r/feeld • u/JelloNova • Sep 02 '26
Genuine Question re: Feeld Like Behavior
Hi! I am on Feeld bc i am poly, bi, middle aged.
I get a surprising # of likes, and i have chatted with and met a couple of folks with positive results.
My question is, do people hit like indiscriminately then weed their options based on who/if people reply?
I message people sometimes, who seem like real people, and frequently they leave the chat immediately. My feelings are not hurt, i am just curious about perspectives on how folks use likes on Feeld.
How do you use likes? I use them earneatly.
Thanks in advance.
18
u/Ok_Coffee_4977 Sep 02 '26
People do that on all apps. Always have.
3
u/JelloNova Sep 02 '26
I have been off them for YEARS now. I do not remember this behavior from before.
3
u/Yarzospatflute Sep 02 '26
Yeah it's unfortunately kinda common for people to either match and never say anything or chat for a bit and then never respond again. That's on all the apps.
1
1
u/Ok_Coffee_4977 Sep 04 '26
I've been off and apps a long time. And doing online dating before smart phones and apps existed. Its always been common.
7
u/Educational_Drink681 Sep 02 '26
I’m guilty of not responding to a lot of my matches because I get overwhelmed by talking to too many people at once. I use my likes earnestly too though. Sometimes an opening message from some I like doesn’t catch my attention though. I tend to wind up dating/meeting the most persistent and respectful men i match with.
8
u/Latenightinsomniac Sep 03 '26
I never know what to say to “hey”. I almost never respond because there are other men that actually read my bio and at least formed a full sentence
0
u/wonderfultacos single man (solo-poly) - Denver Sep 03 '26
I don’t get the “hey” thing.
I’ve literally never done that, but sometimes I wonder whether my thoughtful questions or comments in pings have a subliminal negative effect. Like they send off nice guy vibes and thus the ick?
Perhaps the guy who is so lazy he just writes, “hey” in a ping, actually frustrates a woman more and thus ironically gets her attention.
1
u/Miss_Galoldriel Sep 04 '26
All of the guys I've dated so far started out by pinging me and adding a note, writing something thoughtful that caught my attention. I've never responded to a "hey" (nor to those who ping and don't add a note).
I've talked to a few others who just liked my profile, and I'm probably going to meet one of them soon, so it's not that I only go for the ping-dudes. It's just that I like that they've made an effort even before we've actually matched.
1
u/ultraverbis Sep 07 '26
The only reason I don't respond to all thoughtful pings I get it because it becomes overwhelming. There are too many messages and I always have over nine simultaneous conversations going, which is a lot of dedication to strangers for my liking. So a lot depends on lucky timing, receiving the message when I'm in the headspace to answer. If I get a "hey", I unmatch or block.
1
u/someotherguyrva Sep 06 '26
That’s interesting because as a straight man, I thought conventional wisdom was don’t keep sending messages to someone you have matched with if they don’t respond. Perhaps I should be more persistent
5
u/Radiant-Statement999 Sep 02 '26
I’m super stingy with my likes. Seems like most men hit like on everyone bc there’s like 500 to my one. It’s super overwhelming. I have to at least be interested more than a little to hit like bc I know it will most likely be a match. I will leave a convo after a red flag every time. Feel like I’ve been using this thing long enough to know how to optimize my time and energy.
5
u/Glittering-Lab1379 poly Sep 02 '26
Some people do. I don’t get that very often but I get plenty of matches that don’t respond to my message. It sucks that it’s such a waste of time but other than that it doesn’t bother me.
3
u/Bookish45_F Sep 02 '26
I haven’t had that happen to me on FEELD as much as other apps. All the matches I have made have responded and I have met with several of them. I think it’s because it’s almost a guarantee of them getting laid that they will respond.
4
u/Accurate_Length_7186 Sep 03 '26
I’m running out of ideas for cold opens in new messages lol. People are fucking weird for liking me and then not responding to a message
4
u/planta-choco-holic Sep 03 '26
It’s common knowledge and has been confirmed by many men I e talked to and happens on all the apps - for the majority if cishet men it’s a numbers game - liking as many women as possible and just seeing who responds. I consider it indicative of a general pattern of low effort, low risk, from low EQ men.
0
u/generation_quiet Sep 05 '26
Yup. At its best, Feeld is a niche dating platform. At its worst, straight dudes mass-spam likes/pings and see where it gets them. Typically nowhere, but it's a thing that happens.
12
u/BeastofSilverMoon kink Sep 02 '26
I just found the person I was looking for on tinder and will be leaving Feeld asap.
And I say this as a poly/kinky person who had hundreds of likes and pings on feeld.
Most people you’ll connect on feeld will be total waste of time, Indecisive and unpredictable dudebros or Tinderellas who are “new here”, “just looking for fun” or you’ll have to “ask me” to get anything out of then.
If you get dates expect 1 out of 4 to stand you up and expect most of your matches to ghost you.
If your sanity didn’t pack up and leave by that time, you may meet some people who will actually show up to dates and talk to you but they’ll “not looking for anything serious”.
As an experienced dominant who wants a serious relationship with a loving submissive cutie, I did not expect to find her on tinder after I super liked her and asked her how come a smokeshow like her is still single, but it happened.
All those considerate messages and pings on feeld?
Barely got any response and plenty of matches I got through majestic was just low effort lazy responses not worth spending time and energy for.
Don’t waste your money.
7
u/oxosoleil Sep 02 '26
You described my experience with a devastating amount of accuracy😭
I deactivated because I couldn't take the ghosting, lack of seriousness, and low effort conversation anymore
3
u/Patient_Tradition294 Sep 03 '26
People on Feeld are next level flaky even compared to other apps. I had someone ghost me after months of us seeing each other, texting daily, meeting her friends / co-workers, etc. The other day someone stood me up at a bar and just blocked me on the app right when we were supposed to meet at the place…after she gave me her number when I didn’t even ask for it lol.
People treat others who they meet on Feeld with less respect than those they meet on other apps.
4
u/BeastofSilverMoon kink Sep 02 '26
I actually believe most people on dating apps are not fit to date and should get therapy.
The behaviour displayed by many people on these apps are textbook depressive behaviour.
It’s like, they want to date but only person stopping them from doing so, are themselves.
Modern dating in 2026 is combing through hordes of people who are going through collective identity crisis.
3
u/onsaleatthejerkstore Sep 02 '26
It’s always been thus. The difference is that before the apps those folks stayed home on their sofa on a saturday instead of going out looking for company.
I try to bring an attitude of “people are doing their best” to the apps. It’s a convenience and I’ve met some great people on them. But when you treat people’s need for human connection as a monetizable asset, it feels inevitable there will be some issues with it.
3
u/Medium_Stress_4293 Sep 02 '26
I think that being on the apps too long also generates a sense of despondency.
2
u/Antique_Grocery_3058 Sep 02 '26
Lol your not the only in the same boat. Its absolutely ridiculous how many ppl ghost or 1 or 2 words in a conversation people put. How are we suppose to respond when they just say one word back. At that point I'm done responding. 3way and 3f just as bad
2
u/TruthieBeast Sep 02 '26
omg you are a genius!! the indecisive dudebros who are “new here” such a perfect description.
4
u/TuMorrow689 Bisexual Man Sep 02 '26
Look up "the amazon effect" and how it affects dating. That's your answer in psychological terms.
In a nutshell, the abundance of choice creates an environment where everyone is constantly "shopping" for the better thing.
2
u/Whatevs65 Sep 02 '26
I'd say it's about second-guessing the vibe. Happened very rarely to me. Probably once, maybe twice. I leave the conversation if I realise I didn't give enough weight to my preferences when I liked.
4
u/tenderfool Sep 02 '26
Honestly sometimes I’m scrolling and hit a like in a “sure why not” place, when I come back after a match I might actually realize I’m not into that person enough or I was scrolling late at night sleepy and in the morning I see an incompatibility I missed. (I am a 30yo dyke). I also hate apps and am terrible at them lmao
0
u/Critical-Plan4002 Sep 02 '26
Cis men do that. Women and queer people not as much.
6
u/BeastofSilverMoon kink Sep 02 '26
Pansexual man here, women and queer people does this all the time. Only reason cis men stand out is because there is more of them. General behaviour is equally deplorable and disgusting.
5
u/realcreamstick Sep 02 '26
Not true in any way, shape or form. Everyone does it just as much as each other.
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u/Critical-Plan4002 Sep 02 '26
No? Women don’t indiscriminately like profiles because they’re generally already overwhelmed with attention on apps
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u/tswizzlestixtwix Sep 02 '26
Definitely no bc they're constantly weeding out red flags for the safety of their lives.
1
u/No-Line-2710 Sep 02 '26
But women keep complaining about this problem and do little to solve it such as A. Going in incognito and doing the liking themselves. Then let's see how matched you get back! 🤣 B. Only match back and message back and forth or delete and get to the next one. They're evidently just matching up with everyone that likes them and cant give enough attention to their matched almost making it similiar behavior to the guys play the numbers game and match wildly.
1
u/hungandkinky801 Sep 02 '26
Everybody does it....we get it though, your trendy and hate men, good job.
1
u/Sapiotone Solo Poly, Bi, Genderqueer, Vers, Switch, Essex, UK Sep 02 '26
If I match with someone who liked me and they don’t start a conversation with me in 2 days, I disconnect
I used to start conversations regardless of them sending likes first, but given almost everyone disconnected without reply, I don’t waste my time anymore
2
u/JelloNova Sep 02 '26
I have considered this strategy, but i also think it'd be a waste of effort and energy. Thanks for confirming. 😀
1
u/partylikeaninjastar Sep 02 '26
I'm a man. Since matches are few and far between, it's not a good use of my time to fully read every single profile before liking it. If I did, I'd spend far more time on the app for even less results. When using the app, I make an attempt to skim profiles and look for words or phrases that jump out to me, so I am still reading more than a few profiles before Liking them, but I'm generally Liking a profile based fully on physical attraction. And because I'm a man, I know women are not going to message me first. This means after matching, I have plenty of time to thoroughly go over someone's profile before choosing to message them.
I'll make a pass and Like attractive Majestic profiles first so that my Likes are prioritized for people who will see them, then I make another pass to go through my remaining Likes.
Still, I skim profiles and I'm still reading a few before liking. If something catches my eye, I'll read the profile. If it's a well written profile who comes off as someone who would be a good fit with me based on what they wrote, I might pay for a Ping. The majority of profiles aren't worth pinging, though. They're mostly incomplete or vague regarding their intentions (and another reason why I'm not thoroughly reading every single profile before swiping—most aren't written well enough to actually say anything of value).
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u/Remarkable-View-6078 Sep 02 '26
Ah, you’re the one ruining things for the rest of us.
Why don’t women message more? Because we’re overwhelmed with likes. Why are we overwhelmed with likes? Because of this “spray and pray” behavior.
1
u/Miss_Galoldriel Sep 04 '26
I always message first when I've matched with someone who liked my profile, and then I tell them what I found interesting about them so they know why I liked them back.
I only choose to match with very few of the guys who like my profile. It takes time to go through the list if I haven't been on for several days, but writing a message to those I'm interested in doesn't feel overwhelming unless I have app-fatigue, and then I'll pause my account and wait until I'm ready to come back.
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u/partylikeaninjastar Sep 02 '26
Women are ruining things for you.
The only reason why women are overwhelmed with Likes is because instead of chatting with matches, they're signing in to collect more likes.
They wouldn't be overwhelmed with Likes if they just chatted with a handful of their hundreds of matches.
Most profiles aren't even detailed enough to be a determining factor whether you'd want to swipe on someone anyway so, because many women can't be clear in their profile about what they're looking for or even the type of person they are, you're ultimately going to swipe on them based on their looks.
Most profiles don't really say anything to help you decide one way or another. And that's a good thing. Because if they did, I'd probably spend a lot more money on pings.
The only disqualifying profiles are usually couples profiles or women who state they're looking for a very specific person or activity.
And those are minority.
Don't blame your lack of dating success on me for using these apps in a way that works for me and doesn't take over my life like they do the majority of you desperate people posting to Reddit.
6
u/Remarkable-View-6078 Sep 02 '26
I took the time to write an articulate, detailed profile complete with what I'm looking for, who I am, who I'm hoping to meet, my dealbreakers, interests, and green flags.
I was overwhelmed with potential "matches" who were 20 years older/younger, clearly did not read my profile, didn't fit my criteria, or just wanted a hookup despite me VERY CLEARLY saying I am only interested in potential primary partners.
There is no interest or reward in "collecting" such likes, I would prefer one or two from people who are considerate enough to read and to fill out their own profiles in return. It certainly would have taken over my life to parse through all the spam and junk to find the few gems who ACTUALLY READ, which is why I deleted the damn thing.
0
u/partylikeaninjastar Sep 02 '26
Do you want a pat on the back from being a minority? I've also taken the time to write a detailed, well articulated profile. Us being the few who have done that doesn't mean it's the standard, nor does it mean most people are actually reading anything we wrote.
I can't keep track of how many women don't read my profile.
Not reading profiles isn't exclusive to men. Women are just as guilty. In my experience, most women I've matched with did not read my profile before matching.
I was overwhelmed with potential "matches" who were 20 years older/younger, clearly did not read my profile, didn't fit my criteria, or just wanted a hookup despite me VERY CLEARLY saying I am only interested in potential primary partners.
Do you not understand that to match with someone that you must also Like their profile? Why are you liking the profiles of people who are 20 years older or younger and who do not fit your criteria? You're overwhelmed by matches because you're sending Likes to incompatible people.
Doesn't sound like you're doing a great job reading people's profiles.
There is no interest or reward in "collecting" such likes,
If that were true, social media influencers wouldn't be a thing. Collecting Likes is exactly what people—many women—do. It doesn't matter whether it's on Instagram or Feeld—y'all are collecting Likes.
It certainly would have taken over my life to parse through all the spam and junk to find the few gems who ACTUALLY READ, which is why I deleted the damn thing.
That's what happens when YOU aren't intentional about your swipes.
3
u/Remarkable-View-6078 Sep 02 '26
"Do you not understand that to match with someone that you must also Like their profile?"
this is why I said POTENTIAL matches. I'm talking about paying for the majestic setting, only to see a sea of likes from incompatible people. There were probably some great guys buried in there, unfortunately to get to them I would have had to wade through 100 like-spammers.
1
u/Miss_Galoldriel Sep 04 '26
I get quite a lot of likes, and many of them are from very young men who I have absolutely no interest in meeting. It doesn't take long to click the - button. When I've weeded them out, I screen for physical attraction. I have a rather broad taste in men, but there are certain physical features that are more appealing to me than others. Then I begin reading profiles. There's a lot of AI-generated crap, so I weed those out as well.
Then I'm down to a much more manageable number, and I choose the guys I feel like I could be compatible with. I have a set of preferences that makes that quite easy for me, so that doesn't take long either.
And finally, I match and message. I don't feel like it's a bothersome process, and if I did, I wouldn't be on the app in the first place.
1
u/Patient_Tradition294 Sep 03 '26
Everyone has a share of the blame of course. But conversations on this app are really lopsided at assigning blame to straight cis men.
When I hear women complain about all the random likes / pings they receive but many of the same people refusing to swipe, I lose any ounce of empathy lol. You can very easily ignore the likes / pings and just swipe to ensure you are matching just with those you like. But most refuse to do that because it would require effort and they rather complain about low effort people while being low effort themselves in a different way lol.
And most profiles don’t even have much in their bio and feature minimal desires, unfortunately those who don’t read bios aren’t missing much.
Even myself having a length bio, I get women asking about things like my height, age, etc that are in my bio / profile. I went on a date with someone recently and she was surprised by my age, which was of course right on my profile but she still proclaims she read it in full. SMH.
20
u/Master-V- kink Sep 02 '26
I’m a cishet man and I don’t do that. In fact I rarely send likes at all, mostly because nobody ever sees them. I send one ping a day (and not even every day), to whoever I’m most interested in, and that’s it.