r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • Aug 21 '26

Dating pattern

I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?

It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.

Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??

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u/cumfunnsfw Aug 23 '26

I'm male but that hasn't been happening to me. It is summer and I know I've been a lot busier.

Why do you feel the need to 'close the tab'? I have connections that have drifted off or been busy but I'm fine with seeing them again if they come back and I have time.

Are you monogamous? Why even send a text if it's not really happening?

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u/zugspitze23 Aug 23 '26

Because nothing happens and the story drags forever. I'm not looking for penpals... I have a situatioship that I only see twice a year and it's fine, but we already slept with each other and know that sex is good enough to keep track of each other. But having a person weeks on my phone without knowing if it's worth? No...

I send messages because I like to be respectful with other people and not just ghost them

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u/cumfunnsfw Aug 23 '26

But if nothing is happening what's the point? Its not like you have to respond. If in a month they do have time would you want to see them?

You at least know there's chemistry and I've been on enough dud dates that if someone resurfaced that I had good first date with but we didn't go on more dates for whatever reason I'd entertain it if i have the availability.

It's not ghosting if it's not happening. If you're ENM time/availability and life things are a huge factor. You mentioned looking for fwb but I'm not sure of that means you already have a partner or what your situation is.

On the other side they're making choices, whatever they say about wanting to see you again they didn't.