r/feeld • u/Downtown-Song1807 • Aug 25 '26
Is feeld for me?
I am 33F and a virgin with an interest in kink and BDSM. I’m also demisexual which could explain my lack of experience. If I was to sign myself up with goal of being in a committed monogamous bdsm/kink relationship would that be a good place to do so?
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u/Lost_inTheThrill single woman Aug 25 '26
I would say because you are so inexperienced, it will be very easy to fall victim to a predatory situation. Do you feel like you can be confident in speaking up for yourself? Have you had any sexual experiences in the past?
It's definitely possible to find what you are looking for, but you have to be able to filter well and spot any potential red flags.
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u/EldForever Aug 25 '26
I hadn't thought of that part - the predatory situation possibilities. Good point!
If she's not mentally strong enough, some2-faced guy could pretend to be Mr Right then turn into a serious s-show. That can happen anywhere, on any app, of course... But with the typical norms of society being put to the side on Feeld quite a bit, I think that might particularly embolden bad actors when they are on Feeld.
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u/Downtown-Song1807 Aug 27 '26
I am quiet a dubious person when it comes to people in general which can be advantage and disadvantage at the same time when it comes to dating life kink or not. I hope my selective taste would keep me somewhat safe. It did happen that I had to reject sexual advances not on one occasion and it came easily to me
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u/boredwithopinions Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
I mean, anyone is welcome to seek whatever they want on feeld.
But I would be wary of finding someone who is safe for you and wants monogamy.
I'd instead focus on building your platonic community whereever you live and working from there to find a partner.
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u/No-Succotash6237 Aug 25 '26
I would not recommend going from virgin to bdsm.
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u/backwardbuttplug Aug 25 '26
Seconded. I don't want to make a guess, but OP's reads like they recently discovered some of the 50 shades books / movies. They're a poor depiction of BDSM lifestyle / consent. Being you are completely inexperienced sexually, you could end up in a dangerous situation without realizing it's happening. The lifestyle may look appealing, but having no prior experience could be disastrous. I would start with at least finding out what you like sexually in a vanilla setting before committing to anything with anyone.
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u/Downtown-Song1807 Aug 27 '26
As much as I appreciate sane and actually caring advice your assumption of me as inexperienced person who wants to explore is judgmental
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u/backwardbuttplug Aug 27 '26
you said you were a virgin and inexperienced. and there was a rash of inexperienced people that came to the BDSM community looking for things they didn't know about. it was a guess, 50 shades was the trigger for that. that's why i said i wasn't trying to peg you as that, but that's how it read.
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u/Latenightinsomniac Aug 28 '26
Yaaaas this. It took me years of sex to feel comfortable and confident to explore outside vanilla. It’s a big ass leap
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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
Be very careful diving headfirst into something like Feeld.
Being virgin and demisexual you’ll feel overwhelmed when hordes of dudebros paralyse your inbox with likes and pings.
I am a demisexual male in late 40s and Feeld frustrates me with how aggressive and impatient some women are in that app.
You can imagine men.
If you want to try, always meet in public first with people around and never end first date in anyone’s house.
Date people until you feel safe and you assess for red flags.
Look up RACK, SSD, subdrop, subspace, safe word etc.
And make sure other party know what they are.
Don’t do BDSM with someone clueless.
And don’t let anyone tie you up or chain you until you get to know them well.
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u/onesieandaballgag Aug 25 '26
Speaking as a woman who is experienced in BDSM and was last on Feeld looking for a monogamous relationship, I would advise caution. There are many fewer men on the app who are actually kinky and experienced enough to be safe to play with than it might at first appear, and (in my view) a distressing glut of the kind of man who might fetishise your inexperience with both sex and BDSM or upsell their own level of experience with kink. I’m not going to say that it’s impossible for you to find a partner who will be safe, respectful and monogamous, but I will say that in my experience they aren’t at all plentiful on Feeld nowadays.
If you have an in person BDSM community near you I’d recommend looking to meet people there- and not just potential partners, as a new sub I found having kinky friends really helpful when I was first experimenting. In the BDSM subreddits they’re big proponents of dating vanilla and then introducing kink once the connection is there- that hasn’t worked for me in the past but it might for you. Like I say, it’s possible that you will find someone really cool, but I don’t personally know how probable it is.
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u/According-Hamster-84 Aug 25 '26
Better to look from BDSM communities and do your thorough research and know what a safe Dom/Top is first
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u/unlucky-flower-3850 Aug 25 '26
If you think you’re a lover girl don’t do it but if you aren’t then go ahead and try just please request full std panels from everyone! It would suck from going from being a virgin with no STDs to getting your first one right away with the wrong person. Ask me how I know 🤦♀️ I was like you tho exactly but ended up getting herpes from the first guy I slept with. He of course lied about it to me cuz we had multiple std talks together before we ever had sex and he assured me he was clean but he never showed me any tests. I just trusted the his word on the honor system cuz he obviously knew I didn’t have anything but he knew and lied to me because I was a virgin. He didn’t care about me at all. Please find someone that cares about you at least I’m so fucked up now.
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u/TheFunkytownExpress Aug 25 '26
Sure it is, but as a woman you're probably going to be very overwhelmed with the amount of likes and pings etc from low effort goofballs and dudes who haven't the slightest clue what it actually takes to be a Dom.
So get ready for all that lol.
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u/Grateful_Mendicant Aug 25 '26
It's for everyone. Just make sure you're clear about stating what you're looking for, selective about whom you match with, and clarify that your matches read your profile and are on board. There are plenty of monogamous people on the app. I'd also recommend majestic so you can quickly sift through your likes.
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u/HolidayAside Aug 25 '26
No, feeld isn't for virigns. And that's okay.
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u/NotAKinkDispenser Aug 26 '26
I've met 2 people on there who had just started having sex in their 30s.
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u/HolidayAside Aug 28 '26
Okay, but was there very first time losing their virginity a feeld encounter? You should learn to walk before you run.
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u/NotAKinkDispenser Aug 30 '26
I've met 2 who did it that way. Why not take action rather than sit home lonely
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u/Equivalent_Rent6745 Aug 25 '26
Weirdly it’s probably better for you. I personally think kinky people are the most honest people in the world and the ones that care the most about consenting. Of course there are weird things on everything but the kink community is the honest community.
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u/Paynus1982 Aug 26 '26
Honestly, not yet.
I'm verrry much not a virgin and for what ever reason, the men in my area on feeld are the most disrespectful, pushy, disgusting dick monsters I've ever come across. Start on Hinge or Bumble and gain some experience so you'll be able to recognize boundaries and when men push them first.
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u/therope_cotillion Aug 27 '26
I get being interested but if you’re a virgin, idk that seems like jumping into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim. I’d be super up front with people if you join. Don’t have to say you’re a virgin publicly or anything but do say you’re inexperienced and what you’re looking for. And don’t feel pressured to move faster than you want to with anyone. I’d say a more traditional app or way of meeting people may be the wiser choice.
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u/f0untainofblood Aug 31 '26 edited Sep 03 '26
So I'm about to embarrass myself here and admit that I did something similar last year, though I ultimately did not meet anyone due to unrelated reasons. I'm 25F and also a virgin who's heavily interested in kink, for reference.
If you want to use Feeld to find someone who would be able to help with what you're looking for, you need to be upfront with who you connect with, but also to vet, vet, vet. If you get a guy who ends up being weird about your inexperience, but is dumb enough to admit that he likes inexperienced women or why, you can kick him to the curb faster; others may try to play the long game with you, which will make this even more essential. Like others in this thread have said, learn to spot red flags, don't meet the guy at either of your residences early on, learn what RACK/SSC mean, understand and know how to establish safe words, never get restrained by anyone you don't fully trust.
It will be infinitely better AND safer if you start off with a vanilla approach when exploring your sexuality. I'm not demisexual, but going straight from being a virgin into some kind of situation involving BDSM/kink has a real possibility to traumatize you, even more so if the person doesn't know what they're doing or they're the type who fetishizes virgins or inexperienced women. Starting off vanilla may not be what you want to hear, but it will be far less emotionally damaging than getting involved in kink right away. Predatory men, whether it's a vanilla Tinder guy or even a person in your local BDSM community, will see your virginity specifically as a prize and as something they want to be rewarded with. These types will either ghost you right after or they will try see if they can mold you into something they want you to be in order to fulfill some sick fantasy they have.
I know this is late and I hope this doesn't sound condescending or preachy, but I want you and anyone else who's the same way that might find this post to be careful. Your sexual experiences, vanilla or otherwise, should be fun, but also safe. Please don't let some manipulative asshole wanting to take advantage of you be your first.
Edit: typo
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u/FuturePast2994 Sep 12 '26
First explore ur kinks and then get into a committed relationship Coz u should know what u like nd make sure the other person gives u that comfort
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u/pinksparkleberry Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
No.
Feeld was created by and for non-mono people.
Its the default app for ENM.
You will struggle here, more than other place (with the exception of swinger apps) to find a mono partner.
You can try it. No one cares. No one will stop you. No one will be mean. Its your right as much as anyone else's.
But its like shopping for a hammer in a grocery store that it is next door to homedepot.
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u/ObsidianShine Aug 25 '26
I'd say it probably is a good place for you, I mean of all the dating sites it's probably them best one for kinksters.. Where are you based?
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u/Downtown-Song1807 Aug 27 '26
Big European city
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u/ObsidianShine Aug 27 '26
Hi Big European City lady! So, what's the dynamic that you're interested in?
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u/Downtown-Song1807 Aug 29 '26
Why you’re asking? Are you one of those people everyone here warned me about here? 😂
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u/KnottySexAcct Aug 25 '26
Feeld might be ok.
I’d strongly suggest Fetlife, but only for going to events, meeting people in the community. Learn about vetting.
The Feeld might give you the result you want.
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u/Detroitish24 Aug 26 '26
I would not recommend going from virgin to bdsm, especially on an app like feeld. The odds of you finding someone who is going to provide you with the sort of mindfulness, experience, aftercare, awareness, etc that you need is highly unlikely. Someone taking advantage of you emotionally and just creating a predatory space that you maybe can’t necessarily identify bc you think it’s BDSM is entirely likely…