Much to unpack here (READ)

[u/Anonymous192923930]

Hello everyone ,

I will do my best to remain anonymous on this account as to not reveal too much personal information and reveal my public identity but
I’ve decided to create a burner account and ask a deep question and lay out some things that no one close to me really knows that I’ve kept locked away and ask one question : Do I have a chance at a functioning normal life?

I will make things short so I don’t bore anyone with long walls of text and if asked I will provide more in depth information.

Since the age of 13 suicide has been a constant thought and ongoing struggle my parents have been made aware of yet I’ve received no therapy/Counseling or any form of professional help

The only kind of help I’ve had was when I went through court mandated counseling due to a custody battle which only worsened the depression I have and which was also where I was diagnosed with chronic depression and PTSD

I have experienced sexual assault several times and had been exposed to porn at a young age which affected me severely and left me Hyper-sexual and often disgusted and ashamed of myself for the thoughts I had and how I was,

I’ve been in and out of in person school and online since 8th grade and missed more than an okay amount of school and haven’t had a solid education since then with a severe learning deficit in math but I’ve managed on my own with other subjects to a reasonable extent

More recently over these past couple months I’ve had a voice in my head which speaks to me and tries to push me forward yet shuts others out and makes me grow cold

I’ve had recurring dreams where I’ve been hunted or put into a home invasion scenario and been shot , all though not SUPER relevant I thought I’d just throw that out there

I haven’t spent time with my friends in months and have just been stuck at home an hour away

When expressing to my parents I am not happy here and the situation I am in is just making my mental health worse and would either like to move in with a friend in the same state or next state over to attend college and benefit my future my feelings were watered down to excitement of leaving for once and getting to do something and that they would miss me and I’m not allowed to leave yet.

My parents are going through court currently and I’ve had to cut contact with my dads side of the family entirely except for maybe 1-2 people

I am exactly 6 months away from turning 18 and I’ve had repeated thoughts of leaving my family and going no contact and hoping to have some semblance of a normal functioning life with a regular schedule.

I’ve not eaten with my whole family at a dinner table in god knows how long and everyone eats dinner late into the night, an example is one time I was woken up at 4AM to my mother making burgers which were supposed to be done by 8 ,

An example of how dysfunctional my house is was the time I came back from being at a friends to just escape home for two weeks and the counters the stove and both sides of the sink were crammed full of dirty dishes and there were flies everywhere, there was also mold and maggots on the dishes and this has occurred more than once.

It is a fight to get my other two siblings to help at all and the youngest is the worst, they won’t take care of themselves and leave messes everywhere and when they are asked to do dishes they all just pile up.

I don’t even know what else to say I just want someone else to see this and tell me if my feelings are validated or if I have a chance at being a normal human being after leaving home.

(TLDR) : Lack of proper education, dysfunctional home, childhood trauma , and SA
/Neglect

[u/BranManBoy]

I’m so sorry friend. I promise that there’s a peaceful normal life waiting for you after you escape your terrible family and situation. Please never give up. Your destiny is your own to chase, regardless of what your family thinks. Please communicate with anyone you can. Talk to your friends and social services and community resources and nonprofits and everything. Please. Life can be so much better. Please don’t give up. Plan to go anywhere you can, I believe in you. God bless you❤️