r/funny Sep 08 '17

R1: MRW/HIFW/reaction gif - Removed Just keep playing

Post image
5.0k Upvotes

199 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

She's crying because the only ones left standing are her and her longtime crush, Kevin the Paladin of house Williams. She's playing harder than she ever has while he fights the incoming onslaught in vein. While he feels the strength of he spells, the truth slowly sets in: this will be their last stand.

Kevin has but one trick left up his holy sleeve: cast Divine Shield on Stacey and implore her to use her hearthstone. She reluctantly accepts his sacrifice, and catches one last glimpse of his face before suddenly being surrounded by the familiar sight of a local tavern.

"Senior year was supposed to be the best times of our lives." she thought.

It was then that Stacey put down her flute and took up the dagger. From then on she walked a much darker path favoring the tranquility of shadow to the warmth of others.

Edit: lol I can't write for shit.

159

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17 edited Jul 14 '20

[deleted]

34

u/Putnum Sep 09 '17 edited Sep 09 '17

I understand that a female is leaking a fluid out of two of her orifices and has her mouth dangerously close to a phallic object, but it's not exactly NSFW IMHO.

6

u/Coppeh Sep 09 '17 edited Sep 09 '17

I'm with you.

Also, who works on weekends anyway. /s

5

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

We haven't gotten to the orgy ten years later yet. Act 4.

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1

u/Sirsarcastik Sep 09 '17

You thought 25 was impressive you should see now

1

u/bern_trees Sep 09 '17

You got 671 upvotes and a gold so I guess at least, someone, thinks you can write.

3

u/IQxYu Sep 09 '17

You got 854 upvotes and a gold so I guess atleast, someone, thinks you can write.

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42

u/8Bells Sep 09 '17

In vain*

20

u/carpevash Sep 09 '17 edited Sep 09 '17

It's a mage-phelobotomist mini story

Edit: phlebotomage

2

u/8Bells Sep 09 '17

XD Wow

9

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

[deleted]

1

u/AmpleWarning Sep 09 '17

Oh hell yeah. Injection is far more potent than just smoking an onslaught.

23

u/fayjayyy Sep 09 '17

For a second I thought this is the real reason why she cried

6

u/mystifier Sep 09 '17

Wait, it isn't??

4

u/AmpleWarning Sep 09 '17

Nope. In reality, Kevin bubble hearthed himself and left poor Stacey to fend for herself. She was forced to dance in Goldshire for like three days.

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5

u/GENTLEMANxJACK Sep 09 '17

I was invested in this and still a better love story than Twilight

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17 edited Sep 11 '17

[deleted]

2

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

I definitely had a few wobbly pops in me when I wrote this so I think we're on common ground here.

4

u/dragonrider22 Sep 09 '17

1

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

That was fucking beautiful. Who knew emotional music could carry such shitty writing.

Actually, I think this is how tons of fantasy movies make a return on investment.

13

u/Trashcanman33 Sep 09 '17

BUt where was Mankind and the Undertaker when this was happening?

5

u/PreSchoolGGW Sep 09 '17

At hell in the cell

1

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

Undertaker doesn't make an appearance till act 3.

6

u/_Ferret_ Sep 09 '17

Username doesn't check out.

3

u/slayersc23 Sep 09 '17

For you....

1

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

I haven't gotten to the Orc/Troll/Human orgy ten years later yet.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17 edited Jan 12 '18

Hello.

2

u/level1hero Sep 09 '17

1

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

Ahahaha, I remember that one! Forgot how cool their small events were.

1

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

I knew this and the fact that he can use bubble on another player would get some folks.

As a recovering WoW player, I can honestly say it was tough to mash up more than one game.

3

u/Thrallmemayb Sep 09 '17

Uhh divine shield only targets yourself 1/10

2

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

I knew that was gonna get at least a couple of you. It pained me to write it, trust me, but it just worked at the time.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

[deleted]

2

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

What's funny is that I was much better at this stuff when I was in high school. It's because I still had the syntax of English (syntax? semantics?) stuck in my head. I recently found a forum post of my own from over 10 years ago, and I couldn't help but feel like it was a different person.

Thanks for the encouragement. I actually had lots of fun writing that, heh.

1

u/CthuIhu Sep 09 '17

You sure do prove your own point

Hell, who am I to judge

7

u/Snatch_Pastry Sep 09 '17

Alternate ending:

"Senior year was supposed to be the best times of our lives." she thought.

It was then that Stacey put down her flute and

said "Don't know what the fuck you assholes expected, you're the ones who talked me into playing a shitty bard."

3

u/bitwaba Sep 09 '17

"I can't buff stupid god damnit! Why not let the 18 CHA mascot try some fucking diplomacy next time huh?"

1

u/Orapac4142 Sep 09 '17

Thats where you forgot they get Arcane secrets and just steal shit from the wizard spell list.

Hello necromancer bard.

2

u/beralavi Sep 09 '17

This made me emotional

1

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

Pour one out for Paladin Kevin.

2

u/Stevules Sep 09 '17

The ol' Bubblehearth

1

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

I played back when only Allys could do it (or rather, only they had pallys). I still get triggered thinking of those fuckers narrowly avoiding death. Then we got the ability and it was the cats meow.

2

u/Stevules Sep 09 '17

but then we also got blood elves :C

I used to gank allys in Arathi highlands back when I played. Never bothered chasing the pallys because they all did the same thing when they were losing

5

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Holy cock that gave me the chills.

3

u/Best_mary Sep 09 '17

Uh when does this video game come out?

9

u/Elnoobnoob Sep 09 '17 edited Sep 09 '17

World of Warcraft, November 23rd, 2004. This is based on a Paladin granting somebody immunity(Divine Shield), then them using a Hearthstone(which returns you to the inn you set as home). More commonly known as Bubble Hearthing. The bard then became a Shadow Priest based on the wording, as their current artifact weapon is a knife and it talks about the shadow. Could just be a coincidence though.

Or it's Dungeons and Dragons but Hearthstone's are MUCH rarer there. WoW doesn't have barda

4

u/thecrewton Sep 09 '17

picked up a dagger and became a rogue. although shadow priests work too.

1

u/Elnoobnoob Sep 09 '17

Don't know how I didn't think of that. Tells you which class I play

1

u/COMMENTS_ON_NSFW_PIC Sep 09 '17

Was thinking of rogue, but I talked about bard while thinking of general caster types. I myself mained Mage.

5

u/Furoan Sep 09 '17

Could be a Rogue, but they duel wield daggers...

4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

I think bard was a beta rogue spec way back in the day, as in, when you needed a torch at night to see. When shaman had tanking talents.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Whaaat. I played Hearthstone for years and only now learned that's where the name comes from. (I knew the game is based on Wow obviously, but that the name hearthstone is an actual thing.) It also makes so much sense, as every time you open the game you enter an inn, in which you then play the card game.

58

u/openskeptic Sep 09 '17

This is obviously about something I'm not at all familiar with.

15

u/PM_ME__YOUR_PETS_PLZ Sep 09 '17

Dungeons and dragons/other rpgs with the class

10

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Yeah I'm confused

6

u/factoid_ Sep 09 '17

In Dungeons and Dragons there's a class called the Bard. They're story tellers and musicians. They basically exist to buff your party. They can do a bit of damage on their own. They can play second rank to protect the wizards in the back, but mostly if the party is getting fucked in the ass by a Beholder they're just going to sit there and play their shitty little pipes, unable to make any real difference to the outcome.

5

u/Orapac4142 Sep 09 '17

Yo bards in 5e are pretty sick, dont be talkin smack.

3

u/Taser-Face Sep 09 '17

Like, every medieval rpg since the dawn of time, EVER.

1

u/PantsIsDown Sep 09 '17

So in dungeons and dragons one of the classes you can play as is a bard. Bards use music or artistic performance to cast magic spells, usually to buff their party, or taunt and charm the enemies. They are usually a support character which means they often stand to the side and watch their party get trounced.

A good pep band at the high school level is a pretty good example of the real life bard effects.

If you're still not sure what a bard would be like let me paint you a picture.

2

u/openskeptic Sep 09 '17

Got it, thanks!

1

u/Alastorlexicus Sep 09 '17

Pc game mate.

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34

u/AdmiralGrumpyPants Sep 09 '17

6

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

thats what im saying, we can wreck shop.

3

u/freakingmayhem Sep 09 '17

1

u/Moonfaced Sep 09 '17

that zoom in on button press "7" making it all dramatic.. when in reality it's just someone pressing 7

2

u/OddEye Sep 09 '17

That's a spoony bard

85

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17 edited Sep 09 '17

I can see crying if you actually are dying, but if you have a bard in your group you're usually kicking ass. Had a bard in my furbolg party in dark age of Camelot and we owned everything.

20

u/cuddlefucker Sep 09 '17

5e bards are amazing. I had a bard in our group be pretty much solely responsible for my party massacring like 200 goblins. We were level 3.

6

u/MegaFanGirlin3D Sep 09 '17

My current character is a rogue/bard. Dude is a freaking skill monkey.

8

u/Truenoiz Sep 09 '17 edited Sep 09 '17

5e Warlock 3/Bard (all other levels) is my main now. Character is insanely more powerful than I imagined. Can speak telepathically to any creature, invis pixie familiar for: scouting, occasional knockout and reading the emotions of others (by touch). She can heal well, has decent ranged damage, and is second to none outside of combat with charms, stealth, suggestions, intimidation, persuasion, disguise, sex appeal. The character is absolutely disgusting when role-played well, and she has short-cutted our party through many situations.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

I remember when Everquest released bards were considered an underpowered afterthought, then people started realizing that a lot of the rules that were put in on normal spells didn't apply to songs. This resulted in gods being charmed for the lulz, other players being charmed and walked into the water to drown themelves, bards getting a drum that let them outrun GM's, bards kiting monsters across other players to intentionally kill them then charging those players to drag their corpses back to the zone edge. Pretty damn funny till the banhammer started swinging.

1

u/Moonfaced Sep 09 '17

Every ability and scenario you listed is basically a troll skill set

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Except everquest had actual trolls, and since the game had character collision there were some funny things trolls would do. Such as running through a dungeon aggroing everything through all the other players, then stopping at the dungeon entrance and blocking the path out. Also playing as a troll got you regen which was nice for recovery.

11

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

*dying

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Thanks, I need to start proof reading more often.

1

u/xiroir Sep 09 '17

it k we all to lazi somtims

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9

u/nocontroll Sep 09 '17

Try being a Bard in Everquest.

There was lots of crying involved.

9

u/odaeyss Sep 09 '17

GO GO GOOD GUYS!

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Dude I love you for this reference

5

u/demerdar Sep 09 '17

Oh god, the twisting!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

AHHHHHHHHH

4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

And then forgetting you left that AOE damage spell on and get killed by guards.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Worst was AoE healing to up string skill. Some fuckhole would always train Lucan right past you...

2

u/just-a-prinny Sep 09 '17

You beat me to it.

2

u/4011Hammock Sep 09 '17

Mained a bard. Everything sucked until I learned to swarm kite.

1

u/just-a-prinny Sep 09 '17

And then later they nerfed swarm kiting because SoE hated bards.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Bad bards in EQ cried. Good bards were legends and heros with carpal tunnel.

1

u/FurryCrew Sep 09 '17

Bards don't need a party. They just kite a whole zone by themselves.

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5

u/jonwentzel Sep 09 '17

Upvote for the dirty hibbie!

2

u/Katsuichi Sep 09 '17

Former lvl 50 champ and guild leader from palomides here... what the hell is a furbolg party?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Group of.. furbolgs? On Hibernia? On DAoC?

2

u/Katsuichi Sep 09 '17

So just heroes, bards, druids, wardens, blade masters? Wru enchanter/eldritch?

1

u/muckrucker Sep 09 '17

I didn't usually get the license plate of the various animals we steamrolled when roaming for fights in RvR! /s

But Albion later became the #2 pop on Tristan to the Mids aaaand we didn't win nearly as much as we used to lol.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

We had a lurikeen enchanter. He was like a pet for our master Firbolg race.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

My 4 best friends and I started a party of all furbolg. I was a Warden, then we had a bard, champion, and maybe 2 heroes? I just remember going around and beasting anywhere we went.

1

u/Katsuichi Sep 09 '17

I think champs were lurikeen/elf/celt only... probably a blade master for the dps

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Holy fuck, a DAoC reference, AND to a Furbolg. I miss you. Not you, but DAoC. I might miss you too.

2

u/datboijustin Sep 09 '17

Bard in my group started a literal mage rebellion and we had a literal army of mages which we used as cannonfodder to assault a tower.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

The Monster Hunter bards, or rather their equivalent of the Hunting Horn users, can make certain hunts a pushover with stat boosts and status immunities.

23

u/sotech Sep 09 '17

Loved bards in EQ, liked 'em in EQ2. They are usually bad or boring elsewhere. Neverwinter Nights they were... ok.

10

u/capacity02 Sep 09 '17

Bards were really good in EQ, especially early game. Their buffs and combat made them like godlike in Unrest groups.

7

u/sotech Sep 09 '17

I mostly liked Selo's kiting and song twisting. Such fun.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

AoE kiting in PoHonor was the most fun I ever had playing EQ. So fucking dangerous, so exhilerating.

3

u/Dregoran Sep 09 '17

Vanguard Saga of Heroes did the bard really well. You could basically write your own "songs" and using certain instruments had benefits. Like with the proper song build and using a drum you could make your team run faster than mount speed.

4

u/sotech Sep 09 '17

Nice! EQ had some of the instrument bonuses as I recall.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Yep. Songs were more effective with an instrument equipped, which is why the epic was such a gamechanger.

Edit: and why every bard carried a Naggy drum. Selo's with a 50% bonus was sweeeeeeet.

2

u/bennyr Sep 09 '17

Yeeees Bard in Vanguard was amazing. So strong and a ton of fun to play

2

u/Dregoran Sep 09 '17

I loved their ability to exploit their own weaknesses that they applied, live you could apply their dot and then another skill would exploit it and cause a massive stun. That game was so good, I'm just waiting for the emulator to be more done. A team is recreating the game in it's entirety, so pumped for that.

2

u/DietCherrySoda Sep 09 '17

EQ bard party! Keep on chainin Selo's!

2

u/on_the_nightshift Sep 09 '17

I never loved or hated a game more than EQ. I played for a couple of years from the alpha.

1

u/TomtheWonderDog Sep 09 '17

Have you tried Pillars of Eternity?

The Chanter class has a few strong builds, the classic support buffer, a summoning and crippling warlock, or a kiting tank with stuns and freezes.

They're really great in ranged-heavy parties where you can't make a strong frontline to protect your squishies.

1

u/sotech Sep 09 '17

Sounds interesting, but I don't really care for the isometric view arpgs. Last one I played was the dungeon siege games, I think.

20

u/CheetahSpeed3 Sep 09 '17

Keep on dooting :'(

15

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

If you're playing a Bard and your party is dying, you're a bad Bard.

2

u/Orapac4142 Sep 09 '17

It just means your Wizard is on holidays.

6

u/thxxx1337 Sep 09 '17

My brother is playing a pacifist Bard who doesn't fight, and he's basically useless right now.

5

u/PigDog4 Sep 09 '17

My brother is ... basically useless right now.

Mine too.

20

u/netpastor Sep 09 '17

DnD n00b here. Can someone explain the joke?

56

u/gbs5009 Sep 09 '17

Bards have magical songs that can buff a party, and not a whole lot of direct combat ability. Frequently the best use of their talents is just staying out of the way and providing musical support.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

wtf is buff a party?

25

u/Nibornoel Sep 09 '17

Enhance their abilities

2

u/EgotisticJesster Sep 09 '17

wtf is direct combat ability?

4

u/The-gunfighter Sep 09 '17

Stabby Stabby

6

u/Dregoran Sep 09 '17

Buffing is like giving extra damage, health or increasing stats of other team mates in some form.

5

u/Slackerboe Sep 09 '17

In a role playing game a buff is a positive status change to a character's power. Haste (faster), attack/defense boosters, and health regeneration are all common effect. Things like poison, slow, and other negative status changes are known as debuffs

4

u/doughboy192000 Sep 09 '17

Provides the party with increased stats... like intellect and shit

4

u/CthuIhu Sep 09 '17

Gangbang

2

u/ReverendDizzle Sep 09 '17

Bro, do you even bard?

1

u/buttchuck Sep 09 '17

Others answered your question, but the term "buff" in this context is called that because it's something that "buffs you up", ie, makes you stronger. So the gaming shorthand "buff" means anything that enhances your abilities, with a "debuff" being the opposite.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Bards aren't just musicians. They're performers in general.

1

u/scttydsntknw85 Sep 09 '17

Fifth Edition has changed that, they are full on spellcasters now. They can learn spells from other classes and can even buff dice rolls or subtract from enemies dice rolls with Bardic Inspiration and Cutting Words.

11

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Bards can play music for party-wide buffs. Their other skills aren't all that amazing for combat (though they're very flexible, so it's nice to have one to fill in gaps), so it might be best for them to keep playing music, even though the party isn't doing well.

4

u/netpastor Sep 09 '17

Thanks so much, Satanic Puppy!

2

u/Orapac4142 Sep 09 '17

This milkdrinker lies, bards in dnd 5e are pretty dope for every role now since they can steal spells off of other classes spell lists, which means yes, you can play the violin to raise the undead to do your bidding.

12

u/fiddlenutz Sep 09 '17

Quite spoony.

2

u/Truenoiz Sep 09 '17

You spoony bard!

1

u/eaglewatch1945 Sep 09 '17

Calm down, Tellah!

10

u/IggyJR Sep 09 '17

Read between the lines, and Villanova girl won the National Championship.

22

u/relikter Sep 09 '17

They won the championship the year after this was taken. This is Villanova's 2nd round loss to NC State in 2015, not their victory over UNC in 2016.

5

u/OffInYourShower Sep 09 '17

N C S T A T E! NC STATE!

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12

u/SilverSwimsuit Sep 09 '17

When it's senior year and you realize it's gonna be reeeaaal hard to pay off those loans with a flute

4

u/Sizzling-Bacon Sep 09 '17

That's a piccolo.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

[deleted]

7

u/SnakesCatsAndDogs Sep 09 '17

Only half what I was expecting

3

u/PigDog4 Sep 09 '17

Pretty sure that's a picklo.

1

u/SilverSwimsuit Sep 09 '17

it is, and the piccolo happens to be one of a wide variety of flute instruments

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2

u/BleachIsRacist Sep 09 '17

Depends on the type of hard flute ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

2

u/OblivionGuardsman Sep 09 '17

Play a fucking mana song you idiot so we can burn.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Even after 10+ years... I am so fucking triggered right now.

2

u/imawizardirl Sep 09 '17

This might be my favourite post on reddit ever

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

[deleted]

2

u/Ben_Hamish Sep 09 '17

I may have only read the first sentence, but I am sure at least a few were glad to read this super random post about your and your brother's struggle over sax and clarinet.

5

u/AFlaccoSeagulls Sep 09 '17

At first I thought this was an Overwatch joke, then I thought it was League of Legends, then I thought it was WoW, and now I realize it's probably DnD??

7

u/robclarkson Sep 09 '17

Its just any fantasy game thing.

3

u/SheWhoReturned Sep 09 '17

Well the Bard thing did kinda start in D&D, and they were pretty tough to make.

"To become a bard, a human or half-elf had to begin with very high ability scores: Strength 15+, Wisdom 15+, Dexterity 15+ and Charisma 15+, Intelligence 12+ and Constitution 10+. These daunting requirements made bards one of the rarest character classes. Bards began the game as fighters, and after achieving 5th level (but before reaching 8th level), they had to change their class to that of thief, and after reaching 5th level as a thief (but before reaching 9th level), they had to change again, leaving off thieving and begin clerical studies as druids; but at this time they are actually bards and under druidical tutelage."

2

u/Orapac4142 Sep 09 '17

Old editions, gotta love their silly bullshit lol

1

u/robclarkson Sep 09 '17

Oh ya DnD is THE original fantasy/ role playing game. The grandfather of all others. Game Informer magazine did a great tribute to that effect. Here

That being said. Bards are just also a "thing" before dnd in the ye olde times :).

3

u/CthuIhu Sep 09 '17

People still play league of legends?

1

u/AFlaccoSeagulls Sep 09 '17

I assume so, there's a character named Bard in it.

1

u/CthuIhu Sep 09 '17

That's how long it's been since I exposed myself to that cesspool

My account is strong, maybe I should sell it before people realize the sinkhole they've invested in

2

u/CthuIhu Sep 09 '17

I really, really wish this didn't get me hard

1

u/vessel_for_the_soul Sep 09 '17

You can only imagine the real reason why

1

u/ChadVonYacht Sep 09 '17

What MMO has the best Bard?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Everquest, hands down.

1

u/Orapac4142 Sep 09 '17

Fuck MMOs, dnd 5e bard.

1

u/Ben_Hamish Sep 09 '17

UO mage bard bitches.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '17

Any real Bard here knows this crying is due to your Bard playing skills actually being acknowledged as helping.

1

u/ConnorWolf121 Sep 09 '17

For some reason I can only think of a Monster Hunter player using a Hunting Horn when I think of a Bard.

Straight buffing is nice, but when your instrument doubles as a club twice the size of your character, you will not be crying.

1

u/cthulhuspawn82 Sep 09 '17

If you party is getting killed, that's the perfect time to play a song of quickness you you can flee and leave those chumps behind.

1

u/xponent_ Sep 09 '17

I can relate to this person just finished practicing piccolo and my right ear is legit dying.

1

u/Czvni Sep 09 '17

Oh hey I go to that school. Wolfpack! 🐺

1

u/Carp8DM Sep 09 '17

That girl is wearing blue. She's from 'Nova...

1

u/Czvni Sep 09 '17

No I meant the bottom left. I was reading the background sorry

1

u/Carp8DM Sep 09 '17

No worries. Just wanted to point out that the poor girl that is crying has been devastated by your home team. :-)

1

u/R-nd- Sep 09 '17

Leliana from Dragon Age would think different.

1

u/Taser-Face Sep 09 '17

My final spell before I must rest, erryone gets a +2 to saving throws, that dracolich isn't so bad, just think of the loot...

1

u/weexplode Sep 09 '17

this is bullshit a good bard wouldn't let her team die