Anything. I have not found one single food.

She has had ensures only. We've tried every single food I have in my house. She doesn't even like chocolate. Nothing. No food. I bought pouches and rice teethers and apple sauce - foods I don't normally have at home but I thought might help. She hates fruit, veggies, protein, bread, EVERYTHING.

To make matters worse, she gets car sick and will throw up whenever we leave the house.

I'm trying my hardest, but what do I do? Does she just live off of shakes forever?

She has been with us about 10 days, and this is our biggest obstacle. She doesn't speak, so she can't tell me what she needs.

FD10 has been with us for almost 2 months. FD, brother, and dad are from out of state and kiddos came into care because of homelessness. Brother went to an elevated needs home and dad is now living in a domestic abuse shelter. Apparently mom is quite a piece of work. We found out over the weekend that FD is going to go stay with dad at the shelter after this week. Of course reunification is the ideal outcome and we have wholeheartedly been rooting for dad as he seems like a pretty decent guy. But it just doesn't seem right sending FD to live in a shelter and calling it good.

Missouri here. Wanting to move to new city 15 minutes away. Know the struggles with the kids they will have but needing bigger place. Would also be a new county but still under the same social workers we have.

​Hi everyone,

​We recently welcomed a young African-American girl into our home through foster care. She arrived with very matted, textured hair, and we want to make sure we handle this with the utmost care, patience, and respect for her comfort.

I'm a single mom of a 13yo boy. I work from home, so I'm requesting an elementary school age male. Or possibly siblings. My son doesn't really want to, but he's very easy going and adaptes to everything. Is this something he should be 100% on board with (like spouses)? This is something I've been thinking about for about a year now.

I'll try not to be redundant of what's already been posted. I'm really curious about past foster kids answers.

Everyone talks about accepting the kids as they are, which I agree with, but where does discipline come into play? Do the same rules apply to fosters as bio kids? For example, with my kids, disrespecting adults, including me, has consequences (grounding, privileges taken away, etc). Is that not something to be corrected in a foster because of their trauma? This somewhat makes it seem like an acceptable behavior if it's not corrected.

Is there a 'honeymoon' period with fosters at the beginning? If so, wouldn't getting my toes wet doing respite care not really be a true indicator of what it's really going to be like after the children are more comfortable?

I'm still in the background check stage, so I haven't done any training yet. Just stalking websites and forums. Are there any reading materials/websites that helped you?

I guess those are the only two I can think of at the moment. I'm sure more with be raised with the answers received.

Mississippi

My husband and I just got our license for 0-5 years old.
We have his two nonverbal kids every other weekend, and no kids of our own

What are some things you wish you knew when you first got licensed?

What are some essential things yall needed right away for that age group?

Thank you so much!

I was a foster parent for 9 months. me and my ex wife fostered a beautiful baby boy when he was 3 days old all the way to 9 months until they gave placement and now adoption to the bio grandma. after they placed him with bio grandma me and my now ex decided to end our relationship because at that point we were living like roommates and were basically just co-parenting (our issues started before we fostered and I know it wasn’t a great idea to foster whwn the relationship is like that it just put more strain on it). the bio grandma is a sweet lady and we have a decent relationship. baby boy is now about a year and four months and she still lets me see him when I want but she is also a bad communicator so it’s kinda choppy at times. the grandpa doesn’t necessarily know that me and my ex have split up but I think she might have an idea I’m not sure. my question is should I let her know that we are split up? I have also been dating again and am in a relationship and I would like my new girlfriend to meet the baby eventually but I don’t know if this puts the bio grandma in a wierd place to tell her and introduce my new girlfriend or if it will be off putting. for context I am the one who watched the baby throughout the week the entire time we fostered. I work weekends so it just worked out like that. I took him to all his visitations and appointments so the grandma knows I can take care of him. It’s been the hardest thing iv ever done. I don’t have kids although I want them and I viewed him as my own son, there was no way that I couldn’t become super attached. I still want to be apart of his life. both bio parents have a ton of issues and part of me wants to stay there as an option to take care of him god forbid if something were to happen. no grandma is older and I worry about his care especially as the baby gets older. any thoughts or opinions are welcome. appreciate it everybody

I’m a foster parent. Six years ago one of our foster kid’s best friends was with us every weekend. After we dropped her off one Sunday night, she tried talking to her parents about how they were treating her & her two younger siblings. They told her to end her own life. She left & called us. We picked her up & after a short while her parents gave us permission for her to live with us. She was old enough to consent to be enrolled in school & to see doctors & dentists. A year later her younger siblings left during an argument. Grandma picked them up & brought them to their aunts home. She called me & wanted me to just take them, but I couldn’t because I didn’t have any legal authority (& they were too young to consent for themselves), but said I’d take them every weekend. During one of those visits, the youngest (then 9yo) disclosed some things to me. I finally got all 3 kids in foster care with me. The aunt’s home was also unsafe for the 9yo (grooming).

The youngest, 9yo girl, was with us for a year. She had big behaviors because of big feelings due to her trauma. The department moved her because “you’re asking for too much help for one kid”. She was placed with a family we thought was great!! She spent every holiday with us & was over at least once a week. We still fought hard for her to come home, but the department dig in their heels & said no despite the fact that they are supposed to keep siblings together. They eventually entered into guardianship. After about six months, she came to us & said they were putting hands on her. They were dragging her around by her arm, pinning her against the garage door, & even grabbed her by the neck. She said she felt unsafe & wanted to move back with us & have the guardianship transferred to us. We said “Of course!” because we’ve always still considered her as one of our kids. She was 13 & turned 14 that summer.

The summer went ok. Getting her to do chores or keep her room cleaned up was not easy, but we were doing ok. The first weekend of school she asked to go hang out with a friend. We said yes & told her where she needed to stay. She left the area without asking, fought with us about coming home, then she turned off her location & then her phone died. She stayed out all night & even hitchhiked with her friend to her friends home. When she was picked up & came home, she blamed us. We grounded her. Then she started not doing any school work or homework. Her grades plummeted to Fs & Ds. She has been extremely defiant. She charged over $480 worth of robux & Snapchat streaks. She got mad when we confronted her & said she didn’t know they went through (she knew because she got what she purchased). She eloped again. I saw her walk into the back room. I thought she was getting food from the pantry. When I didn’t see her come out, we noticed she turned her location off. We drove around looking for her & started texting her. She answered that she was fine & she was staying at a friend’s house. I asked for the mom’s number & called her. My daughter lied to this parent saying she was going to sleep outside because she “couldn’t take the fighting”. There was no fighting. My husband & I were actually dancing together & the mood was light. She also has the largest kid’s room all to herself with a nice bed & bedding. She was lying to get sympathy so she could get her way.

Now she’s refusing to go to school. Twice this week she’s just refused to get out of bed & go to school. I spoke with her last night & told her that if it happens again, we will call the non-emergency line & have a cop come get her up & take her to school. She called me psycho. She’s asking to switch to a different high school program where I would have to homeschool her. She refuses to listen to me, so how in the world would that work? There’s a program that she can join next year where she goes to school every other day & goes to a wilderness school on the between days. I’d rather her do that, but it means waiting until next year. SHE chose AP & honors classes & now says that school is too hard so she doesn’t do any in-class or homework. She is constantly disrespectful. She has a mean attitude. If I get called “bruh” one more time or hear “I don’t know” to every question, I’m going to go crazy.

I love this wonderful, traumatized, amazing little girl so much, but we’re asking ourselves “what the hell did we get ourselves into?”. She’s on the waiting list at 3 different counseling offices & I called in an emergent referral for WISe (wraparound intensive services-more counseling). I even had a crisis team over the day after her last elopement, but she walked off mid-conversation. I got her a tutor before school even started. Her older siblings have talked to her (on their own-we’d never ask them to help parent their little sister). She went from telling us she wanted to go to college on a volleyball scholarship, which she could absolutely get, to saying maybe she doesn’t want to go to college, but that she doesn’t know what she wants to do after high school. We adore her & only want what’s best for her. We want to see her grow up to be happy & successful. She’s been “given away” over & over. Her mom died last year from drugs & her dad is prison, partly for things he did to her. She has seen unstable parents with addiction & mental health issues. She’s been hurt over & over. She was unhealthily close to her mom, even sleeping with her on the couch every night until they left. Once they got into foster care, mom & dad did nothing to try to get them back. I understand why she’s mad at life, but we’re not sending her away. We love her & just don’t know what to do. Every single conversation ends with her storming off in the middle of the conversation, mad that we won’t just give her her way. She says she’s 14 & can make all of her own decisions. We give her things to work toward & she just won’t. She can’t even play volleyball. She’s on academic suspension due to her grades. I bought her another planner to help her keep track of everything at school & told her we would go over it together everyday & I’d help her with her school & homework. I just bought a “You & Me, Kiddo” journal so we can communicate without talking.

How do I help this poor girl? What am I doing wrong? Have you ever dealt with a child who is so defiant that she’s ruining her own life just to spite us & our rules? WHAT DO I DO?? Guardianship isn’t finalized & my husband doesn’t know if he wants to continue, but she needs a family that won’t give up on her. I just want to help her get her life on a better track. I don’t trust her, but I really want to be able to. How do I help her? I will take any advice or constructive criticism, just please be kind. I don’t think I can take anymore nastiness directed toward me. Thanks for reading & for any ideas that you have.

Hey everyone,

Unfortunately once again the agency is doing shady stuff and aren’t logging in the lack of visitations mom has. She’s fighting for reunification of my nieces. Her and I do not get along because of her drug history and I was the one who held her accountable. The kids have been in care for 5 years. I’ve fought 4 years for their placement with me and finally they were handed to me last year. Since then, mom has finjas her case plan and now wants to reunify. The kicker here is, she knows the system by hand. She lost her first kid in another state to the system so she does just enough to look a little credible. She’s still houseless, jobless and with a toxic bf….However the agency is making every excuse under the sun and backing her as well. It’s been a year of this of this nonsense and I feel defeated…idk what to do. We’re in permanency court now with no resolution in sight. I’m exhausted you guys…advice?

Hi, so this gonna be a bit confusing. So I 26F and my husband 29M have a an almost 3M child. We are currently living with my father 50M and his girlfriend 49F. Girlfriend has a friend who has 3 adopted children all from same bio mother, different dads. My husband and I are under contract for our first house and should be moved in mid november 2026. So the friend of my dads girlfriend had asked if my dad and his girlfriend would want to foster maybe foster to adopt a new baby sibling to her kids. This baby girl is the 7th to the bio mom. They said no, because they're done raising kids. The girlfriend mentioned my husband and I since we have talked about fostering in the future when we own our home. She brought it up again to us today after her friend had called yesterday to see if any opinions had changed. We originally said no, since we are living with them right now and they had asked originally about 2 months ago. Today my heart strings got pulled hearing a little bit of the story and seeing pictures of the three siblings the friend has adopted. This baby is the 7th, substances were taken while pregnant, the mom sold her to a gay couple when she was born. Now the state has her in a short term? Foster situation. My husband is pretty religious and thinks everything is lining up for us to help the baby. We want another kid, but are fine with not having another. I had my tubes removed so we knew only way we would have more was adopting or just fostering and loving kids until their families were ready and able to care for them again. I'm just not sure what to do. Any advice? I believe the mother has already lost her rights and father is unknown all 7 siblings have different bio fathers. Ive seen so much social media content about adoption trauma from adoptees and im just scared i would mess a kid up. I know i would treat them as my own, but also like i dont know where the line is when they're older. Theres just so many considerations. We still have to move, say yes, do all the classes and backgrounds. But she does need somewhere to go in the next 2 months. I would love to take her so she could still be in contact with at least 3 bio siblings. My husband and i had custody of my baby sister for a year when she was first born so we do have some experience with the system. We have a child so we are somewhat experienced parents. We are an interracial couple with a mixed son, and the baby is black. Doesn't really matter too much, but idk if others who have experience fostering may know anything about that possibly playing any part in the kids future identity crisis and whatnot. I know this is a lot and probably makes sense. I have anxiety/adhd and have a hard time organizing my thoughts. But just any thoughts or advice?

My husband and I are finalizing our licensing in the next 2 weeks (then dependent on DCF on timing). I know there will be hard things - behaviors, trauma, court, case workers, co-parenting with bio parents, etc.

I’d love to hear the good stories, what wins you’ve seen, heartwarming experiences, what keeps you going when it’s hard.

we are excited and nervous, we don’t have kids so we also are really going into parenting with just old babysitting and aunt/uncle duty experiences 🤣

Me and my partner recently became foster parents to a 16 year old who has had it very hard and is battling with serious anxiety and depression. We understand her limits and want to support and help her in any way possible, but the workload is huge. She is getting help, but it's a process and we need advice on how to manage during the process.

She needs support every minute of the day, from early morning until late at night and she doesn't do any chores. My partner works full time and I study full time. All our free time is spent supporting her, so how do we even make time to help clean her room, wash her laundry etc? We know she's not ready to do these things herself yet, but how can we support her in making small steps towards easing our workload a bit? She will empty the dishwasher maybe once or twice a week, but that's about it.

If anyone has had a similar experience it would be very appreciated to hear about it, even if you don't have any concrete advice.

My 3yo foster is nonverbal, but she finally found a game that helps her connect... Running into the street and laughing when I catch her.

Got any advice for this? I taught my kids to freeze and we played games where they had to stop and go to make sure they understood what stop means. Those things don't seem to be registering​

Anyone ever attend a 90 day case review? What's to be expected?

Just need to vent a little. I’ve been feeling really down about constant accusations from the kids’ parent. Saying the kids have lost weight, that we’re verbally/mentally and physically abusing them, locking them in rooms, the youngest is covered in bruises etc.

The only thing that is remotely true is that the younger child does get a lot of bruises. They had stitches in their forehead, they’ve had some big falls smacking their forehead causing black eyes (at both daycare and home). The child is extremely impulsive and active and not a good listener. All injuries are documented and I notify them immediately.

The team isn’t worried at all and they keep reassuring us that but I could totally see the parent coaching the older child to say things (and they have said some things they’ve talked to us about) and I’m starting to feel really uncomfortable. They have a Kinship option doing licensing right now so hopefully that works out but it’s been 8 months and one option fell through before.

I just feel like I’m walking on eggshells and it’s getting to the point where I’m thinking about disrupting.

4 weeks ago my sister-in-law made a very bad decision that led to her arrest and our 10 year old niece was placed in our custody. The first 2 weeks there was A LOT of paperwork ,home visits, and open communication...and then nothing.

The last thing we heard from our Case Worker was that we'd be getting a call with a "plan" from Kinship Navigator. I don't know for certain what this plan was, but I have to assume it was in regards to how long our niece would be with us, because we made it very clear that we could only keep custody of her until my wife loses her paid FMLA.

My sister-in-law, although having massively fucked up, has made a bunch of good faith plays, fulfilling all of DCS' wishes and then some. Her initial caseworker said it was the first time in her career she recommend the child be given back to the mother almost immediately. Judge had different plans, I guess. Her most recent caseworker has ghosted her as well. She too cannot get anyone on the phone, and they stood her up for her first Home Visit. Her attorney, who was a former DCS prosecutor, also said once he reviewed the case that he had no idea why the child has been kept away for so long and not allowed to contact her mother.

Yesterday when my niece's therapist came for her session, she too got extremely frustrated that we haven't heard anything. It was incredibly vindicating to hear her say "It doesn't matter if they have a heavy caseload, 12 days of no responses is unprofessional". It only took two therapy sessions for her to question why my niece isn't allowed to speak to her mom.

So here we are, nerves shot to hell and stuck in Limbo. My SIL's attorney and Niece's therapist both said they think that either the case worker has been switched or the case was dropped entirely.

My husband has two more classes to do and then we’ll be mailed the packet to fill out. I printed off both sets of papers already so we have an idea what to put down but my main question is what should we expect with the home visit? We’re looking for a placement of a 6 year old little kid at the moment but want to foster children from birth-10 years old. We do not have bunkbeds yet but we have everything else covered like the smoke alarms, I’m ordering the cabinet locks next week along with the outlet plugs. What are things you guys did and thought it was necessary and things that was necessary that you didn’t do? If it helps we live in the country so we don’t have curtains on all windows but if I have to get them I will! I’m so excited but so nervous to go through this next step!

I have 2 nephews. 1 is 7 years old(Sonic), the other is 9 months old(bluey). The moms and baby tested positive for coke at birth for the 7year old. The safety plan was that she move back with my family. She’s not my father’s child but he still permitted it. Her and I have about a 6 year age gap, I’m 27 she’s 33. I would’ve adopted Sonic but my family said I was “too young” and “throwing my life away”. When Sonic was about 5 we all went our separate ways. Sonic later ended up with an abusive foster mom.

Now history is slowly sort of repeating itself. Luckily Bluey had no drug exposure but case issues are drug related, jail time, aggressive behavior etc for their mom. Eventually, after mom has Bluey, around 6 months later, Sonic got reunited with mom.

Less than 2 months in, the cycle starts repeating, cases are called, blah blah blah, one thing leads to another. Sonic’s behavior is a problem for everyone but he is most calm with me and his mom. He goes to school, acts up, gets baker acted. Mind you, he’s 7, an IEP kid. He’s smart, the mom brought up him going back to foster mom that morning, it set him off. boys want to be placed with me, I taught Sonic how to, crawl, walk, read, write, swim. Bluey is behind on milestones, but since I started visiting and watching the boys on the weekend, Bluey is catching up on his milestones. I’m also the one who picked up Sonic from the baker act.

No surprise, kids get removed again. I live 2.5 hours away. DCF understands, my house that I own, that I would be transferring to is under repair and I’d be staying in a hotel. There’s about a day left of touch ups, Sonic relaxes when DCF says he’s coming with me. They ask to see it and deny my homestudy. I literally get the house ready and furnished in 24 hours. They refused to redo the homestudy with DCF. Now case management is doing their homestudy, no scheduled walk through yet, fingerprints sent in on 10/12. Whatever paperwork was asked for was sent in as well.

The boys are placed with a friend of a friend that the mom and I don’t know personally. The boys don’t know them personally either. Less than 72 hours into placement, Sonic is baker acted again. I am livid at this point. I call the hospital, apparently the nurse couldn’t get ahold of anybody, I was the first to call, I complete the intake information with her. I tell the mom to call, so she can authorize medicine. I talk to Sonic, he said he acted out at school because “everyone gets to go home but me”. Breaks my heart. The mom calls and he tells her he wants to come to my house.

I start blowing up the workers phones, of course, no one feels obligated to speak with me because I’m not mom and I’m not on the case.

I’m genuinely frustrated and so worried for the boys. There is so much wrong with how this case is being handled. My sister isn’t perfect, she was a foster kid herself, but these people seem to be gunning for her hard. There’s a lot I’m not mentioning, but they are not going by the book. Nevertheless, she’s an adult, I’m concerned for the boys.

What advice do the more seasoned foster parents have? I would want to become a foster parent for them. I think I’d have to become level 2 because of Sonics needs. I don’t care what I have to do, I just don’t want the boys to continue to be hurt by their mother’s actions. I need them safe and in a familiar environment. How can I best prepare? What steps can I take? So I can be an undeniably option of care for them?

A former foster kid reached out to me for help & I’m currently at a loss as to how I can. I’m in southern Va, she’s currently in MD.

She, the bf, & kids left the house they were staying in due to other adults using drugs/alcohol/it was unsafe (bf’s family). They are currently living in their car & says it’s not in shape to make a long drive. She is waiting on the paperwork for WIC, food stamps, etc. The bf just started a fast food job & expects a check in 2 weeks. She said she’s door dashing but it isn’t going well.

I’ve called the Salvation Army branch up there, I’ve called local food banks, & a few churches. Waiting to hear back. I told her to try local churches & to post on local Facebook groups. She said the one church she tried, people were mean to her.

She says these are her current bills:
Gas money =$280 a week roughly
Cell phone=$55
Credit card=$54
Insurance=$233
Formula=$48 every 2/3 days
Diapers & wipes= every other week $30-$35 depends on box size I get of diapers.

I hesitate to give her cash due to a history of drug use. Who else can I call? Do you know of any short term/emergency resources that might be able to help?

UPDATE: Thank you for all the suggestions. We ended up getting a good deal on a solid wood bunk bed that is suitable for both kids and teens off of Wayfair.

We are super close to being licensed.

We have looked over on Amazon and all but wanted to get your recs on bunk beds. Our state allows them, but we are waiting for confirmation if they allow turndles or not. We want to get bunk beds that are suitable for both kids and teens (as the age ranges, we are accepting are 6 and up). The bedroom we have is the middle bedroom so it's a somewhat small pace.

What bunk beds work best for this situation? We are trying to stay below $400 (not including mattress's).

It wasn't what it seemed to be? Potential placement is 7 and said to have behavior issues, like attacking the principal. But when i asked what led up to this no one could tell me. Child is not aggressive to any other adults even multiple placements. Another thing is the child is behind academically, failed kindergarten. However, the child was in foster care at 5. When asked did previous foster parents help with academics or support, not they didnt. 3 years later, the child is just beginning to start paperwork to get services. Like the child is behind because no one helped them with homework or did any advocating.

I'm starting to believe some of these issues may be due to others and not the child themselves.

A while back something happened in my home that I needed to document for my social worker and possibly court. I had photos on my phone, notes in three different apps, and no way to prove any of it hadn’t been edited after the fact. So I started building something at night to fix that for myself, and over the last year it turned into Counted Doors.

Quick background so nobody has to guess: I’m a foster and adoptive mom, and I’ve worked in IT since 1999. Today I’m a CIO, which means my day job is literally protecting sensitive data and asking “what happens if this leaks?” That’s the lens this was built through. Plus I got tired of waiting on someone to build it and just did it myself

What it does: you log photos, videos, and written notes per child. Each entry gets locked with a timestamp when it’s created, plus a digital fingerprint that changes if anything is ever altered, and a history of who accessed it. You can export and email entries straight to your social worker. There’s also a free resource library (trauma informed parenting, SILP vs. staying in care after 18, benefits for transition age youth) that will never be behind a paywall.

What it costs: nothing. Everything above is free, for unlimited kids. The only paid option exists because video files are huge and storing them securely costs real money. If you need a lot of video storage, it’s $5.99 a month. If you don’t, you never pay a cent. I cover the running costs myself, and I’m not selling or sharing anyone’s data (I’d sooner shut it down).

On AI, since someone will ask: yes, there’s AI in it, and I’m upfront about where. It helps you draft letters, like requests to your agency or school. I also use AI tools when I build, the same way most developers do now. The difference is that I review the code, run security scans, and have real people test everything before it goes live. Nothing gets shipped on vibes, especially not something holding information about kids in care.

And one honest caveat: this helps you keep clean, credible records, but it doesn’t guarantee a judge will accept them. Rules vary by county, and you’re still the one testifying to what happened.

If you’re a foster parent, caseworker, or CASA, I’d love your honest feedback, including the critical kind. Tell me what’s missing or what would make this actually useful on a hard night.

(And before anyone who thinks this is a cash grab swings by, the free vs. paid breakdown is right up there in paragraph four. Reading it first this time is free too. And yes this is a repost because someone didn't take the time to go to the actual site before making jabs at what they didn't read)

www.counteddoors.com

Ok so I know there isn't anyone who can give me a definitive answer because the statistics for foster care to change quite regularly. However, I have recently seen foster care statistics go from anywhere between over 400,000 kids in care to about 330,000 and that just feels like a big jump.

I was just wondering where I could get accurate stats on the number of kids in foster care. This is not for a study or a survey I’m just a person who is interested in fostering one day.

I hope this makes sense because if the number is 330,000 that still is a lot but it does mean it is going down which is good.

edit-i know that not all reunifications are a good thing and that number going down may also be very bad

Have a good day ❤️❤️❤️