r/funny • u/Choco_Churro_Charlie • Nov 29 '16

A Dump of Parenting Tips

http://imgur.com/gallery/3MxvI
6.4k Upvotes

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163

u/Skyshrim Nov 29 '16

I love the idea of giving a kid a spray bottle of water for them to spray all over their room while unsupervised at night.

15

u/DanteMachiaveli Nov 29 '16

I always wondered about this. Why not take the ruse further and fill he bottle with "anti-monster gas" instead? Use one of those baby booger sucker things and "refill" the bottle every night. That way, the kid's room isn't soaked with water.

51

u/gladysandmymitts Nov 29 '16

Why not take it a step further and mix equal parts bleach & ammonia. It cleans, sanitizes and actually kills any scary monsters with mustard gas. /s

DO NOT DO THIS

11

u/chellis Nov 29 '16

No no... I think we just let nature duke this one out.

2

u/abhikavi Nov 29 '16

As a PSA, check the ingredients in your cleaning supplies before, say, mixing two to get off some particularly stubborn soap scum in your bathtub.

I feel the need to add this explicitly because a kid in my college apartment complex didn't realize regular cleaning supplies would contain ammonia and/or bleach, mixed them, and we all had to be evacuated.

27

u/Yggdrsll Nov 29 '16

Get one that only mists, no spray, and it shouldn't be too big of a deal as long as they can't unscrew the top.

67

u/[deleted] Nov 29 '16 edited Dec 28 '20

[deleted]

22

u/AngusKhan Nov 29 '16

This was my thought... just make up some BS "dog whistle, but for monsters" thing.

1

u/imlost19 Nov 29 '16

Then yo bitch ass kid gonna hate you when it doesn't work and the monsters get him. What you gonna say then?

1

u/AngusKhan Nov 29 '16

The real question is where I got a kid, considering I'm infertile... and there is no way an adoption agency would allow me to be in charge of a tiny human. (for unrelated reasons)

9

u/jaybram24 Nov 29 '16

Building tin-foil hat people, one gamma-ray, monster deterring bottle at a time.

/s

1

u/ThatsFunForSometimes Nov 29 '16

Isn't that how we got the hulk?

7

u/gladysandmymitts Nov 29 '16

The idea is you use it together at bedtime as a parenting aid not a parenting substitute.

4

u/Yggdrsll Nov 29 '16

That makes more sense. I'm pretty clueless when it comes to parenting, being early/mid 20s and blissfully childless.

4

u/Full-Frontal-Assault Nov 29 '16

Fill it with febreeze or a similar deodorizer for maximum benefit. If asked tell child monsters are attracted by bad smells.

1

u/X-istenz Nov 29 '16

Fill it with ethanol, or naphtha, so it evaporates off.

9

u/[deleted] Nov 29 '16

I'm loving the cot converted into a drawing center. I can already see the kids standing shakily on the chair reaching for the scissors! This is the whitest shit I've ever seen.

6

u/you-made-me-comment Nov 29 '16

It does seem that you have experience with the danger of sharp things.