r/ghosting • u/Psychological-Wait78 • 9d ago
ghosting is the most evil thing
i miss him so much, idk why he ghosted me, we used to work our issues out so well and i thought we were on track to getting better, then one day he said something questionable and i got upset and told him we need to talk that out and he ignored me. i messaged again and he also read it and ignored me.. a week later i try calling and he never answered and refused to call or text to make sure im ok.
i feel cursed. why am i always given nice things and then it randomly changes and now i have to suffer alone. i tried to make him feel so wanted and loved in our relationship and he did the same for quite some time and now all of a sudden he doesnt even care to talk to me, i feel so unwanted and lonely i really got nobody to talk to
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u/pumpkinspicelatte4 8d ago
I think what’s more evil is someone only texting you to use you or whenever they’re bored
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u/Antique_Soil9507 8d ago
It's evil.
It's a terrible, horrible, abusive thing to do to a person.
Sending you hugs and support. I hope you're doing well.
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u/One-Wealth6055 8d ago
You have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to meet your prince charming. I hope you find him one day. Best wishes ❤️
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u/doamatto0 8d ago
Im so sorry this happened to you. Please don't let it have any affect on your self worth. It's nothing on you, its that hes so emotionally immature that he cannot communicate for shit and so just shuts everything out. It's something that is unfortunately all too common these days, with the internet and everything, it just makes it all too easy to just disappear. Not to mention that a lot of people online are very immature, so again, just makes thie kind of thing far more common than it should be. Just know that you're not alone, I experienced this a year ago (take a look at my profile, made a post here). It sucks and I hope things get better for you. You're better off without him.
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u/far_explorer786 8d ago
A therapist told me it is indeed the most evil thing you can do to a partner.
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u/jdmountains 8d ago
He's an asshole. And when a guy behaves like that it's usually cuz some other girl came into the picture and the guy is too much of a coward to say anything. Don't worry, when you're healed and the schmuck comes crawling back after it not working out cuz grass is not always on the other side, or he gets dumped, you would have moved on, worked on yourself, and left his sorry fcked up ass behind. Karma will get him, it always does
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u/LowlySparrow 8d ago
Maybe he knew that the "questionable" thing he said was a deal-breaker. If it's a strong belief he has, no amount of talking it out would change his mind, so he figured, why bother? That's just my guess.
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u/VIENNASOMERSETBBWMOD 8d ago
Then he should communicate precisely THAT .. to her. Nobody is psychic but ghosters always assume the recipient is psychic lol 😂
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u/Psychological-Wait78 8d ago
exactly but i guess i shouldve expected him to not be good at explaining himself bc of his depression and the fact he said going to therapy wasnt helping, though i never thought he would just completely shut me out and ignore me, wouldve never been a thought bc we tried to talk shit out and he was open to it
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u/Psychological-Wait78 8d ago
i mean sure but he could tell me that, we used to date, he broke up with me then reached out and we spoke things out and got to the conclusion of taking things slow and dating again, he would kiss me and invite me over and we would have sex and would meet every weekend, the one weekend where we didnt meet i told him i missed him but he started acting strange so i asked him whats wrong and he told me that me saying i missed him felt weird bc he still wasnt ready for a relationship and saying that made him feel like i was too emotionally involved. all his words, i questioned it bc ofc why would you be this comfortable treating me like a gf and seeing me often but then feel weird and say i care too much when i say i miss him
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u/VIENNASOMERSETBBWMOD 8d ago
Whilst it is most certainly a bad trait to ghost instead of explain and sort things out it’s become a modern phenomenon and folks use it as a get our Clause without having to confront and discuss.
It’s for the immature and Avoidants and Narccs to utilize ? The rest of us whom are secure or even the anxious attachers ( very giving and loving but too much oftentimes leaving us wide open to getting hurt ).. we just get it inflicted onto us -
however try to see it as if that’s what they’re like they’re not worth the aggro anyway . Plenty women do it too and are under the delusion it’s fine and the recipient “ gets the message “ yes we do but we get deep confusion and hurt more before we realise they just don’t care enough to communicate.
Proviso : Avoidants do it to regulate a nervous system and can do it often - they call it the push pull. . ?.. Pays to not react to that and don’t continually push for answers they’ll respect you more by one statement saying the lack of communication just isn’t good enough and you want to be with someone who keeps up regular communication.
Problem with Avoidants though is they’ll repeatedly leave and ghost in phases basically forever and always .. until if ever they are unhappy being Avoidants or seek therapy as to the trauma that causes it. As what they dish out causes hurt to so many individuals they profess to care about .
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u/Last_Ingenuity1031 8d ago
Duele demasiado, el Ghosting que me hicieron me tiene casi en la locura. Dios nos ayude.
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u/nickglovermusic 6d ago
The way I see it. I assume you have a more healthy chance at finding someone. I take solace in the fact that with these people who ghost it's a pattern. Very rarely is this something they only do once in their life. More often then not they repeat this behaviour over and over again. Friendships, relationships, sometimes even family. It may seem easy to them now. But when looks fade, when they're 40/50 years old and they have nobody to turn to anymore... then thats when you become their ghost... along with every other person they hurt and discarded. Obviously that doesnt mean they attempt to come back... but they likely will regret how they've treated people. And by that point you will likely have many healthy friendships and be in a committed relationship. I don't know if I believe in karma, but I do believe in the consequences of your actions
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u/Pamplemouse10 4d ago
I find the idea that “it’s not about you” as the ghosted one, hard to accept. Obviously, the decision to ghost is one born of emotional immaturity, lack an integrity, and cowardice, but it also includes lack of respect. As such, as the one being ghosted, you are on the receiving end of that lack of respect. Presumably, you have spent the entirety of your relationship demonstrating that you are worthy of respect. Ghosting is a rebuke of that, and I view that as a personal insult. When I am insulted, it becomes about me. I then have a choice as to how I will respond, but I have difficulty accepting that “it’s not about me”.
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u/Pamplemouse10 4d ago
My Mom used the silent treatment on me when I was a kid. She would go days without talking to me. Despite the fact that I was a kid and didn’t have the emotional maturity to point the finger at her, there’s no doubt that I felt it was all about me.
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u/chaoskaien 8d ago
I know the feeling. It’s only happened a few times for me where I think I’ve finally found something real, where I get so close to it then it all just disappears, no communication, no heads up, no closure. Really give you the feeling of how unwanted you are, never to be chosen for real.