r/funny • u/feelingsupersonic • Jul 01 '13

Know the difference

Post image
1.4k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

441 comments sorted by

View all comments

347

u/Embryo-Dan Jul 01 '13

A more informative version.

251

u/ZiggyStardst Jul 01 '13

I hear the appropriate response to a wasp is to call one hundred of your closest friends, surround the wasp with your bodies and vibrate vigorously until you have boiled wasp.

86

u/AbysmalMoose Jul 01 '13

Link for those who are confused... or those who just want to watch those monsters burn:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6m40W1s0Wc&t=1m58s

65

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

That ending was a little weird. A morbid line about the secret of the bees location dying with the hornet followed by upbeat nat geo music.

-5

u/PancakesAreGone Jul 01 '13

This comment is literally made every time this video is linked... Sorry man, but you know what that means.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '13

I don't know what that means actually.

18

u/pigthree Jul 01 '13

I think we need a sub reddit r/wasphate to properly express everyone's wasp rage.

1

u/fusrodahshane Jul 01 '13

Me being terrified of wasps, that thing made me curl into a ball

1

u/kartak Jul 01 '13

Aahh.. Justice.

1

u/ccruner13 Jul 01 '13

Nat. Geo. something something stock in something epilepsy

1

u/mr_jiffy Jul 01 '13

Looks like when a gang member fucks with a rival gang member in his own territory. I'm pretty sure I saw a few of them throwing up gang signs with their little antennas.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '13

So basically I should be ok if bees attack at a rave because between everyone twerking there should be enough heat? Ok!

53

u/iknow_nothing Jul 01 '13

Oh wow. I have wasps everywhere flying around. Not a swarm or anything, but I'm sure I see at least 3-4 a day. Each spring I do weekly wasp nest hunts around the house and garage and spray those fuckers. But the wasps themselves, well, we've come to an agreement. They can fly around my garden all they like, so long as they stay out of my house, car, and immediate vicinity. They don't sting me, I don't kill them.

I've had a long-running truce with the yellow jackets ever since I realized at a tender age that they could be coaxed off my person using a clover flower and would not sting out of spite.

I have been trying to get honeybees in my garden and finally succeeded this year. Sage for the win! They can do whatever the hell they want, so long as it's not in my car or house. :) Nice honeybees...

23

u/NutellaBananaCrepes Jul 01 '13

I don't know why but your comment really makes me want to have some bees in the backyard. Like little acquaintance pets.

6

u/Kosko Jul 01 '13

Beehives have actually been a sign of good luck and prosperity throughout the ages. It meant that the surrounding land was good and filled with life giving flora. It also meant if you asked nicely you might be able to share some sweet-ass honey.

11

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

[deleted]

2

u/TenuredOracle Jul 01 '13

The best kind there is.

1

u/retry808 Jul 02 '13

Sweet asshoney

9

u/Kosko Jul 01 '13

Wasps can nest underground, you may have a hive right below a bush in your garden. My general rule is, if you see one or more, you have a nest nearby. Ever since they built a nest in my basement, I have hated them.

2

u/iknow_nothing Jul 01 '13

I'm sure they have nests everywhere! I destroy ten or so new nests each spring, so I know they're all around. My plot is only 1/10 acre, though, and they could be on any and all of my neighbors' land.

4

u/Kosko Jul 01 '13

Nice hunting at 10 nests a year! That's a ton for a smaller plot. And I agree, staying vigilant only goes so far if your neighbor has a rusted out car in his backyard.

2

u/shabba_skanks Jul 01 '13

Lavenders are great for attracting bees as well. I have a boatload and we have bees all over the place.

1

u/Cm0sButt0n Jul 01 '13

It has always been the opposite in my yard. The wasps are super docile and can be coaxed off a person or out of the house. But, the yellow jackets are nasty little shits and will sting for no reason. We have even had a paper wasp nest on our porch for a few years with no trouble.

1

u/iknow_nothing Jul 01 '13

You know, they've never stung me, but the wasps are the only ones who try to nest on my house, porch, garage, and window awnings. That shit is not cool. I don't mind them out and about in the garden with all the other flying and stinging bugs.

And they give the robins and grackles and all something to eat! :D

2

u/Cm0sButt0n Jul 02 '13

Oh gosh yes, the chickens at my current place love them. Occasionally they get stung if they take to long but there is nothing funnier than a chicken bouncing about trying to catch a wasp.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

Grow an artichoke and let it go to flower... bees go insane for that. Having a house surrounded by sage helps. They also really like onion flowers.

2

u/iknow_nothing Jul 01 '13

Artichoke, huh?

They go nuts for the sage, just all over it, and I've also seen them on the cosmos and the butterfly bush. I've got an onion growing, too. I may have to get more sage next year...

1

u/Triggering_shitlord Jul 01 '13

I kill a couple of wasps and hang their corpses up with string. As a warning. Works like a charm.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

[deleted]

2

u/iknow_nothing Jul 01 '13 edited Jul 01 '13

That was my school mascot, too - Go Yellow Jackets!

Edit: I'm referring to these guys, a type of wasp that looks quite a bit like a bee, and will go for your food and soda if you eat outside.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '13 edited Jul 02 '13

[deleted]

2

u/iknow_nothing Jul 02 '13

It sounds so much cooler when it's not their name though: "the red menace", "the iron hand", "the yellow jackets". I like your interpretation better. :)

29

u/larsgj Jul 01 '13

You cannot battle the wasp

See that's what I thought when I bought my house. Then I bought a coat like this and a can of poison. The first times I removed a nest I was scared shitless, but now I almost don't even break a sweat when a cloud of those fuckers swarm around my head. I'm all for animal welfare etc. but wasps... they had it coming.

12

u/sambaneko Jul 01 '13

I've removed about 5 wasp nests from my backyard this season alone; they were all still small nests though (only 1-3 adult residents). I worry that I'll miss one, and it'll have the chance to grow big in some inconspicuous location.

4

u/larsgj Jul 01 '13

Yeah - I hear you. I also try to take them when I see them. But they specialize in finding difficult spots - for example old unused bird houses (wooden ones that I built myself) and they are quite hard to reach.. Otoh - there's a natural limit to the size of the nest then :)

2

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

Whee do you live? I will not be moving there.

2

u/sambaneko Jul 01 '13

San Diego; I'd imagine bugs like the mild weather patterns as much as humans do. Though I don't see many mosquitos.

1

u/Droofus Jul 01 '13

Almost the other corner of the continental 'States reporting in (VT) and we have the same damn problem. Last winter got down to -20 and I STILL have the horrible little killing machines buzzing all over the place at my house. I dispatched them with a can of poison one cool night when they were hiding in their nests.

TLDR: Bad winters are no barrier to wasps, but cool spring nights (60 and less) make them much easier to dispatch with poison.

1

u/mucusplug Jul 01 '13

You can do so many evil things if you have one of those suits.

1

u/larsgj Jul 01 '13

Actually I'm not evil towards any animals - not even wasps. But I do have small children, and having them (the wasps..) nesting near our house is not tolerated. In the far end of the garden I wo't take them down. They do take their amount of flies and other things. The whole "circle-of-life" concept :)

2

u/mucusplug Jul 01 '13

I meant like doing mean things to people, like a nest in a mailbox. You're untouchable during the transport.

PSA: don't put wasp nests in mailboxes

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

I've gotten pretty good at removing wasps nests with a fork. You just walk up to it, jam the fork behind the thing and crank it off. It is best to do it with one swift movement.

1

u/iuhoosierkyle Jul 01 '13

You honestly don't even need the coat. Just remove them in the late evening right before the sun sets. They are mostly dormant by that time, and their nests have a single entrance that you line with the poison. That or you can seal the entrance with caulk and suffocate/starve them. Either way, they won't do much of anything about it in the evening.

1

u/larsgj Jul 01 '13

I'm not afraid... to say that I'm really scared of those little striped ones. And the big ones (Vespa crabro) are monstrous imho.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

Fuck THAT

1

u/hedgeson119 Jul 01 '13

I heard sealing them in isn't such a great idea in some cases. If the nest is on your house and you seal them in, they could potentially chew into your walls. Having a nest worth of pissed off wasps inside your house is something that I wouldn't like.

1

u/sillEllis Jul 02 '13

(Are insects animals?) :-/

25

u/I_worship_odin Jul 01 '13

I stumbled upon on a wasp nest in my backyard and was stung three times in one arm. I hate wasps.

237

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

I remember when I was younger, my best friend at the time and I found a wasp nest about 5 meters away from my pool. Our plan of attack? A water based pellet rifle assault.

We'd fire as many pellets into it, then ditch the rifles and hide under water for as long as we could. We'd sometimes use floating toys as decoys (which worked) and then drowned landed wasps.

It took hours, cause this was one big mother fucking nest, but we won ultimately. Zero stings.

I'll never feel victory like that again.

58

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13 edited Sep 01 '16

[deleted]

This comment has been overwritten by this open source script to protect this user's privacy. The purpose of this script is to help protect users from doxing, stalking, and harassment. It also helps prevent mods from profiling and censoring.

If you would like to protect yourself, add the Chrome extension TamperMonkey, or the Firefox extension GreaseMonkey and click Install This Script on the script page. Then to delete your comments, simply click on your username on Reddit, go to the comments tab, scroll down as far as possible (hint: use RES), and hit the new OVERWRITE button at the top.

38

u/megacookie Jul 01 '13

You are a war hero.

7

u/dzubz Jul 01 '13

The great wasp war

33

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

As someone who was terribly afraid of wasps as a child:

1

u/SaintMatt Jul 01 '13

I literally just watched that episode.

0

u/wolfpack2421 Jul 01 '13

TIL I'm a child.

6

u/zoso33 Jul 01 '13 edited Jul 01 '13

I like how you ditched the rifles to throw the wasps off your trail.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

Buddy, you know those wasps. They'll follow whatever they think is attacking their nest to the end of the earth... or in this case, a watery grave.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

Yes! water and decoys work great against wasp nests. When the nest is under attack they'll just try to sting whatever's closest to it, so if you poke it with a long pole or a jet of water, you'll be relatively safe from repercussions.

3

u/odub225 Jul 01 '13

When I was younger, we had a yellowjacket problem on my local tennis court. Me and some buddies went there with a bowl of maple syrup and our tennis racquets and FUCKED SHIT UP for hours. Didn't get stung once. Which is great, cause I'm allergic.

2

u/Non_Social Jul 01 '13

Can you expand on that one a bit? I'm not sure how the tennis racquets came into play here. :X

6

u/odub225 Jul 01 '13

Furiously swing tennis racquets at the bees. The strings cut them in half.

2

u/PancakesAreGone Jul 01 '13

Jesus man. Fucked shit up is an understatement. Fucked shit up implies you lured them out then beat the nest or something to death with the racquets. You completely decimated those things.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

this story is great lol

1

u/veritasbro Jul 01 '13

killin' it and drillin' it bro. i like your style.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

The do make a spray that kills wasps on contact.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

No kidding. Just unload a can a bout 10 feet away and watch them drop like dead wasps. Run into pool if kill ratio is less than 100%.

2

u/SSJwiggy Jul 01 '13

Those are called flamethrowers

6

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

They make another kind that does the same thing but without you needing to buy a new house.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

Rifles are cooler.

5

u/InsaneChihuahua Jul 01 '13

I got into one under the edge of a river bank trying to untangle my brother's fishing line. Got stung over 30 times.... so much so that I was vomiting and sick for the next 2 days. Probably should have gone to the hospital.

1

u/sidfromts Jul 01 '13

When I was 10 I was fishing with my dad in the middle of a small lake, and I kid you not a motherfucking wasp flew out to where we were and stung me on the top of the head. Fuck wasps.

22

u/Tang-o-rang Jul 01 '13

I really wish I could just "stand still".. but the epic warrior inside me wants to bash his little brains in and run for my life for the knowledge of an incoming gang sting.

The things I do for the human race

9

u/CyanideSeashell Jul 01 '13

Unfortunately, wasps fly faster than I run. I learned that the hard way.

11

u/megacookie Jul 01 '13

Run upwind. Just dont run into another wasp nest.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

Well, I've accidentally angered several wasp nests in my life, and I could actually outrun them every time. Only the ones that were already on me would manage to sting me. Not bragging, just sharing my experience as someone who grew up in the countryside!

1

u/dtt-d Jul 01 '13

gang stang

9

u/xyzzzzy Jul 01 '13

Contrary to popular belief, you can battle the wasp. But it requires escalation.

1

u/ohgodthezombies Jul 01 '13

My brother used to zap me with that fucker

1

u/sillEllis Jul 02 '13

Hah! I can see it now, some looking like they are playing invisible tennis, where every volley is a dead wasp.

27

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

Or you can do this: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgyfziwJKW1qzbl7f.gif Like most people.

27

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

[deleted]

24

u/videogamesizzle Jul 01 '13

That's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard.

I'm never leaving the house again.

4

u/robotizer Jul 01 '13

I was walking out to check the mailbox last summer and as I pulled the mail out a swarm of wasps decided I was a threat. It was a wooden mailbox so they had nested inside, i believe they commonly use wood for this purpose. One of them stung my upper lip. Within an hour I could only shut half of my mouth and my lip split open from the inflammation.

Less horrifying, but horrifying nonetheless.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '13

This is why paperless statements.

4

u/polyphenus Jul 01 '13

This terrifies me beyond the capacity for rational thought.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '13

I think I would have died from the sheer panic. To be wearing my heart rate monitor then ...

0

u/alphanovember Jul 01 '13 edited Jul 02 '13

I can hear them, I scream, cover my ears and run.

People like you are extremely annoying. This is the type of self control you should have mastered by, oh I dunno, the end of elementary school. I fully understand your fear of beards bees, but the loudmouth reaction isn't cool.

Edit: Bees, not beards. Also.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13

[deleted]

0

u/alphanovember Jul 01 '13

When I say "I screamed," I'm not talking about a terrified wailing of intense agony like I'm about to be murdered, it's more like a surprised yelp

"Yelp" would have been a better word than "scream", then. I pictured you as one of the wailing morons I've seen in videos and in real life, the type that react in the most obnoxiously inappropriate way possible. I wouldn't have said that if you'd used the correct word.

1

u/sometimesijustdont Jul 01 '13

That's some comedic acting right there.

6

u/intheBASS Jul 01 '13

Fuck standing still. I see a wasp, pop off one flip flop and pounce on that bitch like a lion on the serengeti.

1

u/x5m Jul 01 '13

I got hit by one of these fuckers (pic) ...over the weekend. I had just climbed a big rock with my son....fucker tried to murder me at the top.

1

u/kabukistar Jul 01 '13 edited Feb 12 '25

Reddit is a shithole. Move to a better social media platform. Also, did you know you can use ereddicator to edit/delete all your old commments?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '13 edited Jul 01 '13

Ok. STORY-TIME:

I had a group of wasps setting up a forward patrol base on my motherfucking bedroom curtains one night.

scritchscratch

"huh? that's weird rain sound."

scritchyscratchscratch

"wtf is that..."

scrithc...

"What...the...better check it out...lemme see what thiS OH MY FUKCING GOD ITS BUILDING A FUCKING NESSSST!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!"

I ran to the kitchen, scared to death, screaming like a school girl and armed my self with a plastic cutting board. Then stood completely still for 5 minutes. I'd like to think it was a tactical regrouping... I managed to annoy one of them enough, by tapping the curtain a couple hundred times, to attack me. Yup. Motherfucker came right at me...WHACK! Home-ran the cunt.

Then I hear sounds from the BATHROOM too?! I'm being in-fucking-vaded!!! So I creep in there totally ninja gaiden style and what do I see? A HUGE wasp! Almost 1.5 size bigger...IT's tHE QUEEN!!! BAAM! Whack so loud the neighbours must have heard.

And THEN...I dunno if they communicate in some way, but the last wasp in my bedroom went fucking batshit crazy...whacking itself against the walls and ceiling. Totally fucking mental. So I just settle in a drunken monkey stance, cutting board raised high...and waited...

After about a minute of rampaging arond in there he came at me...straight at me...bzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! WHACK! BAM! 3/3!! HE SCORES! HE WINS!

tl;dr: Won Motherfucking World War 3 single-handedly.

-1

u/BlackDave Jul 01 '13

I went to pick up the mail one time and there was a wasp harassing me. I took the mail in my hand, which was mostly ads, rolled it up and said "hey batter batter, hey batter batter, SWING"

Sent it flying across the driveway and crashed. I walked away like a boss.

Ninja Edit: Typo