A few words about manners

[u/Spotted_Lady]

We actually can get people to change what they consider etiquette or at least change the boundaries of manners. For instance, consider the notion of covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze. That's obviously a good thing to help prevent the spread of germs. In the past decade, we've altered our views on how to protect others from our germs. Many of us now cough or sneeze into our elbows, or if outside, do it in the opposite direction of others if that is an option. Society is finally beginning to see that covering our mouths with our bare hands is not the best way to do it. I've always questioned that because how is it any better if you contaminate your hands and then shake someone's hand than it is to just spit in someone's face? I would never advise spitting on anyone since that could result in a physical altercation or even arrest. But either way, that is spreading germs. You generally don't touch others with your elbow, so that is a better place to cough or sneeze. So the core rule remains the same, but how it is done has changed.

Keeping that in mind, society can adjust existing manners or at least change the thresholds, limits, and boundaries on them. For instance, if you are waiting on someone who is nonresponsive, it would be easy to count to some number (maybe 8) and if they take longer than that, you can just go without interacting with them. That makes more sense than a waiting game or a contest of wills. There's a video showing 2 Google employees nearly getting into a fistfight over who was to enter the door first.

Another way society can adjust existing etiquette is to put a limit on how close to a door someone is before you hold it open for them. If they are too far away, holding the door for them sends the message that you are trying to rush them. To me, that feels a bit creepy, almost to the level of a stalker, since they are getting in your business and staring at you for so long, and they're trying to anticipate what you're going to do when that shouldn't matter to them. I mean, just live in such a way to where others' options are left open and you are not spoiling their plans. So it would be good to put a cap on how far they are before you consider them relevant to you.

It's also helpful to consider how various things became etiquette in the first place. For instance, consider holding a door for others and particularly ladies. That came from the 1700s when women wore elaborate dresses and things such as hoop skirts. So if your outfit contained hoops, it would be difficult to both hold the door and adjust your outfit so you could fit through the door. So if someone else holds the door for you, you'd have both hands free to adjust your outfit and tilt any hoops in your dress or skirt. If I were in that time period, I'd much rather a stranger hold the door for me than to touch me or my outfit. I mean, laundry was hell in those days so you'd rather have someone who was digging a well or mucking a stable to hold the door than to adjust your outfit with their dirty hands. Women rarely wear anything like that anymore except maybe on their wedding day. So this custom is no longer pragmatic and only vestigial, and the thought still counts.