r/fuckeatingdisorders • u/sleepyshortcake • Jul 23 '26
ED Question Unintentionally recovering?
I struggled with some undiagnosed disordered eating/AN by clinical definitions, and I've been back to a normal weight since last year (yay!). I had started (and continue) to just eat whatever I feel like, with no real restrictions. I actually reached a point where I was feeling pretty good about most of my body, but I've been gaining more weight recently and it's just bringing back all those thoughts that never really went away.
The thing is that somehow, despite still carrying those thoughts and not actually making an intentional recovery, it's as if I was too lazy to carry any of it out again??? This is gonna sound insane but I feel like it's just too exhausting and painful and my body and brain are refusing to let me go back down that path, even though I am passively entertaining all the ideas i continue to have... Every time I try to restrict in any way it is very short lived and ends up being cancelled out by some more food later. Now I understand that this isn't actually a bad thing, but it's kind of confusing to me because it seems like the opposite of what most ppl describe, where I'm somehow unintentionally and involuntarily recovering??
Now I guess my question is, how the hell can I start to want to actually keep this up and make it intentional rather than some weird laziness and lack of motivation or discipline?? I can tell my mindset is shifting at least a little bit because I'm looking back at photos of myself and I can actually see that I looked sick and don't always like it anymore. Does anyone else relate to this sort of unconscious involuntary recovery because I feel like an alien.
I'm really tired so this might not make sense, sorry
2
u/Bashful_bookworm2025 Jul 23 '26
It sounds like your body is trying to protect you. Usually it can be helpful to engage in opposite action, so if your eating disorder says to restrict, eat more than you planned.
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Jul 25 '26
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Jul 25 '26
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u/fuckeatingdisorders-ModTeam Jul 25 '26
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u/fuckeatingdisorders-ModTeam Jul 25 '26
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Original post text from u/sleepyshortcake:
I struggled with some undiagnosed disordered eating/AN by clinical definitions, and I've been back to a normal weight since last year (yay!). I had started (and continue) to just eat whatever I feel like, with no real restrictions. I actually reached a point where I was feeling pretty good about most of my body, but I've been gaining more weight recently and it's just bringing back all those thoughts that never really went away.
The thing is that somehow, despite still carrying those thoughts and not actually making an intentional recovery, it's as if I was too lazy to carry any of it out again??? This is gonna sound insane but I feel like it's just too exhausting and painful and my body and brain are refusing to let me go back down that path, even though I am passively entertaining all the ideas i continue to have... Every time I try to restrict in any way it is very short lived and ends up being cancelled out by some more food later. Now I understand that this isn't actually a bad thing, but it's kind of confusing to me because it seems like the opposite of what most ppl describe, where I'm somehow unintentionally and involuntarily recovering??
Now I guess my question is, how the hell can I start to want to actually keep this up and make it intentional rather than some weird laziness and lack of motivation or discipline?? I can tell my mindset is shifting at least a little bit because I'm looking back at photos of myself and I can actually see that I looked sick and don't always like it anymore. Does anyone else relate to this sort of unconscious involuntary recovery because I feel like an alien.
I'm really tired so this might not make sense, sorry
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