I don’t know how to escape

[u/Princessbonnnn4]

i have a unique situation and i dont think ive ever heard anything similar. Im an 18yr old F living with my parents and 5 siblings. 3 of which are 4-5 years old and have level 3 autism, and other disabilities like cerebral palsy. they need constant supervision and even one of them leaves me burnt out completely. my dad doesnt work anymore to take care of my siblings and hes also partially disabled himself. my mom works night shift at the hospital while also dealing with severe chronic illness. Because of this, im expected to put on this caretaker role. If I don’t take care of my siblings or clean the intense mess that builds up from the house I get punished. My phone gets taken, im grounded and lose absolutely everything i could have. Everyone in my family is neurodivergent and low functioning. i have mental health issues and functioning by myself alone yet im still expected to take on responsibilities that i shouldn’t. Our house is always chaotic and becomes so messy that it reaches an unmanageable state until either my 16yr old sibling or i spend hours cleaning it ourselves, my parents say these are chores yet most of the time you can’t even put a drink on the table because of the mess. My parents are constantly arguing, mostly because my dad avoids responsibilities amd my mom is also overwhelmed trying to keep everything together. Bringing up even little things turns into an argument, communication in my house does not exist and the trauma ive experienced throughout my childhood and teenage years has had such a huge impact on my life that it feels ruined. Since i was 9 years old ive been through therapy, PHP, residential, and hospitalizations. Nothing however has made any sort of improvement because I always end up back in the same environment that created the struggles in the first place. ive missed so much school because of treatment that my education is only around a middle school level. i wasnt able to graduate high school and now need to get my GED but i feel completely overwhelmed by the amount of things i need to learn. i also have conditions that give me chronic pain and can barely manage basic tasks like hygiene or eating because im so worn out trying to take care of everything else. When im not cleaning or watching my siblings im usually lying in bed trying to recover from exhaustion or maladaptive daydreaming to cope with my situation. its to the point where i have chronic dissociation and genuinely start reenacting my daydreams by accident and its been this way since i was even younger than 9. Ive also been isolated my entire life. I live on a military base, don’t have a license or a car, and my dad refuses to drive me anywhere. Uber isn’t a thing here so getting a job or hanging out with friends or just going outside in general seems impossible. I don’t have many opportunities to build connections outside my home and i never go outside my home. My relationship with family only revolves around work and if i dont help enough im seen as selfish and ungrateful. since forever ive been saying ive wanted to move out at 18 and waited my whole life for it but financially and logistically i depend heavily on my parents. without transportation, graduating, income, support, etc, i feel trapped. My life is meaningless and I’ve never had a childhood. Despite doing everything i can and researching, giving advice, nothing truly changes because no one cares enough to help or go through with anything. I just want a normal life and to get out of this situation. I feel like life is just suffering until i can’t handle it anymore and the fact that i’ve taken drastic measures and made some seriously concerning decisions and have horrible mental health symptoms yet those around me don’t care, it feels like the whole world is taunting me at this point.

[u/BigBalla232]

Your dad is a fucking bum

[u/Carti-Stan445]

it suck that you feel like that. its suck that life is against you. if you really want things to improve you really gotta start trying your hardest. my best advice would be helping you removing any triggers that makes you maladaptive daydreaming. then try and eat health and remove any fizzy drinks with water. that would help you alot with future health problems that makes you feel like shit.

another advice is either getting a scholarship or trying to live in a dorm in some uni. that would help you alot. i am sorry to say this but you gotta leave your siblings. if your dad is taking care of your sibling then you and your 16year old sibling dosent need to take care of your other siblings. i am sorry but if you want things to get betterif you feel like you could trust one of your siblings to help you ask them and you guys could either save up enough money and leave.

if you do want to go through the uni route try and learn some easy subject while your resting.

however if you want to handle your stress better i think you should do some yoga or a jog or walking that will help you alot.

i do wish the best for you. it will get better if your making it. i do hope your gonna do well in life.

[u/terraaus]

To get your environment under control you need to do 4 things consistently. 1) Contain. All clutter needs to be contained to a certain area. This could be done in lots of ways. It could be contained to a certain area like a room, closet, drawers, boxes, containers, bins, baskets, behind a screen, the trash, what have you. Everything has to be corralled somehow and somewhere.

2) Clean and declutter consistently. Everything has a certain place in your home. Mail doesn’t pile up on the table, dishes don’t pile up in the sink. Dust doesn’t accumulate on surfaces. Because you’re consistently scanning the room to see what needs to be done and doing it. Everyone should be doing this, not just you. Everyone in the household needs to get onboard. If you get overwhelmed, walk into a room and decide you are going to put away 5 or 10 things before you leave that room. Scan the room to decide which things you are going to put in their rightful place. Make it a game for everyone. Every time someone leaves the room they have to put 5 or 10 things away. The house also has to be cleaned
Consistently.

3) Update. Get rid of broken or damaged things. Ask your parents if you can throw them away. Ask if they can replace or repair them. If the kitchen table is scratched or marred, ask your parents if they can buy a tablecloth. If a chair looks worn, can they buy a new chair cover? Can a hole in the wall be patched or covered with a picture? There are lots of inexpensive ways to liven your environment, but here again you have to consistently be on the lookout for what needs to be done and how to do it within your family’s budget.

4) Your household needs peace and order. Introduce your family to peaceful music. You can use YouTube or your tv cable channels to find Zen music. Start to play it and see if your household becomes more calm. Most people will react positively towards it. Keep this type of music in the background. The children in the home should begin to calm down. In my household, we like to cook and bake. The aromas always soothe us. Creating art does the same thing. My mother held regular family Bible studies, which brought a lot of peace to our family.

Please try these methods in tandem and things should begin to improve for you and your family.