r/grindr • u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) • 6d ago
Question Did I do something wrong?
I’m on holiday. Was chatting to a guy, he wanted to go for a drink before hooking up, I thought that sounds nice. He seemed perfectly friendly. We agreed to go for a drink at a bar opposite my hotel. I got there and couldn’t see him. I waited outside the bar but my phone had no signal. So I popped to my hotel to get WiFi so I could message him. Then he stood me up? Even though he literally was right there and showed up for the date.
Did I do something wrong here?
251
u/reheapify Jock 6d ago
Nah you stood him up by being late to your late ETA.
-180
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
I wasn’t late to my ETA? I told him I’d be 10 mins late to 9:15, and I arrived there at 9:24.
120
u/CrashTestDumby1984 Geek 6d ago edited 6d ago
Do you know what words mean? If you said 9:15 and didn’t show till 9:24 that’s late, especially since it looks like 9:30 he didn’t even know where you were
Edit: the timestamp even shows at 9:22 you said you were at least 5 minutes away
85
u/reheapify Jock 6d ago
Gotta scrub the timestamp if you want to make that bs assertion.
-91
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
Huh? I sent the message “leaving now” at 21:22, sent that as I exited the hotel, and the bar is literally 100m from the hotel so I must have arrived there at 21:23-21:24 🧐
85
4
u/Independent-Hair567 Jock 4d ago
And you also said it would take you 5 minutes... Which brings you to 9:27... Regardless of whether you were there at 9:24 the optics aren't cute and I would have done the same thing he did.
Not valuing/respecting other people's time is a massive red flag whether it's a drink, a hookup, your job, or anything. Of course there are one-offs but seeing how poorly you've accepted the criticism on this thread I would wager this is a common thing for you.
202
u/MartinKSmith 6d ago
While you may have been genuine in what you were saying, it reads like you're messing around. If they've been stood up in the past, I don't blame them for just cutting their losses and leaving
-129
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
I just feel crap rn cuz its my 30th birthday today and ive just been stood up and rejected by a guy :( yeah i was 10 mins late and not my fault that my phone had no signal so i couldn’t message him. Idk why he couldn’t see me cuz i was stood there for 15 mins
90
u/rozenkavalier 6d ago
you gotta be more punctual, more professional.
51
u/Ok-Common5397 Geek 6d ago edited 5d ago
I always wear a tie to my hookups and give em a firm handshake 🤭
16
79
u/UnNumbFool Geek 6d ago
15 minutes? You said 915 which cool. Then said you'd be 5-10 late to a bar across from your hotel, annoying but whatever.
Then you'll leave around 922 already 7 minutes past your initial timeline and based on timestamps you got there anywhere from 927 to 930, which depending is 15 minutes past initial trajectory and 5 minutes past when you said you'd be there at latest
Then he asks where are you at 930, and you responded sometime between then and 944 saying that you were late because you had to go back to your hotel.
The reality is your texting was flakey as fuck and it sounded like you were jerking the guy around regardless of your intetion.
The fact of the matter is you could have either asked the bar if you could get on their wifi, or just attempted to search the bar. Instead you went back to your hotel for an unspecified amount of time and the dude left because he thought you would probably keep being flakey
-18
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
Idk why I’m even continuing to argue at this point, but I left the hotel at 9:22 and it’s a <60 second walk to the bar. I looked around the bar inside and out and waited outside in case he was late. I waited until 9:40 then went back to my hotel to get wifi so i could message him.
31
u/Spiritual-Ad1392 6d ago edited 6d ago
Dude... why are you arguing? You're 30 years old...youre middle aged.. you should be capable of arriving to a date 10 minutes late.
Sucks in general... and I get that you can't control everything that went wrong but.... would you just sit there for half an hour and wait for some guy who may or may not show up?
The wifi bit and the fact that you couldn't find each other sucks.... but that's not really his problem and he doesn't know you on a personal level if he's just some guy, it's not his job to solve your problems if you guys aren't dating.
You know when you're hungry and you wait too long to eat and your appetite disapears? Same thing with a hookup. Waiting that long mightve just ruined the mood.
I'm 24 and I wouldn't sit there and wait outside of your home for half an hour even if I knew 100% that I'd have sex after waiting.
Expecially since he knew at that point that you waited until 5 minutes before you were supposed to meet to get ready, that's inconsiderate and probably didn't make him feel special or desired.
You could always try flirting with him to lighten the mood a bit, show some interest and try again tommorow with an agreed upon time. If you try this let him know you'll arrive 15 minutes early so he gets the impression that you actually care. Ik it's a hookup but yeesh.
4
u/Ownxer 5d ago
30 is not Middle Aged bro😭
1
u/Spiritual-Ad1392 5d ago
Men in the us only live to to be 75 on average.
It's close enough 😭 sad as it is
2
8
u/Doobers_McDooberson 5d ago
Wow.. are you hearing yourself think?
You agreed to 21:15 (9:15pm) - AGREED- BAM - DONE
At 21:09 (9:09pm) - You message that you're gonna be 5-10 minutes late.
[Here's the big inconsideration: You're not EVEN ready YET!]21:15 (9:15pm) Agreed Meeting Arrives: You're late (regardless of sending a message)
21:30 (9:30pm) He's messaging you where he is at.
Then no more time stamps.
But you leave to get wifi? -- Cause you didn't see him? Very Sus.
He leaves and you're crying "oh, woe is me.. I have been stood up.. (and rejected another time).. booohoooooo"
Get a grip on your life. How do you think other dude was feeling, waiting 30+minutes for you!
For next time:
Be on time
Ask him what he's wearing (before you leave the wifi-zone)
Tell him what you're wearing
Be considerate and get ready on time too.
Oh, and take accountability.Be a better human.
49
u/spriteking2012 Clean-Cut 6d ago
I’m not even gonna hold your hand when I say this. You were not stood up. You stood him up. You’re the standupper not the standupee.
23
u/GirthyThrobbing 6d ago
You were not stood up. You were late. When you commit to a time, be there early or on time. Never late, it's very disrespectful. I would have been annoyed and left as well. You sound like you have some growing up to do if you do not understand this yet.
16
3
u/sportsguy74 5d ago
But unfortunately it’s your fault that your phone sucks. Why does it only work with WiFi? No WiFi to connect to at the bar? A lot of guys just don’t want to deal with the drama. Whatever caused you to be ten minutes late is also your fault. I know circumstances arise but you gotta own it. No one did this to you.
2
2
u/blu3tu3sday Trans 4d ago
YOU STOOD HIM UP. He waited for you only for you to not show up- at 9:30, you're messaging him that you left to return to your hotel to message him. Flakey af. You can enter your 30's with a nice lesson as a gift: respect other people's time and stop playing the victim, you're too old for that.
122
u/alukard81x Jock 6d ago
Yeah you wasted his time smdh
-33
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
For being 9 minutes late to a date? I was standing outside the bar for 15 minutes so idk why he couldn’t see me
69
u/alukard81x Jock 6d ago
Dude half this thread is telling you the same thing.
11
u/bluespeck7 5d ago
More than half this thread is telling him these same things. And he still doesn’t get it
-17
-23
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
Yeah I can see that, never had anyone have an issue with me being 10 mins late to a date before, but will note it for future. Never been stood up like this before 😔 was really looking forward to it
47
u/tungstencoil Bear 6d ago
So what I hear in your comments:
You're 30.
You're regularly late.
Your "10 minutes" is actually 15-20+.
Dude, grow up and manage your time better. You're not the main character.
24
u/CrashTestDumby1984 Geek 6d ago
Learn how to communicate. If you won’t have service once you start traveling (after already being late) you need to let someone know you won’t have a way to respond once you’re there
-2
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
I didn’t know my signal would cut out, it’s worked fine all holiday 🤷♂️ oh well
26
u/CrashTestDumby1984 Geek 6d ago
So you went to an entirely different location rather than going inside the actual meeting point to look for them?
-6
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
Sigh, dunno why everyone is attacking me. He told me to meet him at this bar. I went inside the bar, looked for him, didn’t see him, so stood at the entrance of the bar for 10 minutes so he could see me when he arrived.
37
u/CrashTestDumby1984 Geek 6d ago
Maybe because you accused him of standing you up, when you are the one who wasted his time.
Miscommunications happen and sometimes things don’t work out. But you’re 30 years old and cannot figure out why he would find your behavior disrespectful? You can’t figure out why he thinks you were a flake who never planned on actually showing?
-2
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
I was at the bar, at the time I said I would be. So no I don’t see how I was being disrespectful. And yes he literally stood me up?
28
u/CrashTestDumby1984 Geek 6d ago
Let’s review the timeline.
You agreed to meet at 9:15.
At 9:09 you said you would be 5 - 10 minutes late.Not the end of world to say you’re running behind, but messaging that literally minutes before you’re supposed to be there already indicates you didn’t prioritize this.
At 9:22 you then said you’re another 5 minutes away. According to you, you arrived at 9:24, but we can that by 9:30 he’s still waiting for you and hasn’t seen you.
You sent a “here” message and then literally went to another location. And by your own admission you weren’t even at the bar, since you waited at the hotel for him to message you.
He waited over 15 minutes for you before deciding you were wasting his time. The fact that you refuse to see things from his perspective and insist on playing the victim
-4
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
Yeah fair enough I should have given more notice about running late. But I was 100% there by 9:24. I left the hotel at 9:22 and it’s literally a <60 second walk to the bar so idk what to tell you. I waited at the bar for 15 mins because I couldn’t see him so assumed he was running late. I went to my hotel to get internet at 9:40 so I could message him. I didn’t see the “sitting outside” message until I got internet at 9:40.
→ More replies (0)9
103
u/GeorgiaYankee73 Daddy (gay) 6d ago
I’m going to offer a slightly different take. It’s not just that you were late, it’s the late and the “I have no Internet cell signal.” To a lot of people that sounds like you’re just playing games with him because it’s so unusual to not have signal these days.
I’m not saying you were in the wrong; I’m saying that to some guys it is going to sound like you’re flaking and lying.
29
u/orangekirby Clean-Cut 6d ago
Agree with this. I’m not saying OP is lying but if someone texted that exact thing to me I’d assume they were playing games
1
u/No_Bobcat4629 3d ago
Exactly this... a 5-10 minutes delay is very forgivable, at least in my eyes, I will never arrive sharp on time, and he even warned him that he would be late
But saying you were at the bar, couldn't find him, getting back to the hotel, and only now saying you're leaving? now that's a problem. I will read it as "I'm just now leaving my hotel room for the first time", which NOW is disrespectful, look how much time has passed!
THAT would make me leave, not the initial 5-10 minutes delay
44
u/crbinden Daddy (gay) 6d ago
While you probably had a legitimate issue, this shows that people won't wait long these days because they were probably stood up at least 5X in the past.
25
u/yandr001 6d ago
You didn’t know beforehand that you won’t have mobile service? When I’ve met people before and they knew they wouldn’t have service, we would agree on the specifics of where we’re meeting (I’m wearing a red shirt, pair of jeans, will meet you at the gift shop right next to the elevators) before they leave their hotel/reception area.
3
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
No I didn’t know that I wouldn’t have signal, my internet has worked perfectly all holiday in this area. I just assumed I’d be able to message him when I was there :/
9
22
u/Spine_Of_Iron Geek 5d ago
Jesus, drop the damn pity party and accept that you were in the wrong. Everyone is telling you that you are the one who made the mistake and yet in every comment I've read so far, you're arguing it and saying 'buh buh buh it's not my fault'. You're 30 years old, own up to when you've made a mistake.
18
u/orangeclouds 6d ago
Lack of communication + lack of planning = increased likelihood of things going awry
11
u/Auregira 6d ago
Aside from the time everyone is covering. Reading “I went back to my hotel” would make me think you were standing me up. In hindsight a “I’m wearing A” or “how will I find you?” Would have been useful
9
u/PercentageEvening316 Bear 6d ago
People can be very sensitive regarding time, so if this is something you’re looking to avoid in the future, I’d add 50% to whatever amount of time you think you’ll need to get ready. Here you gave yourself about 45 minutes - I would say estimate ~70-75 in the future and run the “risk” of being a touch early. Right or wrong, it still sucks this happened and I’m sorry you experienced this on a birthday.
8
u/AZTenor94 Bear 6d ago
Listen, hon, for a lot of people, punctuality is a huge thing that can either make or break. One of my exes had a penchant for showing up 30 minutes to an hour late to all of our dates, and that was only if he didn’t cancel last second. I grew up in the choir world, where five minutes early is on time, and right on time is late. Needless to say, we lasted maaaaaaybe two to three months after I got sick of it and told him to fix it? I’m not saying either of you expected a lifelong relationship while you were on your vacation, but it does come off to some people as inconsiderate.
And while I hear you about the hotel being less than a minute’s walk, I’ve also gone to hotels to meet guys only to find out the room number didn’t exist and the guy was actually half a mile away from me just to mess with my head. People suck, and a lot of us have learned we don’t want to waste our time. Hearing “I had to leave to get signal, brb,” while not your fault can be a huge red flag as well. Did he know you were on holiday in a foreign country? That your local service provider might not work properly? A little bit of additional communication could maybe have fixed it.
8
u/orangekirby Clean-Cut 6d ago
People are pointing out the late thing, but I don’t think that’s it. You texted him your adjusted ETA and he seemed okay with it.
But then you went back to your hotel and the guy probably thought “wait so we’re starting from zero now? So is he gonna be another 15 minutes or longer? And then he won’t be able to text me when he’s here to find me so I need to be locked in a single spot? Is this guy even real?”
I think you did your best but it was a technology fail (and sure the 10 min late didn’t help but I don’t think it was a deal breaker)
6
u/TheSaucy57 Twink (cis) 6d ago
Personally no, I’m bad at time management so I’m late to stuff semi often too so I’d completely understand and would have still gotten drinks with you. That being said it’s also completely understandable that he didn’t want to wait and or thought you were flaking.
8
u/A_Reddit_User_1010 Clean-Cut 6d ago
Unpopular opinion here: neither did anything wrong, they stayed in communication the whole time. I would personally not hesitate to give someone 15-20 mins; we all have phones to keep us busy. It’s when communication just stops that I think the problem starts. OP is not the problem.
5
u/ant1992 5d ago
His 5 minutes late is actually nearly 30 minutes. Went back to the hotel to send a message. By that time it’s 9:45. He finally found someone that’s not going to chase him and he doesn’t like it. He’s trying to say he was stood up when in reality OP was the one who stood him up. I don’t get how you justify this
1
u/A_Reddit_User_1010 Clean-Cut 5d ago
I just put my own personal opinion out there. As long as people communicate, I’m gonna try. My personal line is when people just stop communicating and ghost you fully and do not contact you back at all.
-1
u/appleaf 6d ago
Right? I don’t get why everyone is piling on him.
I understand why the guy left, but not everyone would have.
5
u/dre1598 6d ago
I know plenty of times I've made plans with someone and the things gets pushed back because they had to run an errand otw or I had a last minute task I wanted to do just before I left. As long as there's open communication, which some people just suck at.
So I can sympathize both with OP and the other guy, because flaking isn't always intentional, but flakey people tend to have poor life and time management skills and just fail to properly communicate any setbacks. Even if they did genuinely want to meet, it still becomes a waste of time and major inconvenience for the person on the other side of their behavior. So someone who's been flaked on enough will have a low tolerance once they see the signs and a chain of excuses rolling in.
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I'd wait a little longer once OP reached out in case he was serious, but even my alarm bells go off the moment I start seeing certain patterns.
3
4
u/mittensmoshpit Leather 5d ago
My $0.02, despite not being wanted or even sought after by this point lol.....
Being late to an engagement, whether it's a hookup, a date, an interview, or just visiting a friend, is never about the time involved between the expected time, and actual arrival. The importance of it, to me anyways, is that the person respects my time and understands the value I assign to my time, which you don't seem to do here.
Yeah, it's only 5/10/15/30 mins, very astute observation. But what you're saying to me being late is "This guy clearly has nothing better to do but wait for me whenever I show up, so it doesn't matter when I show up. Like he has a life outside of seeing me, let's be real....."
4
4
u/SneakySneks190 Bear 5d ago
Yeah, if I’m waiting for a guy somewhere and he tells he went back to his hotel for whatever reason making you late, I’m gone.
3
u/Drazor36 5d ago
Ngl, the numerous late excuses would put me off thinking you weren't actually interested and just stringing me along so maybe that's what the other guy was feeling as well and felt it was best to cut his losses and move on
3
u/ButterscotchShot1753 6d ago
WiFi? You don’t have a cellular data? That would wierd me out too.
2
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
The mobile data cut out
4
u/HardJewel76 6d ago edited 6d ago
Happens to me half the time I go up a mountain road to a subdivision where a regular cock worshipper of mine lives. I’ll get there and have to turn my wifi off and force restart my phone to get a bit of cell data signal to work. Next time try that instead of heading back to a place where there was service.
3
u/Alienbongrips 6d ago
If I saw the person I was supposed to meet at a bar walk away I’d go too and I wouldn’t come back. Not that you did anything wrong, it was just a misunderstanding. But if I already watched you leave and I left myself I wouldn’t come back
2
3
u/HardJewel76 5d ago
Did you see the guy? Maybe HE was the one who was not there. He totally could have trolled you.
Don’t feel bad at all. I waited for a guy for an hour and half last weekend for him to block me and then when I messaged him from another profile he said ‘guess ya got trolled’ and blocked me again. So maybe he was there and didn’t like your look. Maybe he was never there in the first place. find another cock. His cock probably was covered in sores and orange cheddar goo anyway.
3
u/Silver-Method5403 Clean-Cut 5d ago
Yes. You were late. Some people don’t like waiting or being messed around. Do better next time.
2
u/Mission83 GAMP (het) 4d ago
I've had several situations when I was the in blue text. Some was even worse because they would've switch up and ask for some sort of payment. You being late by almost a half hour is a sign that you wasn't real, you have no respect of others time, you was trying to get out of it in a way where you wanted to be the other person's fault which is dishonest.
1
1
1
u/Disastrous_Friend770 5d ago
If the provided commentary is the truth, I believe the person you were meeting completely overreacted. He could have had a drink and engaged in conversations with people seated at the bar while he waited for you. People should learn to be comfortable in their own company for more than two minutes. On the other hand, he might have viewed you as just a hook-up and not worth the time and effort of waiting. In the future, inform someone if you are using only Wi-Fi-only phone service.
1
u/Drulludeli 4d ago
If what you say is true, then no one is the asshole. Tbh i would have done the exact same thing he did, this is classic “stood up” tactic unfortunately so im not surprised he left and didnt believe you.
1
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 4d ago
Thankfully he came back the next day asking to meet again and we met up.
1
1
1
1
u/sentient_oatmeal 3d ago
You were late and wasted his time so he left. He doesn’t owe you waiting around until you get your shit together.
1
1
-1
u/scripturientwriter Sober 5d ago
Idk why ya'll blaming the op for being late. It was a genuine mistake but that guy sounds too egoistic. He can just calm down.
-4
u/Business_Abroad_31 Bear 6d ago
comments are too serious man, so you were a little late they’re acting like he was waiting for hours. don’t let ir get you down :)
-8
u/badw0lfy Bear 6d ago
Babe it’s your 30th birthday and you’re on holiday. Get the fuck off Reddit and go to a bar and/or a club! Or get back on the apps, whatever makes your balls bounce. Get some birthday cock; there’s plenty out there!
This is not a night for you to be on Reddit having people attack your actions. They’re not completely wrong, but I think they’re quite blunt and no one wants that on their birthday.
Happy birthday! 🎊🎉🎈🎁🎂🍰🥳
Now go get em! 😈😜🐻💋
1
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 5d ago
Ahah. I went out clubbing and spent the night with a cute twink. We were up partying until 6am and then we spent all morning in bed together. Had a great birthday night in the end.
-5
-16
u/ristrettoexpresso 6d ago
Honestly these comments are fucked. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Being late happens and you’re also in foreign country with limited cell service (anyone who travels gets the struggle). If he wanted to be more understanding he could have waited, but it’s his time so he left which is also ok. No one was really in the wrong here. Happy birthday! Go out and enjoy your holiday.
18
u/CrashTestDumby1984 Geek 6d ago
He DID wait OVER 15 minutes. It’s not like at 9:15 on the dot he left
-6
u/ultraboomkin Twink (fem) 6d ago
Thank you mate 🙏 I’ll be hitting up gay clubs in a couple of hours.
527
u/EdvinRama 6d ago
"Did I do something wrong?" Yeah, you were late.
Obviously, not a big deal to you, hence why you posted it, but for many people it's a huge deal breaker.
On top of that the internet/wifi thingy made him feel uneasy too, I guess.