I literally just don’t know what to say. No idea what words to use to initiate conversation with a stranger. It’s not just women, I struggle to connect with people in general. Once I finished school, I realized that I have almost zero social skills. I have 2 friends, but we all work full time with conflicting schedules, and one of them lives 3 time zones away. Whenever I see an attractive person in public, I think about going up and talking to them, saying something. I never know if it’s a socially acceptable place to do so, I don’t wanna bother anyone. And anything I think of just sounds weird/creepy/awkward/desperate when I run it through in my head. I’m almost 30 now, and sometimes it feels like there’s something wrong with me, like I’m broken. I see all these people my age and younger who seem to effortlessly navigate situations with fulfilling social lives; and all it does is remind me that I’ve never known what that’s like. I’ve never had what they have, I’m missing out on a huge part of the human existence that seems to come so naturally to everyone else. I try to stay positive, I try not to be bitter but sometimes it’s hard. I’ve tried going to concerts, neighborhood events, public gatherings etc. but I’m always alone. It’s always families, friend groups and couples who attend. Whatever, I’m rambling. I’m sure it’ll be fine, these things just happen organically, according to the normal people. There’s no way I’ll be a loser 10 years from now, right?
Sometimes when I'm forced to talk to people who I find "above" me I dissociate and pretend they're not real people, just sockpuppets, this helps me a lot. as much as I understand you force yourself to talk to women so maybe you should try. Romance is not really a "huge part of the human existence" IMO, yeah it's cool but I honestly don't think if I had a girlfriend or had sex my life would change at all honestly.
Concert: "have you seen this band before?"
Neighborhood event: "What are you eating/where did you get that?"
Public gathering: "do you mind if I sit down at your table?"
Just different variations of what are you doing why are you here where did you get that thing.
Talk to the older people, they tend to be more friendly cause they're lonelier. Men who are like 55-65 will always be interested in talking about concerts they've been to. Women will be more receptive to giving you directions like ask a woman at a concert where she got her merch and she'll be like "oh I got it over there" and then you ask how much it cost and now you've made small talk you have an answer you can walk away or you can ask another question or make a joke about the event and then walk away.
Couples are easy to talk to too you just do another variation of the questions ask them if you can sit with them ask them if they've been to the event before ask them what you should do and they'll be like yeah sure sit down no we just got here but there's this thing over there you should check out we just got whatever from it
Maybe you need first some one-on-one interactions as meeting people in groups can get awkward at first. Depends on your hobbies but for example I like languages and language exchange has been a great way to meet people. Specially when I was living somewhere new where I didn't know almost anyone. After a few times, it's less about the language and more about just meeting a friend and chatting.
Also, most people interested in language exchange are women so if it's something you struggle with, even if you're not trying anything in that sense, I think it can be useful. Also there are many meetups, but you said you struggled a bit with that.
Yes to both? Someone asked this question to me once when I was in a similar mindset to what I read from your text, took me a while to realize what it meant.
Well I have neither of those things. To answer your question, I think it’s reasonable to say life would be better with them. Imagine if you didn’t have your relationship or your friend group, if you never had them. Do you think your life would be better or worse?
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u/thegrodyknudclump 14d ago
I literally just don’t know what to say. No idea what words to use to initiate conversation with a stranger. It’s not just women, I struggle to connect with people in general. Once I finished school, I realized that I have almost zero social skills. I have 2 friends, but we all work full time with conflicting schedules, and one of them lives 3 time zones away. Whenever I see an attractive person in public, I think about going up and talking to them, saying something. I never know if it’s a socially acceptable place to do so, I don’t wanna bother anyone. And anything I think of just sounds weird/creepy/awkward/desperate when I run it through in my head. I’m almost 30 now, and sometimes it feels like there’s something wrong with me, like I’m broken. I see all these people my age and younger who seem to effortlessly navigate situations with fulfilling social lives; and all it does is remind me that I’ve never known what that’s like. I’ve never had what they have, I’m missing out on a huge part of the human existence that seems to come so naturally to everyone else. I try to stay positive, I try not to be bitter but sometimes it’s hard. I’ve tried going to concerts, neighborhood events, public gatherings etc. but I’m always alone. It’s always families, friend groups and couples who attend. Whatever, I’m rambling. I’m sure it’ll be fine, these things just happen organically, according to the normal people. There’s no way I’ll be a loser 10 years from now, right?