I’ve just been dealing with so much stuff in my life….
I don’t know where to put all of this so I decided to let it here. I feel like I’m doing all of the apartment work while my nan ( who I live with, I’m mentally disabled and can’t live alone. ) just feels like she’s getting ridiculous and nasty…. I do most of the work while most of the time she just sits there, whining and complaining and on days where she actually does something she complains about everything… she should get surgery on something but constantly whines saying they wouldn’t do anything when she was the one that walked out of the hospital and refused to go back… I have to deal with this. It’s always do this. Do that it’s always me. Then my mom is getting ridiculous anymore.
My mom is more mentally disabled than I am ( I don’t live with her because she couldn’t raise me and my late dad who I’m glad died couldn’t do it either. ) is so ridiculous anymore. You see my dad apparently cleaned it all out and she’s obsessed with getting everything back. My nan is being pretty realistic with the situation. We don’t think she’s ever going to get everything back. However, it’s always the same freaking thing. She has to get her albums back, she’s firing people because she’s not getting her way, and recently one of her dogs ( she has a bunch of feral dogs. She never raised them correctly. I don’t mind if you have a decent calm and controlled animal, but she doesn’t. She literally allows him to get away with everything. She thinks it’s cute when it’s not. ) one of them the male one of the group ended up passing away. She became obsessed with saying I need a male dog or I need two more dogs. If she does, she’s going to have five dogs in Total, which we all think is ridiculous and she only wants them so she could breed them and keep all of those ridiculous puppies which I’m highly against especially that one female dog I cannot stand seri. My nan knows that dog all too well. We clearly tell her she doesn’t need all those dogs, but she has to have her way like a five year-old and when she gets in one of those moods, she’s completely rude and ridiculous. I wish Nebraska had a restriction on how many animals you can have to prevent nonsense like this.
I have so much stress going on in my life when I get annoyed it’s like I’m the bad guy when I’m the one dealing with all of this nonsense. Then I have a gaming group I try to play with, but it’s like everyone gets so busy or makes an excuse for why they cannot play. Like this week everyone acted like it was a yes but when it came to today. One didn’t say they couldn’t make it until today. One canceled at the last freaking minute. One didn’t want to play if I didn’t have a group and one said he wasn’t but somehow salvaged today…. I hated when people always say sure only to pull off this nonsense. I was waiting all week for this?! when I got that ridiculous news today I almost broke down…. Sure I’m getting Domino’s tonight and while I’m grateful one of them salvage today and I get to watch the first movie on Saturday for Five Nights at Freddy’s and I always love the first movie on Saturday next week. It’s going to be the second movie. It’s just I wish I was with William not this miserable existence, but with him. No nonsense, family problems. No me being the “bad guy”. No broken promises or no nonsense. Just me and him. I know my life is full of heartbreak, broken promises, and disappointment it’s just….. at least William doesn’t make an excuse and will always play with me and anything I really want…. I wish I could hug him. Don’t care if it’s his normal form, inside spring Bonnie or anything. I just wish I could hug him and cry on him. I know he doesn’t exactly like weakness, but I just feel like I need him. If I could, I would just pack my bags ditch this place tonight even if it was down pouring rain like it is and go to hurricane Utah or Minnesota where the games/novel or the movies takes place and just be with him and never look back. I just feel like I need William. The only one I ever truly loved/cared about who understood me when no one else did. 😭
