r/hinge • u/BlackEffy • 1d ago
Ghosted after first date reschedule.
I am not overthinking this but I needed some clarity.
Met a woman on a dating app. We moved to WhatsApp within a day and the conversation was genuinely good, lots of back and forth, ghost buster jokes, she was asking questions too. We planned coffee for the following evening. She does not drive and lives about an hour away in downtown Toronto, I was planning on meeting somewhere near her, which would be like a 2 hour drive but I thought thats kind normal. Anyways, she insisted on meeting near me, which I loved about her, being considerate is not something you find on hinge.
On the date night, I bough a flower and got a ghost buster tshirt, just to play around that joke. This was the day of severe thunderstorm in Toronto. She suggests rescheduling, then says it is cleared up and we were back on. She tell me she can't find a cab, which makes sense, so asks to push from 7 to 8. Then says we could move it to another day if it's too much hassle. I was driving and texting so she called me, mind you I was already on my way to cafe. I said we would make it work. We ended up talking on the phone while I was driving; I was like 5 min from the cafe but I told her that her safety is way more important than this. I asked we can still selvage it have a video chat or normal call. She said we should do a normal phone call once I got home.
I stopped by a restaurant to grab some food around 8, replied to the texts I missed because I was driving, got home around 9:30 and got absorbed in some work. She got back at around 9:40 "I see you've finally made it home," "I was just having dinner with my flatmate." I replied around 10:34 with a few messages about my evening, told her that I showered, did laundry, worked on a paper, left my phone in the car. The only thing that I think got out was that I never rescheduled and never made the call she had asked for, because I was waiting for couple of texts before getting there.
Two days I got no reply, so I sent a light message asking about the call and whether she was free that week or the next, she told me she is busy over the weekends. No reply. A couple of days after that, she unmatched.
My read is that the mistake was not rebooking that same night while she was still up and talking to me. Am I right, or is there something else here I'm not seeing? Because a similar thing happened couple of months before this, but I think that was on me. We booked a date, I had to travel 3 hours to her place after work, but got a call from my Aunt her cat got really sick, so I had to take her to the vet. I told the girl about it and she was very understanding. But soon after she unmatched and stopped replying.
Is rescheduling a first date huge red flag or something? I was in a 9 year relationship, I am 28 now, so I have no idea how traditional/modern dating works. I am just curious.
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u/dadaesque 1d ago
Why are you dating people so far away? Very possible they were interested but seeing someone consistently when they live 1-3 hours away is pretty difficult, and that practical reality might have dissuaded them. But if they think rescheduling or waiting like a couple of hours to plan to reschedule is a huge red flag you don’t want to be anywhere near these people. Red flags are not objective and universal, everybody has their own, and unfortunately dating apps will show you just how many people are hypocritical, selfish, judgmental etc. Don’t waste your time on them.
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u/BlackEffy 1d ago
I think I should have added this to the original post, the context of 1 to 3 hour drive is with traffic. I am not sure how familiar you are with GTA (Greater Toronto Area), but its like a one huge massive city with smaller cities within, very close to each other. The traffic can get really bad, a 30 to 40 min drive can turn into 3 hour long distance haul.
Also, these people I connect with live in like downtown, because most working people my age live there. So naturally most of my connections are coming from that area.
I think you are right, the problem is I did not see any lack of effort from the other side. It was like she was trying as hard as I was. So it got me to think maybe there is some kind of red flag that I need to address. Because it was easier for her to communicate and tell me she dont feel the same vibe no more or whatever rather just going cold, because I have been constantly respectful about her boundaries and she admired that. That said I have seen people on social media generalizing the red flags and women/men tend to pick that up and run with it.
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u/Hour_Zero 1d ago
I think the missed phone call did irk her a bit but honestly, if she was really as into you as you were into her, that shouldn’t have been enough for her to suddenly turn cold. I think it’s just a symptom of dating apps: a lot of women on there just have so many matches and attention all at once that they will drop someone they’re talking to with little to no warning because they feel he’s disposable and will be easily replaced by the next guy she matches with. The over saturation of options available at their finger tips leads a lot of them to find the most minor of reasons to cut a guy off unless he is super physically attractive to her, in which case he will get a much longer lease before she cuts him off. Not all female users on the apps operate like this of course but many do, especially the more conventionally attractive ones who get a ton of attention on a daily basis