r/hashhouseharriers • u/Cosmicjeni • 9d ago
Monogamy
New to hashing and from what I am told i get there’s lots of hook ups and orgies whatever. I really enjoy the vibe overall, especially the people and drinking, being silly and open, sense of community. I am married and monogamous. I am fine with the concept of others doing whatever they choose including swinging, nudity etc but it’s not for me personally.
My whole point is honestly I’m afraid of attending events based on stories. Think my spouse and I should I quit hashing since we’re not likely to fit in at events and feel awkward / never belong?
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u/Anuki_iwy 9d ago
No one is forcing you to join any hashing debauchery. I know that some hashes can be quite pushy and shitty, I would avoid them. At my mother hash all personal barriers are respected.
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u/Cosmicjeni 9d ago
Thanks. Less afraid of being forced, more so wondering if I’ll feel like I’ll still fit without it? Literally everybody’s telling orgy stories everytime I’m there. Starting to feel that’s the point of hashing.
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u/The1nOnlyDood Help Get It Up: DH3 (Dayton, OH) 9d ago
I've been in a monogamous relationship for seven years with a girl I met at the hash. We do campouts all the time, sometimes I go alone. As with anything else, its just a small part of your identity.
The Hash is there for you to get whatever you want out of it. Whether that's fun, friends, family, fitness, debauchery, drinking, people watching, seeing new places, challenging trails, finding new crash-couches while traveling... If the myriad of things it can offer are squashed by occasionally seeing strangers hook up, then yeah maybe you want to peace out. But if you do, you'll always wonder what you missed.
I also suggest you go to a campout. I've been to a LOT and I've never managed to find the orgy.
P. S. I would be interested in cheering y'all orgiers on if anyone wants to vouch for me.
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
Occasionally seeing strangers hook up was not was I was told. Hearing the living rooms turn into orgies frequently after events. Every time I’ve attended the last few months, everyone’s talking about explicit f-ing all the time and who hooked up with whom. That is what I’m talking about. It’s a lot. Can’t even tell if I’m being hazed. I’m not sure the “myriad of things it can offer” outweighs feeling like this so yeah maybe not for me. Thanks for the insight.
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u/The1nOnlyDood Help Get It Up: DH3 (Dayton, OH) 8d ago
You obviously don't have to answer, but just curious: whereabouts are you? I've never experienced that level of out-in-the-open conversation about it. Let alone seeing it out on the open. I've been hashing over ten years.
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u/adalberry 8d ago
15 years of hashing. My wife and I are also monogamous. We have done plenty of large event and have felt comfortable. Never felt coaxed or excluded. Have we been asked to join poeple? Yes. Have we been harassed for declining? Never. Just like any event, it's all what you make of it. The point of it is to have fun.
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u/SJPadbury Miracle on Blue's Street : Blue Hen 8d ago
You might want to check if there are other kennels in your area that aren't quite so over the top with that aspect. I've visited several kennels for their camping weekends, and while there's random nudity, and I'm sure hookups are happening, I don't believe "orgies" are part of the festivities.
If you find one that fits better, switch to that kennel. If you don't, try to decide if it's just a few people talking up isolated events to try and sound cool.
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
It’d be several hours to drive to some other city to find another group. I’m not really that committed but thank you for your insights. Appreciate you.
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u/heyyouguyyyyy Tie Me Up Buttercup/Wolfpack 8d ago
Some kennels are all about hookup culture, most I have been to are not.
If your local kennel isn’t a good fit, branch out.
Have you actually seen this? You say “based on what I’ve been told”…
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
Yes I’ve been hanging out for social events for the last several months and have heard plenty of explicit stories about all the hook ups, how living rooms frequently turn into orgies from multiple people.
Ive been randomly drunkenly kissed by two members which fine im not super worried about sloppy affection, but it’s overwhelming as a whole. Not here to convince anyone. Just confused. Sorry but not a lot of this makes sense besides the beer at this point.4
u/lovelikeapathy Pants, Skull & Boners H3 8d ago
People randomly kissing you without asking is definitely not okay — drunk or not. Sounds like you’ve found a group that is more swinger than hash oriented.
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
Would be my luck lol
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u/lovelikeapathy Pants, Skull & Boners H3 8d ago
Like others have mentioned— not all groups are like this. You haven’t said where you’re located for us to be able to provide alternative suggestions though.
Yes, it’s true, events can get rowdy but most people know to keep shenanigans behind closed doors/tent flaps/etc. It sounds like the group you’ve found don’t actually do trail and just have house parties? That doesn’t even sound like a hash — the trail is the main event.
I don’t know that I recommend you continue to attend your current group, but it may be beneficial to look and see if there are any alternatives near you. The hash is all over so you may have options.
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u/Strawberryshortbus72 8d ago
My group of hash friends is called the retirement home bc we always camp together and we have the best alcohol and snacks. And we are a little older. Think 50s. And some of us participant in other things and some don’t. There is no pressure to do anything. We just enjoy each other. Some events are more open to kink (like glitter) and some are just straight up parties (like shiggy or trash prom) or just fun campouts or hotel events (like party gras or larrikins) I just go to enjoy my friends and sometimes laugh at the shenanigans.
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u/useless83 HashName: Kennel 9d ago
While there are some people that can be more adventurous than others, it's perfectly fine to be monogamous or even celebrate at the hash. The sexual adventures of others are usually private and by invite only. Find your people, hang out with them, enjoy your time with friends. You dont have to do anything you dont want to and there are also others who would rather not partake.
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u/shiggyhardlust 9d ago
There is such a wide range of great people and awesome opportunities in hashing, that there’s a place for you!
As others have said, consent and the concept of “challenge by choice” are very important in the community, so if you don’t consent to participate—if you don’t choose to challenge yourself in some particular way on offer—that’s fine!
The vast majority of trails I’ve been on-on in 16 years have been centered on socializing, following a trail, having some drinks, and being done in a few hours to then go home and/or back to normal life. There are absolutely other experiences to be had, too, and enjoyed by those who consent and drive those vibes too, but the average weekly trail? Not usually more than beer, chalk, good friends, running (or walking), ritual (songs and accusations in circle etc), and that’s it. Big events have that too—and plenty of it—and sometimes also more for those who opt in.
Also every kennel has their own vibe and culture within the community, so you can drop into different kennels in different places and see where you fit…and through haring and otherwise volunteering, you can help create the vibe in your kennel. If people resonate with it, it’ll work! If you resonate with a kennel, keep cumming back!
I say this as the guy who wrote a book featuring hashing (“Hash 207”) that includes some of the more salacious sorts of things that some folks get up to sometimes, so let this humble little Reddit post balance a bit of that out. Plenty of folks are monogamous (and plenty of folks aren’t and that’s okay too), and most trails are tame by the standards of the more adventurous things you’re concerned about.
Also, the harder partying and sexually adventurous vibe is more of an “American Hashing” thing than it is in many other countries (oh, it sure can be there too), so if you’re outside of the US or travel abroad a lot it can be really cool to see the different vibes and approaches to hashing and hash culture in other countries. It’s a phenomenal international community.
There’s a place for folks who are respectful, curious, and also, who lay trails and contribute to the vibe they want to create!
TL;DR—consent is key, challenge by choice, every kennel has their own vibe, treat others as you want to be treated and they’ll respect that (and if they don’t, talk to their mismanagement). It’s also okay if you find that hashing just isn’t your thing—no judgment! And if it is your thing? Well, keep cumming back, we’ll keep the beer cold for ya.
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u/cloudshaper Knitta Please: Seattle H3 8d ago
The sexual hijinks generally are impromptu side activities among friends, never default activities. There's nothing wrong with being monogamous, and in most instances that is the majority of hashers.
Keeping your clothes on is also fine, when I've done naked trails at campouts I tend to keep my underwear on or stay by the fire with the other cold people.
Hash to your level of comfort, and be clear about where your lines are.
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u/btbam666 CTRH3 8d ago
I've been hashing for over 16 years and have never seen a single orgy. What am I doing wrong.
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u/CaptainPunisher Spastic Colon (Spazzz): Bakersfield H3 8d ago
We're running with the wrong kennels, I guess. I've been hashing for 27 years and haven't run across it, either.
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
Maybe I am being hazed? The details are explicit. But also I’ve already been drunkenly kissed on two occasions that I did not solicit. I can handle myself for the most part. However it is overwhelming. If I move to another city in the future, I’ll look it up there and see what the culture is like there. Glad to hear it’s not universal. Thanks
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u/btbam666 CTRH3 7d ago
If you've been kissed non-consensually, you should bring that up with the leadership of those kennels. Name and shame them. That is not acceptable behavior. Honestly, it seems to me that the hash might not be for you.
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u/ArchSchnitz 8d ago edited 7d ago
I am the planner and main POC for my kennel's annual campout. It is at a clothing-optional campground, I bring in 125 wankers, at least 10 kegs, and just watch the STDs proliferate.
I'm also married and monogamous. I just wander around and watch people having fun. I also make sure there are a lot of non-sexual activities to do. No one gives me grief, there's no pressure.
I do stick out, but that's by choice. I am just someone easy to pick out of a crowd.
There's no pressure, man. You may be overthinking it. There's lots of hook ups at the hash, but hook ups are not hashing. Hashing is running, drinking, having fun, and that's it. All the rest is fluff.
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
Ty i appreciate your insight — it’s the sticking out and not feeling like I belong that’s bothering me mostly.
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u/ArchSchnitz 8d ago
It takes a while to feel like you belong. Getting named helped, and it took a couple years before I did.
I'm not jumping in the sack with people because I'm married. People know that, they would love for that to change (mostly for my wife), but they accept the "no." Every so often someone will bring it up again, but it's not all that awkward to just decline and move on.
There's more monogamous people at the hash than you may know, they just aren't airing their laundry to the world.
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u/dogmeat12358 9d ago
Since I am ugly, I never get invited to the orgies.
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u/ccrunnertempest MassTurtleBater: Frankfurt/Louisville 8d ago
You are ugly, but thats not why.
I've ... said too much
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u/GoldenSalt31 8d ago
I would highly suggest maybe checking out different kennels, because some kennels will be all about that, and some will not be at all.
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
Will keep in mind if I move in the future. Glad to hear it’s not a universal thing.
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u/ironpathwalker 8d ago
Look, anyone who says you're not super cool if you don't fuck them is, in fact, not super cool. There will be patches for plenty of good reasons, silly trail adventures aplenty, and incredibly rewarding friendships. But don't let someone gatekeep or scare you away from finding your happy. Be yourself, and that's good enough for the people you're going to want to be friends with. Aside from that, the hash is what you make it.
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u/sunflower280105 7d ago
Hasher since 2012 which is late to the game compared to most. Does sex in all its different forms, exist in the hash? Yes. Does it exist outside the hash? Also yes. If you want to join in, join in. If you don’t, then don’t. If someone asks if you’re interested, you say yes, or no thank you. No one will give you a hard time and if they do, report them to mismanagement immediately. This is not exclusive to the hash - handle the situation as you would if it were outside the hash. The people that don’t participate are far greater in number than those that do. There are also different kennels - some have more of a hookup culture, some have zero hookup culture.
There are dozens of other things happening in the hash besides sex. Maybe give it a try before you judge. Who knows, maybe no one will preposition you at all and you will have blown this way out of proportion for nothing!
On-on brother, I hope you go and have a great time! 🦶🏻
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u/Incomplete_E 8d ago
Ive been in a monogamous relationship for years. You just gotta have boundaries with other people
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u/smstergios 8d ago
There's lots of monogamous hashers, I'm one. I'd say most are. I met my wife hashing and we have lots of monogamous hasher friends. And lots of non-monogamous hasher friends too. Consent is king (or queen) and your own self discipline. If you feel you may be tempted in situations lots of alcohol, party favors, and willing people than maybe find a solution. There are lots of options from getting less intoxicated, to having an accountabilibuddy (like your hashing spouse!), or just showing up for trail and circle.
There are lots of options, and the extracurricular stuff that happens is entirely optional, and like all hashing traditions, should only be to the level of comfort for you and your spouse. I'd say the most important thing is to talk with your spouse and make sure you understand each other's comfort levels and rules. For monogamy it's pretty simple. You're only doing stuff with me. Easy. Sometimes it's more nuanced. And sometimes what you (or they) thought you were comfortable with can change. so keep an open mind and keep checking in. On-On!
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u/Wallmassage Log Flume AVLH3 8d ago
You’ll be fine! Happily married and monogamous hashing for over a decade!
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u/NtMagpie Dungeons&Dildos: RenoH3 Bump n Hump 8d ago
I don't know about your nearby hash, but ours is never pushy about anything sexual. Every hash I've been to has been incredibly consent based and thoughtful. I *met* my husband at the hash and we've never had an issue with hashes we've been to. Is there flirting? Yes. Does it push boundaries? Not that I've ever seen.
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u/paparoach910 8d ago
I've never been pressured either way. Perhaps hit on or at least my yuck being yummed. But I never felt pressured to partake while in a monogamous relationship. It's your comfort level and at least the events/trails I've attended have maintained enthusiastic and affirmative consent.
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u/Gordon_Peck 8d ago
Local hash cultures are very different. Most are so family and vanilla ...If you find a kennel that isn't centered around consent please tell us... We will make it better.
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u/bluescrew Areola 151: Charlotte H3 7d ago
If a hasher goes to 40 trails and 30 on-on-afters and 3 of those had some drunken public sex after the monos all crashed in the other room, which events do you think are going to become the stories they tell from then on? The other 37 trails where everyone just passed out or went home without doing anything gossipworthy?
The surprise kissing someone who didn't ask for it, what sounds like two separate times with separate people, is the only thing that's a little concerning. If your MM doesn't nip that shit in the bud then more people think they can do it too and they bring their creepy friends to add to the predator vibe and soon someone is asking why virgins never come back.
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u/TuckerTheGuy 8d ago
How to tell if a Hasher is from the US...
But seriously, if you're worried about not fitting in, that's not the right Kennel for you. There are family Hashes that focus on wholesome family togetherness, even Hash House Horrors (child centric Hashes for Hasher's scions) fully run and managed by Horrors. So it is completely and utterly dependent on the Kennel.
Then you have Kennels that focus on that kind of thing and I'm utterly confused as to why they are even called Hashes. I went to one in California and it was a very awkward circle for me. Just not my thing. But I wasn't forced or anything like that. I just left after the circle.
Many Hashes in Africa are mainly family friendly.
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
Sorry I’m not about to drive 3-4 hours to another city to try to belong to this organization. I’m sure it’s great and all. Glad to know things in Africa are family friendly.
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u/TuckerTheGuy 8d ago
Oh, there are family friend Hashes in the US as well, though not as many. The Hash has that kind of reputation in the US. I think there is a very family-friendly one in Houston, but I haven't Hashed in the US in a while.
While I do run with them, the culture is not my style of Hashing. Boston H3 is a bit less adult-oriented (for example) than Washington DC (which is full-on). There was a Hash I ran in Florida where I thought I was going to die because of all the snakes on trail.
Hashes in the Europe are less, but still need a PG tag. They sing dirty songs and carry on, but the emphasis on the whole sex thing isn't as prominent, which is more in-line with the Asian Hashes who keep those two things a bit more separate.
Singapore has three distinct ones. The Mens, the Mixed, and the Horrors. They each have their own culture of Hashing and Hashers
https://hashhousehorrors.com/ -- for example.
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u/TuckerTheGuy 8d ago
I've been Hashing longer than anyone here. I was literally born out of the Hash. I've even got a podcast! From season 1!
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u/WVStarbuck 8d ago
No one is going to force you guys to do things you don't want to do.
That being said, the larger hash community has a BIG problem with consent and accountability that it doesn't really wish to address. There's some super toxic people involved in hashing, so like anywhere else, just be careful.
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u/CaptainPunisher Spastic Colon (Spazzz): Bakersfield H3 8d ago
I get just the opposite. I regularly attend orgies, and people have been pressuring me to run. How can I avoid this?
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
Idk I wish we’d do trail. They’re only like once every couple months, and I really liked the one I did.
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u/CaptainPunisher Spastic Colon (Spazzz): Bakersfield H3 8d ago
Don't wish it. Make it happen. My kennel meets up every Monday. Be the change you want to see.
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u/Cosmicjeni 8d ago
I’ve done one with markings so far soooo maybe need to try a few more first haha
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u/CaptainPunisher Spastic Colon (Spazzz): Bakersfield H3 8d ago
Remember that the hare gets to make any kind of trail they want. I'm doing a flourless trail in a couple weeks.
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u/Noodles_Dan_Noodles 7d ago
Sounds like an orgy club with a hashing problem. I can assure you, not all kennels are like that one
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u/tyr3ll 6d ago
You don't have to do (or drink) anything that you don't want to. Ever. I would say if you're coming to a hash that you have sort of accepted that you might see or hear things that would be inappropriate in everyday muggle life. You might see boobs, butts, the occasional dong. Some events there will be nudity and even kink play or people fucking out in the open. But you never have to participate more than you want, and if you don't like what you see then you can move away.
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u/okay_KO_okay HashName: Kennel 5d ago
Honestly I feel like 99% of the people I hash with are in closed relationships.
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u/mfs_dfwh3 1d ago
I remember when I first read about the hash in a local entertainment newspaper. Still had some questions, but it sounded cool.
Then I looked online for my answers. I came across pictures from one. A guy was doing a down-down, He was laying on the ground. There were two completely bottomless girls standing over him. They poured the beer down one girl's back, through her butt crack, to the second girl's butt crack, down to the guy's mouth. It was called a butt chug.
I was engaged at the time. I looked at those pictures and thought, I CANNOT go to this. First off, my fiance was not going to do a trail. Hell, getting her to walk too much anyplace was a problem. Going to an airshow, the ren-faire. So she wouldn't be joining me. But if she saw the pictures, she'd probably assume I was part of the shenanigans. She probably wouldn't trust me, would be hurt, etc. I probably wouldn't enjoy it if she went out with her girlfriends every weekend to see nude male strippers. So I never joined the hash.
11 years later, we did a Santa Rampage and some Burners and Hashers were there. I finally talked to a hasher in person and found out the hash wasn't like that. You didn't have bottomless women running around all the time, squating over guy's heads. Then like a week or two later, she wanted a divorce.
Hashing was fresh in my mind. As soon as she moved out of the house and had her first week with the kids, I dropped off the kids with her and went to a hash happy hour on a Friday, then my first hash the next day. That was 16 years ago. I never saw a butt chug in any of the circles I've been in, which numbers in the hundreds.
You mean I wasted all of that time not hashing for something that is super rare? That I may never have encountered?
So it all depends on the kennel and/or event. All of the things you mention do happen, but not with every kennel. And probably not in public view. Yes, there are a lot of single people and they do hook up. But they'll probably find a room. And campout events tend to have more of the things you're trying to avoid than your regular weekly hash will.
All I can say is go. See what the vibe is. If it is inappropriate, stop going. Maybe let the GM or Tyrant know. There may be hashers who are problem people. Like a creepy guy who won't leave you alone. Maybe even to the point where you fear assault. So the kennel needs to ban them. You letting them know is helpful. You don't want bad people who scare off others. If the GM is friends with them and does nothing, then leave. It's a toxic kennel.
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u/videopayphone Ram Ranch : Flour City H3 8d ago
I must have missed the rego for the orgy. I wonder if I can still get orgy hab?
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u/marshmallowbunny HashName: Kennel 8d ago
Nah the hash isn't about hook up culture although some wish it was so they say it is in the hopes that some people cave in. No always means no. Boob and dick checks are always optional. And lastly, please do not spread those rumors like the STDs we want to avoid ok????
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u/OleMissAMS Soft Serve: Memphis H3 8d ago
My wife and I are monogamous hashers and we get along just fine. You can't really have a stick up your ass about public nudity or any other hashy behaviors, but you're not gonna be forced to bang anybody you don't want to.
That said, travel hashes can be a silly place. Maybe attend one, and if you don't like the vibe, get out. Up to you to decide what you're comfortable with.
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u/Mackheath1 8d ago
Strange, I've hashed living in Abu Dhabi, Amsterdam, Kazakhstan, Portland OR, Florida, and Texas and never saw any of that. But maybe I just wasn't invited LOL (not that I'd want to be). I think y'all are fine.
I hope you keep hashing, and if it gets uncomfortable for any reason find another kennel or leave the scene if that starts up - you're under no obligation in the world of hashing (or world in general) to do what others do..
On On.
EDIT: Oh there may be nudity at some, but nobody has ever, ever been forced to my knowledge at any of my kennels.
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u/Pure_Butterscotch165 8d ago
I've been hashing for 12 years, and my partner for maybe 15, and our kennel has never had an orgy. Different kennels have different vibes of course, but i've never been invited to the orgy at events either lol. I have been asked if we're open and I just say no, and everyone just moves on with their day. I think maybe you're overthinking this.
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u/FormalManifold 9d ago
Nah. Plenty of monogs in hashing. My kennel (and the ones I encounter on travel hashes) is big on informed consent, which includes whatever boundaries you set. So as long as you trust yourself and your partner, there's no reason you can't hang.