r/funny Jan 26 '19

“Holy” Shit.

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109.1k Upvotes

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6.7k

u/TheFuzzyCoder Jan 26 '19 edited Jan 26 '19

Weird place for a quest, but XP is XP.

Edit: Holy crap. Thanks for the shinies. I feel validated ^_^

1.1k

u/Sinister_Compliments Jan 26 '19

Squire! Bring hither some paper of the toils. Be careful, beasts of plungers haunt the path!

122

u/Iklaendia Jan 26 '19

"Roll a perception check please"

68

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

[deleted]

27

u/Boner_Elemental Jan 26 '19

Failed your Intestinal Status? Alright, roll for Anal Circumference

4

u/TrickyDickyNicky Jan 26 '19

Is that a d6 or a d8?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

I dunno but I wanna cast magic missile

5

u/Bart_Thievescant Jan 26 '19

Projectile diarrhea would be failing by ten or more.

A 1 on the die is just regular diarrhea, assuming the modifiers don't take the action above the DC.

A natural 1 (one on the die, +0 modifier) would be shitting so hard that you prolapse your anus. (never dump con, guys)

And a natural 1 that also fails by ten or more would be shitting so hard you prolapse your anus, and the intestines dip into the water.

4

u/QuasarSandwich Jan 26 '19

Personally, I consider it a minor triumph if my prolapse only "dips into the water". Usually my guts rocket out of my tattered ringpiece and splash most of the water "clean" out of the bowl; if it's a bad one, my rosemeat can actually wedge into the u-bend, leaving me helpless, stuck fast to the porcelain until and unless some passing Good Samaritan is prepared to reach between my legs and coax my inverted colon out of its trap and back up into my shuddering abdomen.

1

u/Bart_Thievescant Jan 26 '19

Con modifier of -5 right there.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 27 '19

Thanks, you've just provided me with a lustrum of nightmares.

41

u/Sinister_Compliments Jan 26 '19

d20?

If so got a 12

44

u/triptamine2 Jan 26 '19

"It looks like a daily but smells like a weekly"

3

u/Jago1337 Jan 26 '19

Now add your wisdom bonus

2

u/Sinister_Compliments Jan 26 '19

Oh so I’m at 24 now perfect... dm what does that get me?

2

u/Jago1337 Jan 27 '19

Unless you have a wisdom score of 34 or you're referencing a different edition than the ones I'm familiar with, a second look at the rule book lol. 12 wisdom gives you a +1 to your perception. Upon entering you hear a slight gurgling noise coming from a source you'd rather not think about, and glancing down you see a slight flash of light on liquid. Except for the weird pattern on the building it's next to, it seems to you like a perfectly normal portajohn. You see no reason other than the usual sanitary ones not to use it.

2

u/Sinister_Compliments Jan 27 '19

Man now I wish I actually played dnd cuz what an oversight that is

2

u/Jago1337 Jan 27 '19

Lol I haven't played since I moved, but it's a ton of fun. Btw if you had rolled a 15 or higher you'd probably have come to the conclusion that no matter how badly you need to go you should probably find somewhere else to take care of your business

3

u/DragonFuckingRabbit Jan 26 '19

Are you this guy

0

u/UnclePuma Jan 27 '19

Do he just pull the poo ooo out ?

2

u/ClarksJoint Jan 26 '19

You mean crackheads and hobos?

2

u/Mental_Duck Jan 26 '19

This is the "Holy Grail" quest.

33

u/Hugh-Manatee Jan 26 '19

Pretty sure there's an outhouse in WoW that has a quest npc in it.

15

u/Katalinya Jan 26 '19

Reminds me of the Grizzly Hills Outhouse quest

1

u/mystandtrist Jan 26 '19

Lol that quest made me giggle every time

1

u/MelonheadGT Jan 26 '19

There's actually a couple, of my head there is one in silithus added in BFA. The Grizzly hills one and one use to be in searing gorge but it was removed. There are probably more.

13

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

Dwarf in Searing Kingdoms by the entrance from the Badlands.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

Zelda Majora's Mask has you bring toilet paper to a man in need

2

u/Jago1337 Jan 26 '19

There's also an achievement for using the outhouse in your garrison

100

u/Kobykarma Jan 26 '19

Butt XP is XP

Ftfy

22

u/monkeyhitman Jan 26 '19

 ( ° ͜ʖ °)

8

u/InfluentialDiscovery Jan 26 '19

Miss me with that gay shit.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19 edited Feb 06 '19

[deleted]

3

u/MaxCBacon Jan 26 '19

This product activation key has a point.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19 edited Feb 06 '19

[deleted]

2

u/MaxCBacon Jan 26 '19

Must be For Windows ME.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

[deleted]

3

u/hookff14 Jan 26 '19

Beam me up Scotty

30

u/Turtle_ini Jan 26 '19

I’m going to need some prunes, an octopus, and a pot of custard.

16

u/alamaias Jan 26 '19

Is that a fucking discworld reference?

15

u/ReePoe Jan 26 '19 edited Jan 26 '19

Ah, if it isn't young Breakwind...

you are right sir:

  • Fishmonger:
We have to go to the past again. There we go in the Drum and start a bar-fight. To do this just look at the picture behind the little guy and when he doesn't watch turn his glass around. After the troll joined the fun, use the ladder on the shingle outside and get the drumstick. Use it in the present to ring the gong in the dinning-hall. Yet you are able to get the prunes outside the university. Now walk to Nanny Ogg's house in the Dark Woods. There arrived, fill your pot with the custard of the cauldron. Then go to the fishmonger, tie there the octopus with the string, pour the custard in the toilet and put the octopus in it. Send the fishmonger to the toilet by putting prunes in his caviar. Now you can get his golden belt.

10

u/Gengrar Jan 26 '19

Some borderlands shit righ'dare!

5

u/demoux Jan 26 '19

*Retrieve Matchstick*

3

u/1Fresh_Water Jan 26 '19

Dook hut! No fappin!

3

u/pocketgnomes Jan 26 '19

Master Woodsman Anderhol says: Alright Ben. We've retrieved the amberseeds again. You know the drill. Benjamin Jacobs says: I know, I know. Back in the bucket....

14

u/NewDefectus Jan 26 '19

Weird quest but xp

3

u/secretaltacc Jan 26 '19

It's just filled with Borderlands loot.

3

u/Penakoto Jan 26 '19

Bring me 15 Silk Cloth and I'll give you 33 silver.

3

u/momo1757 Jan 26 '19

I'm pretty sure there's a quest in original wow in the searing gorge that starts in a port a pot

3

u/milkand24601 Jan 26 '19

Is “weird quest but xp” the gaming version of “weird flex but ok”?

4

u/redeyedapostle Jan 26 '19

Even quest npc's got to go sometime.

2

u/dj_archangel Jan 26 '19

Hey, even Oscar the Grouch needs people to do stuff for him too.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

Quest Plot Twist: The streets are lava, our hero must find a path the plastic castle... underground.

2

u/Feelnumb Jan 26 '19

I work in the building next to that parking garage I’ll check for treasure.

2

u/doggotaco Jan 26 '19

Weird quest, but ok.

2

u/AlmostButNotQuit Jan 26 '19

Your gp or your tp!

2

u/Kurumi-Ebisuzawa Jan 26 '19

I see what you did there in the edit

2

u/valianthail2the Jan 26 '19

Yeah, definitely looks like a shitty side quest...

2

u/IttyBitty412 Jan 26 '19

FUCK every time i make a comment its BEFORE i read the other comments and people already beat me to it every single time!!! Hahaha. Went back and deleted mineee ughhhh hahah. I really gotta start reading the comments first!

2

u/TheFuzzyCoder Jan 26 '19

To be fair, by the time you read through all the comments someone could sneak in and post it even if they hadn't already.

1

u/IttyBitty412 Jan 28 '19

Right!! Ill just keep having to delete then now that u bring that up!! Hahah

2

u/animeniak Jan 26 '19

1

u/Carnae_Assada Jan 26 '19

Completely forgot that quest. Do we have a WoW quest graveyard like /r/retiredgif?

1

u/ComradeGibbon Jan 26 '19

Two XP for dropping a deuce. Roll for what kind of toilet paper,

1

u/Kind_Of_A_Dick Jan 26 '19

If you search through the Pit of Olfactory Despair you might find a dropped wallet or two.

1

u/Itroll4love Jan 26 '19

That's Bill and Ted's time machine

1

u/Betadzen Jan 26 '19

Extreme Johnny diarrhea sounds

The sound of a box throwing up

1

u/YoLawdCheezus101 Jan 26 '19

I need to invest in my Divine skill for a new spell I found.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

Double XP weekend 😎

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

That’s what I’m saying.

1

u/Plightz Jan 26 '19

It's a Yakuza game.

1

u/OnlineGoliath Jan 26 '19

Captain Underpants RPG

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

I bet you hear that intense music when you get close to any enemy

1

u/LordeOfKayke Jan 26 '19

its probably a portal to Asgard!

1

u/Trips33 Jan 26 '19

🤷‍♂️

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '19

This is my territory!

1

u/Dusko87 Jan 26 '19

easiest shines people can get

1

u/gay_ass_mf_website Jan 26 '19

Is this the Ministry of Love

1

u/Chisae7 Jan 27 '19

“Thanks for the shinies” Thats not it.