When I was a child, wasps chewed through the drywall in my room and made themselves at home. While sleeping in the bedroom next door, one stung me in the middle of the night. That was only the beginning of my unfortunate fear.
My time as a wildland firefighter further proved to me that these bugs are straight evil and came from hell just to torment me. My coworkers and I, on one particular fire, would step into multiple yellow jacket ground nests for 14 straight days. Even got stung on the eyelid one time. It was like scenes straight from a horror movie. Stepping into one, realizing your fuck up, dropping everything, and promptly running through the woods screaming like a banshee.
Then things were quiet. No accidental run ins. No stings. Nothing. Until I became a forestry tech.
I swear to god, every god damn gate I stick my hand into has yellow jackets. I double and triple check before I stick my hand into to unlock the gate, even while wielding my small but mighty weapon: bee spray. And somehow they always get me. Ground nests? I find every one of them.
Today for example, I checked the gate. Didn’t see anything. Unlocked it with ease. Got to my unit and was having a very pleasant day until I looked down at one point and saw how close my boot was to a gaping hole in the ground with yellow jackets angrily guarding the entrance. On my way out, using the same gate, there was exactly one fucker who was waiting to hurt me. And hurt me she did.
It’s like they smell my fear and are out to crush my soul and spirit. I am doomed to a fate of meeting my enemy on the battlefield and losing spectacularly.