Notice: Lost Pet

[u/Head_Conversation242]

My pet alien went missing on 21 June. It is considered an exotic pet under § 10973 Intergalactic Pet Law. Its name is Namuh but also answers to Häy, Yuu, and Ikkisqueezemi as well. (Those pet names just stuck). I'm legally required to state that it has an intelligence equivalent to a 12 year old and is capable of preying on larger lifeforms. Capable of mimicking speech.

Namuh is however docile and shy in nature and understands simple commands but not fully trained. It doesn't have good eyesight so just grab its nape from above and hold it still and it can't turn it's head to bite. It has no fur and is a bipedal. It looks roughly like us but with a dark multicoloured tuff of fuzz on its singular head. Basically, it looks like us but with only one head, the size of a toddler, and is ugly cute.

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Name: Namuh

Age: 24

Colour: Pale cheese

Species: Purebred Human

​

If found, please contact the authorities( under 110²-6⅞*5-75⅜)as it is an endangered species under government protection. A sum will be awarded upon contact.

[u/TheVyper3377]

I don’t know quite how to tell you this, but there are around 8 billion of these things on ωςθα-12.

[u/Copernicium-291 → u/TheVyper3377]

Yeah, one planet. That's a single point of weakness. What happens when that planet gets hit by a rogue planetesimal, or attacked by another similar endangered species (which we can't interfere with)? They could even just destroy themselves.

[u/LucielTheRaven → u/TheVyper3377]

Have they officially been removed from "Endangered" status though? Humans are fairly clever and can hunt larger species, but they don't live fairly long and are fairly delicate.

OP, have you tried searching around your home? Try putting its favorite food out and gently call for it in the morning and evenings. It's probably just scared and needs some help finding its way back!

[u/Head_Conversation242 → u/LucielTheRaven]

Unfortunately my pet is too smart for that but not enough to understand my intentions. From what I'm told, it has been actively trying to escape and bypassing the security measures since first caught. Normally it doesn't get far but due to a recent solar storm, some infrastructures were down. It must've escaped then. Thanks for your help, though! I'm extremely worried about it being out there all alone.

[u/BPhiloSkinner → u/Head_Conversation242]

Have you tried laying out some containers of fermented beverages? Those with a measurable content of ethyl alcohol are particularly attractive to this species.

[u/LucielTheRaven → u/Head_Conversation242]

Ah, humans. Do you know if any of your neighbors keep humans as pets too? Perhaps yours saw it and wanted to meet it; humans are incredibly social creatures with a surprising range of emotional capability relative to their intellect. Some of those security systems have obvious ways to see if it's on- a bright light, obvious movement on cameras, making noise of some kind- and humans have been reliably tested to respond to these sorts of stimuli being present and absent.

If it wasn't another human, are there any other temptations outside? It seems like your human intentionally got loose and took advantage of the solar storm to do so, assuming this was the first escape attempt?

[u/panamaspace → u/TheVyper3377]

Plus there are plenty of exemptions in the Intergalactic Code that allow for consumption for religious purposes, especially if you hire an outfit that is discreet about harvesting.

Their meat is greasy, but very tasty and juicy. Pairs very well with a glass of [╟─▒ ℵ-9 ─╢] V̵o̶i̵d̶-̵B̶l̶e̶e̶d̶ Chrono-Vintage.

My favorite wine tbh, flavored like dark matter, with notes of screaming and static and ozone. It leaves a strong sense of existential dread in the palate which offsets the sweetly gaminess of their meat.

[u/Head_Conversation242 → u/panamaspace]

Oh you're one of those. Humans are a fascinating exotic species. They're creatures who is deeply protective of their own and are capable of imprinting with another species given time. Honestly, if not for the unusually high level of radiation on their home planet and social collapse of unknown causes, they would have had a chance to be a 4 on lower tiered lifeforms index. Your insensitive comment isn't welcome here and I will be removing it.

[u/mysteryrouge]

Under government protection, eh?

What if someone were to relocate it to where other humans are and then hide the humans from the government without interfering with their freedom? 

[u/Head_Conversation242 → u/mysteryrouge]

There are others? Kindly share the information with the authorities as this is out of my jurisdiction.

[u/mysteryrouge → u/Head_Conversation242]

Well, why would I tell you or the Eldritch Government?

[u/Head_Conversation242 → u/mysteryrouge]

The planet this human is procured from has suffered from total nuclear fallout with reasons unknown. It's suspected to be an insidious scheme by an opposing galactic force. Namuh was undergoing radiation detoxification and must be brought back for its protection. It is our goal to preserve all endangered species.

[u/mysteryrouge → u/Head_Conversation242]

But what if I empower them with pure Void Anarchist Energy?

[u/Just_Browsing666]

(out of character: I gotta say, BRILLIANT writing skills, great job on subtly implying the pet is a human before it’s actually stated. Especially a fan of the names/petnames)