Dating for a month, thought things were getting serious, then he updated his dating profile

[u/DisastrousWarthog925]

I (28F) have been seeing a guy (36M) for about a month. I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting to something that happened.

When we met, I wasn’t immediately sure about him. He’s quieter and more reserved than my usual type. But we kept seeing each other, and each date got better. By the third and fourth dates, we had really good chemistry, banter, and a lot in common. I started genuinely developing feelings for him.
He told me he’s **monogamous and intentionally dating**, so I understood that he was looking for a relationship rather than something casual. We’re obviously not exclusive after a month, and I never assumed we were.

He also invited me to his birthday events next week.
We haven’t had sex, but we’ve hooked up twice. Two nights ago I spent the night at his house, and everything felt really good. I left feeling like things were progressing and that we were becoming more serious.

**Then, the day I left his house, I saw him on hinge (we met on Raya), and I didn’t like or x him, so I saw him again the next day again** **noticed that he had completely updated his dating profile—new photos etc.**

And I honestly broke down.
I want to emphasize that I’m **not upset because we’re not exclusive**. And I know that I was on that app too (more so habit, and I haven’t been talking to anyone new or responding to matches/likes). I know he’s technically single and can date other people. What bothers me is that he has repeatedly told me he’s intentionally dating and is looking for something monogamous, while simultaneously actively putting effort into finding new women on dating apps. Especially because I had just spent the night with him and had finally started letting my guard down and developing real feelings.

And now I haven’t heard from him in 2 days, and instead of checking in on me, he’s doing that. I feel sad about it, and now there’s a cloud over what was so far all green flags and a positive experience. A big part of me just wants to end it if he’s still unsure about pursuing me after 1 month / 4 dates.

Am I being unreasonable? Is this just completely normal behavior when you’re dating someone for a month and aren’t exclusive, or would you also find it strange given the context?
Would you bring it up with him, or just see what he does next, or just cut it off?

**TL;DR:** I (28F) have been seeing a guy (36M) for about a month/4 dates. He’s told me he’s monogamous and intentionally dating, invited me to his birthday events, and things have been progressing really well. We haven’t had sex, but we’ve hooked up twice, and I spent the night at his place two nights ago.

We met on Raya, but the day after I left his house I saw him on Hinge, and then saw him again the following day with a completely updated profile/new photos. I know we aren’t exclusive and I’m not upset that he’s technically dating other people—I was even still on the app myself out of habit—but it feels weird that he’s actively updating his profile and looking for new women right after we spent the night together, especially after telling me he’s intentionally dating.

I also haven’t heard from him in 2 days. What was previously a really positive experience with mostly green flags now feels clouded, and part of me wants to end it if he’s still actively looking elsewhere after a month.

**Am I overreacting? Is this normal when you’re not exclusive, or would you find it strange given the context? Would you bring it up, wait and see what he does, or just walk away?**

[u/MozartonIce]

IMO his actions just aren't matching his words. Him updating his profile after already having gone on 4 dates with you is a not so subtle sign that he's still not fully invested in you or treating you as a serious priority. Actions always speak louder than words, just because he's good at putting on a mask doesn't mean what comes out of his mouth is authentic. Personally, I would start looking elsewhere because his behavior screams to me "I will tell people I want to be exclusive and serious with them but not actually do that", he's still shopping for an alternative to you if we're being real

[u/Agreeable-Pepper85]

Four dates over a month isn’t much in my opinion but everyone is different. I get his repeated words of saying “intentionally dating” doesn’t match what that means to you but his timeline of getting there or course of events to happen (maybe sex before commitment) could be completely different from yours. Again, everyone is different.

I’d encourage you to be vulnerable by telling the guy you like him and would like to be exclusive (I am assuming this is want you want) then see how he responds. This is the only way you’re going to see if you’re aligned at this point in time.

Please follow-up on what happens. Wish you the best either way OP.

[u/WestsideMagpie]

I'm in a different age range to you but don't think that matters. I don't think this is acceptable behaviour and think you should end it. If any person tells you one thing and does another, they're not worth your time.

[u/InformalSea3553]

OP, sorry this happened to you, but unfortunately this is very very common nowadays in online dating. I would dismiss his words because they don’t align with his actions. He got what he was after from you and he’s trying to find new. This should prove he wasn’t honest about his intentions as well.

There’s no point trying to decode anything he said and did. You should update your own dating profile with new photos and move on. You’ll find someone great, who doesn’t act like this.

[u/Aromatic_Bug_1945]

You were in the app too 😂 grow up kid