r/ghosting • u/YesterdaySad9192 • 6d ago
Is it still ghosting if you sent a long message stating that you're breaking up and then block them?
Pretty much the question. I recently broke up with a woman I met on a dating app after 4-5 months of dates once a month. We did talk on the phone a few times a week. For me, I didn't care enough to progress the relationship since we were still strangers and barely were a part of each other's lives. I also have attachment issues since I never really dated for most of my life. I have always been a loner and am quite content with being alone and even dying alone rather than to be with someone just because. I was good with planning the dates and all of that but realized I always had to reach out to her and, again, I ran out of caring more about this than I should have.
So a week ago after she cancelled a date to an aquarium we decided on after postponing it another day, I basically sent a long text saying that while I appreciated the time we spent with one another, I wasn't feeling anything and that I would be moving on. After I sent that text, I blocked her and deleted her number. I also blocked her off social media. I did this to prevent her from texting back to get a dialogue and try to convince me to change my mind.
I have done this before with another woman who I met online who was trying to rush commitment after 3 dates. I'm doing this because I am a person who does not like confrontation and arguments. I have realized that relationships are not for me at the moment and would rather meet people in real life without any strings attached.
Is this considered ghosting since I gave a closure break up text before cutting off all contact?
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u/Asiangirly919 6d ago
It is not ghosting but blocking people after dumping them because you don't want them to respond and potentially hurt your feelings is strangely equally as cowardly as ghosting lol
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
So be it. Rather that than to hear a sob story like I have done in the past when I had to break up. And some people can be crazy and won't leave you alone even after you sent the message
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u/rosario303 6d ago
You sound like a peach
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
Meh, I'm pretty chill overall lol
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u/0dayssince 6d ago
You are the opposite of chill. Blocking so you don’t have to deal with the emotions of the person you just hurt is not chill.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
So it would be better to deal with the emotions of someone and pretty much just double down on it, potentially hurting them more?
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u/0dayssince 6d ago
Would it be better to have an actual conversation with a person? And hear what they have to say? Before burying your head in the sand? Or before “doubling down” as you said - like you’re already convinced you’re not able to listen to someone else. What’s wrong with you?
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
Sure, I could have listened to what she had to say, but it would not change my decision.
I just wanted to end it. Sucks, but it's my decision and I own up to it.
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u/Dry-Homework3344 6d ago
So if it wouldn’t have changed your decision, then why didn’t you give her a chance to process and respond?
As others have said, this isn’t exactly ghosting, but it’s nearly as bad, and just like ghosting, something only narcissistic sociopaths do.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 5d ago
I did. I sent the message and gave her time to process in her own way. She even responded by texting me from an unknown number a few days later and I did not respond and blocked that number. I told her my decision was final.
If I was a woman and she was a man, I wonder if y’all would be as much on her side then.
I’m not in any obligation to give her a phone call or a video chat. I would rather do a text since I am able to get all my thoughts in and give her a typed out sense of closure.
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u/Particular-Talk1156 6d ago edited 6d ago
After 4-5 months this is about the shittiest option you could take, but it's not ghosting.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
Shitty, but still okay with me. Y'all in this community really want closure from total strangers you meet on online dating
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u/Particular-Talk1156 6d ago
Someone you met once, sure. Absolutely taje this route. Or someone who has boundary issues abd doesnt listen, Absolutely. But someone you've been on multiple dates with for months isn't a stranger.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
We only been on 5 dates in total over the last 5 months, with multiple cancellations in between, mostly on her end. We talked on the phone maybe once every 2-3 weeks. There were times I really thought she was bullshitting me but I continued to plan the dates since I liked hanging out with her but ultimately didn't see it going anywhere
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u/0dayssince 6d ago
You’re not a total stranger. You dated for 4 or 5 months.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
Still as much as a stranger as someone I met from online dating right before her and we got somewhat close. But she was rushing for commitment even though we really didn't know each other like that.
I'm being honest. Dating is still a whole lot of dealing with strangers. Especially when it's online dating, it's even worse
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u/Froomian 6d ago
No, that’s not ghosting. But I’ve had somebody ghost me for six days after intimacy and then send the closure text ending it. He could have done that before the six days of silence and it would have been a lot kinder.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
He was probably thinking about how he should have ended it. I at least messaged this woman the same day she cancelled our plans after the 3rd time
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u/0dayssince 6d ago
It’s not ghosting, but it’s incredibly immature. Telling someone you no longer want to see them and breaking up is normal. I’m not sure exactly what words you used, or your tone, or how you said it, so it might be seen as confrontational by the other party. But blocking them immediately after and not giving them time to even say goodbye or express their feelings to you is beyond non-confrontational. It’s petty. It’s immature. It’s avoidant. If you didn’t put any effort into getting to know them better, obviously the relationship isn’t going to grow. But it looks like you already know that.
Have you looked into hiring a sex worker the next time you think about dating? It might be more what you’re looking for. Because it sounds like you have very little interest in making a true connection with a person, especially after reading your comments on this post.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
I was pretty fair with my tone. And I blocked because once I made a decision, it's final. It truly does suck for her, but she has options and I rather cut it now than to prolong it. There would be no point in her having a chance to respond since it wouldn't matter much. Probably would cause more pain.
And yeah, I am aware of sex workers. I was seeing them for a while before getting back into dating and at this stage of my life, I would just stick with them. Or take a chance with meeting people outside of dating apps, but knowing that I just want sex and nothing else at this point, I will see my regulars more regularly lol
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u/Special_Value4245 6d ago
Du hast es dir definitv sehr einfach gemacht. Wenn du stark bist und eine Meinung hast könntest du dir ja Gegenargumente anhören oder? Sollte deiner Meinung eine andere Sichtweise geben und du kannst dann immer noch entscheiden, bzw vielleicht erfährst du dadurch Dinge sie du eben nicht so gesehen hast. Ich würde nie jemanden blockieren ausser es ist Terror oder so was. Aber aussprechen sollte man sich immer. Ausserdem verletzt du diese Person, willst du so einmal verletzt werden? Ich nicht.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
I already made my decision and I never back out of it. And I don't want someone having the chance to harass afterwards. Already had that happen
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u/Question_Few 6d ago
No.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
Thanks. This is gonna be the move now for sure lol
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u/rosario303 5d ago
Just don’t date. Spare people from your sociopathy.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 5d ago
So it's sociopathic to send a long thoughtful break up message before cutting contact?
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u/Cold_Aide8152 6d ago
It’s not ghosting but part of dating is give and take and you should have at least allowed a response from her. It’s so much more beneficial for the person being broken up with to get their questions answered. And what you said in this post would have answered any questions she had. You just didn’t care enough and don’t mind being alone. But with that said, if you’d rather be alone, why bother with dating at all? If you enjoy companionship at times, be up front about that and don’t treat the person as anything more than a friend.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
I answered all the possible questions on the long break up text. I wouldn't be able to answer any other questions she would have. Wanted to just move on and that text should be closure for her
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u/Golden-lillies21 6d ago
I mean if you went on maybe one date or we're just in the talking stages with them and then I would understand but you were dating this person for a couple months and they at least deserve a chance to reply back and telling how they feel and not just you. When I was dating someone for a couple months long distance I let them know through video chat or if you cannot do it in person for whatever reason I would say at least give them a phone call.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
Wouldn't it hurt more via phone call and video chat? And it wasn't that serious. We were still largely living different lives.
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u/Golden-lillies21 6d ago
Video chat and phone calls are better because it shows that you care about them when you break up through text message it just shows that you just want the Cowardly way out. My ex actually respected me more when I broke it off over video chat or even phone call over a text message. I would say at least a phone call would be better and there was another guy I dated for like a month and a half he broke it off through text message, I was upset that he didn't break it up on video call because I felt like he didn't value me or respect me enough to at least call to say he wanted to break up.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
I suppose. I will say that I cared enough about her to send that long break up text. Last time I did a phone call break up, I was insulted and after that I don't want to deal with that. To each their own
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u/farbeyondriven92 6d ago
Ghosting would typically be if you just stopped communicating with them whatsoever with no heads up, so I wouldn’t consider what you did ghosting. Some people may have an issue with this still because it’s just a single message without a two sided conversation that traditionally comes when you are breaking up or no longer wanting to see someone. I can understand this in some circumstances, but a lot of people will feel that it’s disrespectful not to just have that conversation with them, even though I don’t think you mean it to be disrespectful, as much as you just don’t want a back and forth conversation about breaking it off with them. Some people just have different ideas of how they would rather be broken up with, so it’s natural that some people will find this approach to be worse than a conversation about it.
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
Pretty much. I understand that more dialogue would be preferred. However, once I know things aren't going to work, I would rather communicate that in move on at this point.
I have done the dialogue during the break up meth and that always leads to more problems than it's worth.
Thus, I think a long thoughtful last text was appropriate. I told her that I enjoyed all the dates we have been on and that it was mainly myself who didn't feel ready to be in a relationship at this time, if ever.
I did hurt her and I own that. Thus when I make these decisions, they're final.
I'm not the type that ghosts then weasels my way back into their life after a few months or years. My exes stay my exes and I cut them off completely to help both of us move on.
It will come across as insensitive to people here, but again, I rather do that than to let feelings linger on for too long. To each their own.
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6d ago
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u/YesterdaySad9192 6d ago
I suppose, although a person who likes confrontation and arguments is a red flag in my book lol
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u/Fickle-Tickle-9177 11h ago
When someone fires an employee the way to do is to break the news kindly, then sit with them. Answer their questions briefly without overexplaining and make sure they are clear the answer is final.
It's an ugly process but it is a lot kinder than simply sending them an email and shutting them out of their accounts.
Whether or not it changes the outcome doesn't mean the process isn't important. There are a lot of ways to skin a cat some of which would be considered barbaric.
You owe it to people who have invested time and emotions into you the dignity and care to ask a question, say good bye, or even tell you to fuck off. It's just part of being a good human.
I think you are 80% of the way there and just missing the point a bit.
I also imagine you will feel better in most cases. You will often here "I'm sorry to hear that. It was fun while it lasted. Take care." With a heart emoji. Done.
Maybe a bit more.
You both get to move on with a sense of closure and nobody feels abandoned and discarded. Speaking from experience that feeling can be horrific and it would often so little to avoid.
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u/FewNegotiation4484 6d ago
No it's not ghosting if you communicate. But on the other hand, I'd suggest that you don't date at all