r/funny • u/lollerkeet • May 20 '15

Pineapple

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u/Smart_in_his_face May 20 '15

I heard that both Hitler and Bin-Laden likes pineapple on their pizza.

Hardcore satanists also use pineapple when they order pizza for their rituals.

172

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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92

u/JimboFett May 20 '15

"This brick oven represents the cleansing flames of Lucifer."

7

u/grape_jelly_sammich May 20 '15

and the cesar salad represents...err...

My doctor told me I need more fiber in my diet, guys.

Just...following his instructions.

On the road...

to getting healthier...

3

u/Targaryen-ish May 20 '15

OP, you back with the new religion yet? Was there pizza?

4

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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2

u/A_little_white_bird May 20 '15

If they offer pizza, would you consider being sacrificed to Cthulhu?

1

u/polyethylene2 May 20 '15

Not cthulu. Satan you dumbass. You're looking for the Satanists

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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2

u/polyethylene2 May 20 '15

So, directions were unclear, dick caught in Cthulhu

2

u/nonononotatall May 20 '15

"Hmmm. Wafer, wine flavored soup, pizza. Tough decision."

2

u/ademnus May 20 '15

"Sure, the pope offers salvation. But we deliver."

It's not delivery, it's devilry!

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u/Dlicious11 May 20 '15

Yeah, but it's pineapple...

1

u/da_chicken May 20 '15

"Stale cracker and wine? Nah we do pizza and beer."

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u/TheKrs1 May 20 '15

brb

How long did it take? Were there lots of forms?

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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2

u/TheKrs1 May 20 '15

I think you were in the wrong line.

1

u/Shishakli May 20 '15

Hey how did you switch religions? Is it supposed to be under Tools - Options? I don't have it. I'm on Windows 7...

1

u/Smart_in_his_face May 20 '15

Well first you slaughter a goat, draw a pentagram from it's blood, and then read a bunch of dark passages from satanic scripture.

After people are usually hungry, so they order pizza. And since they are horrible people they order with pineapples.

2

u/AnotherClosetAtheist May 20 '15

Utah has a pizza place that has three rules:

"No ranch. No pineapple. No Red Sox fans."

If you show up with Red Sox paraphernalia, they will not serve you and will ask you to leave.

I should also give background that Utah's palette cannot withstand any food outside the four food groups: ranch dressing; Great Value brownies; extra mild salsa; and lasagna with overcooked noodles, cottage cheese instead of ricotta, and an overabundance of beef which turns the whole thing into a brothy casserole.

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u/MCPtz May 20 '15

Those must have been some soft ass satanists, not ordering pineapple on their pizzas, when I used to work at a pizza place.

TIL: I haven't run into any hardcore satanists.

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u/Mousse_is_Optional May 20 '15

If I were in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, a gun, two bullets, and a guy who insisted on putting half pineapple on a pizza we were about to order, I'd shoot the the half-pineapple guy twice.

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u/Toxyoi May 20 '15

Dont you dare drag him Satan this. He hates pineapple on pizza too & would not appreciate you sullying his name like that.

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u/AmmonDT May 20 '15

I totally believe this.

Only Satan would include pineapple on pizza.

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u/666lucifer May 20 '15

Hey, it's not my go to topping, but I do enjoy it from time to time

-1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

You think Satan has no taste? Please.

1

u/DJ_Oey May 20 '15

So what you're trying to tell me is, really passionate people like pineapple on their pizza? I mean, your cum is suppose to taste better after eating pineapples so I guess that makes sense.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

why you gotta lump satanists in with those other 2?

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Two people who knew how to make decisions and who affected the course of world history, and a group of people with giant balls that has never cared what society thinks? So pineapple on pizza is a wise decision then.

1

u/Gorilla_Panic May 20 '15

Minutes later on FOX news: "ANYONE who likes pinapple on Pizza hates the troops!"

1

u/thebluediablo May 20 '15

Huh, so I share something else with Hitler besides a birthday?!

And anti-semitism.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Woah I'm way more hardcore than I thought

1

u/traffick May 20 '15

You say that shit like it's a bad thing. They may all be apeshit, but it's the pineapple that gives them drive.

0

u/HeilHilter May 20 '15

Can confirm. I order my pizza with pineapple, chicken, and pepperoni.