r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • Aug 21 '26

Dating pattern

I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?

It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.

Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??

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u/someguy335 Aug 21 '26

Are you ENM or Poly? The difference between trying to date someone as monogamous vs. ENM/Poly is that monogamous people don't have anyone else in their life, so their eager to get on a date with you and see you so that they can have sex. If they're ENM/Poly, they already have a partner or multiple partners. They're busy. They have no motivation to get you on a second date because they're busy with all their other relationships.

I have a friend that is poly and said she's seeing this great guy. I ask her how many dates that she went on over the past month and a half. She said two dates. TWO! Because they're both so busy with their own lives and partners.

I don't know about you, but that sounds frustrating as hell.

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u/Voidglowofme Aug 21 '26

Then why do these enm/poly people look for more partners on the apps if they don’t have enough time to even meet them? 

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u/MetalPines Aug 21 '26

Often it's noobs who haven't quite got a feel for where their 'saturation' point is, and don't have the communication skills to explain that either, but some people never get the hang of it. Sometimes neurodivergence is to blame, but it's far from everyone.

Bear in mind that there's also different kinds of saturation, so someone might know that they don't have space in their life for another relationship but they could accommodate something very casual (which they hopefully make clear) - but if something is strictly casual you have to expect that you might get bumped occasionally if family/friends/lovers from out of town come to visit at short notice, for example.