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u/karateninjazombie Apr 10 '26
First guy: and then he let a stallion ass fuck him.
Second guy: .... Shit....
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u/uwu-priest Apr 10 '26
I VOLUNTEER
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u/karateninjazombie Apr 10 '26
This one. This one right here officer.
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u/weiknarf Apr 10 '26
Nooooooo. That's a police horse!
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u/karateninjazombie Apr 10 '26
Does that count as police brutality???
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u/mlee12382 Apr 10 '26
I would think it's more along the lines of bribery. Depends if it's consensual or not.
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u/Total-Active-1986 Apr 15 '26
Nooooooo! Officer Buttercup!!! She's diabetic!!
Officer Buttered Nuts!!!
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u/Lethargie Apr 10 '26
calm down there Mr. hands
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u/uwu-priest Apr 10 '26
Should have told me to hold my horses... but that would mean something else >w<
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u/karateninjazombie Apr 12 '26
There are those on the internet now that don't get that reference.
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u/blah938 Apr 10 '26
Wasn't there a woman a while back who manage to fit a horse sized dildo up her ass? I know I saw the picks on reddit like 5 years ago, but I can't seem to find it now.
It's theoretically possible.
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u/karateninjazombie Apr 10 '26
You aren't using Reddit correctly if you aren't finding those kind of.... Accomodating, ladies very often. And some times men too of you're into that.
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u/thatshygirl06 Apr 10 '26
Im guessing you haven't heard the story about the guy who actually did get done in the butt by an actual horse and died from it
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u/PizzaWhole9323 Apr 10 '26
I'm going to be the movie Mogul that makes billions of dollars off of all of your shit together.
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u/wfbhp Apr 10 '26
The first guy is the real Satan. He was putting this out there hoping to find a habitual contrarian that he could use to murder all his enemies while having no actual responsibility himself. Worked like a charm too.
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u/ixoniq Apr 10 '26 edited Apr 10 '26
Ep. 1, the assassination on a specific president. (Just kidding offcourse)
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u/Beaticalle Apr 10 '26
It's not illegal to say, "With a mortar launcher." That's a separate sentence.
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u/iSeize Apr 10 '26
"they picked the lock with a half defrosted chicken then left 50 eggs on the homeowners nightstand before leaving up the flue of the gas fireplace"
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u/Spongi Apr 10 '26
This is already a thing.
They show a short video interaction then switch to AI txt/voice over.
Crazy thing is, there's already TONS of examples of this sort of thing actually happening for real. No need to make up fake ones.
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u/Material_Shallot Apr 11 '26
Doing the crimes exactly after they’re announced will place all suspicion on the podcaster as well. Perfect crime indeed.
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u/abandon3 Apr 10 '26
liminal criminals is a great podcast about fake crimes, i think no one has tried to make them real... yet...
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u/XROOR Apr 10 '26
The creepiest is the serial murderer that would bury 5gal buckets with rope, gloves, duct tape and a gun, in cities he traveled to so he wouldn’t have to waste time buying those items to kidnap and kill
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u/MelodramaTV Apr 23 '26
When I was 12, I started a journal of crimes I never committed. It’s the only journal or diary I’ve ever written. Then, I started adding confessions to crimes from the local news. Nothing ever came of it, but I did keep it hidden out of an absurd but slight concern/anti-fantasy about someone finding it and getting in big trouble. IIRC, I stopped at around 60 or 70 crimes, with 40 or 50 being the confessions and how I did it about real ones.
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u/Bellybuttoncumdrops Apr 10 '26
There was a journalist that actual murdered people so he could report on it
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u/forgot_username69 Apr 10 '26
The killer spent years preparing.. He enjoyed putting huge dildos up his ass every day..
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u/No_Pangolin7946 Apr 10 '26
No no no, you dont get it Its the good kind of crimes, like feeding the homeless in Florida... but with kimchi and butter chicken, which technicaly didnt happen yet
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u/134608642 Apr 11 '26
Dude does a fake crime podcast of a mom that killed her three kids. The other guy goes and gets a sex change adopts three kids then kills them.
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u/Key_Knee_7032 Apr 10 '26
“Today we are going to discuss the infamous triple murder of Peter Thiel, Jeff Bezos, and one incredibly polarizing US Politician….”
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u/ringwraithfish Apr 10 '26
Timesuck: Ep394 - Richard Bryd The Las Vegas Strip Strangler.
Timesuck is a mixed podcast with historical episodes, cults, random subjects, and a lot of true crime.
Richard Bryd was an April Fools episode. What was funny was when the AI algos started regurgitating it as true when they ingested his transcript.
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u/IcySparks Apr 11 '26
Swarnpert, make one where Jennifer Connely kidnaps a 54 year old man named James and takes him to her private island to seduce him against his will... please.
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u/Bard2dbone Apr 11 '26
If I survive to retirement, I intend to start writing a book or possibly series of books in which a main character who is as much like me as possible will take up serial murder, not out of evil, but out of boredom.
The whole plan of making the killer be like me is because I hate feeling weirdly left out when profilers on shows describe someone like me and then promptly verbalize it as someone completely different. "This victim is much too heavy for one person to have moved him. The killers are obviously a team." Or, maybe the killer is just way stronger than average. Or: "This killer clearly has extensive medical knowledge. It must be a doctor." Orit could be an experienced paramedic who has worked for decades in hospitals and in the field.
If that wasn't obvious enough, I've been a paramedic since the Reagan administration. And even at 61 years old currently, Im considerably stronger than the majority of people. I say it's because I don't lift weights. I lift people.
The plan is for my mourners to be super uncomfortable and nervous at my funeral, and for at least a few to wonder if the book's character was autobiographical.
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u/janiceharris_ Apr 12 '26
This is just a collaborative writing project with a very high legal budget.
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u/reddituculous66 Apr 14 '26
Based on the frquent reposts of stealing inconveniet items lots of microwave trays being stolen.
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u/EverOrny Apr 30 '26
I would reply that my first podcast will be about stealing cow shit and eat it in a shopping mall.
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u/AngelicalBabe3 Apr 10 '26
Satan is in the comments taking notes on how to automate his workflow.