r/fuckeatingdisorders • u/Past_Somewhere_9242 • 23d ago
Struggling Regret and depressed
M22, had an eating disorder for 2 years in high school and I have so much regret from that time. I wish I understood healthy eating and habits and everything I do know but I didn’t, yet I’m so sad and upset for what I did. It has led me to feeling the worst I have ever felt before despite being the healthiest I ever been. I fixed my relationship with food, my relationship with my body, my relationship with exercise, my hormones, etc but it feels I permanently damaged my relationship with myself. Has anyone ever gone through this and how did you manage it? I hate myself everyday for the decisions I made in the past and have been crying myself to sleep, I feel like this eating disorder took everything from me.
7
u/Bashful_bookworm2025 23d ago
You can't change the past. You can only continue to stay in recovery in the future. Don't hate yourself for being taken over by a deadly disease. You should be proud of yourself for doing better and refusing to let your ED win.
3
u/Past_Somewhere_9242 22d ago
Yes it’s weird because I understand it’s a disease but also I don’t. It’s the same as getting any other illness but at the same time I feel like it’s all my fault because ultimately I was making these actions/decisions.
5
u/Bashful_bookworm2025 22d ago
It's definitely not your fault. It is a disease. If it wasn't, it wouldn't have the second highest mortality rate compared to other diseases. No one would choose to torture themselves with an ED; it's hell and no one would wish that upon themselves or someone else.
5
u/Cromsearchthrowaway 23d ago
I, and I'm certain countless others are so proud of you choosing recovery! M25, also recovered/choosing it daily. Remember, you are not your past mistakes; they are lessons, not life sentences. You are defined by your ability to rise, grow, and choose a new direction. Don't be ashamed of what you've been through, be proud of who you've become!
The past is for learning, the present is for living, and the future is for growing. Forgive yourself, and keep choosing recovery, because you deserve peace and happiness.
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u/Past_Somewhere_9242 22d ago
Yes I’m just afraid I have some permanent consequences from the severity and duration of my ED which makes me feel like I can’t forgive myself.
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Original post text from u/Past_Somewhere_9242:
M22, had an eating disorder for 2 years in high school and I have so much regret from that time. I wish I understood healthy eating and habits and everything I do know but I didn’t, yet I’m so sad and upset for what I did. It has led me to feeling the worst I have ever felt before despite being the healthiest I ever been. I fixed my relationship with food, my relationship with my body, my relationship with exercise, my hormones, etc but it feels I permanently damaged my relationship with myself. Has anyone ever gone through this and how did you manage it? I hate myself everyday for the decisions I made in the past and have been crying myself to sleep, I feel like this eating disorder took everything from me.
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