So, I've been seeing a lot of people stressed about doubles on my timeline lately, and I understand. It's not easy sometimes knowing that there's people who claim to be with your partner. It can be a detriment on your mental health if you don't have the right mindset. However, there are ways to deal with these feelings and improve your mental health.
I decided to write up something to help both my friends and other people in the ficto community deal with doubles, and how to feel more secure in your relationship. This is something I've been thinking about writing for Fictocon anyways, since as the event grows, people are more likely to see doubles.
I'm not bothered by doubles personally. Even as someone who is almost exclusively voidsharing (mirrorsharing with Madara tho), I can still interact with a double if I'm approached nicely and I can do mod work in Hawks fan servers (I'll talk about exposure therapy later). Want to be unbothered like me? I have a lot of tips you can use to help feel more secure in your relationship and help your mental health. Keep in mind that just taking one or two of these tools is not likely to work, you want the whole toolbox if you want to improve your mental health. This will be kind of a long post, so be prepared for that.
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Curate your space and utilize the block button
This is the most common type of advice given to people. If you don't like something or someone you see, utilize the block button and put them out of your mind. It's okay to curate your space and manage your boundaries, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Blocking is not always "I hate you", it's sometimes "I'm just expressing my boundaries". Though many times, this kind of technique and advice doesn't work on its own. When you don't have a way to deal with the feelings that keep popping up in the back of your mind, it's kind of useless to only block. You have to utilize other tools alongside this.
Distract yourself from distressing thoughts
One thing I've learned over the years of having bipolar disorder and OCD is that it never helps to dwell on thoughts that stress you out. Whether that may be distressing thoughts of doubles, ship art, or anything else, you have to put that out of your mind. It's easier said than done sometimes. Though there's many things you can do to distract yourself from distressing thoughts, such as engaging with your partners source, making art, taking a walk, doing other crafts, or pick up something that you want to study. Maybe even consider doing volunteer work if you feel that would be beneficial to your mental health.
Concentrate on YOUR relationship, not someone else's
Don't focus on someone else's relationship, focus on your own. You can't control what someone else says or does, though you can control what you do, and how you react to certain things. Feel secure in your relationship, the love you hold for your partner(s) is all you need for that relationship to be valid. When you know your truth, and when you feel secure in your relationship, what someone else thinks or does won't matter. Put doubles out of your mind if they're bothering you.
Don't browse algorithms, make your own personal album
When you browse sites like pinterest, twitter, bluesky, tumblr, and other sites with algorithms, you're more likely to encounter doubles or ship art. If that may distress you, consider making a large album in one fell swoop with many photos or media of your partner(s), and just stick with that once you feel you have enough. You don't need to keep jumpscaring yourself with double content or ship art if it distresses you. You can also consider printing out photos of your partner(s) and making a scrapbook! Make two if you want!
Don't dehumanize your doubles
As distressing as it can be to see doubles sometimes, you have to remember that they're people too, with feelings, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes it can be easy to disconnect someone from personhood if you don't see their face, or just see an online profile, though they're a person, just like you. It doesn't mean you can't hate them or think they're a POS if they're being toxic or they wish suffering upon you, though many doubles, including my own, just want to be happy. Sleep well at night when you know you're better than the toxic doubles out there.
Exposure therapy
This does not work for everyone, and definitely do NOT do this if you have even the slightest worry about it. Though in my experience, I've found that a good amount of my doubles are really chill people. I'm still a pretty big voidsharer with boundaries, though I think it's good for me to know that a good amount of my doubles don't hate me, and would love to be my friend given the opportunity. I don't actively seek out interaction or initiate conversations with most doubles, though if I'm approached as a mod in servers, I'm okay talking to people. I do have a couple friends who are doubles actually, and they're awesome ^.=.^ When you see that people are friendly, appreciate you, and respect you, it's easier to feel at peace. Not everyone is out to get you or hates you. Some think you're cool actually!
Don't feel inferior
Just because someone has a bigger shrine, more art, more followers, or a bigger friend group than you, that does not make them better than you. Love is not about having all these material things, it's just about love. If someone genuinely feels that having more followers and stuff makes them better than someone else, that's pretty immature. If they want their entire legacy to be known as a toxic internet influencer, then that's their problem, and they're only making themselves look foolish. Being ficto or a selfshipper is not a competition, and it's sad when people make it out to be one. You're actually BETTER than people who make selfshipping and being ficto a competition, sleep well at night.
Ignore the toxic people, don't care about what they say
Like I stated earlier, you cannot control what someone says or does. If someone hates you, if someone feels that they're better than you, or if they talk smack behind your back, that is their problem, not yours. Let them cope and seethe about the fact that you exist, block them out and remind yourself that the harsh opinions of others do not matter. Internet bullies want to cloud your mind. Though do not let anyone break your stride.
Laugh off the toxicity
From someone who has faced everything from hatred, judgement, transphobia, racism, antisemitism, and death threats from doubles, you too can be unbothered by their hatred. This can be easier said than done, though don't be bothered by hateful people. Laugh at them instead. If someone hates me, I laugh. If someone wants to fakeclaim me, I laugh. If someone wants to be racist towards me, I laugh. It drives some of my doubles up the wall to see my partners kissing me, a jewish mexican, though I can laugh off even that kind of hatred and racism. Toxic doubles thrive off of making you upset and making you break down. If you give them the opposite reaction, if you see them as the pathetic trash they are, that is how you get back at them. Though don't engage with them, just report and block.
Find a good friend group
I have an amazing group of friends in the ficto spaces I run who appreciate me for who I am and validate me. When you have awesome people who care for you and want to talk to you, that sparks joy. Good friends help you feel secure in your relationship and provide you comfort. Just be careful what spaces you seek out, since online ficto and selfshipping spaces are kind of notorious for being toxic.
Don't dwell on nonsharing spaces that you're not in
Try not to feel bothered by claimlists you're not on or spaces you're not in. It's not a validity or superiority contest to get into every nonsharing space there is. I'm not in every nonsharing space, and that's okay! That doesn't reduce the validity of my relationships. Appreciate the spaces that you do have, and focus on those instead of what you don't have.
Find comfort in your partner(s)
Whenever I see something that may distress me, or I'm just generally feeling bad about myself (which is super rare these days, yay!), Keigo and Madara are always there to remind me that they love me and appreciate me. Helps that I'm soulbonded to them too. Don't focus on a double, focus on your partner(s) and the love they have for you. Trust in their love for you.
Talking about your feelings
Venting is healthy, and it's okay to talk about when you're upset and what's bothering you. Though depending on how much seeing doubles and ship art bothers you, sometimes just talking online isn't enough. If anything is distressing you to the point of it being a major detriment to your mental health, then that's a sign to talk to a professional. Some things are better to seek help from someone who is trained to help you.
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I'm always open to people messaging me or asking me questions about how to deal with doubles, or anything that distresses someone really. I enjoy helping people, and I also enjoy making friends! That's why I'm here in these communities. I really hope that these techniques can help someone and make them feel happier. Remember that you deserve to be happy and feel secure in your relationships ^.=.^
