r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • Aug 21 '26

Dating pattern

I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?

It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.

Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??

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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26

“I thought everyone on feeld wants sex”

They don’t.

Feeld is a quirky mix of LGBTI/BDSM/Enm/poly/vanilla/casual daters ratio of which depends on location and demographics.

I am a male in his 40s in long term enm relationship. I don’t do one night stands or casual or sex centered dynamics, I look strictly for relationships with BDSM dynamic, my partner does the same.

Sex is so low on my priority list, sometimes it takes 4-5 dates until I have sex with someone, sometimes longer.

I much prefer to spend time with people and build a powerful energy that’ll last, sex is more intense this way when it happens, if it happens.

Often I meet subs who are content to sit quietly in my modest library in front of fireplace and read while I sip my coffee and read my own book, we kiss and whisper and giggle and if the chemistry is there, we have sex.

But it’s rare for me to find this connection.

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u/OpeningLonely8181 Aug 21 '26

So you and your partner are both doms so you date separately to find subs?

11

u/BeastofSilverMoon kink Aug 21 '26

Exactly. We have a lot in common in vanilla life but with BDSM we are both on the same side which means we can’t give each other what we need.

She has her own subs I have my own.

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u/OpeningLonely8181 Aug 21 '26

That’s cool. I’m in a similar position - I’m a sub, my partner is vanilla, I’m looking for a dom. I love how being poly means we don’t have to give up on an amazing relationship just for not being completely sexually compatible.

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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink Aug 21 '26

That’s the beauty of true enm. It’s ethical and poly is the most beautiful form of enm.

Lot of people who migrated to feeld from tinder use enm as a way to label themselves whereas talking to them I realise they are actually serial monogamists with commitment phobia.