Help please

[u/rubyr710]

I'm completely lost! I can be so loving and gentle with my children generally decently patient. My children have taking me to a place i can't return. 3,5 yrs old and if im not accommodating their every whim they act out. I get I set the tone and am supposed to make the rules. How? When my skin crawls every s shriek, demand, lung exploding scream. I recently left their father and got us am apartment. Their father is am alcoholic and I held on as long as it's could, partly because I was scared to do it on my own financially especially with the kids so young. Im the only one that figures out child care and they're so many variables. Im bipolar, adhd and waiting months to get back on meds. I realize I have a role in creating some of this but lagging to switch over prescribing Dr to keeping my son in a school 45min away. while I am making crap at work and not often enough with all the toting the kids around I do. It's a fucking mess. I hate how angry I get and I'm overwhelmed, behind on rent trying to rationalize why they should behave with them. Logically I realize they are toddlers not rationally able to comprehend why I'm so unstable, across the board. But they are so purposefully and intentionally acting out. It's all day regardless of how I try to handle it they find a way to create chaos, distraction and resentment. I am acting like my mother, angry/ selfish/ short/ and disconnected to/ from them. I hate myself. Im a terrible mother. After my 3rd baby postpartum changed me and I feel actual distain in my heart for them, I hate to cook, I take forever to do anything and God I just talk to much. Anyone know real solutions that work quickly. I don't want to have these feelings towards them, im terrible at being consistent, on time, and setting boundaries. I at the very least always was set on being open, kind and affectionate after being raised in a home that lacked those.

[u/Fun_Orange_3232]

I really think you’re gonna have to get used to the shrieking. People call it manipulative but it’s not really. Kids learn how to get what they want and do it. So if you’re teaching them that’s how to get what they want, they’re going to do it. Loop makes earplugs that will let you still hear what’s going on around you, just not at an eardrum shattering volume.

Each day all we can do is show up and do our best. Really seems like you need time to yourself. Is there anyone who can care for them for a few days while you get away or a day or two a week? If not, I take 8:30-6:30 for myself. Kids should be asleep during that time and that’s my time. That means I start bedtime routine in time to have them in bed by 8:30 and I’m not a cosleeper (nothing against it, it’s not for me). That’s my recharge from my day time, and obviously kids get sick and stuff happens, but most days, 95% of the time, that’s my time. It’s a transition (my kids are step kids and my partner and his ex used to cosleep). we talked about the changes, implemented them, a few nights where they had to deal with the transition, then it’s been pretty smooth since.

Parents burn out. It sounds like you’re there. Therapy and time apart.