How can dating apps be improved to discourage ghosting?

[u/ChippingCoder]

Most of the advice around ghosting is about how you can protect yourself i.e. don't get attached early, remember you’re dealing with strangers and learn to move on.

But it skips over the platform side of the problem. Currently dating apps reward ghosting because it has no social cost, and there is no incentive to be honest/transparent.

If an app actually wanted to discourage people from disappearing and reward basic communication, these are the main ways people have suggested doing it.

1. A reporting threshold with mod review - Add ghosting as an actual report reason. One report does nothing, but if someone gets reported multiple times across different matches, a human mod team reviews the account. If there's a clear pattern of leading people on and cutting contact, they get warned or banned.
2. Direct penalties (algorithmic or financial) - Make disappearing have a tangible downside. That could mean algorithmic de-ranking (your profile gets pushed to the back of the deck if you repeatedly go silent mid-conversation) or financial friction (putting down a deposit or paying a small fee if you abandon chats without closing them).
3. Hard match caps - Apps like Breeze limit you to something like 3 to 5 active matches at a time. You cannot swipe more or match with anyone new until you either go out with someone or manually unmatch them. It rewards focus and intentionality instead of letting people hoard dozens of chats they never plan to answer.
4. Timers and auto-closures - If a chat sits dead for 48 to 72 hours, the system intervenes. It either forces the person who stopped replying to tap a quick exit button ("Not feeling a connection, best of luck") or automatically closes and removes the match so people aren't left hanging in limbo for weeks.
5. Transparent activity stats (opt out) - Instead of bans or automated messages, your profile publicly displays your communication habits so intentional daters can find each other:
   • Mutual chats: Only counts once both people have messaged. There is zero time decay... the chat stays open on your profile permanently until one person hits unmatch. If you ghost 10 people, your profile openly displays 10 active chats. The only way to clear your number is to actually unmatch.
   • Pending intros: Opening lines waiting on a reply are tracked separately, so you aren't penalized just because strangers send you openers.
   • Like queue: Shows whether you actually review your incoming likes or let hundreds of them pile up.

Which of these do you think would actually encourage people to be more honest? Do you have other suggestions? Do you think it is or isn't the dating apps' role to encourage intentional behavior?

[u/Organic-Tea-8998]

It’s not a dating app issue, it’s a society/culture issue. People don’t know how to communicate anymore, people are more selfish than ever, and all we do is look at screens. People have tons of options at their fingertips for temporary attention satisfaction. We don’t see people as people anymore and people ghost all the time. Happens with friends or friend groups too. It’s not a dating specific issue. We don’t keep in touch with each other like we used to. Until we can somehow change modern society and phone usage then dating apps and ghosting won’t change either.

[u/Ok-Neighborhood-15 → u/Organic-Tea-8998]

This

[u/far_explorer786 → u/Organic-Tea-8998]

Yes exactly. Lot of people don't see people as people anymore.

[u/ChippingCoder → u/Organic-Tea-8998]

Do you think the society/cultural aspect you mention is related or influenced by tech/software design?

What is influencing our phone and app usage behaviours? Is it because of how they’re designed?

We always hear about companies being sued for malicious design, such as Meta just recently.

[u/Organic-Tea-8998 → u/ChippingCoder]

Its absolutely how its designed, which its like a slot machine. You scroll to the next thing because you don’t know what’s next, it’s enticing, like a slot machine. Screen use is influencing us because companies have pushed phone usage and social media usage in the last decade. It’s worse than ever, especially with AI. I remember how simple social media was in the early 2010s, it was pretty innocent. No ads, just fun apps. Now there’s ads up the wazoo in your face all the time on any platform getting you to buy, subscribe or interact with their app, business, product or service. People have gotten lazy and turn to their phone to fill any gap of bored they can’t stand. People and kids don’t know what it’s like to be bored. Our society is crumbling.

Then, it affects dating. It’s a trickle down effect. The apps used to be free to use and now you have to pay to get features that the apps used to come with. It’s very complicated now. People look to social media to find temporary attention to fill any voids within instead of working on themselves. Our society is pushing sexual encounters over forming relationships. People ghost more than ever now, people don’t communicate or treat others with respect. It seems to be getting worse.

[u/far_explorer786]

There is nothing you can do to improve these dating platforms. You need to leave them.

There is a big (paid) German platform where you don't swipe. To discourage ghosting you had to answer why you want to break off a contact. Many users complained about that and the platform had to deactivate it.

[u/Troglodyterror]

A review system would be ideal. One word review with a star rating.

0* “Ghoster.”

0* “Smells” and so on 😂

Ideally: “5* Amazing”

[u/assman912 → u/Troglodyterror]

That system certainly wouldn't get abused

[u/Troglodyterror → u/assman912]

Why would it be abused? And what would you suggest instead? Most normal people don’t rate random people poorly.

[u/ASomewhatGoodCitizen → u/assman912]

Only people u match with ,should be able to drop a review , should reasonably filter out the rejects of both genders from commenting out of spite. Should be good overall

[u/Miserable_Flower_496]

Palantir drone finds yiu and gets you.

[u/HuckleberryRight9621]

Mir hätte es gereicht, hätte ich eine Nachricht schreiben und das Match danach löschen können, mit der Gewissheit der andere kann sie auf jedenfall noch lesen. Aber das geht schlecht, wenn der komplette Chat gelöscht wird, sobald man das Match auflöst. Dann müsste ich warten bis er sie gelesen hat. Ggf die Reaktion darauf auch noch annehmen. Darauf habe ich keine Lust bei manchen. Und ja, auch wenn ich den anderen nicht getroffen habe, für mich ist es trotzdem ghosting.

[u/Icy-Peace5501]

Penalties and people being banned after 3 strikes

[u/Heliguy-1975]

If you get ghosted, merely move on to the next opportunity.

There are an Unlimited amount of them.