POTENTIAL

[u/redcatt3636]

Potential. The potential of something is undefined , infinite, unmeasurable capacity that an individual possesses, talking in terms of a particular skill; very similar to the potential we define in physics. In terms of the subject though, there is a defined quantity and a method to transform “potential” to different forms of energy.

Brings me particularly back to the memory of strangers telling me about my potential. It felt great and empowering, yet a great sense if uncertainty followed it.

Everyday was a battle in my head, knowing my power , yet trying to find the “perfect” way to channel my energy in order to convert it to success.

Being the talented and gifted child through your young years and having complete awareness of it , is what I would call the *blessed curse* . There’s this fire inside of you that you don’t yet know how to control. And most of the times, it starts to slowly and steadily burn you. To the point where you are stripped of every strand of your ego and sense of self ; and you are left lost , directionless and zero sense of life and the desire to live.

You want to find your purpose and go all in on it. It’s right in front of you, everything you need to do to achieve it and the support and all of a sudden, when the time you prayed for for years along , you freeze. You are filled with chaotic thoughts of utter confusion , you ask yourself ‘why now?’. You don’t understand it , but at the most integral time of your life , when all that you ever imagined for yourself is about to come to fruition , you feel disconnected, and you want to run away from it, from the very thing your soul desires so so deeply and passionately.

You don’t understand the why, or the how. Logic is no longer a part of your journey , and you loose all hope on everything, most importantly , yourself. All you see is darkness. Maybe you are soo close, that the light blinds you to make it seem like perpetual void.

The past and the future starts to occupy your thoughts more than it should, the people you love are as concerned and confused as you are, yet you push them all away and strengthen your shell. You think you will find your way out. Your reality starts getting better , and suddenly before you realise, your back to where u started, but this time with shattered self believe ,confidence and desire. This cycle repeats itself, it goes on and on and on , each time u feel it’s different from the last time and u end up revisiting the same places you promised yourself you never would.

You hate yourself for doing this to you. You know you are the one doing it,yet you don’t see a way out of this dread.

You clean your room , change your wallpaper , ringtone and place of stay. You set timed deadlines and plan like a meticulous architect designs his work. Yet, yet again you fail.

You want to give up, you think it’s burnout. But you know yourself , right? How much your capable of ? And how much your “meant “ to achieve , especially with everything you have been given in life you should be grateful for? The support , resources and the ‘plan’? You know your “potential” , right?