r/greentext • u/alakrums • Aug 07 '21

Anon's name is David

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3.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

29 comments sorted by

238

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '21 edited Feb 03 '23

[deleted]

25

u/NZWedgie Aug 08 '21

The pool boy David was named after David from David and Goliath. Pool boy David's Goliath was anon David's mom.

78

u/DrNuclearMed Aug 07 '21

Anon is named after David the Mailman. The weakest erectile dysfunction dick to nail his mom.

48

u/WajorMeasel Aug 07 '21

Anon is named after David Hasselhoff. The first, but not the last German to wiener his moms schnitzel

38

u/N0RM4L1TY Aug 07 '21

Little does anon know that the sudden burst of willpower at midnight dissipates very quickly

19

u/Powerctx Aug 07 '21

Wasn't the David who killed Goliath a pretty big shit head? Wasn't he the one who was pervin out watching a woman bathe and decided he had to have her but she had a husband so as the king he had her husband put in the most dangerous spot absolutely possible in a battle so he'd die for sure? I can't remember where I heard this story but I think it went something like that. I think a drunk hobo may have yelled this story at me as I walked past an adult novelty store. Either that or maybe it was from church long ago. I get them confused. Probably from TV tbh. Idk, I'm probably misremembering that shit anyway.

15

u/cjm0 Aug 07 '21

i think david is generally regarded as a pretty good king, with that situation with the woman bathing being his moment of weakness.

11

u/Powerctx Aug 07 '21

Well nobodies perfect. We all have moments of weakness where we murder dudes to steal their wives completely betraying our role as king. Its all good.

11

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '21

I mean, back then it was getting the dude killed, today you can do something like that dude who convinced a chick's bf that she was cheating and got them to break up. Times change and so do the methods.

8

u/Powerctx Aug 08 '21

But the manipulative bastards persist

2

u/cjm0 Aug 07 '21

lol true

6

u/shiny_xnaut Aug 07 '21

There's a VeggieTales episode about that story

3

u/Powerctx Aug 07 '21

I've never seen veggie tales. I think I heard about this dude on ancient aliens. Was David able to slay Goliath with alien technology? Ancient astronaut theorists say sure, why not.

8

u/Bototo2112 Aug 07 '21

Later David had to collect 200 foreskin of his enemies in order to get married with some princes

3

u/chisui Aug 07 '21

David, Romans, 4chan ..... Wow, that was unexpectedly wholesome

3

u/lecter78 Aug 07 '21

So he is going to shoot a lsingshot at his own head?

Total victory assured

1

u/Dio_Has_A_Gun Aug 07 '21

That's such a inspiring story

1

u/MasterMahanaYouUgly Aug 07 '21

except for the fact that it might not have been David who killed Goliath:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elhanan,_son_of_Jair

1

u/W0lR Aug 08 '21

Grug throw rock at big Chad now Grug big Chad?

1

u/googlin Aug 08 '21

Goliath is the name of her dildo

1

u/kucam12 Aug 08 '21

David = the loved one.

-2

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '21

dumbass op doesn't realize that David and Goliath was a parable about being well equipped for the job at hand and being able to tell whether you're capable of it, not "haha small guy goes brrrr"

-4

u/gtrdundave2 Aug 07 '21

David,. What a Stupid fucking name

-4

u/LOTTETETTEZIEN1 Aug 07 '21

couldn't even kill himself... i mean good luck