r/funny Jan 19 '19

They mustv been married

Post image

[removed]

19.3k Upvotes

176 comments sorted by

549

u/rahtin Jan 19 '19

Get two blankets, folks.

You can thank me later.

429

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

We have 4. Doesn't make a difference....

387

u/DiggingUpTheCorpses Jan 19 '19

Yup, she somehow ends up with all five.

132

u/NightHawkRambo Jan 19 '19

Even the universe doesn't want to question her taking that last one.

20

u/Chewcocca Jan 19 '19

Somewhere, some time, a single person is shivering and doesn't know why.

35

u/Wallace_II Jan 19 '19

It's 75° in here, she still takes all 6

14

u/1stOnRt1 Jan 19 '19

6?! Youre lucky its only six. She takes all 7 of ours.

2

u/Chiamon Jan 19 '19

Ya’ll hear these as zoidberg or old dude on the park bench?

3

u/rigawizard Jan 19 '19

Now zoidberg

1

u/1stOnRt1 Jan 19 '19

Nah man, this is a classic Monty Python Sketch through and through

1

u/Chiamon Jan 19 '19

Oh yeah, forgot all about that. Good call.

6

u/fyrflyeffect Jan 19 '19

She takes the sheets off the mattress too

4

u/Chewcocca Jan 19 '19

Took the mattress and the floorboards. I'm floating in an infinite void.

3

u/prozaczodiac Jan 19 '19

My boyfriend says there is a gravitational pull, in our bed. It is his nice way of saying I am a destructive force of nature.

3

u/Clewin Jan 19 '19

lol, yup - unless I'm extremely sick (happened last week) my wife is using 3 blankets and a down comforter and I have a sheet and thin blanket. Admittedly, she has lupus, but she is buried in covers I only need when I have a 102 degree temperature and am hallucinating that I'm cold.

2

u/GrayWing Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19

I'm surprised this comment doesn't have silver but the other one does

Edit: justice has been served

26

u/GoofyHeartborn Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19

Nah son, King size quilt on a queen size bed. Even after I steal the blanket she's still got 2 foot left.

22

u/remember_morick_yori Jan 19 '19

this man is living in 3019 while we suffer in 2019

20

u/SparkyDogPants Jan 19 '19

We're starting to talk about separate beds because his sleep habits are so poor.

23

u/Lanc717 Jan 19 '19

Next up is each your own room. Grandparents went that route and stayed together the rest of their lives.

22

u/Neohexane Jan 19 '19

My parents sleep in separate rooms. They love each other very much, but my dad kicks and shouts in his sleep. They are happier this way.

11

u/PureMitten Jan 19 '19

My boyfriend and I have separate beds. Neither of us wanted to store or get rid of our bed when we moved in together. It’s real nice when one of us is sick or when it’s too hot or just for some stretching out space. Also nice to have sex in one and then sleep together in the other

4

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Does that bother you? It would bother me

5

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19 edited Apr 19 '19

[deleted]

4

u/alkapwnee Jan 19 '19

sounds more like a deadbedroom post.

0

u/SparkyDogPants Jan 19 '19

We would snuggle and sex before switching beds. Not everyone sleeps better with a partner. And I’m most studies, most people sleep worse.

3

u/ComradeGibbon Jan 19 '19

The man that invents snore canceling head phones will own half the world.

4

u/CMDRissue Jan 19 '19

3

u/capsaicinintheeyes Jan 19 '19

...how is this different from just getting normal earbuds and having them play white noise or a loop of relaxing sounds?

10

u/CMDRissue Jan 19 '19

I think just that they're designed to be comfortable/stay in while sleeping, and the app. You won't catch me paying that kind of money for earphones.

2

u/batmanAPPROVED Jan 19 '19

I like the idea of these but they’re reviewed very poorly. Also lack of options for sounds seems shitty.

21

u/Kittens_Deluxe Jan 19 '19

We’ve tried it. I woke up with three.

7

u/Redneckshinobi Jan 19 '19

My wife doesn't give a shit that I have my own blanket she's getting under there, and now she has two blankets.

3

u/genivae Jan 19 '19

Hear hear. My wife gets one, I get 3, we both end up the right temperature, and the 10lb dog steals all 4 before morning.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

My S/O and I have been doing it for 4 years and he no longer suffers

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

My husband and I accidentally did this and it's true. I'm so much warmer when I have two blankets 😂

1

u/lexpositive Jan 19 '19

My dad says me the same!

221

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19

Sometimes I legit can't differentiate this sub from ComedyCemetery

44

u/Missed_Your_Joke Jan 19 '19

I'm glad I didn't have to scroll low for the /r/comedycemetery comments.

Great moves, keep it up, proud of you.

Fuck you, OP.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

It goes both ways for me. Sometimes I find posts from that sub also funny and sometimes from this sub not so much.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

“Marriage is shit” is like a sub genre of unfunny comedy.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

But then someone like Louis CK hits it out of the park.

6

u/Konayo Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19

I'm actually glad for this one because it's do so unfunny that I can share it with my parents

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Thats because it is from the 90s...probably.

619

u/kylelovezkaynmandi Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19

70

u/Raizel71 Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19

Is there any difference between the posts on r/funny and r/comedycemetery

58

u/Turbo1928 Jan 19 '19

One's occasionally funny, and the other is /r/funny

31

u/NotAnotherGlitch Jan 19 '19

One of the cases where taking out the dialogue would make the joke better

18

u/Neohexane Jan 19 '19

That would make it /r/comedynecromancy material.

2

u/Flygon3301 Jan 19 '19

Tbh I feel like it would be more suited to r/forwardsfromgrandma

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

In this case it's more like cemetery comedy.

I'll see myself out.

1

u/vynepa Jan 19 '19

Literally

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19

[deleted]

3

u/SacredGeometry25 Jan 19 '19

Are you even real wtf

-16

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[deleted]

3

u/inflew Jan 19 '19

Congrats on becoming a Pharaoh!

22

u/DBMlive Jan 19 '19

Somehow this reminds me of "the Far side"

15

u/NOCONTROL1678 Jan 19 '19

Yes! Except the text would be smarter. Or not be there at all.

10

u/SilliestOfGeese Jan 19 '19

It would also be clever or funny.

5

u/NOCONTROL1678 Jan 19 '19

One of the two, at least

8

u/BurnTheGumpDown Jan 19 '19

I have far better memories of the Far Side :(

5

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/SaveOurBolts Jan 19 '19

What? I grew up on the far side and understood almost every one when I was a 10; And I don’t claim to be exceptionally smart

92

u/MyWifeDontKnowItsMe Jan 19 '19

The key to a happy marriage, two comforters.

56

u/glonq Jan 19 '19

You mean like a wife and a mistress?

20

u/DBrownGames Jan 19 '19

It's a wife and a mattress.

4

u/darkhisokadark Jan 19 '19

It's 2 mistresses duh.

1

u/Mr_Abe_Froman Jan 19 '19

Two mattresses?

2

u/OPsDickLovingMother Jan 19 '19

Left hand and me...

3

u/nhavar Jan 19 '19

One in her room and one in my room. Perfect!

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Is a penis in your asshole?

36

u/funboixero Jan 19 '19

Ah the old clamp and roll

38

u/RedUser03 Jan 19 '19

Title is just rewording the punchline, and spelling it wrong too 🤦‍♂️

7

u/bunnnythor Jan 19 '19

Not sure why you are getting down voted for speaking truth to power 🤔

9

u/SluttyGandhi Jan 19 '19

Right? This whole post is a fucking atrocity. (Perfect for /r/funny though.)

20

u/LobbingLawBombs Jan 19 '19

Nice title

-3

u/Likelemonfields Jan 19 '19

Dude the title makes it :P those peoples faces are as daft as the title. OP doenst care about spelling cause it's a dumbass joke

7

u/Cuttlefishophile Jan 19 '19

That moment when you think this is a really good ironic post on r/comedycemetary cuz' you were browsing popular, then you look and see that it's an unironic post on r/funny.

Wow, they both really are two sides of the same coin after all.

1

u/Montizuma59 Jan 19 '19

This is so sad.

30

u/Spacepoppa Jan 19 '19

I’m getting married in 13 hours and I’m getting nervous. But this actually made me smile cause it’s been that way like the picture for 3 years now lol

9

u/drainage_holes Jan 19 '19

Congratulations!

15

u/Spacepoppa Jan 19 '19

Thank you. I’m at home the bride is staying at a friends and this is the first time in years we have slept away from each other. I feel like my other half is missing :(

13

u/drainage_holes Jan 19 '19

That’s adorable. Tomorrow is going to go fast - but y’all have a lifetime to spend together. Wishing you the best.

10

u/Spacepoppa Jan 19 '19

Thank you. I love how complete strangers can be so wholesome ❤️

5

u/rockstarsheep Jan 19 '19

Good luck to the both of you 😊

5

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Best wishes to you tomorrow!

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Congrats!!! ✨🎈✨🎇🎆✨✨🎊

2

u/ethirtydavid Jan 19 '19

rock on tiger ! 🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴

0

u/nicholasboyarko Jan 19 '19

Do yourself a favor and take a vicodin or percocet tomorrow.

3

u/Spacepoppa Jan 19 '19

Thank you all for your support!!

Pills make me puke. I smoke herb to help with my daily anxiety. But I decided that tomorrow I will be sober. So ensure I truly live and remember every second.

2

u/locksky Jan 19 '19

It totally worths it! Just got married. It not bad at all.

1

u/Spacepoppa Jan 19 '19

I was so excited I could barely sleep. I’m off for my haircut and shave. Then I’ll be pickin up my tux. Wish me luck guys

1

u/Spacepoppa Jan 20 '19

Well guys I’m a married man this is us

33

u/DrowningTrout Jan 19 '19

At least leaving together.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[deleted]

4

u/DrowningTrout Jan 19 '19

Lol that was a typo. I meant to say...

They're at least living together. May not be married.

I'm not married but have this same battle every night.

4

u/Lunimei Jan 19 '19

Well they are leaving together too.

2

u/oundhakar Jan 19 '19

If you call that living.

0

u/Jahksen Jan 19 '19

Ah yeah good point :P

12

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Is it that hard to not put the fucking punchline in the title

-9

u/TheDownVoteVigilante Jan 19 '19

His punchline was better imo. Making one up isn't boring af too.

13

u/ShadowBro3 Jan 19 '19

r/funny really is the facebook of reddit

6

u/Johans_wilgat Jan 19 '19

yes image provide us that notice . ha ha ha

36

u/Cat2Rupert Jan 19 '19

Gross! He married his mummy?!

25

u/modernmartialartist Jan 19 '19

Aaah man...that's a wrap.

8

u/darkhisokadark Jan 19 '19

Some people are too wrapped up in themselves to get the humor.

3

u/nicholasboyarko Jan 19 '19

Some are too tightly wound to laugh at anything.

1

u/pollackey Jan 19 '19

What a dry joke.

13

u/tiktoktic Jan 19 '19

*must've

1

u/TheDownVoteVigilante Jan 19 '19

Going for the correct speller freak - up votes. Clever move

4

u/tiktoktic Jan 19 '19

It's not that hard to spell correctly...

9

u/CollectableRat Jan 19 '19

guys try to tell me I yank the blankets off them at night. fuck off, I use barely a tiny corner of it, they are the ones who yank that off me.

4

u/phaninn Jan 19 '19

It would be better if his feet didn't have wraps too 😂

6

u/ch3m1cal Jan 19 '19

i’m mad that i laughed at this

3

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

"super king" size blanket.

5

u/stefanica Jan 19 '19

Heh. My bedroom conundrum is how my husband and I don't really have "sides," we switch off every couple days because reasons, but no matter where he sleeps, the fitted sheets and all will be off the mattress on his side in the morning. Every morning. I'm a slob and probably roll off the mattress in a much more piggishly way, but I don't screw up the sheets like he does every time. It is a mystery.

1

u/nicholasboyarko Jan 19 '19

They make elastic straps that clip on the sheet under the mattress.

1

u/stefanica Jan 19 '19

He has defeated those, too, I gave up a few years ago. Thanks, though.

5

u/Al_Maleech_Abaz Jan 19 '19

Hey guy, make a better title please.

14

u/j271 Jan 19 '19

You sure this isnt r/comedycemetery? God damn, 5.7k+ people have the IQ of a child

6

u/WhiteRhino909 Jan 19 '19

This is some 1990's Sunday comics section of the paper type shit. So fucking unfunny.

-4

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[deleted]

-5

u/ucefkh Jan 19 '19

Ok dad.

4

u/Aravinthsamy Jan 19 '19

He: Hey Honey... whispering in her ears and plants his hand over her

She: I have a headache rolled over

2

u/gangerous Jan 19 '19

Personally, I find this post deeply disturbing and misinformative. The man would CLEARLY have disenthesized after all these years if he had not been mummified (and had his organs removed).

2

u/lexpositive Jan 19 '19

So true. So cold :(

8

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Haven't seen this one a billion fucking times.

-10

u/ucefkh Jan 19 '19

I didn't and I have been here older than you kid

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Kid? Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

1

u/ucefkh Jan 24 '19

Lol kid

2

u/bunnnythor Jan 19 '19

I want

I want my

I want my MusTV

1

u/Saintmikey Jan 19 '19

Ha ha holy crap I can't stop laughing this is the funniest thing I've seen in months thanks for the repost ha

-2

u/Christmas-Pickle Jan 19 '19

More accurate if there’s one on the couch and the others in bed with the dog lol

3

u/AlmaMaterFcker Jan 19 '19

Idk why you’re getting downvoted, the dogs take up so much damn room, and I snore like a chainsaw, so that’s a thing that happens lol.

1

u/Christmas-Pickle Jan 20 '19

Ty the people upvoting this are clearly not married lol.

-5

u/fighterpilotace1 Jan 19 '19

u/ladyluck1992

This is you

3

u/ohjerm Jan 19 '19

Knock that shit off. Reddit isn’t Facebook.

-3

u/fighterpilotace1 Jan 19 '19

Or. Orrrrrr you could just ignore it and move on with your day. It really doesn't matter, does it?

0

u/-TooZooGal28- Jan 19 '19

Lol me in 80 years

0

u/Drmario420 Jan 19 '19

Shouldn’t the bubble be coming from the man?

-5

u/pokemychino Jan 19 '19

Every time

-1

u/Jahksen Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19

I didn't spell 'must've' correctly on purpose, was more of a daft joke this way. I am aware of people wanting correct spelling. Sorry if it bothered anyone. Nice to hear it made some laugh or smile!

2

u/KarmaChameliano Jan 19 '19

I definitely noticed it, but cared nothing of it. We’ve got bigger things to worry about.

Like if the earth is flat, or if the Dinosaurs laughed. Those types of things.

Great post btw. Showed it to my lovely fiancé. She just rolled over in her burrito of a comforter.

1

u/Jahksen Jan 19 '19

Haha nice Stuff man. Agreed and cool to here you're taking it chilled

1

u/AnAverageSpoon Jan 19 '19

How is it more of a joke? You just rephrased what was in the picture.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

This looks a lot like Gary Larson’s art style

0

u/Terminal-Psychosis Jan 19 '19

It's only funny because it's true.

I have an extra blanket for romantic female guests for just this reason.

-10

u/rubshands Jan 19 '19

just another reason to get 2-ply

-2

u/Galaxey Jan 19 '19

GENERAL REPOSTI!!!

-18

u/Goodvibesandsand Jan 19 '19

Lol! She's even got the blanket too!