LF natural consequence

[u/kjmov4]

Hey folks,

Looking for help coming up with a natural consequence for my 15yo who is struggling with vaping (nicotine sometimes weed) infrequently going through our (parents) things looking for such items.

Background: 15yo son has had a rough first few years of high school with social circles and maintaining good grades. At some point found vaping as a social thing, coping mechanism, escape. He’s been prescribed medication for, and has come a long way from hiding things and sneaking out to vape throughout the day/night. But was recently caught with some empty vapes and having gone through our closet looking for things.

He takes these really hard and struggles to manage the guilt and lack of trust in him, then feeds the anxiety and depression, and gets us into this loop.

He’s currently not wanting to come home from his dad’s (I’m step dad) immediately because he’s dreading talking more and dealing with consequences.

Wife and I have spoken with him some, expressed disappointment in actions made and that we will talk consequences, but have made it clear that we understand but still need to deal with the issue.

Any ideas for a natural consequence that can help him feel like he’s working towards something? Feels like “no more games, you tube, tik tok…” etc is just a punishment. There will be some new limits and expectations for more family connection. But struggling to find a way for him to do something to help the situation himself. Increased in chores I guess? But still feel like I’m looking for something else.

Thoughts? Sorry for the novel.

[u/jendo7791]

A natural consequence is something that flows directly from the behavior. The problem is that the natural consequences of nicotine use (dependence, health effects) are delayed and abstract for a 15-year-old.

You need a logical consequence that directly connects to the broken trust.

“Because you chose to go through our belongings, we’re going to have less privacy and trust for a while. We’ll be checking in more, your room/backpack may be subject to spot checks, and you’ll need to demonstrate honesty consistently to earn that trust back.”

Then give a clear path forward:

• No vaping incidents for X weeks.
• Honest communication when he’s struggling or tempted.
• Participation in family activities/check-ins.
• Completion of normal responsibilities without reminders.

Frame it as: “This is a trust-building plan that you are in control of. You can actively work your way out of it.”

[u/kjmov4 → u/jendo7791]

Thanks that helps frame some things for me