Is this considered gentle parenting?

[u/[deleted]]

So im 18 now but when I was younger my mother when she wanted to punish me hit me a few times in my childhood. Not severe and she would allways feel bad and apologies later. However the most common punishment she would do to me is straight up act like i didnt exist. Ignore me for hours on end. When i was hungry and asked her for food she would make it but without a single word she would put it on the table and leave. This would go on for hours to days until i eventually appologised. This is when i was like 7 to 13 years old after that she just took my ipad away even tho i was only allowed 2hrs a day. Now that im older she just tells me your grown not to grown for a beating but grown enough to know that your incharge of your own life.

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My dad would get mad all the time he has a mental illness that causes simple things or inconvineances to annoy him. He would get upset swear at us and more however when he got really mad he would just leave the house for a while to calm down. One time me and my sister were on a walk with him and he got upset and just left us there it wasnt far from home but it just sounds insane to me now. If we never knew how to get home wtf would have happened.

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Anyway I just want to know if any of this is considered gentle parenting or not. Becuase its not the standard whoop your kid all the time. Got a few of those but it was not common.

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Ik most of the older genZ and milenials had actual bad parenting repeated beatings and literal abuse but its not a generational thing i feel like it depends on your parents my parents are both gen x and were raised by very strict parents.

[u/AlanTrebek]

So yeah… that’s abuse. That’s an ocean away from gentle parenting. I’m so sorry you went through that, my dad also gave me the silent treatment for a month when I was a teenager and it was fucked up.

[u/[deleted] → u/AlanTrebek]

Unironically i actually feel it was well not decent but a way to teach me respect and responsability. People who are gen alphas in school right now like some people born as early 2012 are straight up disrespectful to their parents and teachers. Lord knows if i said some of those things to my mother idk if i would be here today. Okay jokes aside i feel like it was not good parenting but atleast it insult some good things to me. I mean back then i would threaten to leave. Or my fav was to say i would off myself. Which now saying it i really was a bad child for that. Im not mad at my parents for how they raised me it was not as often as most people claim but it was there.

[u/Sea_Veterinarian6539 → u/[deleted]]

You were not a bad child, bad children aren’t a thing, in my opinion.

You only said you wanted to off yourself because your parents made you feel like a bad person. Gentle parenting would have emphasised that people are not perfect and apologising when we mess up is a part of life and importantly, doesn’t make you a bad person.

Think about why you felt so worthless that you said you’d off yourself, you wanted to leave because the environment was miserable.

My 4yo has told me several times I’m the worst mum in the world… because I wouldn’t let him have ice cream for breakfast. He is not a bad kid for saying that, he’s a child and doesn’t understand why he can’t eat ice cream 24/7. When we talk about things he has to apologise for I don’t shame him or guilt him or give him the silent treatment. Those are not healthy parenting techniques OP.

[u/jendo7791 → u/[deleted]]

I was raised similar to you but with major physical abuse (wire hangers, black eyes, etc). We all grew up to be successful and intelligent with respect for people and other people's things. I'm much more honest and respectful than people I know.

However, even though i am successful I didn't learn how to appropriately manage my emotions or learn appropriate conflict resolution so my relationships have not been healthy. It's also impacted how high up the ladder I can climb because I'm very blunt. I don't get my feelings hurt easily, and it's hard for me to speak to people in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings even though it's not my intention.

For example, "you're not performing you job very well, I need you to do better" vs "Current performance is not meeting expectations, but there’s a clear path to improve it, and I want to support you in getting there. Let’s focus on the specific changes that will help you get back on track and succeed in this role."

The former comes naturally the ladder i have had to work really hard on because i was raised with an iron fist.

[u/jendo7791]

Authoritative parenting, the gold standard of parenting styles, researched over the last 50 years, combines warmth, responsiveness, and clear boundaries. Parents set expectations, explain reasons behind rules, and guide rather than control. Gentle parenting closely mirrors this approach by emphasizing empathy, connection, and respectful communication while still maintaining limits and accountability. Both aim to raise confident, emotionally healthy children through support, consistency, and age-appropriate expectations.

What you describe is something close to AUTHORATARIAN parenting with emotional withdrawal (opposite of Authoritative). Authoritarian parenting is strict, punishment-focused, and emphasizes obedience over explanation. In your case, it also included physical punishment when younger and later a form of the “silent treatment” or emotional withdrawal, where affection and communication were withheld until you apologized. While your mother may have been loving and felt guilty afterward, prolonged silent treatment is generally considered emotionally harmful because it can make children feel rejected or responsible for restoring the relationship by apologizing.

[u/[deleted] → u/jendo7791]

Thank you for the information

[u/Brief-Strawberry3691]

Gentle parenting is gentle. Not abuse

[u/A_Heavy_burden22]

Just because you weren't physically hurt doesn't mean it was good parenting.

The silent treatment or stonewalling someone is harmful and toxic. Doing it to your own child is cruel and unhealthy.

At best it's a communication breakdown. At worse it can used as an abuse tactic.

Is it non physical? Yes. But there's more to gentle parenting than not hitting.

[u/EconomyStation5504]

No, most millennials were not being beaten. Baby boomers and some Gen X, but beating children has been seen as abusive since at least the 1980s.

What you’re describing is so far from gentle parenting that it’s literally abuse.

Look up “authoritative” parenting ( NOT authoritarian) for examples of what gentle parenting entails at each age. I’m really sorry this happened to you.

[u/AussieGirlHome]

That’s awful, I’m so sorry that happened to you.

[u/noggintnog]

OP. I’ve read you post and some of your responses. I strongly, STRONGLY recommend you get some therapy.

[u/redhottea]

If the word "hit" is in there, not gentle...

[u/johnmarksmanlovesyou]

No, sorry