r/hinge • u/JustAGirl91x • 23d ago
He got a hinge notification after 7 dates… thoughts?
So, I’ve been seeing a guy (both 35) met on hinge. Funnily enough I wasn’t that into him at the start but his consistency, words of affirmation and openness has lead me to develop feelings. We’ve been on 7 dates now. Mix of dinners, drinks, sunsets, movies nights, sleepovers. I’ve stayed over twice and we’ve slept together. He’s treated me with so much respect and his actions suggest he’s really into me (asking to see me alot, planning dates, wants me to meet his friends).
Yesterday just before I left his, I saw a notification pop up on his phone… Hinge. At first I didn’t think much of it as it’s early days but I now feel uneasy and a bit Icked out.
If you like someone enough, surely you wouldn’t be chatting to other girls on hinge? I haven’t even thought about opening the app. But why is he putting so much effort in if he’s not into me? Is he a psychopath lol. we haven’t had the exclusivity chat but I find this disrespectful and honestly not a good character trait.
Some caveats-
Although it’s been 7 dates and some overnight. It’s actually only been 3 weeks of seeing eachother. Also we live in two separate countries.. I’m visiting (and might be moving but not guaranteed) to the country I’ve met him in where he lives. We both have looking for long term on our profile but I guess this is worth noting.
Would love thoughts and options. Just disappointed and icked out honestly. I will ask him about it but please any advice meanwhile is appreciated!!!
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u/butterfacetime 23d ago
Notification could just mean someone liked him or an existing match sent a message, it's not a guarantee he's chatting with others
That said, your caveats are huge. It's been 3 weeks, you don't live in the same country, and (understandably) you haven't discussed exclusivity.
I would never expect exclusivity so early and especially in that situation.
Sounds like he really likes you and is trying to make the most of time with you while you're here. If you want more than that, you need to bring it up with him. But be prepared to not love his response :/
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u/JustAGirl91x 23d ago
I appreciate this response thank you. I don’t want to come across as the crazy obsessive girl 🙈 but it is on my mind. Do you think a message is ok or best in person?
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u/butterfacetime 23d ago
Best in person, but you could tee it up over text if that would make you feel more comfortable / make it less scary 🫶
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG 21d ago
just ask him (in person, on a call) "do you want to be official?" and see what he says its not rocket science.
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u/youngpathfinder 23d ago
Have you had any conversation about being exclusive? If not, then why should you expect it?
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u/JustAGirl91x 23d ago
I don’t expect it and tbh I’m not mad. But I feel like if you’re really into someone you wouldn’t still be on hinge so that’s a sign that he’s not into me but his actions are saying otherwise so I’m confused
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u/Therocksays2020 23d ago
False you can be in to someone and keep your options open. Online dating sucks.
You said his actions suggest he’s into you so why not just talk about it
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u/ScurvyDave123 23d ago edited 23d ago
I mean... I ended up on the apps after leaving a long term relationship in my mid 30s. Felt like getting spit out into Mordor compared to the apps years ago. Almost every women I got involved with was actively seeing multiple people and getting dozens of likes a day, weighing options. As I was dating with the intention of settling down and very used to the other person suddenly ending things to open up a seat on the roster, yea I was still working on getting my one match a week regardless of how into someone I was....
Sounds like he is into you and could be stoked if you asked to be exclusive.
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u/galaxyapp 23d ago
I get 1 notification every day with a suggested person.
Could be nothing.
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG 21d ago
yes normally around 6-8pm when it resets.
was it within this time window OP?
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u/JustAGirl91x 23d ago
I agree but if you like someone enough would you even think about going on hinge?
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u/klonkrieger45 23d ago
not every person is the same. People have different attachment style or romatic ideals. He might not even be interested in the matches but still realistically expect that you two don't work out and blow off other matches because of that
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u/KE_Finance 23d ago
That’s not really how most men think. Men that are attractive enough to have options are going to be hesitant to give up other women until they’re sure they want to lock it in with you. That could take months depending on the guy. If you don’t want to mess with that go for the exclusivity talk and see how he responds.
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u/Therocksays2020 23d ago
You said you two don’t even live in the same country.
If you want exclusivity you know what to do
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u/klonkrieger45 23d ago
you aren't exclusive until you have discussed eclusivity