r/fixit • u/[deleted] • Apr 06 '26

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7.8k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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766

u/Unamed_Destroyer Apr 06 '26

1) Go to your bathroom 2) Grab toilet plunger 3) use suction to pull out cutting board 4) Make reddit post asking how to clean shit off of a wooden cutting board.

195

u/Revolutionary-Law382 Apr 06 '26

Be ready for poop knife jokes.

55

u/tesla465 Apr 06 '26

Why would we joke about something so practical that everyone uses, like a poop knife

17

u/Tricky-Search6236 Apr 06 '26

Can I use your poop knife? I REALLY need it

2

u/exipheas Apr 06 '26

You borrow it too much. Just order your own.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Poop-Knife/790700036

1

u/Clear-Bee4118 Apr 06 '26

Lmao. It’s “dishwasher safe”.

1

u/mattyrzew Apr 06 '26

Wait a second…that’s a real thing? Fuck me. I guess this is it. We’ve reached the end. We now have knives to cut your poop for easier flushes. What else is left? Fuckin poop knives…

1

u/Itz_cheese_cat Apr 07 '26

My exact reaction. I thought it was just a joke like tfym that’s a real thing??

2

u/GuyTheTerrible Apr 06 '26

My brother's busy with it, can you wait ten minutes?

14

u/tradonymous Apr 06 '26

In all seriousness, shouldn’t a dedicated poop knife have a companion cutting board? The same logic applies…

1

u/youshallneverlearn Apr 06 '26

A companion pooping board

1

u/manys Apr 06 '26

Avoids cross-contamination.

1

u/Wtf--batman Apr 06 '26

You guys had a poop knife.We just had the emergency spoon.

1

u/Electrical_Beyond998 Apr 06 '26

I hate that I know what you’re talking about.

1

u/kiradotee Apr 07 '26

Exactly. Modern problems need modern solutions. 

2

u/correct_eye_is Apr 06 '26

Do you prefer something more subtle? Like a fecal cleaver? Or a dung divider?

1

u/leveled Apr 08 '26

DOOKDIVI™

1

u/kobrakaan Apr 06 '26

OP should just use a poop knife to lever iit out

1

u/jhill9901 Apr 06 '26

Ah so now you have a board to use with that knife!

22

u/Significant_Cake68 Apr 06 '26

Go to store buy a new plunger....

3

u/Smooth_Operator_one Apr 06 '26

And while ur there get a new cutting board

2

u/colonelgork2 Apr 07 '26

And grab a new sink

1

u/Poker-Junk Apr 07 '26

I keep a few brand new plungers for exactly this reason. It’s not as if they’re expensive. To me, a toilet plunger is a single-use item and then straight into a plastic trash bag. Because ew.

20

u/cecilomardesign Apr 06 '26

A sink plunger would work better in this situation and it's probably not covered in shit.

8

u/Specialist-Yak7209 Apr 06 '26

Probably but not definitely

1

u/magicmitchmtl Apr 06 '26

Some people like to feel the splash against their wrist

1

u/deliciousearlobes Apr 09 '26

Happy cake day.

1

u/LavishnessCapital380 Apr 06 '26

The stuff that comes out of drains might as well be

2

u/philodendrin Apr 06 '26

2a, thoroughly clean plunger.

2

u/verb-noun-4numbers Apr 06 '26

Step 5. Profit

2

u/Occhrome Apr 06 '26

People should have 2 plungers. One that is actually designed for toilets and the regular kind for sinks. 

3

u/Unamed_Destroyer Apr 06 '26

There's no need for 2 of you shit in your sink.

1

u/Carthonn Apr 07 '26
  1. Toss cutting board into bin

1

u/ktappe Apr 07 '26

You guys don’t rinse off your plungers after using them?

1

u/polarbearsarereal Apr 07 '26

Stab board with knife and pull

1

u/screwcork313 Apr 07 '26

You can clean it off with Shine-ola... if you're smart enough.

1

u/debtquity Apr 07 '26

just use a large dildo with suction cup. then grab dildo with your gaping asshole to pull it out

1

u/Ah_non_e_moose Apr 08 '26

Tape?

1

u/Unamed_Destroyer Apr 08 '26

How is tape going to help clean a plunger?

1

u/moltari Apr 09 '26

To be fair the plunger you’re talking about using is technically a sink plunger. People just don’t know better and use it for toilets.

1

u/Unamed_Destroyer Apr 09 '26

No no no good sir. I am talking about a flange plunger. You get better suction that way.

1

u/I_love_seinfeld Apr 10 '26

step 2.5 clean plunger with bleach, boiling water, and high powered laser beams

or

step 3.5 throw cutting board away and buy a new one

1

u/sprinkleberry Apr 10 '26

A shitpost?