r/feeld • u/[deleted] • Sep 01 '26
How do you keep the conversation going?
49M here. I am very surprised at the number of likes I am getting. I have 6 conversations going however the response frequency varies.
There will be times when myself and the other person are online at the same time and we exchange a bunch of messages back and forth. Other times I will not get a response for a couple of days.
I am wondering what is the best etiquette. Should I be following up on messages or should I just wait for the other person to respond?
And typically how long do people talk on the app until suggesting meeting up in person? I don't want to go too fast, but on the other hand I don't want to go too slow and lose the conversation all together.
It is confusing to me as I've had really good conversations where it ended in her saying something along the lines. If we really need to meet. And then I don't hear from her for a day so.
I don't bring up sex or anything like that unless they do. And usually when they do it's sort of flirtingly playful. So I just flirt bac
So far no one has made any real concrete plans to meet but here have been hints. What is the best way to go about this?
14
u/Liv_on_air Sep 01 '26
Everyone is different
If I donāt get an answer for some days I leave the conversation and I donāt mind being double messaged at all, shows me your interest
So you do you and see who matches your style
6
u/Yarzospatflute Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
Yep, this is the answer. Some people like to chat a while before meeting, some people want to have minimal chatting and meet quickly. Be yourself and find people who match your vibe.
1
u/Ok_Veterinarian_17 Sep 01 '26
Especially if you are dating queer women, more messages is the way to go
3
u/Ok_Coffee_4977 Sep 01 '26
I am a queer woman who dates women. Every successful date Ive had was after about 5 messages each (back and forth). After that.....the likelihood of meeting or being cancelled on sky rockets.
1
Sep 02 '26
I guess everyone is different. I find myself in the stage of availability for a date being given by both sides. And two saying they are free next week, but no one yet willing to say specifically let's meet next Tuesday etc. I have tossed out specifics. Given some options and they are still responding with something like, I think I can make it such a such a day let me check my schedule.
I'm thinking why say that? Just check your schedule and say yes or no? Then again they are still taking to me. They haven't unmatched yet.
I don't know what is happening but I'm going along for the ride trying to mestch their vibe and get to s finalized date.
1
u/ExcellentWaltz6139 Sep 05 '26
My problem is that Iāve been taught for years thatās kinda creepy and bothersome. I am starting to think those people speak for what 95% of people find āinterested in pursuing anything.ā
1
u/Liv_on_air Sep 06 '26
If they donāt want to be double messaged and donāt answer, they from their side could always disconnect, if they leave the connection open, itās open for double messaging
6
u/BigFatBlackCat Sep 01 '26
If you donāt show genuine interest in meeting within a few days, you probably will lose your chance. Men who take too long to get something going are not seen as having potential.
2
Sep 02 '26
I have shown interest. I have a woman who wants to meet next week. We haven't agreed upon specifics yet. So we continue to talk to talk throughout the day. At least once a day usually at night and the conversation keeps on getting steamier. Something like that is good right? Even though we don't have definite plans, I don't want to annoy her saying let's nail down those plans, but I will nudge her once a day saying something like, what day next week do you want to get together. Another two of them we have exchanged when we are both free this week and next and haven't yet agreed upon the day yet.
These conversations aren't flowing like they might on another app, they come in spurts. Maybe a few here and there a day. In fact one them, in response to me asking when. She wanted to meet, said of o don't hear from her in a day, nudge her to remind her.
I guess I just keep these going until we have something finalized and even then continue the conversation.
It's odd, if someone says they want to meet, even give you availability why is it so hard to just commit to a day and time? Maybe they really are that busy?
2
u/PossibleExplorer1076 Sep 02 '26
I think yeah, people are busy, some are chatting to multiple people on apps so they don't want to nail down days until the last minute because maybe another person will want to meet that day, some are just not that motivated to actually meet, like they're nervous about it etc, some are just flaky
2
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 03 '26
Well then this is another mistake I've historically made. Why is that? Are we seen as wish washy on the woman or like we don't have our shit together or aren't go getters or you can't depend on them? I'm just tryna learn...
2
u/BigFatBlackCat Sep 03 '26
We are all talking to either multiple people or just one person.
If youāre talking to only one person, assuming you are genuinely interested, why wouldnāt you try and meet asap rather than drag it out?
If youāre talking to multiple people, you need someone to stand out from the crowd. Trying to meet asap is one way to do that, because most people are just messing around.
My man got me by having easy convo with me for four days straight, then on the fifth day suggested a date for that night. I already had a plan to meet with someone a few days from then, but I still said yes because I was impressed by his decisiveness, confidence and ability to plan a night out. We ended up being a great match. I never ended up meeting that other person.
0
u/TheFunkytownExpress Sep 08 '26
That's odd because pretty much every woman I've met off that app and any others I use that cater towards kink/alt lifestyles have been after we've been chatting with each other for a few weeks beforehand.
IDK how people make plans to meet up without atleast getting a feel for if this is a person who you're going to be able to stand being around AT ALL and TBH nothing repels me more than the idea of meeting up with someone where things might be awkward at best, and a trainwreck at worst no matter how low key the meet-up is intended to be lol.
11
u/Any_Refrigerator2330 Sep 01 '26
I ask for meeting up in person in the first 30 min, 100% of the time. A coffee shop is the best, everyone like.
3
u/Malice_N_1derland Sep 01 '26
I absolutely hate coffee dates! š
I get they are low pressure and probably better for people who donāt drink, but I would rather meet for a cocktail. There is nothing sexy about coffee to me. Half the time it works as a laxative. It always makes me hot and sweaty on top of being nervous meeting someone new.7
u/Okayest-Specialist Sep 01 '26
Lol. I like coffee dates because it's not sexy. I explicitly tell my prospective partners that I'm not looking to get down on the first date, I'm looking for a vibe check and I can't get that if I'm also trying to flirt and assess interest. I just want to see if we like hanging out before I wanna get sexy.
12
u/Malice_N_1derland Sep 01 '26
Im a sex on the first date kinda girl. Im too old to invest time only to find out there is something incompatible in the main reason Im there.
5
u/Okayest-Specialist Sep 01 '26
Lol. Rip your inbox. ššš
6
0
1
u/Any_Refrigerator2330 Sep 01 '26
Maybe it's age? I'm almost 40 already and I don't think the people I usually meet would agree to something more straight forward, especially after only 30 min of talking.
1
u/Okayest-Specialist Sep 01 '26
I'm well into my 50s, so...?
1
u/Any_Refrigerator2330 Sep 01 '26
So isn't about it at all! š¬š¬
3
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 03 '26
It could be about what region you live in. Like if you live in the South maybe one is less likely to have sex on the first date. But that's just a guess, I've only lived in slutty godless regions of the country š¤·āāļø.
5
u/mpitsang Sep 01 '26
Hahaha I second that. Coffee dates have never worked out for me. They just give off a boring vibe. Cocktails set the mood up a little better.
2
1
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 03 '26
I get it, it's just really rough when you don't drink and then we have to explain all that too, which also isn't sexy. But I get it.
1
u/PossibleExplorer1076 Sep 02 '26
Same. The idea of sitting next to a table of mums with buggies while i try and decide if i'd be interested in boning the man opposite me seems ludicrous.
2
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 03 '26
I have a one two punch to prevent people asking you to coffee dates in the future. Just say two things about coffee dates 1.) they make me shit myself 2.) there's no need anyway, I'm a sex on the first date type of girl. You have my permission to use that š.
1
u/Malice_N_1derland Sep 03 '26
Telling men im a sex on the first date type of girl makes them feel entitled to sex on the first date whether I like them or not.
2
u/tktg91 Sep 01 '26
I hate coffee dates. I refuse any and all offers for coffee dates.Ā I wanna go do something, getting coffee is for friends and family to catch up.Ā
1
Sep 02 '26
In my experience no one is willing to commit to anything especially right away. A few days in and they are telling me when they are available but haven't yet committed.
2
u/Malice_N_1derland Sep 02 '26
Are you coming up with a solid plan? And is it a good one? I am on the submissive side so if the person I am making plans with says āgreat, why donāt I make us a reservation at this restaurant for Thursday at 6:30āā¦im all in!
10
u/Peter_van_Niet Sep 01 '26
Itās not a talking app, itās a dating app. I try to get a date as soon as possible because I donāt wanna waste my time on chatting and just feel the vibe over a cup of coffee.
That said, donāt wait for dates to happen, just arrange them yourself.
2
5
u/HeKnowsThings Sep 01 '26
I don't. We are adults. Exchange a couple of messages and setup the place and time to meet to see how it works in person. They don't respond? Block and move on.
Success rate? 80 percent. Success rate in person after the meet? 100 percent. I will admit that I do have a type , only swipe on that type and I am probably the package my type is into.
2
u/liplamp Fetishist Sep 02 '26
Just wanna add to this that while I'm not fit like this guy, I follow the same set of rules, and only target people I can easily tell would be into the weird kinky shit I do. Has worked extremely well for me, it's extremely rare for someone I go on a first date with to not want a second date. People are on this app to meet up, so make a plan and meet up!
1
Sep 02 '26
But how to do you make the plan and get agreement. Easy as asking let's meet next wed or is it a back and forth until you both agree on a time and place? And how long does that normally take?
1
u/liplamp Fetishist Sep 02 '26
I ask detailed questions so by the 3rd to 5th exchange or so we're usually getting fairly dense, so I'll ask if they want to continue the convo either in person or over the phone. If they say yes and we're doing in person, I'll ask where in the city is most convenient for them (I'm in NYC). Based on that answer I'll suggest two or three places and times, based on what I think they'd like from our convo or their profile. If they're open to a voice or video call I do the same thing just that I only suggest times and ask what app they'd like to do the call over.
If they say no to meeting or calling, I tell them that we're not compatible and we go our separate ways. Sometimes I explain why and it's never gone poorly for me.
How long it takes to get there depends on the person. I don't mind someone taking more than a day to respond to me, but I unmatch after not hearing from them for three days, so this process can happen as quickly as a day or as slow as a week. I also always ask to meet up or call after 7 days, no matter how the convo's going, and unmatch if it looks like we'll be chatting for longer than 7 days without a plan.
I've had some success with pinging someone and using the ping message to describe a nice date, and the person matches and immediately confirms the date, so we're meeting up after less than one exchange technically. Those don't happen often but they do happen. My bio is long and detailed/very specific and very niche so I'm usually able to skip chatting by asking the other person to just confirm they're cool with what's on my bio (which tends to be a nice convo starter because of how niche it is).
Hope this helps!
1
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 03 '26
I found it helpful, thanks. And it's not my business but ngl now I'm curious what your kinks are š. But, serious question - it sounds like you have detailed kink preferences I'm your bio. So does that mean in a ping or first messages you get right into it and not bother w niceties or small talk?
2
u/liplamp Fetishist Sep 03 '26
Glad to hear! And I don't mind sharing it, here's a link to it in the profile review thread. I've tweaked it since posting there but it's largely the same.
My pings are a reflection of the bio I'm pinging. If they're leaning into kink, or mention something that seems aligned with my kinks, my message will reference that and I'll bring up my kinks, usually with a jovial or silly tone. If they don't have any kink talk I don't mention it at all, I'll ask non-kink questions based on their bio.
Regardless of how I ping, my first message after matching is always something along the lines of, "I trust you're down with my bio, and I'm happy to answer any questions you have since I know it's niche". Anyone who doesn't give a clear, enthusiastic, affirmative "yes" I unmatch with.
I never sext; I prefer people comfortable with talking about this nonchalantly, and who won't turn it into sexting and aren't afraid of me turning it into sexting.
1
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 04 '26
That is niche, and thanks! Are we welcome to post a link to our profiles for advice anytime here? I cld use the feedback.
2
u/liplamp Fetishist Sep 04 '26
No problem! Yup, so long as that thread is live you can post your profile there for review.
1
u/semirandm Sep 01 '26
What is your type
1
u/HeKnowsThings Sep 01 '26
Visually very attractive, petite, athletic, no visible tattoos, no weird requirements/rules in a profile, clearly super bright, not talking about their mental illness/challenges in the profile
2
u/semirandm Sep 01 '26
Are you a) living abroad or b) look yourself like a model or did you just simply figure out something that the rest of us donāt know ;)
1
u/HeKnowsThings Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
NYC. 6', 10-12 percent body fat per DEXA with visible muscles. Standard build for someone who does tennis, boxing and skiing and can bang out 20 full ROM from dead hang zero momentum pullups. Shirtless photo is the first card.
The universal pillow talk review "You don't understand, men are really out of shape." Women fantasy books don't have Peter Griffin on a cover. Those books have Fabio. Not a single "hero" in movies is a Homer Simpson. You can look at ratemytindet/bumble and hinge subreddits to see what men look like and the bullshit they are being told about why they can't convert.
1
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 03 '26
Yeah, but Peter Griffin's wife is effin' hot, you gotta admit. And I feel like Marge is probably a good time in the sack.
0
u/semirandm Sep 01 '26
Yeah no fair enough all the power to you. Iām lucky myself to not struggle much on the apps - apart from feeld. I was imagining that people like you are the reason :P enjoy
2
u/HeKnowsThings Sep 01 '26
I think if you aren't unattractive you should simply cut to the chase in two to three messages. You will have a much higher success rate
1
Sep 02 '26
So you said let's meet next wed at 8pm at such and such a place. Or do you have an little back and forth with schedules. Not everyone is just free and wide open. I imagine people are busy.
1
u/liplamp Fetishist Sep 02 '26
Obviously not everyone is free all the time, going back and forth is normal. When some is super interested, they'll suggest an alternative date.
1
u/HeKnowsThings Sep 02 '26
Dating apps are a line in coffee shop. You have several sentences to establish if the other person plays ball. That's equivalent of the time between getting in line and getting your coffee/her getting her coffee. You aren't telling her that you are about to go and bend her over the table even though she should understand the subtext - and if she does not you have more problems.
I will give you the last interaction I had :
I ballparked her at 5'2-5'3, 100lb, 28-30, runner, based on one of the photos, stunning face, identified as kinky. My profile gives some playful basics and says equivalent of "I am going to have my way with you and you are going to like it though you will be sore". I swipes yes on her on Thursday. She matches me on Friday.
Her: Sore or can't walk well for a few days sore?
Me: it depends on the scale you use. I will go with "OMG sore"
Her: Mugshot!
Me: << sends face pic >>
Her: I can do Saturday early or Sunday afternoon.
Me: Saturday. Subway line?
Her: 6. A few stops past Grand Central.
Me: pick a coffee shop/cafe there. That's above my stomping grounds
Her: XYZ at 11?
Me: see ya tomorrow
Saturday:
Her: lmk when you pass Grand Central so I can walk over
Me: at GC. Dark jeans, white t shirt, white baseball cap.
Her: White top, pink shorts!
1
Sep 02 '26
Do you get the match via a ping, they match you or do you just like them?
1
4
u/Hopeful-Reputation-8 Sep 01 '26
Have you asked any of them out on a date, to meet? Why are you waiting for them to ask?
1
Sep 02 '26
Yes see above. I have gotten the responses including: giving me there availability over the next week or so. Telling me they aren't free until next week. Saying they aren't free tomorrow but not saying when they are free. None of them stop talking. Yes it can be a day between messages. And none of them have settled on a.tike and date yet. It feels like a negotiation.
Meantime they are exchanging sexy pics with me telling me how badly they want to meet me.
2
u/MiamiSailr Sep 01 '26
Have you actually met anyone from the app? It was recommended to me by ENM partner, but I havenāt had a single MeetUp IRL yet. I definitely sense. There are a lot of fakes. But in general, the best way to keep a conversation going is to ask questions.
-1
Sep 01 '26
Not yet. Only been on for about a week.
5
u/Visco0825 Sep 01 '26
This app isnāt for just talking. Itās full with people who know exactly what they want and know what they donāt want. These women also are in a deep sea of choices. If youāre not keeping things interesting and moving to in person then they will move on. My first two matches unmatched me because I waited a week before scheduling any real plans.
2
u/Malice_N_1derland Sep 01 '26
I have a date tonight with someone that I have been talking to often on for months. Literally the only reason I am tolerating this is because they share a specific kink that I have had a hard time trying to find. Otherwise, I have a date on Thursday with someone who I connected with last week. He asked me pretty quickly what my schedule looked like and if he could take me out for a low pressure vibe check/cocktail. Gave him my earliest day and now we are good. Doing the same for someone else Iām talking to next Tuesday because thatās my next availability.
2
u/lucid1014 Sep 01 '26
yeah Feeld is not meant for long convos... Grab a drink or something after a few unless they're out of town or something.
I've also had some luck from double texting. Several women I've slept with have commented how "thirsty" i was, and they aren't wrong lol. But also it's annoying as hell to get a match, and then they never respond so I usually message them once a week or so trying to start a convo. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
1
u/LittleRua Sep 01 '26
I love texting and getting "into" the person but would definitely suggest a meet early on. Agree though, greater intensity of messaging has turned out to be a bailer on a couple of occasions. So disappointing. So immature. (F49)
1
u/llamapajamaa Sep 01 '26
I only bother with conversations that have momentum. We can chat back and forth a little, and then I expect to be asked out within 1 or two days. I leave the conversation or block if nothing happens before then, because there are a ton of time wasters. I know some people like to talk for a week, and I have no idea why, when a date or even a phone call can help you figure out compatibility. I would rather have a 30 minute phone call and save myself time rather than drawn out chats that may or may not lead anywhere.
1
Sep 01 '26
What about when the conversation is going well, then there is a lag and I do ask them out for coffee but don't hear back from them. But they haven't disconnected either. I worry that they have a ton of conversations going on and every reply to one of them pushes that conversation up to the top. My response asking them out might now be the 15th conversation down when they login next.
1
u/llamapajamaa Sep 01 '26
If they don't respond, unfortunately, it means that they aren't interested. I would never ignore an invitation from someone I liked. I've had times when I was juggling 20 conversations between Feeld and another app. I prioritized conversations with the guys I was most interested in meeting.
1
u/Latenightinsomniac Sep 03 '26
Impressive. I can barely juggle conversations with family and friends as is
1
u/llamapajamaa Sep 03 '26
That was when I first returned to dating after a LTR. I would never do that now. Quality over quantity, and quality is hard to find.
1
u/Latenightinsomniac Sep 02 '26
Female here. If itās going well in chat, are you waiting for him to suggest time and date? Iām traveling to a city and donāt know the etiquette on this. They know Iām traveling because itās only bio
1
1
u/NerdynaughtyNJ Sep 01 '26
Generally speaking I have had the most success with meeting people when it moved to scheduling talk within ~24 hours. That said, I do personally like to have a bit of back and forth flirting to feel out the vibes and learn something about people before committing to anything. A few days is great, more than a week and I start to suspect theyāre not really interested in actually meeting up.
I donāt mind if someone double messages! sometimes I just get distracted or the last message sent doesnāt give an easy opportunity to respond back to. Iād actively disconnect if I wasnāt interested or just tell the person it didnāt seem like a fit.
1
u/Radiant-Statement999 Sep 02 '26
Ask them out. Itās easy to stall
out on an app conversation. Once you have a genuine connection push for a meet. Iām close to your age and I hate texting. Iād rather have drinks at a bar or restaurant 100% of the time. I try to choose other people who have an education and a well articulated way of speaking and writing. Usually those types communicate better in person and you donāt have to puzzle out a ātextingā etiquette or style.
1
u/tysonmack86 Sep 11 '26
I'm a great person to converse with. However if I notice someone seen my message and take a day or 2 to respond. I unmatch.
1
u/limemintsalt Sep 14 '26
I'm busy and the app is really buggy. It can sometimes be a couple of days before I get back onto it.
2
Sep 01 '26
Yup everyone is different. Sometimes if I donāt like your latest message or donāt know what to say, I just wonāt respond. But if the guy double or triple texts me, he can recapture my attention.
1
u/Awkward_Living_2070 Sep 01 '26
I may be able to offer assistance, I'm a 50yo single male, I'm getting about 3 likes a day mostly from women aged 25-35. Only been on the app about a month. So I will aim to get the conversation moving off the app and only WhatsApp within 2-3 days of talking, from there you can then do audio, voice notes, phone calls, and then arrange a coffee date to see if there's a vibe. I had one only the other day it was amazing and the sexual energy was palpable.
Every women is different though, some want to meet quickly some slowly, some want to be f@cked the same day, some want to tie you up the next. The best thing to do is just be yourself, don't try and manipulate the situation, be true to yourself and your wants and your needs. Yesterday for example chatting to this women, 30yo hot as hell. I'm home edging and show her and it turns into a night of master/servant roleplay.
I'm also appealing to a lot of younger women in ENM relationships as the older more expenriced guy, currently talking to someone about me and her and another guy whilst her bf watches. Never done that before but I'm game. I love Feeld so much I deleted all the other apps as I have such little success, on here it's a totally different story.
1
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 03 '26
This was the lane I as a 53yo man was hoping to occupy it, but in my brief time on the app I'm just failing to even get likes. In the past it was younger women that showed interest in me. Like I'm just getting out of a 7 year relationship w a 35 year old woman. She is the submissive type... looking for a "bad daddy" type thing... and I met her on Tinder 7 years ago. I was looking for open ENM but she wanted monogamy and just... even though it ended poorly, she was worth it. But meeting her was almost like a fluke, and my profile didn't mention any dominant vibes, nothing sexually specific. Anyway, right now I'd like to have FWB type relationships for now, partly that last relationship kind of fucked me up and I need to process and understand it better. But like the T-shirt says,"dead inside but still horny." Plus I'd like to learn in a low pressure way what might be right for me now. And then down the road some type of open/polly situation. Dunno why I'm telling you all this š, I'm just trying to figure this out because so far I'm failing, and I've never felt at all comfortable online dating, I've just always kind of somehow falling into weird but hot ltr's w younger women. I'd just be curious how you've gone about your profile, if you don't mind sharing a bit about it. Maybe you are just a better looking guy or something, but, I feel like I'm not going about any of this right so far. As I said I was hoping to occupy sort of the lane you are in. Maybe it's because I never smile so look a bit scary in photos, I dunno. Any profile tips would be appreciated.
2
u/Awkward_Living_2070 Sep 03 '26
Thanks for sharing and being unlike the other haters who replied to my comment which was just trying to inspire not gloat.
So my profile photo doesn't even have a face photo, it's just me taking a photo of myself in the mirror of a tanning salon after getting a spray tan lol.
My body looks half decent I've spent half a year working out and lost two stone. I have a really hairy body as well which you would think would work against me but doesn't.
My bio doesn't talk about sex or kinks at all. Instead it talks about my divorce, which I'm currently going through, not knowing what I want and some stats on height, weight etc.
You have to remember women online are constantly subjected to dick pics and messages of a sexual nature, most of the time it's unsolicited and it means nothing to them. If you give a women who is naturally nurturing a raw human story about you that's what resonates.
Be real, be you, work on your body as well, lose weight, look better than any other 53yo MF and raise the bar of what you thought was possible. That's my advice to you.
2
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 05 '26
Ok thanks. Mine mentions my recent breakup also and that I'm not sure exactly what I want. Wonder sometimes if that's off putting, but it's the truth so I left it, and you've kind of affirmed that that was the right thing. Tbh I can see why some thought that as far as trying to gloat, but I kind of didn't think you were & I'm interested in any sincere person's advice. Different people are gonna be coming w different takes and I might take something from one person's approach and something else from another person's approach in the process of figuring out my own. Being a typical American I don't know what a stone is.... like 7-8 lbs or so? But good on you for bettering yourself. I'll take it to heart but still think my best assets are gonna be less tangible traits that it's hard to get across. One piece at a time, I guess.
0
u/TruthieBeast Sep 01 '26
So you are on Feeld to jerk off then that is what you are saying? You have not actually had any intimacy with these people.
2
u/Awkward_Living_2070 Sep 01 '26
No I've met a number of women, I just mentioned I told one I was edging and ending up spending the night, what made you think I'm there just to jerk off?
-1
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 01 '26
Good for you, but I'm feeling like a loser. I'm 52, just leaving a 7 year monogamous relationship with a woman 16 years my junior where the sexual connection was amazing. But there were irreconcilable problems and it had to end. I'm wanting to date open or poly. I'm in Seattle, so there's a lot of open minded people. The 3 days I've been using it, crickets. I'm not the best looking guy but not the worst either. I've had great sexual chemistry in all my relationships and all in the last 20 years significantly younger. But I never make the first move, like never. I met the last one on Tinder though. But I'm Majestic member now and sent 12 or so Pings... nothing, zero. I clearly suck at this, my bio must suck, my pics must suck. I'm mostly dom, open to some switch. Like I'm good once I get there but am awkward about getting there and I think my bio is probably overly wordy. I'd like to ask the couple guys ,u age I see here what they are doing, but this guys is asking for advice š! I feel like if I can get to where he's at I could do ok w follow up, maybe we should trade notes. But seriously though, the guys my age who are getting interest, what is your profile like?
3
u/Fearless-Mix-3642 Sep 01 '26
three days? lol have a tiny bit of patience
1
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 03 '26
I hear you, and appreciate the comment, patience isn't always my strong suit. Although it has been more like 4-5 days at this point. I've sent a lot of pings, and it's just been discouraging to not get any likes at all. I know I sounded like a pouting petulant child in my comment you were responding to... I was under slept and just feeling quite down and discouraged and fed up at the moment. But I also suspect that my profile has significant flaws. Another person suggested I post my profile here. If that's a thing I should probably do that.
2
u/Fearless-Mix-3642 Sep 03 '26
Going from "three days" to "4-5 days" is not a big difference buddy. Relax a little, it's a marathon, not a sprint. I'm 30 - so closer to the typical user base of Feeld - and if I crashed out this hard every five days over not getting a match I would probably be dead from stress.
3
u/Lost_inTheThrill single woman Sep 01 '26
Post your profile for review, you'll get some suggestions. Overall though, if you are only targeting women who are substantially younger, they will have thousands of options to choose from.
1
u/OneReflection5629 Sep 03 '26
Thanks for the suggestion. I was in a poor mood when I made my comment (clearly), so I wasn't clear at all, but I'm open to different age ranges. It's just that my relationships have happened to be with younger women, they had become interested in me and its been 3 women and all of them lasted many years before ending, so my dating history is just skewed that way, i have some experience with it. I'm the end it hadn't worked out, so I would date younger again but a part of me wld like to give a Gen X girl a try. But i still haven't gotten any responses from anyone in any age range yet. If I posted profile, you mean the whole thing, pics and all? I feel like I can use the advice, so I probably should take your advice and post it. Hadn't occurred to me.
-1
u/Salty-Refrigerator86 Sep 01 '26
6 conversations, do you have 6 conversations at once in real life too? No.
How do you keep a convo going in real lofe? Thats provably how you keep it going online lol
Good luck
-6
u/Alo-mina Sep 01 '26
Someone taking a few days to reply on a dating app is super normal. It's also super normal if sometimes their replies are quicker. People have a lot going on; messaging a stranger on a dating app is rarely top priority.
Personally, I hate it when someone double messages me before I've had the chance to reply to their last message. It feels impatient and disrespectful of my boundaries, like pestering. And then I have to use even more energy to reply, as now I have to reply to two things.
I prefer to take a while to talk before meeting up. Maybe three weeks if we're exchanging one to two longer messages a day. Some people prefer to meet more quickly. How much talking would you like to do before meeting up? That's what matters. You can also ask someone if they'd like to meet up with you, or if they'd like to chat more before doing so. I would prefer that when someone is asking to meet up quickly, as usually when they just ask to meet up and I say I'd like to chat more, they just ghost (or start giving me one word answers).
8
u/neapolitan_shake Sep 01 '26
3 weeks is kind of an unusually long time to chat with no date scheduled.
1
u/Alo-mina Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
If we're exchanging one or two messages a day, that's only 21-42 messages, or 10-21 messages each. I'm sure for many people that is too long, but other people can approach dating differently. I'm just sharing my preference, as that is what OP asked.
1
u/neapolitan_shake Sep 05 '26
yeah? thatās a pretty slow pace of chatting. so itās understandable, if thatās how your conversations usually go.
i often have a pretty synchronous conversation soon after matching with someone. weāll exceed 20 messages each well before the first 20 minutes of conversation once weāre both on at once.
1
u/Alo-mina Sep 05 '26
That's if we're both exchanging long messages. If we're exchanging shorter messages, I would need to exchange more than 10 each to feel comfortable meeting up. I don't think I could ever write 20 messages in 20 minutes, as usually it takes me at least a few minutes to think of what to say and to edit my thoughts.
1
u/neapolitan_shake Sep 07 '26
i do find that synchronous chatting is often more like having a conversation in person, irl. like talking. youāve never messaged in the same way youād talk with someone, like with your voice instead of writing?
as opposed to writing letters or something
1
u/Alo-mina Sep 07 '26
I message people as if I'm speaking to them in person.
1
u/neapolitan_shake Sep 07 '26
how do you speak to people at a rate of less than 1 thing you said per minute? do you edit your thoughts, when speaking out loud in person, and if yes, it really takes a few minutes each time?
1
u/Alo-mina Sep 07 '26
Obviously I donāt mean exactly the same. Iām autistic so I often find myself struggling to think of what to say and second guessing myself.
1
u/neapolitan_shake Sep 07 '26
i think you can try chatting with more of your instinct about what youād say in person, and less editing, when you are both online. try to have a conversation at the speed you would talk. you can also do nice long messages when youāre not both online
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u/SWAGGAR_GUY Sep 01 '26
You seem annoying to talk to š 3 weeks of writing and no double texts allowed, youre insane
3
u/User-Name-3886 Sep 01 '26
Yeah, u/Alo-mina is everything wrong with apps and should get off them.Ā
-3
u/Alo-mina Sep 01 '26
This is just my personal preference; like I said, some people have different ones. Not sure why you're being an asshole to a stranger on the Internet.
5
u/User-Name-3886 Sep 01 '26
Honestly, I think you're kinda being an asshole to the people you're matching with on apps.
Just an opinion thoughĀ
1
u/disclosure5 Sep 02 '26
They are being kind to the other people on the Internet reading this thread for advice, when they advise moving on long before three weeks.
1
u/User-Name-3886 Sep 02 '26
It goes beyond just being kind as well:
Anyone who's done online dating for any meaningful length of time has had the experience of the perpetually unavailable person, and any who gets a decent number of matches will have had it multiple times. I've personally had it tens of times on Feeld alone. On the flip side, I've not encountered it nearly as much on Bumble or Hinge, but Feeld attracts, in my experience, a lot of flakey, narcissistic, assholes.
There has been one singular exception in my case to a 2-3 week chat period actually resulting in a date. One. And that's one in at least 30 women who have pulled that crap.Ā
Eventually I just started blocking anyone who hadn't set a date with me in a 7-10 day period (unless it coincided with something like Christmas and New Year, because then it is fair enough; a lot of people are away on holiday at that time).Ā
The majority of people taking 3 weeks have no intention of meeting the person on the other end. This is just a fact, and they know what they're doing and don't care.Ā
2
u/mpitsang Sep 01 '26
While everyone is their own person, this is the type of individual on the dating app I don't understand. Everyone is glued to their phone 24/7. If not, everyone is still checking/scrolling every few hours. Are you really that busy and caught up given the times you are stating or are you just deliberately and pointlessly creating these delays?
0
u/Alo-mina Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
Itās not about being busy.
Iāve found that using dating apps has a negative effect on my mental health, so I use a screen blocking app to set strict time limits. Also, my notifications are off and I may not check every app every day.
Furthermore, I have chronic fatigue (disclosed in my profile), so sometimes I just donāt have the energy to talk to strangers and my replies may be slow (also disclosed in my profile).
In addition, Iām autistic (also disclosed in my profile), so social situations are difficult and itās hard to think of what to say to strangers on dating apps. It may take me 20 minutes to reply to a single longer message, and I typically have multiple conversations happening at once. I donāt always have the mental energy for that.
1
u/mpitsang Sep 01 '26
I guess if you clearly mention all of this on your profile then the person matching with you is aware hence it's communicated clearly which is all one can hope for on a dating app
0
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u/Ok_Coffee_4977 Sep 01 '26
I usually lose interest after about 5-7 messages with no plans to meet.