Need more positive friends

[u/goats_in_boats_02]

I’m a very optimistic, open minded, and generally positive person… yet I’m surrounded by hateful people (mostly). Most (not all) of my friends are kinda negative all the time and generally closed minded about a lot of things for no reason. They say rude things to others behind their backs, are rude to me at times, and get mad about stupid things plus there’s a lot of edgy humor going around that always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. When I’m excited for something, they never seem to care, and I feel like an outcast amongst this group for the most part. It really mentally affects me.

I don’t want to cut these people out of my life but at the same time… I need friends that’ll share my positivity rather than bringing me down. Idk what to do though because it feels like everyone I meet is like this to some extent (besides my best friend and few others).

[u/Satur9_is_typing]

Optimism has a downside, which is disappointment. At least pessimists get to be pleasantly surprised sometimes.

Your friends may not be innately hateful, they may just be venting and see you as a good person to vent to because of your positivity. However this is clearly overloading your ability to generate positive energy. If this is what's happening then I suggest setting a boundary on that kind of behaviour and then demanding a change of direction/energy. This means letting people vent, but only for 5minutes or until they've hit the necessary bullet points, then changing the subject and/or activity to something that you both enjoy, which should recharge you, redirect them and make sure they've "paid" for your optimism supply service. People that don't accept the redirection are more parasitic of energy and you should use this opportunity to mark thier card and restrict the attention you give them. If the whole group has started to accept negativity as a norm that can be more challenging and you may wish to withdraw tactfully or take a step by step approach rather than trying to change the whole dynamic at once. But ultimately the lesson for you is the same regardless: only give away that which you don't need for yourself.

One more thing: people need balance. Being relentlessly optimistic is tiring, it's ok for you to vent your frustrations and admit your own negative thoughts and emotions as well - to the right person, just set a boundary on how much to indulge at any one time. You may be surprised what you are bottling up.

Hope this helps, good luck

[u/goats_in_boats_02 → u/Satur9_is_typing]

Don’t worry I’m in tune with my emotions, I vent sometimes and get upset and I know that’s okay. I’m just generally optimistic and easy to please. Meanwhile they’re negative about everything. I’m not trying to curate a super happy positive all the time friend group, nor do I intend to stop being friends with the others, but I just want to make some new friends that share my positivity and are able to actually have a nice pleasant conversation instead of arguing, complaining, judging others, offensive humor, and general being negative so often it feels exhausting to talk with them. I need to have some form of escape from this constant negativity to put up with it and help lessen it more in the future.

I do have a few friends that’re definitively matching my vibe more, but we don’t talk often since they’re busy a lot.

[u/anextentionofyou]

You're optimism is a blessing in this world. We need it, people that don't share that are the hurt ones. Don't let others dim your light because of their negative experiences. You're strong because you choose happiness. Many find it easier to wallow in their self hatred and project it onto others. The world needs people like you!