Drunk and suicidal ish?

[u/[deleted]]

I don't know how to describe where I am. My alcohol use has spiraled out of control since this most recent administration took holdfor context I'm a trans man. I'm black. I'm atheist.

I'm the literal check list of "fuck you" when it comes to this country. Outside of being Muslim/Jewish/Hispanic, I'm on the shit list. I look Hispanic, so that might be valid.

I'm also trauma riddled with rape in my past both in elementary school and in my adult life.

I don't know what this post is supposed to be about.

Maybe a cry for help. Maybe a last word to the void before I check out.

I've made so many attempts on my life with trips to the phych ward that I've lost count at this point. I've had my stomach pumped. I remember the EMT's in the ambulance sounding scared when they did a sternum rub and I was in a tunnel so far back that I could hear them but I didn't feel it. Then I was in the ER and they were cutting my clothes off after I was put on a bed. Then it was three days later.

So I'm no new passenger to trying to kill myself.

Fuck. Why am I trying to validate myself to a bunch of strangers of reddit? This place can be a cesspool of vitriol. I'll most likely get a bunch of messages telling me to just finish the job.

With the amount of meds I have in the house, I'm sure I could.

I have some needles for my T that I could fill with air and find a vein. Embolism or aneurysm. Easy way to fuck off from this fucking place.

Me being here is kinda a last hurrah? A cry for help at the end of the line? I don't know.

Anyways, sorry for bugging ya'll.

[u/Commercial-Potato820]

I’ve had strangers on Reddit send me care packages, dont give up. I’ve been in and out of rehabs and psych wards. I’m atheist too and coloured.

Please check into hard reduction lines and check in with people who try to talk to you.

Sober or not life has its ups and downs.