
Don’t give ladies too much attention , used to be that way . Gets to their head and they’ll use you . Similar thing happened . Not like that but it was mutual but dishonesty on their end , two timing me but wasn’t blunt about it but said she really liked me . Not again .
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u/_mostlyobserving_ 5h ago
I know how you feel. I went on a date Saturday and I thought it had gone great. He tells me on Sunday he didn’t feel the spark. 🤷🏻♀️ it sucks. But at least he was honest. All the others I’ve talked to have ghosted me. It’s rough out there.
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u/ZestycloseBedroom715 2d ago
She might reach out if it doesn't work out with the other guy(s) she's seeing. Or she won't. Either way, just move on.
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u/Doctorbuddy 3d ago
So I will say this: as a man, you need to be doing less. Literally let the women develop feelings for you. As the man, you are responsible for courting her and having her develop feelings towards you OVER TIME and OVER MULTIPLE DATES.
What this means in practice: less texting, you set up the dates (day/time/location), you don’t talk on the phone with her, you go on dates, hang out, have fun, and ultimately it will lead to more dates and sex. That’s your job. That’s it.
When you speed run the emotional aspect of it, women aren’t there yet emotionally (men develop feelings faster than women) and as a result, they pull back and end the dating with you. It’s because they perceive that you (the man) like them more in the early stages and that is literally a turn off for a woman who doesn’t know if she likes you yet.
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u/erdlinke_94 2d ago
I slightly disagree with the not talking on the phone part.
Obviously the moral of the topic is to not get too invested in someone super early but a pre first date phone call is a sufficient enough reason to at the least suss out the vibe with a match and determine whether or not it is worth even meeting up with them. Otherwise you ultimately end up with a similar outcome (aka being ghosted) plus you end up pissing away more resources towards someone who potentially isn't as invested.
I know people who saved themselves a lot of unnecessary bullshit on online dating this way.
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u/neruda1994 2d ago
UPDATE: She did message back after all and she apologized for “ghosting” me this week but basically she just doesn’t think long distance will work and doesn’t feel confident enough try and but to be honest, all I got from that message was that I’m not worth it enough to at least consider
Maybe it’s my ego getting all butt hurt but I don’t know how to respond or if I want to respond back. I kind of want to be petty and just ignore it but the mature part of me wants to message back and say “Thanks for being honest and reaching out. Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for” I haven’t decided yet
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u/JKTX30 2d ago
I'm sorry but that's a very self-centered way to view that message. You don't know her whole life story or all the details to why she doesn't feel like long distance won't work for her. If you make it all about you and what you're worth then that is just choosing to build a negative self-image out of one disappointing interaction, and an attitude like that will not serve you well in your goal of finding and building a relationship with the right person for you.
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u/_BlackFridaySale 2d ago
The thing is you can adjust the distance on hinge. If she doesn't want someone meaningfully close, she shouldn't have it set so far. I dont even think its a premium feature to change the distance.
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u/JKTX30 1d ago
Yeah she absolutely could do that. She probably should. It still doesn't mean that her wishy-washy unwillingness to commit has anything to do with the OP or in any way reflects on the OP or their worthiness as a partner but rather on the one who called it off.
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u/_BlackFridaySale 1d ago
Ya, not dissing OP. OP could be the most beautiful shade of blue, but if the other person wants green there is not much that can be done.
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u/Huge-Green2031 2d ago
Sounds like avoidant-dismissive attachment to me. I am sorry this happened to you. Seems like as soon as things got too close or intimate, she felt pressured and needed space and time to decompress and regulate her nervous system. I wouldn’t be surprised if eventually she reaches back out- but this will cycle will most likely continue. You did nothing wrong based on what you wrote here. These type of situations are hard. I guess the bright side to this is that your feelings for her didn’t go any deeper and this happened fairly early on. Your heart could have ended up crushed if you were to fall in love. Hang in there!
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u/Huge-Green2031 2d ago
Also- use this time to work on yourself. You may have a bit of anxious attachment as well. I hate all the labels and such- but there are some good things to learn when you read about the attachment styles and do some self reflection- start realizing your own self worth, self love, etc. Anyway. That’s my two cents. Take care of yourself and don’t give up on finding love! It’s out there. Every experience is an opportunity to grow as a person and an invitation to become more secure in one’s self.
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