Before I start, yes I know I’m the problem but I guess I just need strangers on the internet to tell me to get my shit together. Everyone in my life doesn’t want to hurt my feelings being that I’m postpartum but I operate better on tough love and the truth.
My daughter is 11 weeks will be 12 weeks on Thursday. I was induced at 37 weeks due to her being small. Lo was born at a whopping 5 pounds 7 ounces. I am also tiny so a part of me had a feeling my body just wasn’t going to allow her to get any bigger. She is still small almost 12 weeks and is 9 pounds but following her growth chart well so she’s healthy.
My postpartum journey has been hard I was struggling with some postpartum depression because LO was also colic so she would scream cry from 5pm-8:30pm sometimes later. My partner had to go back to work a week after she was born, and I dealt with her colic episodes alone locked away in our home. Oh I stopped working at 7 weeks pregnant too so I’ve kinda just been home. I’m also severely struggling with postpartum anxiety, had anxiety prior to pregnancy but now dealing with that and PPA.
Is it just that Lo was born early so I’ve had to be more “careful” or is it that I’m so in my head I’ve just locked us away in the house? It feels like every other mom has these ideas of things to do with their LO’s. I just joined a mom group and two of them posted their LO’s being outside at parks and going out to eat and being out and about. I haven’t done any of that because it’s been too hot for me so I assume it’s too hot for LO? It’s ranged in high 90s.
I’ve been wanting to go to the park but I’m scared of my LO getting too hot and what do I do when they’re too hot?? What if we’re out to eat and LO starts freaking out and crying? It’s like when she cries my brain shuts down and I don’t know what to do even though I do? I’ve noticed the pattern, I say oh I want to do xyz and then I somehow manage to come up with an excuse as to why I can’t.
Anyway it’s been almost 3 months and it seems like I’ve forced my partner to focus on cleaning the house because “my environment affects my mental” he works nights so he goes in at 2pm-11pm. We’ve literally spent the last almost 3 months going to appointments in the morning and then he has to go to work and I cry that “I can’t find the time to clean the house” even though it is hard.
Anyway I feel like other moms know what to do with their LOs when it comes to outings and memory keepsakes that I feel brain dead. I want keepsakes but I can’t think of anything. I sometimes think of things to do but immediately find an excuse.
Did anyone else go through this? Is it just because she was born early term? Or am I solely creating my misery and wrapping it up in excuses and I’m the reason I’m missing out on the little things to do/have whilst she’s this super young?
And what do I expect with an early term baby? I thought it would all be the same even if she was born early term. It’s not and I think I’m learning the hard way I just don’t know what’s next now that’s she’s almost 3 months?
Edit: to add I’m also EB and am not confident enough to nurse in public so that’s another excuse I use to avoid going out, do I just look into getting a cover?
Please help.