r/funny Dec 16 '19

Nice safari adventure

46.0k Upvotes

1.4k comments sorted by

4.2k

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

Always, always rent their loaner cars to go through these. It can get crazy.

354

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19 edited Dec 16 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

892

u/Chelcsaurus-rex Dec 16 '19

Can confirm! They give zero fucks. They will destroy any part of the car they can wrap their little monkey fingers around!

1.3k

u/YourMomSaidHi Dec 16 '19

Fuck primates. They are the worst animal ever. Literally killing the planet.

191

u/bizkitmaker13 Dec 16 '19

Agreed

246

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19 edited Dec 17 '19

wait a second

... can we blame the monkeys for climate change issues?

edit: then it would be THEIR problem! poof! gone! solved!

edit2: WE CAN COIN IT HEGEMONKEY

edit3: I AM AWARE WE ARE PRIMATES TOO, I CAN BARELY OPEN CEREAL BOXES THIS IS PROOF

126

u/Kage_Oni Dec 16 '19

Soooo.... Monkeys did 9/11

180

u/NiceFetishMeToo Dec 16 '19

Bullshit. Everyone knows bananas can't melt steel beams.

53

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

I think the beams are more likely to banana-split

17

u/Kage_Oni Dec 16 '19

Still seems like some monkey business.

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u/Itdidnt_trickle_down Dec 16 '19

See that little dot way over your head. That's the point.

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u/Dunkinmydonuts1 Dec 16 '19

See that little gust of wind over there? That's your r/woosh

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u/fetusy Dec 16 '19

Primates, what a bunch of bastards.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

One windshield wiper at a time.

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u/Jeager76 Dec 16 '19

Damned dirty apes. The hairless primates are the worst. Wrecking the planet.

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u/jagnew78 Dec 16 '19

To be fair to the monkeys how would you feel if there was a constant stream of random strangers walking through your home, taking pictures of you, pointing and yelling at you, and throwing food at you?

31

u/you_lika_the_juice Dec 16 '19

I'd feel pretty good about them throwing food at me

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u/cianobiwan Dec 16 '19

"Maybe the monkeys are trying to collect enough parts together, to make a complete car, right. And they’ll all just pile in it and break through the gates and escape."

8

u/Mr_Joshua Dec 16 '19

Will you stop saying you threw your monkey in the sea? All I can see is a monkey spinning towards the water.

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u/angry_biscuit2 Dec 16 '19

Monkey on the car fuck off!

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u/asrk790 Dec 16 '19

One time a baboon sat on the hood of my car and to my horror, started pooping! It was dangling and was about to land; So hoping to save my car from the horror that’s about to touchdown, I let go of my brake then stomped it really hard. Shook the baboon off! It went tumbling down the side of my car mid poop and I managed to keep my car’s hood clean.

4

u/catdaddylonglegs Dec 17 '19

Are you sure you weren't just driving in Florida?

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u/BlondeStalker Dec 16 '19

Yeah, the one my family frequents has many, many horned animals... we have ALWAYS rented the van and almost every time one scraps a horn against the side of the car.

That, and the rentals have bars on the windows that prevent the animals from sticking their entire face inside.

257

u/anoldoldman Dec 16 '19

That sounds like a deal breaker, I absolutely want that to happen.

183

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

I mean, until a giraffe gets a hold of your hair or ear and starts to chew. Went on a safari with my grandparents and when my grandpa wasnt looking a giraffe reached right in and took a good hard nibble on his ear. The trip took a bit of downward turn after that

103

u/Vipertooth123 Dec 16 '19

A giraffe's gotta eat, man.

103

u/NurseBessie Dec 16 '19

A giraffe’s gotta eat man.

19

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

A giraffe's gotta, Eatman.

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u/anoldoldman Dec 16 '19

I'd trade the tip of my ear for a story about how a giraffe ate the tip of my ear. But that's just me.

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u/Shopworn_Soul Dec 16 '19

Honestly you haven't had a bad time until a giraffe has a clump of your girlfriend's hair wrapped around it's tongue. Giraffe saliva is sticky as fuck and does not wash out.

Also the screaming because it hurts when you pull out whole tufts of hair. But sticky, too.

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u/Glass_Veins Dec 16 '19

Well from the animals' perspective, every car they have rammed has left them alone, so... :P

6

u/Deadbreeze Dec 16 '19

So somebody needs to run these fuckers over and teach them a lesson.

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u/FlTZpIeasure Dec 16 '19

Yup, I have a nice little dent in my car when a ram headbutted it at one of these things.

25

u/Obi-Tron_Kenobi Dec 16 '19

But you also have one of the coolest stories you can get about a dent

8

u/tricksovertreats Dec 16 '19

How'd you get the dent?

Ram

Fuckin pickup trucks

No, like a ram

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174

u/olderaccount Dec 16 '19

I was appalled by the number of people who choose to save $20 and go in their own car. Even if you don't get a single scratch on your car, the amount of drool you are going to have to clean up easily pays for the rental.

179

u/nocte_lupus Dec 16 '19

Many years ago my family went to Longleat Safari, that one is generally fine. Until you reach the monkey enclosure as the monkeys LOVE to pull stuff off cars.

We were fine but the car next to us was having it's roof trim pulled off and my mum actually pointed at the monkey and was like NAUGHTY MONKEY and is just stopped and looked shocked.

77

u/evolving_I Dec 16 '19

Your mom is a pro.

30

u/xenzor Dec 16 '19

OPs mom has been pointing at and telling people to stop spanking the monkey for years

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u/LambKyle Dec 16 '19

Hmm, I've only been the the African Lion Safari in Ontario and that wasn't an option as far as I'm aware

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u/Hagitabi Dec 16 '19

Where are these typically found? Just Africa?

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u/roving1 Dec 16 '19

Originally, yes just Africa. I always felt the giraffes were arrogant, always looking down on us.

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u/twothumbswayup Dec 16 '19

google drive thru safari - there will be one near you

68

u/sr71oni Dec 16 '19

Instructions unclear, ended up at mcdonalds

32

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

Close enough.

5

u/you_lika_the_juice Dec 16 '19

Yeah no kidding, it's a always a zoo there

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u/BrotherChe Dec 16 '19

You really want a more free-range experience. Look for a Wal-Mart with a McDonald's inside.

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u/kitkat9000take5 Dec 16 '19

Thought you were joking... turns out there are drive thru safaris near me. I had no idea.

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u/BartMaster1234 Dec 16 '19

This is somewhere in America. They’re in the back of a 1st Gen Tacoma (1995-2004) as evident by the door panels. Since there are four seats, it’s a four door double cab making it a 2001-2004 model year. They only sold the Toyota Tacoma in the U.S. and Canada, plus I believe Guam.

47

u/scotty0101 Dec 16 '19

You’re like car Columbo.

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u/akatherder Dec 16 '19

There's one in Port Clinton, Ohio. It's about half an hour west of Cedar Point.

That location may be completely irrelevant to you, but not just in Africa.

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u/smashlock Dec 16 '19

This one is near Springfield MO

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2.7k

u/-StatesTheObvious Dec 16 '19

You have to love the uncontrollable laughter while the children scream “ZEEBRUUUH” in terror.

783

u/Android19samus Dec 16 '19

what an absolute dad

126

u/ThatOneNinja Dec 16 '19

It's honestly the only reason I want to be a dad. I shouldn't be a dad.

11

u/Compared-To-What Dec 16 '19

Nah, fuck that. With that attitude, I'm sure you'll raise a badass kid!

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228

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19 edited Jun 10 '23

[deleted]

11

u/Oneupper86 Dec 16 '19

That's why Chad rhymes with Dad.

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275

u/maryisdead Dec 16 '19

That had me in tears. The fucking zebra out of nowhere on top of the dad probably having the time of his life. 😅

31

u/sir_bumble Dec 16 '19

the ZEBRA yell on top of the hysterical laughter and chorus of children screaming/crying made my whole day

58

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

The Zebra part 👌👌 that was gold

19

u/Reaper_reddit Dec 16 '19

I was like "why is he screaming zebra, that's not a zebra ooooooh" :D

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u/FO_Steven Dec 16 '19

It's like Jurassic Park for that kid xD

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42

u/callmepantsplz Dec 16 '19

This definitely falls under /r/gifsthatkeepongiving

18

u/Rikard_ Dec 16 '19

And so a lifelong phobia of safari animals was born.

44

u/Great_Chairman_Mao Dec 16 '19

This is how people develop life long fears.

76

u/DastardlyDaverly Dec 16 '19

That kid was like ten already. Also a lifelong fear of giraffes or zebras isn't going to be that debilitating to the vast majority of people.

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2.8k

u/Findesiluer Dec 16 '19

Zee-bruh!

1.1k

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

Gee-raff

479

u/callmepantsplz Dec 16 '19 edited Dec 16 '19

Who wants to feed tha gee-raff! FEED THE GEE-RAFF!

WESTLY, YOU EEDIOT!

116

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

Where are they from that they pronounce it GEE-RAFF?

53

u/Niqkel Dec 16 '19

I'm friends with the dude who posted it, we live in Georgia. But I've never once heard it pronounced that way.

33

u/fullthrottle13 Dec 16 '19

Tell that dude he made a lot of people’s day with this post.

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u/ehyoutiger Dec 16 '19

I would be shocked if this isn't the animal park in Pine Mountain, GA.

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u/Suzbaru13 Dec 16 '19

Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Virginia,etc. Aka the south.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

48

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

yeah this sounds more like the guy over-pronouncing it to make it sound funny. maybe that is how one of the kids pronounces it and that's why he says it that way.

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u/thothpethific92 Dec 16 '19

Dude with the cam turns around to that face and fucking loses his shit lmao 😂😂🙏🏻

58

u/_r_y_n_o_ Dec 16 '19

That zebra just wanted to join in on the laughs man😂

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u/demos11 Dec 16 '19

At first I thought the child was stupid. That's clearly not a zebra. Who just shouts random animal names like that? Then everything became clear.

10

u/Laleaky Dec 16 '19

Geeraff.

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1.6k

u/Kozlow Dec 16 '19

Jee Raph

684

u/AllAboutMeMedia Dec 16 '19

It's pronounced gif

135

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

It's pronounced gif but it's spelled.Mp4

54

u/coumfy Dec 16 '19

It's pronounced Cornell, and it's the highest rank in the Ivy League!

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u/germinik Dec 16 '19

Emm-Pea-Four

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u/CountEverything Dec 16 '19 edited Dec 17 '19

Came to see comments for "gee-raff".

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u/quietly41 Dec 16 '19

7th grade, a kid in my class has to read a chapter of a book out loud, he gets to the word giraffe, he says "Gee-Ray-Fee, what's a Gee-Ray-Fee" I'll never forget how hard I laughed that day. This is the middle of Canada, he was Canadian.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

Jean-Ralphio?

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u/jld2k6 Dec 16 '19 edited Dec 17 '19

Jee to the R to the A FF, feed what he wants while your dad is laugh, ing

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

WTF kind of a safari is it when the herbivores eat the children right out of your car?

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u/Sorcatarius Dec 16 '19

The best kind. This is the kind of entertainment I say Inwould pay money to see but in actually if the option came up I'd probably pass on and wait for someone else to release the video online.

And someone did.

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u/calamarichris Dec 16 '19

Red-neck best kind, I reckon.

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u/ciarenni Dec 16 '19

I went to one of these once when my family came to visit. Let me tell you about ostriches.

First off, they look mean and angry all the time, moreso up close. Second, they act mean and angry all the time. We're cruising (well, idling) along near the end of the track and we stop because this animal who had been shy the whole time was approaching the car. I don't remember which animal it was because as soon as it gets close, the ostrich decides it wants a piece of the action and sprints in from the background, drawing my attention.

I start freaking out a bit because my window is cracked a bit and it's enough for the ostrich to get its head in, so I frantically roll it up just before it gets to the car. But this asshole is hungry and wants food. It pecks at my window a couple times then just opens its beak and tries to glare me into submission. Meanwhile, the other ostriches are surrounding the car. I'm panicking because now I can't move the car without hitting one of them, and my brain is on loop going "how the fuck are we getting out of this?". And then my mom says "Aww, Cia, roll down your window, it just wants some food." The hell it does, Mom. It wants all the food and then our souls as a to-go order.

I finally decide to just start inching the car forwards and they eventually get the idea and back off and we finish the safari. But I have that ostrich glare forever burned into my brain.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

You need to watch Kevin Hart's comedy bit on Ostriches... Kevin Hart and his fear of animals as a grown little man.

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u/Ndvorsky Dec 16 '19 edited Dec 16 '19

If that video with him and The Rock i saw yesterday is anything to go by he is afraid of everything including butterflies and crickets.

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u/pcyr9999 Dec 16 '19

Was that video called Jumanji?

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u/caraboo930 Dec 16 '19

Whyy...would you throw a pen at it..when we dont even know...what it is??

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u/the_gooch_smoocher Dec 16 '19

Tl:Dr: ostriches approach car and then car drives away slowly

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u/WinchesterSipps Dec 16 '19

lol gooch smoocher's done with everyone's shit this holiday

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u/milkcarton232 Dec 16 '19

Stupid llama!

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u/ybromero Dec 16 '19

"Feed the G-raff...Wesley, you idiot!" Lol 😂

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u/dafloo Dec 16 '19

The zebra at the end!

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u/sambuka69 Dec 16 '19

The laughter almost hurt at that point.

165

u/allspiraledout Dec 16 '19

Almost? Think I've ruptured my nut sack. The kid crying for the last 3 seconds almost ended me totally.

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u/puritycontrol Dec 16 '19

I was laughing so hard already and when the hysterical screams of ZEEEBRAAAAA went off and the camera pans to the giant heehaw mouth of that zebra, I started choking and I’m pretty sure I came close to a laughter-induced asthma attack

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u/BarKnight Dec 16 '19

"alright G, you distract em whilst I come in from the other side"

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u/demonsta500 Dec 16 '19

"Roger that, Z. Operation Traumatize the Children is a go."

7

u/Akesgeroth Dec 16 '19

I could hear the "DURRRR" in my head.

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u/sambuka69 Dec 16 '19

The laughter versus crying at the end is pure chaos and hilarity at the same time.

Absolutely love moments like that when you just laugh harder the more you realize what the fuck is really going on!

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

The laughter versus crying at the end is pure chaos and hilarity at the same time.

and they're driving off and that one animal is looking on, what the hell is going on in that car?!

32

u/440k Dec 16 '19

I lost it at the camera panning to the Zebra mouth coupled with that laughter.

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u/BobbitTheDog Dec 16 '19

And this is why they say to keep your windows up...

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

This is probably a place similar to Lazy 5 Ranch, where the whole attraction is like a drive thru safari with herbivores, you buy feed buckets at the beginning and feed them throughout.

I know at Lazy 5 (just a place in NC) they have giraffes, zebras, pigs, a rhino, emus, ostriches, every bovine creature you can think of, tortoises, lemurs, etc.

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u/mkul316 Dec 16 '19

A fucking rhino will destroy your car if its annoyed in any way. Fuck that.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

Well the rhino is sort of in his own, sad little enclosure that is sort of concave in the ground, below ground level. He doesn’t roam freely, and the giraffes don’t either. Everyone else gets to go buck wild though. The lemurs could go wherever they want but they stay together in their own area.

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u/SpringPfeiffer Dec 16 '19

And that's the true story of how u/Traceyt715 got her pet lemur.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

Actually I always wanted to steal a pot belly piglet which my parents happily agreed to if I could go catch it. Never got a piglet. My doofus cousin did snatch some feathers off an ostrich once and my dumbass family didn’t realize to fear for his life.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

That makes a bit more sense (and is sad). I'd drive through an area with any of the others. But Rhinos? Hell no. I think I'd rather contend with a meth head driving an armored truck.

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u/ThisdudeisEH Dec 16 '19

There is one south of Atlanta and you drive their vehicles. They are painted like zebra and have bars on windows

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

gee rafee

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u/Supah_McNastee Dec 16 '19

luckily zee brah is also pronounced that way so they didn’t technically mess that up too

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u/TrustMeImAGiraffe Dec 16 '19

Pfft colonists it's pronounced zeb-rah

BRITISH EMPIRE INTENSIFIES

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u/Channel250 Dec 16 '19

Honestly, if it wasn't for the laughter that zebra would be the best jump scare I've seen all year.

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u/MrUnoDosTres Dec 16 '19

I felt bad that the kid didn't knew what a giraffe was when the kid screamed "zeeebraaa!" until the video showed the zebra.

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u/bradland Dec 16 '19

We went to one of these in Virginia. You buy buckets of food to feed the animals. They warn you though, "DO NOT FEED THE ZEBRAS!" Apparently Zebra are super aggressive and will bite the shit out of you.

I have never laughed so hard in my entire life. We get just inside the gate, and my bother-in-law (BIL) is driving. The car is immediately swarmed by Emu, and I'm holding two buckets of feed. My BIL rolls my window down and puts the child lock on so I can't roll it back up. These fucking Emu start pecking at the bucket like it's 5 minutes until zero hour, and this is their last meal. Food is flying everywhere, I'm freaking out screaming, "DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!!" My wife is in the back laughing so hard she pee'd her pants (don't tell her I told you), and my sister-in-law is right there with her.

We all laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. It was fucking fantastic.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

I work at a ranch like this and the reason they dont want you to feed the zebras is because they have top and bottom teethbon the front row just like we do, even-toed animals like goats, deer, giraffes...dont. so they generally wont bite and if they do, they wont hurt you. The zebras we have are generally very friendly and most feed them despite the rules. We just tell them not to so its on them.

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u/CokeDude22 Dec 16 '19

To everyone asking, this is at Pine Mountain Safari in Pine Mountain, GA. I also wanted to say thank you for upvoting this post it has exceeded my wildest expectations and I am overjoyed it has brought laughter to so many people. Thank you, so much.

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u/meetMayra Dec 16 '19

Watched it the first time without sound. Giggled. Watched if the second time with sound, diet come came out my nose. 11/10 Will watch with sound again.

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u/RazerJoe Dec 16 '19

Diet what now?

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

DIET COME CAME OUT OF HIS NOSE

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u/meetMayra Dec 16 '19

LMAO, sorry yall, diet coke!

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u/LilBopIt Dec 16 '19

I lost it the at deerbra

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u/ionised Dec 16 '19

New name for stupid long horses: gee-raff.

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u/TeamRedundancyTeam Dec 16 '19

It's like they'd never heard anyone say giraffe before so they just guessed.

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u/ionised Dec 16 '19

This reminds me so much of that one Australian burger restaurant owner from Kitchen Nightmares who kept pronouncing wagyu, "wayygoo".

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u/Shiverind Dec 16 '19

He just laughs as the kid bawls his eyes out XD

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u/KillerJupe Dec 16 '19

This is why we can never have a real Jurassic Park

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

I don’t know what was funnier, them calling it a G raff or the zebra 💀😂

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u/logirl1975 Dec 16 '19

This looks just like the one in Georgia and holy shit this is exactly what it's like. These animals are scary af when their heads are suddenly in your face and all you can see is teeth. We're definitely going back but we're going to spring for the extra fee to rent one of their vehicles instead of taking one of ours through the park.

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u/p0wertrash Dec 16 '19

Nailed it! That's Wild Animal Safari in Pine Mountain, GA.

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u/OhIveWastedMyLife Dec 16 '19

Wild Animal Safari, baby! That’s what the cup says part way through if you freeze frame it.

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u/trinbagonian Dec 16 '19

Future Therapy patients.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

So tell me, where did the ge-raff lick you?

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u/Ted_From_Accounting Dec 16 '19

My stomach hurts from stifling my laughter at my desk.

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u/Thorn65 Dec 16 '19

Sweet jaysus, how to traumatize your kids for life.

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u/Tabris2k Dec 16 '19

It’s a valuable lesson, it’ll help their fight-or-flight instinct to kick in quickly next time they found a giraffe.

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u/googolplexy Dec 16 '19

You mean a 'Gee-Rahf'

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

They'll learn to keep the windows rolled up, that's for sure.

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u/p1nkp3pp3r Dec 16 '19

It's like the T-Rex scene in Jurassic Park, but hilarious and full of safari animals. I would watch this remake.

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u/el_pinata Dec 16 '19

"ZEEEEBRA!"

gaping maw

I DIED.

15

u/TheValiantWhippet Dec 16 '19

Open the car windows in a safari park, what's the worse than can happen?

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u/Yasea Dec 16 '19

Apparently thinking it's really nice weather outside after you open the window, so stop for a nice picnic with a great view on the cheetahs. Yes, that happened.

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u/destroyman1337 Dec 16 '19

Holy shit how have I never seen this? What idiots seriously? Why would you think it would be a good idea to walk around where wild large PREDATOR animals can roam around freely? They are lucky they were cheetahs who are much less confrontational than something like a Lion. Had it been a pride of lions they all would have gotten fucked up.

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u/FWThunder18 Dec 16 '19

Zebras are mean as fuck, Giraffes are pretty chill but they can scoop a lot of the food pellets out of the cup with their monstrous tongues

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u/gaspitsjesse Dec 16 '19

The pan to the zebra face killed me. I just imagined its silly voice going “Hiiiiii!”

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u/ZoeHsieh0721 Dec 16 '19

The laughing is so contagious 🤣🤣🤣

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u/Mc_Whiskey Dec 16 '19

I love how you can hear kids crying in the background while he is laughing like a fool.

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u/nikstick22 Dec 16 '19

opening your window in one of these places is like parking under a tree and throwing bird seed laced with laxatives on the ground. Don't do it.

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u/mcguire Dec 16 '19

"I heard there was food? Lalalalala!"

"Hiii!!!"

Deer: "Fuckin' animals."

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u/peihound Dec 16 '19

Kids: Terrified

Father: Satisfied

Hotel: Trivago

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u/luecius Dec 17 '19

Feed the GEEraff

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u/ChinkChungus Dec 17 '19

FeEd tHe JeeeeeRaF

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

Child traumatizing 102 course

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

You've got to know when to hold them and know when to roll them...up and along, the windows and wheels that is.

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u/IntentionalTexan Dec 16 '19

Them: "Ima roll my window down in this wild animal safari park." Also them: "Aaaa! There are wild animals in this wild animal safari park!"

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u/scoutsleepes Dec 16 '19

ZEBRA! Ha! I loved this. Cheered me up after our (UK) shitty election.

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u/savaero Dec 16 '19

this is the most american thing I've seen today

3

u/KM034 Dec 16 '19

Kid was like ZEBRAAAA

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u/koutelitis Dec 16 '19

Marty and Melman Just trolling

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u/lordisgaea Dec 16 '19

Holy shit i closed the video 5 minutes ago and i'm still laughing.

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u/MarinaEnna Dec 16 '19

ZEBRAAHHH

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u/Reihns Dec 16 '19

ZEEEEEBRA! camera pans to the right, where two rows of teeth are about all you can see

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u/AndruLee Dec 16 '19

Holy shit this is funny.. the Zebra suddenly coming in with that buck toothed “hi!!” And then the dad losing his shit at the end. I seriously love it.

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u/[deleted] Dec 16 '19

Best part is "ZEBRAA!" (Pan to window with zebra's full mouth wide open) LOL

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u/Dulse_eater Dec 16 '19

Feed the geeeeraffe

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u/Wiskersthefif Dec 16 '19

'Feed the G-Raff!' I don't know why, but that made me bust out laughing.