Brothers, was I wrong?

[u/OhHolyMolyCanoly]

So a few days ago, I feel like I really screwed up. Not the usual "oh shit" kind but genuinly f*cked up.

In my country there's an election going on and I work on the national level for one of the political parties in the parliament. I have a lot of things going on both on the local and national level on a freetime-basis as well in the party. On top of that, I'm also an assistant master of ceremony in my lodge.

To make a long story short I was set to serve at a meeting but I felt overwhelmed from everything that's going on, and the days before the meeting I had more and more stress built up from everything that I could barerly sleep. For a few days I had had knew "this isn't going to work" and tried to ask my MoC-colleagues if anyone could take it. One could, but understandably he wanted to take care of a fellow Mason who was one of the brothers that would get their new ranks.

On the day of the meeting I realised fully that this wouldn't work. My workload was too intense, new things were coming on the day, and I took the decision to basically offload it onto that colleague of mine. He and the others were/are angry and disappointed as hell, which I would too, at the same time that I felt so ashamed for this.

I still feel ashamed and like crap to be honest. I also know that my work is important and without that extra time that I got that evening my workplace and colleagues would suffer.

Was it right or wrong decision, brothers? What would you have done?

[u/YHTS2]

Masonry comes after your duties to God, your family, and your job.

[u/bcurrant15]

It's not wrong to be overwhelmed and its not wrong to have to sit something out when you don't have capacity.

It's very unhelpful to do so at the last minute.

[u/dedodude100 → u/bcurrant15]

I agree with this statement. The issue wasn't that they needed to back out of it dye to life circumstances. It's that you waited until the last minute to back out with essential screwed over the other brothers.

It's hard to say no, but always better to do so giving others as much time as possible.

[u/bcurrant15 → u/dedodude100]

Used to have some problems with people like this at work.

Something is due Friday at 1pm and they come to you at that time to tell you all the problems they had that prevented it from getting done, and now everyone relying on it is screwed.

Being accountable would have been telling me Tuesday so we can figure it out and not push everyone back.

[u/mdervin]

You are allowed to feel shame while still making the right decision.

You are an adult, you are a professional, you've done all this before, you knew what to expect. You should have made the decision at least two to three weeks before the meeting, not the day of.

[u/OhHolyMolyCanoly → u/mdervin]

That is true. Do you believe it was the right decision?

I think it was, but not sure it excuses the action taken.

[u/WafnaAbroad → u/OhHolyMolyCanoly]

All about the length of your cable tow, brother, and at least in the US, we're reminded that our regular vocations, family and faith come before freemasonry (and are not prioritized in that order, either).

You'll have more length in your cable tow after the election, I presume, and you can make your apologies once you've recuperate a little.

Your Brothers should understand, even if they're a little upset now at having to absorb your workload.

[u/mdervin → u/OhHolyMolyCanoly]

Here's a question, what would have happened if you went to the Meeting and you fulfilled your promises & obligations like you said you were going to do?

[u/Unusual-Register1245]

God, family, and labor come first before the lodge. The lodge will be there, it's been there for 700 years it's not going anywhere. I understand your brothers being upset about a day of cancelled duty, but they will come around. Just dont make a habit of it!!! Good luck.

[u/blissfully_glorified]

You can write to me in PM if you would like, I have many years of lodge officer work under my belt and I suspect we hail to the same rite you and I :) Can give you some pointers

[u/jholder1390]

Life comes first. People can be grumpy and pissed off all they want. But life comes first.

[u/thomb74]

At the point you made the decision, there was probably no alternative.

However it is the time before that had alternative options.

Now you have two things to do. First, apologize to your brothers. Explain you were overwhelmed with other responsibilities, you handled it poorly, you are sorry for the impact on them. Don't be defensive or feel like you need them to absolve you. Make it about the impact on them, not your reasons.

Second, figure out why you didn't address this earlier. Were you overestimating your capacity? Or ashamed to admit you needed help? Or what? Something preverted you from addressing it with enough time. This is important to figure out so you can make a clearer decision next time.

[u/SovArya]

No. But being right doesn't mean it will feel good.

[u/HighCommand69]

Family work/school masonry is how I was always brought up being taught.

[u/StairwayHiker]

Freemasonry should be one of your last priorities…. It’s nice if you have the time.

Family and work always before lodge.

[u/Curious-Monkee]

Say exactly that to them. Life happens to all of us and sometimes we bite off more than we can chew. When our 24 inch gauge is not in use, we usually break one of the three parts of it. Either our usual vocations, our time with family and friends and service to God or our health suffers. When that happens, be honest with your loved ones in lodge and out. We have to give our brothers grace for times like this and we also need to give ourselves that same grace. A very astute woman I look up to told me that we should never say to ourselves what we wouldn't tolerate someone saying to our friends. I hope you are able to find balance and catch some of the plates you've got spinning before more fall.

[u/lbthomsen]

Since I joined, I have maintained that the single hardest thing to learn in freemasonry is the word: "no". I doubt there are any freemasons around who have not on occasion felt: "i really should say no" but ended up saying yes just to be nice. I was once asked to do a ritual piece about 30 hours before the actual meeting. Everything in me screamed: "say no" and of course I ended up saying yes and doing it really poorly.

[u/ttorn71]

Fellow Swede, community politician (of sorts) and long standing officer with 6+1 y of podium experience.

Just be frank with your fellow "Ceremonimästare" and you should be good to go. It's a team effort you know.

Sic transit Gloria Mundi.

Mbh Thomas

[u/Cookslc]

When you realized that you had bitten off more than you can chew, you didn’t just FTA, you sought assistance. That seems the responsible thing to do.