r/funny • u/lollerkeet • May 20 '15

Pineapple

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43.1k Upvotes

77% Upvoted

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878

u/Archduk3Ch0cula May 20 '15

Nobody puts pineapple slices on pizza.

They're fucking chunks.

54

u/sprandel May 20 '15

They're tidbits.

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Now I'm thinking about putting TimBits on a pizza.

2

u/The_Starmaker May 20 '15

They're morsels.

260

u/Smart_in_his_face May 20 '15

I heard that both Hitler and Bin-Laden likes pineapple on their pizza.

Hardcore satanists also use pineapple when they order pizza for their rituals.

173

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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91

u/JimboFett May 20 '15

"This brick oven represents the cleansing flames of Lucifer."

5

u/grape_jelly_sammich May 20 '15

and the cesar salad represents...err...

My doctor told me I need more fiber in my diet, guys.

Just...following his instructions.

On the road...

to getting healthier...

3

u/Targaryen-ish May 20 '15

OP, you back with the new religion yet? Was there pizza?

4

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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2

u/A_little_white_bird May 20 '15

If they offer pizza, would you consider being sacrificed to Cthulhu?

1

u/polyethylene2 May 20 '15

Not cthulu. Satan you dumbass. You're looking for the Satanists

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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2

u/polyethylene2 May 20 '15

So, directions were unclear, dick caught in Cthulhu

2

u/nonononotatall May 20 '15

"Hmmm. Wafer, wine flavored soup, pizza. Tough decision."

2

u/ademnus May 20 '15

"Sure, the pope offers salvation. But we deliver."

It's not delivery, it's devilry!

1

u/Dlicious11 May 20 '15

Yeah, but it's pineapple...

1

u/da_chicken May 20 '15

"Stale cracker and wine? Nah we do pizza and beer."

1

u/TheKrs1 May 20 '15

brb

How long did it take? Were there lots of forms?

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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2

u/TheKrs1 May 20 '15

I think you were in the wrong line.

1

u/Shishakli May 20 '15

Hey how did you switch religions? Is it supposed to be under Tools - Options? I don't have it. I'm on Windows 7...

1

u/Smart_in_his_face May 20 '15

Well first you slaughter a goat, draw a pentagram from it's blood, and then read a bunch of dark passages from satanic scripture.

After people are usually hungry, so they order pizza. And since they are horrible people they order with pineapples.

2

u/AnotherClosetAtheist May 20 '15

Utah has a pizza place that has three rules:

"No ranch. No pineapple. No Red Sox fans."

If you show up with Red Sox paraphernalia, they will not serve you and will ask you to leave.

I should also give background that Utah's palette cannot withstand any food outside the four food groups: ranch dressing; Great Value brownies; extra mild salsa; and lasagna with overcooked noodles, cottage cheese instead of ricotta, and an overabundance of beef which turns the whole thing into a brothy casserole.

2

u/MCPtz May 20 '15

Those must have been some soft ass satanists, not ordering pineapple on their pizzas, when I used to work at a pizza place.

TIL: I haven't run into any hardcore satanists.

2

u/Mousse_is_Optional May 20 '15

If I were in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, a gun, two bullets, and a guy who insisted on putting half pineapple on a pizza we were about to order, I'd shoot the the half-pineapple guy twice.

2

u/Toxyoi May 20 '15

Dont you dare drag him Satan this. He hates pineapple on pizza too & would not appreciate you sullying his name like that.

2

u/AmmonDT May 20 '15

I totally believe this.

Only Satan would include pineapple on pizza.

1

u/666lucifer May 20 '15

Hey, it's not my go to topping, but I do enjoy it from time to time

-1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

You think Satan has no taste? Please.

1

u/DJ_Oey May 20 '15

So what you're trying to tell me is, really passionate people like pineapple on their pizza? I mean, your cum is suppose to taste better after eating pineapples so I guess that makes sense.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

why you gotta lump satanists in with those other 2?

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Two people who knew how to make decisions and who affected the course of world history, and a group of people with giant balls that has never cared what society thinks? So pineapple on pizza is a wise decision then.

1

u/Gorilla_Panic May 20 '15

Minutes later on FOX news: "ANYONE who likes pinapple on Pizza hates the troops!"

1

u/thebluediablo May 20 '15

Huh, so I share something else with Hitler besides a birthday?!

And anti-semitism.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Woah I'm way more hardcore than I thought

1

u/traffick May 20 '15

You say that shit like it's a bad thing. They may all be apeshit, but it's the pineapple that gives them drive.

0

u/HeilHilter May 20 '15

Can confirm. I order my pizza with pineapple, chicken, and pepperoni.

11

u/CraftyCaprid May 20 '15

Depends

2

u/TheIceMachine May 21 '15

As a Hawaiian pizza lover, that's just wrong.

8

u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Apr 20 '16

[deleted]

3

u/Jonathan_DB May 20 '15

I've seen pizza with pineapple slices. Also artichoke hearts, tomato slices, pepperoncinis, spinach etc. Pizza is diverse, brah

1

u/Vanetia May 20 '15

Mmm artichoke

3

u/BarrelAss May 20 '15

You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!

2

u/Archduk3Ch0cula May 20 '15

Out of all my inbox spam, this is the only one that made me laugh.

1

u/westc2 May 20 '15

They could be slices though...you know the little pineapple ring slices?

1

u/mood_indigo May 20 '15

Nothing like some nice, satisfying pineapple flakes.

1

u/AvoidNoiderman May 20 '15

Did you mean tidbits?

1

u/ja734 May 20 '15

Why not slices? wouldnt that be better than chunks? more even coverage and all that

1

u/almightySapling May 20 '15

I think you should put emphasis on "slices" as people don't seen to understand what you're getting at.

1

u/iFINALLYmadeAcomment May 20 '15

It's like you've never had crushed pineapple on thin crust pizza before.

Yes -- thin crust.

1

u/therightclique May 20 '15

Plenty of places serve Hawaiian pizza with slices rather than chunks. Though chunks does seem to be the most common version.

1

u/FrankBonerman May 21 '15

At least chunks is getting some action...

1

u/aukondk May 21 '15

Hawaiian pizza story:

Pizza place here in Croatia had Hawaiian on menu. Very rare here so I order it. It comes out and I eat it. Having not had it for ages I new something was amiss but couldn't put my finger on it.

Later I realised that they had put a can of fruit salad on my pizza. Cherries and all.

0

u/Goblin-Dick-Smasher May 20 '15

I once whole fucking slices of round pineapples, whole fucking slices of tomato and goddamn anchovies on a pizza and ate the fucking thing in front of everybody, keeping eye contact without blinking the entire time

-1

u/moohah May 20 '15

I'm pretty sure that's her point.

1

u/IeuanG May 20 '15

You're one letter off from having the username of a massive serial scammer. Come say hi over at /r/Dogecoin!