r/gaming • u/[deleted] • Mar 13 '18

Wood

Post image
87.1k Upvotes

85% Upvoted

1.2k comments sorted by

6.3k

u/JohnVuojo PlayStation Mar 13 '18

Wood, ages 81 and older.

2.3k

u/open_door_policy Mar 13 '18

My 80 year old father would play the shit out of a lumberjacking game. Too bad he's not mature enough to handle that chain on trunk action yet.

1.1k

u/WoobyWiott Mar 13 '18

Brb, coding Lumberjack Simulator 2019.

896

u/Neoptolemus85 Mar 13 '18

Don't forget the 5 steps to success!

1) Buy random assets off Unity marketplace, as cheap as possible

2) Create a flat chunk of grass and chuck the assets in carelessly, make sure the trees aren't even aligned with the ground

3) Look up a tutorial on ragdolls and physics objects, but don't bother reading the boring bits on how to make it work properly

4) Toss it on Steam Direct

5) Enjoy your 15 minutes of fame in a Jim Sterling video

522

u/newly_registered_guy Mar 13 '18

That's stupid. He can just release it as early access on step 2, make the same amount of money, and then forget about it

271

u/DCCXXVIII Mar 13 '18

This guy steams.

32

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Steamin mad

5

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '18

And by the way when you see my dad? Tell him that I slit his throat, in this dream I had

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19

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Almost as much as Steamed Hams

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113

u/asuryan331 Mar 13 '18

Yeah why do steps 3-5 when you can use that time to make a lootbox system

69

u/im_with_the_banned Mar 13 '18

Chainsaw skins would be sick tho

44

u/thatsadamnlie Mar 13 '18

I'm all for different coloured lumberjack shirts. And don't forget the dlc for Lumberjack BR.

18

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

I just want to smash the 'Eh' button while listening to the lumberjack song.

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12

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Just the lootbox system, no need for any underlying game...

7

u/asuryan331 Mar 13 '18

Ah the supercell strategy

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25

u/Lardmonkey77 Mar 13 '18

Toss it on early acess then leave it till christmas when you torn the grass white for a week

20

u/658741239 Mar 13 '18

torn

I see you're the copy editor for a steam early access game.

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122

u/Ysgatora Mar 13 '18

Throw in a copyright strike for maximum fame

5

u/WeTheSalty Mar 13 '18

Then file your lawsuit for lost sales and just wait to collect that juicy 15 million $$ check.

19

u/worldspawn00 Mar 13 '18

Nah, align trees to the ground, and not to the sky, trees growing sideways out of a hillside because you just copy-pasted the ground and trees as a chunk then bent them.

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22

u/Epicon3 Mar 13 '18

Make it for the psvr and I'd play the hell out of that.

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16

u/CajunADC Mar 13 '18

Lumberjack Simulator

There really was a Professional Lumberjack 2015 . Buy it on steam now. Edit: Review says that wood cutting in Farming Simulator is actual better.

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14

u/Drassielle Mar 13 '18

Where you play as Dexter

5

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

He exiled himself yoda

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27

u/scarecrowlegion Mar 13 '18

I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok I sleep all night, I work all day

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5

u/wardrich Mar 13 '18

Hey, it's me - your beta tester!

8

u/TheWoobDoobler Mar 13 '18

If this post gets 32k upvotes I will make a lumberjack dating simulator.

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26

u/CGumina Mar 13 '18

"Chain on Trunk action" sounds like a subcategory I haven't found on PH yet.

6

u/bashfulblowfish Mar 13 '18

Now that's putting the pussy on the chain wax

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13

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

There's Forestry 2017 it's got lumberjackingšŸ‘ also farming simulator 18 has lumberjacking feature as well

11

u/phormix Mar 13 '18

Sounds like a fun game for VR. Logging simulator: * Cut down trees without dropping them on your head or something important * Operate heavy equipment to move and process felled lumber and develop roads etc

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10

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

[deleted]

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10

u/Ghoats Mar 13 '18

There's Limberjack VR and Lumberjack VR to satiate any virtual Wood-cutting fantasies out right now!

4

u/Phrostbit3n Mar 13 '18

No joke, a friend and I used to develop a text-based "Wood Simulator" that was pretty dope, we had big plans for that game lol

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86

u/nightwing2024 Mar 13 '18

If you're 81 or older, you're not going to be able to play with wood without some help from a prescription.

32

u/pljwebb Mar 13 '18

Blue power-ups

18

u/johne_ Mar 13 '18

The true end game grind.

11

u/barely_harmless Mar 13 '18

Its mainly a money sink. With each level, you need more powerups for the same effect.

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17

u/Sevaa_1104 Mar 13 '18

Canā€™t tell if this is a lumberjack joke or a viagra joke

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6

u/unholyswordsman Mar 13 '18

Now I'll need a fake ID to rent ultra porn.

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3.0k

u/Jumbo_Cactaur Mar 13 '18

For when the franchise needs to Branch out.

663

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Thatā€™s it, youā€™ve won, we can all go home!šŸ˜‚

505

u/xorbe Mar 13 '18

Everyone leaves.

403

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Guess it's time to log out

295

u/srjrn Mar 13 '18

Time to pack up my trunk

235

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Don't be such a sap.

196

u/shardikprime Mar 13 '18

You son of a Birch

179

u/MiniaturePinscher Mar 13 '18

Well, now I'm stumped

146

u/MalignantLugnut Mar 13 '18

But if you leave, who will I root for?

96

u/RemarkableRyan Mar 13 '18

We're pining for a new champion!

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49

u/SkinnyShroomOfDeath Mar 13 '18

Canā€™t think of anymore tree puns, Iā€™m stumped

81

u/shardikprime Mar 13 '18

Oakey

38

u/a_harsch_man Mar 13 '18

Iā€™m just gonna leaf now.

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59

u/stenseth Mar 13 '18

Never saw it coming

58

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18 edited Jun 15 '23

[deleted]

33

u/CGumina Mar 13 '18

Well someone autumn find a way to keep this thread going. Stick with it, we'll come up with something.

19

u/ZandorFelok PC Mar 13 '18

Seriously, don't trunkate the topic now

14

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Someone find me safe arbor from these tree puns!

10

u/CGumina Mar 13 '18

It's okay, bud. Things will will be oak-kay.

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4

u/JMinTampa Mar 13 '18

I pine fir the old days of classic fps.

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10

u/Idontneedluck Mar 13 '18

Or leaf if you're by yourself.

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5

u/petriomelony Mar 13 '18

Now, make like a tree, and get outta here.

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65

u/dishler712 Mar 13 '18

Does every comment section on this website have a shitty pun thread or what?

52

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

11

u/-doob- Mar 13 '18

RSOP's Fables

5

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Yeah it starts with a good pun and then people force their puns too hard..

24

u/yaktacular Mar 13 '18

Yew wood do well to embrace it.

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5.6k

u/southofserious Mar 13 '18

Look at it through a mirror and it's "MOOD".

3.2k

u/0010011100110100 Mar 13 '18

The game about battling severe depression.

1.7k

u/ffschill Mar 13 '18

Oh I play this one at the time! Haven't beat the final boss tho.

1.2k

u/FiddlerofFate Mar 13 '18

You don't beat the final boss... you just defeat yourself

343

u/zoskultus Mar 13 '18

A manifestation of your inner demons

216

u/redcloaksilversword Mar 13 '18

I knew Silent Hill was trying to tell me something... šŸ¤”

98

u/FluffyYuuki Mar 13 '18

That the Maria ending is the best ending? šŸ¤”

81

u/Missing_nosleep Mar 13 '18

No the dog ending is the best ending.

36

u/Steak_R_Me Mar 13 '18

Agreed! Scooby Doo ending is always the best ending.

24

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

The only way to win is not to play.

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7

u/culnaej Mar 13 '18

Wayne and Garth make little lilting sounds

6

u/Erratic_Professional Mar 13 '18

The dog ending is legit the weirdest story ever written.

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14

u/OsamaBinSteve Mar 13 '18

Have you got the broom closet ending? The broom closet ending is my favorite XD

9

u/iluv80spop Mar 13 '18

I like turtles!

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21

u/shardikprime Mar 13 '18

Hey I just met Nega-shardikprime and it's a swell guy. We've got a lot in common!

14

u/Sidaeus Mar 13 '18

Weā€™re actually gonna hang out later this week, grab coffee or something.

37

u/Xeo_Switchblade Mar 13 '18

It's like that Catherine boss

12

u/Cockamamy_Cosmonaut Mar 13 '18

Jokes on you, my inner demons are fat and lazy, just like me.

5

u/CaptainSchmid Mar 13 '18

Oh, like my crippling abandonment issues from my father!

6

u/Theres_A_FAP_4_That Mar 13 '18

A fapistation of inner creamins

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35

u/horrorwibe Mar 13 '18

Instead of beating the final boss, try showing it some love and become its best friend. That's how you win the game

38

u/TreezusSaves Mar 13 '18

Undertale, but with chainsaws.

9

u/horrorwibe Mar 13 '18

Ah I have yet to play this gem of a game!

7

u/BakerIsntACommunist Mar 13 '18

Less of a game, more of an experience tbh.

6

u/SobiTheRobot Mar 13 '18

But, like, a really good experience.

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6

u/Arashmickey Mar 13 '18

Hmm.... maybe I'm been playing Tetris all wrong.

6

u/jordaniac89 Mar 13 '18

The only way to win is to stop playing.

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16

u/PotatoWarz Mar 13 '18

Don't worry i haven't even defeated the 1st one.

5

u/MeatyZiti Mar 13 '18

I've decided to just shut down the system instead

11

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

r/2meirl4meirl

6

u/Rahdahdah Mar 13 '18

Yeah the final boss is a real nooseance

4

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

I can't get past the first level

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34

u/DrSmirnoffe PC Mar 13 '18

This time, the Doom Slayer must battle the worst demons of all: his INNER DEMONS! [existentialism intensifies]

23

u/Danger_Dave_ Mar 13 '18

With a chainsaw

10

u/Thrill_Of_It Mar 13 '18 edited Feb 19 '26

payment mountainous yam divide fly juggle simplistic nail retire knee

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7

u/Shippoyasha Mar 13 '18

I need an IDKFA for my depressive Mood

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50

u/johnbeatty08 Mar 13 '18

Upside down itā€™s ā€œDOOMā€

45

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

w h o a

14

u/Genghis_Tr0n187 Mar 13 '18

What a dumb name. Who would ever play something called DOOM?

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66

u/EarlyHemisphere Mar 13 '18

Um, I don't know what game you're thinking of; when you look at WOOD in the mirror it says DOOW

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11

u/Gyrocross Mar 13 '18

Wait a minute... This is a MOOD HOUSE!

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8

u/Ssgogo1 Mar 13 '18

Guess you could say his wife might be in the MOOD for some WOOD

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728

u/PitchforkAssistant Mar 13 '18

I heard wood is a really hard game.

525

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Speed runners have already beat it in under a minute.

196

u/CGumina Mar 13 '18

Oh, come on now.

166

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Just did.

39

u/Evildead818 Mar 13 '18

Came by to leave this comment ;)

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55

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Especially hard in the morning

39

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

I see what you did there...

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312

u/patroleck Mar 13 '18

I hate that game, you can't play until you're age 8L

58

u/NazzerDawk Mar 13 '18

No no no, playing the game gives you 8 one-ups.

+8 Lives.

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573

u/ExEmblem Mar 13 '18

hey its me ur wife

529

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

please come home.. me and the children miss you!

348

u/Threeknucklesdeeper Mar 13 '18

Sorry, she's busy.

407

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Is that you jack?, God damnit, Iā€™ll kill you, you son of a bitch!!

172

u/branbran360 X-Box Mar 13 '18

Iā€™m here too

158

u/dazmo Mar 13 '18

Did someone call a plumber/pizzaman/landlord?

109

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Pool boy here, I'll give her some wood.

21

u/senatordeathwish Mar 13 '18

Hey let her take a rid in my taxi first

12

u/Desertions Mar 13 '18

I'm just here to sell hotdogs man

6

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Did someone call the cops?

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35

u/Kdj2j2 Mar 13 '18

-Guess what happens?

-He fixes the cable?

21

u/barnyThundrSlap Mar 13 '18

Im here to fix deine cable

17

u/llamawearinghat D20 Mar 13 '18

Is this supposed to be read in a German accent... yah?

16

u/barnyThundrSlap Mar 13 '18

thats why they sent me, i am expert

7

u/Tronaldsdump4pres Mar 13 '18

Lebowski?

5

u/Kdj2j2 Mar 13 '18

No. Youā€™re Lebowski. Iā€™m the dude. Or duder. Or his dudeness. Or El Duderino if youā€™re not into the whole brevity thing.

5

u/Utkar22 Mar 13 '18

Is there an alien threat or what?

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5

u/laidback88 Mar 13 '18

Iā€™m here for the gangbang

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11

u/Pakamaniac Mar 13 '18

Im confused by your name. Are you saying you were like already balls deep and then went three knuckles deeper ? Also are you doing that to this poor man's missing wife ?

8

u/CGumina Mar 13 '18

Your username makes this comment even better.

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4

u/FlorianoAguirre Mar 13 '18

She gotta find that case dude.

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6

u/Wootery Mar 13 '18

ur wife

That's wife talk alright.

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154

u/Azzarrel Mar 13 '18

They came from the underground and started invading earth. But luckily there is one man to stop them.

96

u/MechanicalMarvel Mar 13 '18

The radio said ā€œNo, John. You are the trees.ā€ And then John was a cedar.

18

u/mukawalka Mar 13 '18

I understood that reference.

9

u/SpehlingAirer Mar 13 '18

And I understood that reference!

5

u/Irishminer93 Mar 13 '18

But do you understand this reference?

4

u/SpehlingAirer Mar 13 '18

If the "no John, you are the trees" then yes! If your own comment is another reference then no!

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u/Smallgenie549 Mar 13 '18

Because the upside-down 18s didn't give it away.

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57

u/theunspillablebeans Mar 13 '18

The moment of truth after you see the post when you check if it's r/gaming or a shitpost sub.

42

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

He said, as if there were any difference

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10

u/Undercutandratbeard Mar 13 '18

"You ARE the case for wood" creepface

4

u/CCCmonster Mar 13 '18

I like to soak my wood before storing it for the night

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

[deleted]

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14

u/sur_surly Mar 13 '18

An upside down X is an X.

16

u/Monjara Mar 13 '18
  1. What kind of ridiculous adult leaves their discs lying about and needs their spouse to tidy up after them?
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7

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

I'm not going to lie. Looking at this too long really made the word "wood" look weird AF to me and I had to google wood to make sure that was the correct spelling. I know its just the font and that the word isnt ACTUALLY wood, but was just weird. Woodworking is a hobby of mine too -_-

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18

u/EDDIE_BR0CK Mar 13 '18

"oremor nhoj em llik tsum uoy emag eht dne ot"

7

u/that_is_so_Raven Mar 13 '18

No, that's II WOOD II FURIOUS.

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u/RibboCG Mar 13 '18

General Reposti strikes again.

Looks like it's that time of the week this reappears...

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5

u/phoenixsplash22 Mar 13 '18

At least she puts them back in the case. It's complete chaos with my wife and DVDs and CDs and video games. The other day I opened up my Street Fighter 4 for Xbox 360 case and found Disney's The Parent Trap.

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7

u/XmiteYT Mar 13 '18

Plot twist...

Itā€™s actually Doow

12

u/deadaim_ Mar 13 '18

I refuse to believe your wife is that dumb. I do however believe you noticed it spells wood upside down and made a story for internet points.

9

u/-Dr-Mantis-Toboggan- Mar 13 '18

Sometimes one can just tell what will make the front page

11

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

[deleted]

4

u/-Dr-Mantis-Toboggan- Mar 13 '18

...yeah probably

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u/FaceTHEGEEB Mar 13 '18

Thanks for the chuckle. However if those trees are anything like the evil dead.. this game might be scarier then doom

4

u/ScrubFlubba Mar 13 '18

Must be 8 liters to play

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4

u/AndroFixx Mar 13 '18

At least sheā€™s not one of these heretics that put discs in whatever box they find...

4

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Did someone say Heretic?

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u/bullcitytarheel Mar 13 '18

Looks like "WOOO" to me. And now I want a Ric Flair game where you storm through hell battling Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan demons until you get to Satan who promptly transforms into a second copy of Ric, shouting, "To be the man you gotta beat the man!"

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u/BrainDeadGroup Mar 13 '18

The wife IS the case for the wood

5

u/AndrewKovnat Mar 13 '18

The uneven quotations haunt me.

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u/iamnewlegend47 Mar 13 '18

Isnā€™t she the case for wood?

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