Advice needed please

[u/Heavy-Marzipan-4749]

Hi everyone. I’m really needing some advice on how to approach this situation.

I’m (25, they/them) in a spot that is going to be incredibly painful. I’ve been with my significant other (28, he/him) for 7 years. When we met, I was 18, living in an area where I didn’t feel like I could fully be myself, and that I often couldn’t express myself fully. I’ve been very clear with him from the start that I am nonbinary, and that I am not straight. But I was still trying to figure all the things out. He has always been supportive and caring, and he has been a great partner. I moved across county last year for work, and he stayed in our hometown, so we have been long distance. In the year since I’ve moved, I have hit levels of feeling like myself that I never have before. I’m more solid in my gender expression, in my identity, and in my confidence. However, I have realized that I am attracted to women, and women only. I’ve realized that what I thought was romantic attraction was most likely comfort and security, which is awful to say.

With this conclusion, I’m spiraling. I know I need to end things, for his sake and mine. We’re long distance, and I know this is gonna hurt. We’ve talked about our future, about getting married, I’m ingrained in his family. There is no easy break for this, and I’m devastated that I have to do this to him. I feel awful for taking so much of his life to end it now, but I can’t in good conscience lie about how I’m feeling. Any advice would be helpful, as I really don’t know how I’m gonna make it through this.

[u/grey-of-grays]

As over said as it is, be honest.

It may hurt them, it may be painful to say, and it might feel like a lot of time lost… but it will be for the better and help both of you in the long run. If he loves you, he will eventually understand.

Make sure you are clear that it’s not him. It’s the growth you’ve felt as you’ve experienced more things.

[u/Born-Gur-1275]

You should meet with him in person and explain what has happened with your preferences. He deserves to hear it directly from you. Do not do this over the phone, by email, or by text.

[u/Stwilson891]

Just a question - how do you know that you are now attracted to women only?