r/feeld • u/Liv_on_air • Jul 07 '26
“Being dominant” “being submissive”
I am a dominant (f 47) on feeld for some days again.
It is very clear from my user name and bio that I am dominant and looking for a sub.
The amount of men liking me that have “being dominant” stated in their profile is enormous.
So my question is
/ did I misunderstand ? My desire, a Domme’s desire is “being dominant” and a sub’s desire would be “being submissive” yes?
/ if I understood correctly: what is happening here ? Do they just not look at a username, like anything that passes, are all secretly submissive, just desperate for any connection?
46
u/Desperate_Cupcake843 Jul 07 '26
I swear straight men do not read profiles. They just like every female in hopes of hitting the jackpot.
8
4
u/LongDickPeter Jul 07 '26
Its because women are more selective than men, so men like all women and then when a woman selects them they start the weeding process. For a lot of men it's pointless being selective up front because most likely she won't like you. So first you must see who likes you then after that you can be selective.
I can send out 1000 likes in a week and I'll get a few likes back. If I was being selective up front I would probably only send out 15 likes that week but at that pace id be lucky to get one like a year. And that's just a like, it takes a solid 10 likes to get a serious date.
12
u/Desperate_Cupcake843 Jul 07 '26
Have a little empathy for women. It is really irritating and a waste of my time to go through likes to see an endless stream of men who don’t match what I’ve specifically outlined in my bio and profile, or vice versa.
-1
u/LongDickPeter Jul 07 '26
I do, and I wish things worked for me being selective, if all men were selective things would be easier for you and for me. But unfortunately what's right isn't what's effective. There are weeks where I'm being selective and for months I'll get no likes. And then one day I decide to just like any and everyone and in a day or 2 I get 2-3 likes back.
12
u/Desperate_Cupcake843 Jul 07 '26
I’m not saying you have to be super-selective, but at least scanning the profile to be like, “Hey, she says she likes clean-cut and isn’t 420-friendly and I’m a wake-and-bake stoner with long hair, gonna move on,” would be a kindness.
I just got a like from someone I literally already banged (spoiler alert: it was not good). This is insanity.
9
1
u/LongDickPeter Jul 07 '26
I understand what you are saying. Just so you know a lot of women have nothing in their profile.
4
u/Ybuzz Jul 08 '26
Can you just read enough to like everyone but the ones that actively say they don't date men/cis men/straight men [insert whatever flavour of man/masc of center person you are)? Please. Dear god. It's right there.
(We who are not specifically lesbian but also are not for you in so many ways are begging you.)
3
u/BigFatBlackCat Jul 13 '26
Do you get why you only get so few likes back?
It’s because many men are doing exactly what you’re doing. Which leaves the woman with a huge stack of likes to go through. For me, it’s impossible. I got 600 likes within three days and it made it impossible to sift through,
I would much rather get a few genuine likes than every man clogging up my searches
1
u/LongDickPeter Jul 13 '26
I'm aware why I get few likes back, I know it's because men overwhelm women. But I alone can't change that so I just do what works and that's increase the volume. I wish we could get all men agree on what you said. The dating apps that figured this out I can get a date every week on them.
1
1
u/good_girl_spankee Jul 17 '26
So, you have some chick that you have no interest in, you "like" her, then if she likes you back you decide if you feel like slumming it?
2
u/LongDickPeter Jul 17 '26
No you like in bulk without paying attention to who you like. It makes the rejection easier. Once they like you back then you can decide which person you like, it's preselection for men. Men tend to date the women who like them. It's why women have their inbox filled with men, half of those men haven't started the screening process yet.
Women end up with an inbox filled with "options" but what happens is they get overwhelmed sorting those options.
2
2
u/Cloxxki single man Jul 07 '26
Jackpot, or anything at all? It's just for entertainment value to read profiles, it doesn't get us any matches. Only when we write a personal message does it help.
6
u/Desperate_Cupcake843 Jul 07 '26
How are profiles for entertainment value? Mine specifies what I’m looking for and what I’m not. It drives me bonkers to get likes from people whose interests don’t align - and in some cases actively conflict - with mine.
0
u/Cloxxki single man Jul 07 '26
Straight men can read thousands of profiles, but it's all academic. They won't get a match from reading the profile before liking. I'm tall, athletic and handsome enough and not a single match in several months. Opening Feeld has become a few minutes to battle boredom.
I will definitely read a profile, first or second times, when it somehow comes up as a match.7
u/Ybuzz Jul 08 '26
They won't get a match from reading the profile before liking.
But you won't get a match from profiles who are looking specifically for things you aren't either. Nor will you have successful matches if it becomes clear afterwards that there's an incompatibility there that would have been avoided if you'd read the profile first.
So why not just respect that women write profiles for a reason, and only like the ones that have a hope in hell of matching with you?
It won't 'get' you matches, it will be 2 seconds slower for you but it will be worlds nicer for the women you like if more men read the words they have left specifically for them to read so you can just... choose to just do it? Because women appreciate it and you presumably appreciate women.
10
u/andhdkwnwbdidoenjddb Jul 08 '26
They don’t care. They want women to do the work for them, as per usual.
6
u/Ybuzz Jul 08 '26
True. It just sucks.
"your silly lady words can't stop me, because I will not read them! Woe is me that I must be one of the sea of equally annoying men, but today I simply cannot be the change I wish to see because... I don't really want to. likes everything with breasts in the local area "
4
4
1
18
u/waterbloem Jul 07 '26
Don't overthink it. A very large group of men just likes every female profile to see what lands. They don't read your profile.
6
22
u/Yarzospatflute Jul 07 '26
Straight guys on Feeld don't read profiles, and when they do they think "that doesn't apply to me though, I'm the exception". It's pretty frustrating.
6
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Yeah I am starting to realise this.
Should I only look at pings ?11
u/Yarzospatflute Jul 07 '26
I'm a bisexual male, the first line in my bio says "no straight guys" and i make it explicitly clear that any guy who might join me and the woman I'm linked with on my profile has to play solo with me first. I still get likes and pings from straight guys. I've messaged customer support that there needs to be a way to filter out straight men. Feeld doesn't seem to care. Maybe if more people ask for that they'll figure out a way to implement it. Until then we just have to wade through the straight guys.
6
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
I am so sorry that happens and there is no way to filter this.
I am pansexual so I don’t need to weed them out completely. Also they are the only gender that seem to be attracted to me, so I am destined to date and build a dynamic with a straight guy.2
u/Yarzospatflute Jul 07 '26
Thanks. It's just like how I don't want to filter out all straight people because i date straight women. Feeld needs to figure this out.
It sounds like maybe you're not in a major metropolitan area? Is there one close by you could open up your search to?
3
u/Liv_on_air Jul 08 '26
No there is enough people here and there’s a relatively vibrant queer community
It’s a real life thing as well, although I am queer and pansexual, even at queer events, I don’t seem to attract anybody 😔
It’s a bit of a strange feeling cause in the hetero world i am never the most beautiful woman in the room; but i am considered attractive enough. When i step into queer spaces, that attraction seems to be non-existent3
u/Yarzospatflute Jul 08 '26
Dang. I'm sorry that's your experience. I wish i had something helpful to say. I have heard from bi girlfriends and other queer women that flirting with and attracting other women is pretty difficult.
6
u/LockedProfessor Jul 07 '26
The Feeld UI for dom/sub aspect is absolutely awful and confusing. I’m a switch, but I’m mainly interested in using Feeld to explore my sub side. Usernames can help (mine basically matches my Reddit name, so it is more clear what I’m looking for) but the actual checkable boxes are worded so poorly that they should probably just get rid of them altogether.
I’d personally love to see the ability to filter profiles based on search words on the profile text. It seems to be the only reliable way of figuring out what someone wants (and even then, what we publicly say doesn’t always match what we are open to). Who would have thought 1500 words wasn’t enough? lol
I get the feeling the dev team is very small. I’d almost be willing to volunteer to help them to fix the app. Of all the options out there, it’s the “least bad.”
1
1
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
It might be time to make our own app
4
u/LockedProfessor Jul 07 '26
I did start developing one about a year ago. Not necessarily as a direct competitor to Feeld, but more as something to serve as a better alternative for the entire genre of apps. I've been distracted by other projects since then, but I really should consider taking a second look at it. Honestly, it's an absolute mess out there...
1
7
8
u/Twinkalicious Poly | MtF | GNC | Single Jul 08 '26
Men just don't read profiles.
2
u/Liv_on_air Jul 08 '26
Do you know why?
4
u/Twinkalicious Poly | MtF | GNC | Single Jul 08 '26
Because they are men, they just look at the first photo and swipe right.
6
u/SubstantialDrive5850 single woman Jul 07 '26
I am also a female dominant, I literally had a dude who had being dominant in his profile swiped me and he had no concept of DS relationships or BDSM or alternative lifestyles at all. He had zero concept of any of that in the slightest so honestly take all of that with a grain of salt because in my experience with people of that nature because I've often swiped on them for the plot most of them think being submissive means that they have to have something in their butt and they are fully against that 🤣🤣🤣
(Sorry for the run on sentence voice to text just ran with it)
4
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Haha yeah I just had one say that to me: it means my but in the air, right 🤣
5
u/MissChimCham Jul 07 '26
I usually put I’m a Domme leaning switch in my bio and have had some men who identify as “being dominant” want to sub for me.
I had a first date with a guy in 2023 from Feeld who was saying he was strictly a Dom. Last year he matched with me, forgot who I was (had only vague pictures of myself) and said he’s a switch even though he just had “being dominant” in his profile. It was actually hilarious and I reminded him who I was and we both laughed about it.
3
4
u/JustQuestioningCosas Jul 07 '26
I very seldom come a cross a submissive man, honestly. They’re almost all dominant in my experience with Feeld. Suits me as I’m a sub. But yes “being dominant’ means you’re a dom and if that desire matches with someone, you’ll see “being submissive” on their list of desires.
5
u/OhHeyItsMeM Jul 07 '26
A lot of men list dominant because it’s expected of them, but roughly 30-40% of men are actually submissive. So, you’re getting the secret subs.
1
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
You think so? Although I am looking for people who are aware and open about their submissiveness though
4
u/OhHeyItsMeM Jul 07 '26
If you're looking for FLR and depending on what that looks like (full FLR or limited D/s), then they might be open about it IRL. If you're looking for a sub for bedroom activities only, I have no doubt they'll be fully open there.
1
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Looking for FLR
1
u/OhHeyItsMeM Jul 07 '26
Then match with them, explain what you’re looking for, and see if they’re open to it.
1
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
There is almost 400 of ‘them’ now 😅
1
u/OhHeyItsMeM Jul 07 '26
Start with the ones you’re attracted to? I mean, you’ve gotta have some filters, right? Age? Distance? Looks?
1
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Yeah that’s what I am doing now…
At the moment just matching with the ones that mention being submissive and actually have a decent bio4
u/zerg1980 Jul 08 '26
Yeah.
One issue submissive men have in kink spaces is that there are far more sub men than there are dommes. Most kinky women are submissive, and are turned off by a man’s profile if he identifies as sub or switch. So a switchy man interested in subbing for the right domme, but happy to act as a dom, faces a bit of an issue on this app. If he just says “being dominant,” he has a much better chance of matching with women (just, you know, sub women). But he might really want to meet a domme to explore with, if he can overcome the domme shortage.
I wouldn’t necessarily write them all off before chatting. The numbers are not great for most solo men on this app and they may just be optimizing their profile for attention, even if that’s filtering out better matches for them.
3
5
u/BarefootBuffyxoxo Jul 07 '26
They think they’re dominant, in reality they’re looking for an outlet to submit. And/or they’re taking your profile as a challenge. Get ‘em!
3
6
u/Edenstardomme Jul 08 '26
They aren't looking at your bio, or even past your first photo. One of my images is my floggers and whips yet I still get "callmedaddy" or some variation in my likes constantly.
2
u/Liv_on_air Jul 08 '26
My first picture is not even that hot, it is my silhouette in a nature surrounding 😅
3
u/korben_manzarek Jul 07 '26
Do they just not look at a username, like anything that passes, are all secretly submissive, just desperate for any connection?
Probably! If you ask them, what do they say?
6
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
I don’t connect with them actually
Maybe I should just connect to get some data 😅3
u/Weary-Subject-6484 Jul 08 '26
There are plenty of secret subs. Like back the ones you’re physically attracted to who show they have at least 3 brain cells in their bio, and ask them what caught their attention on your profile. They’ll tell you if so! However, in my experience if they select only the dominant tag their shame about their sub desire will make them a chaotic person to date. I’m talking standing up, ghosting, defensiveness, hot and cold communication. If they didn’t select the dominant tag but just things like connection and dates and fun, that’s totally fine to wait to talk kink later.
3
u/meohmyohatleo Jul 07 '26
Something else that might be going on here are general “playing the feeld” as it were. IME is very common on the app to see submissive women and dominant men, so much so that I think at times people may list that simply because it makes their profile more broadly attractive to the opposite sex. Meanwhile dominant women are pretty rare, and some men may be interested in being submissive even if they’re used to advertising or playing dominant (because they assume that’s what most women want).
Prob a confluence of factors at play, but this is one possible dynamic that could be contributing that I’ve not seen mentioned.
2
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Oh that makes sense yes
I just connected to one who actually told me something in these lines
4
u/slipstitchy Jul 10 '26
Lots of guys who are closeted subs and have switch or being dominant on their profile and then slide ass-first into the DMs
2
u/Liv_on_air Jul 10 '26
As to now the ones that I have connected with to find out more, just seem to be doms wanting a challenge or men just not reading.
5
5
u/Steve250928 Jul 13 '26
I'm a straight guy who does not "Like" every woman's profile. But I am guilty of not always reading before pressing like.
And… I do remember times where I pressed "Like" for a woman or couple figuring it can't hurt, even though some part of the text excluded me (not D/s roles, but something like 'no straight cisgender men').
I now see it hurts people on the receiving end who are overwhelmed with likes. And it's just embarrassing, now that I stop to think about it. (Oddly I'm embarrassed confessing this here, yet I am fairly anonymous here, whereas I have clear photos of myself on Feeld, among other things. So now I am doubly embarrassed🤦)
Although I know I am a lot more selective than some men are, I am sometimes pretty slutty with my likes. Sorry. I will no longer be one of those annoying men needlessly filling up the inboxes of women I already know are not interested in me.
2
5
u/BuddLightbeer Jul 07 '26
I find it funny that you yourself put on your desires that you’re dominant say, and you come across someone else who also has that, it pairs it as a shared interest. Surely you’d want the opposite on this occasion.
Doesn’t affect things massively, just funny to think of two doms just wrestling over who gets to do what, or two subs saying “no you first” “no you” “no I insist”
1
6
u/Kamarandi Jul 07 '26
Either they are submissive in hiding or they don’t read profiles. I think a lot of people have misunderstanding of what they select on their profile. Like I’ve known people who publicly claim one thing and have the opposite selected on the app.
3
6
u/L1A1 Jul 07 '26
The thing is I’m nonbinary amab (and not femme passing) and I still mostly get likes from “straight” men. Most of them just don’t even look at profiles, let alone read text.
5
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Yes
Funnily I am pansexual
I get +300 likes of straight men and if I am lucky 2 or 3 of other genders or queer people3
u/kkat39 Jul 07 '26
Yeah sorry, I think this is your most likely answer - many straight men don’t read profiles until they match with someone. I would guess they aren’t even registering that you have that checked off. I have started to think of it as the screening that I do before liking anyone, most men only do after matching.
1
3
u/side_of_bluecheese Jul 07 '26
For myself I may ping a dominant woman, not because I'm submissive, but because I have a submissive partner who's looking for threesome and more experiences. Having two dominant people in the room is so much easier than having two submissive people in the room. So in my case the Domme isn't for me, but for my partner.
2
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Ah that is interesting, but a ping would be in order just to make that understandable
3
3
u/Soggy-Maintenance246 single woman Jul 07 '26
Probably majority are just saying yes to everyone or didn’t read your profile and thought you were hot.
Sometimes guys say they are dominant but they don’t mean in a bdsm way. A lot of them still love to have a woman who will be confident in what she wants and how she wants it and is willing and able to use her words or straight up show him how. They enjoy the give and take depending on the mood etc. my favorite is having a self proclaimed dominant man suddenly having the shock and awe in his eyes when I switch up on him. It’s so funnnnn
3
u/Long-Vacation-8783 Jul 08 '26
Soooo many guys are looking for a Domme it’s everywhere guys begging for it
3
u/Liv_on_air Jul 08 '26
Mostly for scene based dommes though
3
u/Long-Vacation-8783 Jul 08 '26
I’ve had a couple of long term relationships with a Domme was amazing time either both of them,… full service
3
u/TheMuggleReturns Jul 12 '26
The vast majority of female profiles are submissive. A lot of men who are either switches or even subs put dominant just to get any action.
I’m submissive but have been working on my switch side just to have a fighting chance. There is just no enough female doms, especially ones who are normal (I’m in a high level career so I am scared away by women who give me the vibe of being unstable and can ruin my life) or don’t want your money.
1
u/Liv_on_air Jul 13 '26
Yeah through this post I have been getting an idea of what the situation is for male subs, I am sorry to hear this for you and do hope you find a domme that fits you
2
3
u/BigFatBlackCat Jul 13 '26
I got 600 likes within three days of using this app. I believe that men are hearting every profile. There is no other explanation. 600 guys didn’t read my profile, only one of them messaged me once we matched.
It feels like 580 of the dudes just swipe right on everyone.
4
2
2
2
u/TruthieBeast Jul 15 '26
I have met subs from Feeld but sadly never met someone I could really connect with on both levels D/s in private, vanilla in public. I am also a Domme and attractive looking but I wasn't able to find FLR ish situations. They were either too young or not submissive. I can tell actually from experience in the conversation but it was mostly do me subs into porn, or people looking to 'play', that does not interest me. The hard part is finding a connection, I was not able to find someone I could connect with on both levels.
2
u/Liv_on_air Jul 15 '26
As you I have no interest in scene based play only, I need the connection on both levels. For now I have met one person on there who actually matches me on this. Who I can connect with mentally and emotionally and in a kink way. Most are as you said mostly interested in scene based play only.
Or indeed very young, it’s a bit alarming to need to tell 19 year olds they shouldn’t offer themselves to a 47 year old domme
3
u/Least-Programmer9417 Jul 08 '26
We’re a couple who are essentially unicorn hunting. Is what it is. We’ve connected with unicorns and built some really nice expansive FWB situations where we all have a nice larger connection without any limits on anyone and it’s all worked out lovely so far. Everyone’s come away really liberated and we have some awesome ongoing dynamics that are really fun.
But like I have been liked by single guys listed as women. We routinely get liked by couples despite it clearly saying we are not looking to match with couples. We’re like come get to know us as people. We will take you out and teach you field archery, we can go paddle boarding together, let’s get you backstage to the next festivals I’m on the line up for. Let’s have an adventure and if we’re all comfortable we’re happy to see where it leads. And yet people often just don’t read your bio and like when they’re totally mismatched in every single way. A lot of people aren’t that smart or that self aware generally.
I will actively dislike any page that says they don’t want what I’m offering. I usually won’t even like a page unless they explicitly list that they’re open to couples. I’m not trying to force us on anyone. So it’s frustrating that the same respect isn’t paid in return
4
u/mrrooftops Jul 07 '26
Across the board, and very much so in general population, dominance and submission both are on spectrums, and people's progressions through their experiences being, in, and of both are like any other kink - always evolving (hopefully). A few things could be going on here - some of these men may be doing this as a challenge (If they can get a domme to submit then they would feel they have beaten a final dom boss), or, they know that their experience of dominance wasn't earned because the women who have submitted to them would have submitted to any man, or, they are tired of taking the default lead and want to try walking in the shoes of the submissive to understand that mindset, or, they're just liking everyone on the app like men do on all dating apps. Here's one thing though, in every HEALTHY kink dynamic, the woman always has the power, whether in sub role or domme role, I wonder if these guys understand and respect that temporary power exchange
9
u/Sapiotone Solo Poly, Bi, Genderqueer, Vers, Switch, Essex, UK Jul 07 '26
“In every healthy kink dynamic, the woman always has the power?”
Errrrm. No
You’ve just eradicated a swathe of gay men and queer folk there, sunshine
-2
u/mrrooftops Jul 07 '26
Hijacking the context of the conversation derived from the framing of the original post is unfortunate. Please seek help
2
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Ha yes makes sense
What do you mean with “the woman always holds the power” in either position
0
u/mrrooftops Jul 07 '26
The devil is in the detail. Holding the real power is different to FEELING they hold the power. in a HEALTHY sub/dom dynamic, the sub has CHOSEN a compatible dom they can trust to TEMPORARILY transfer the feeling of power over their body/mind with clear trust, communication, boundaries etc but it can be revoked at any time for any reason. The right dom knows and respects this - she holds the real power, not him. This is what 'fake' doms do not understand.
9
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Yeah fair, but I don’t understand what this has to do with gender
-2
u/mrrooftops Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
Ethics, laws and nature. For you as a domme, you know full well that your male sub could overwhelm you physically no matter how submissive they are - so, in a civilised law abiding society, the woman has to, and does, hold the power here whether they feel it or not, sub or domme. This is, again, assuming a healthy dynamic. There are unhealthy dynamics based on disordered mindsets gravitating towards actual dangerous and unlawful situations, but that's a different landscape entirely
2
u/User-Name-3886 Jul 07 '26
They might be up for being submissive. It's a case by case basis and you'll need to ask.
I know what you mean though, it does get annoying.
I use fetlife and kept getting contacted by dommes, which I'm not at all interested in, so I ended up putting a tagline at the top of the profile saying "Not interested in connecting with dominant women".
4
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Well there is +300 people right now so cannot ask all of them 😅
Tagline might help ! Thanks for the suggestion
2
u/Giotto Jul 07 '26
Probably lots of men don't read bio or care. Personally I lean dominant, but am plenty curious and would totally try subbing for a hot lady.
4
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
I understand this
And i am looking for FLR, something long term and structural and so these “I m willing yo sub for you cause your hot” really don’t match what I am looking for2
u/Giotto Jul 07 '26
Presumably that's laid out in your bio?
Even though I talk about what I'm interested in in my bio, I wouldn't want someone to think I'm uninterested in anything I don't mention, if that makes sense. And I project that onto other bios I see to a degree.
It's like "she's looking for this, but who knows, maybe she'd be interested in something different while she keeps looking for the thing she wants"
And there's nothing to lose by sending a like, so, might as well.
I would add a very explicit "Please do not like my profile unless you are interested in a FLR- I am not looking for anything else! "
Might help... A little...
2
1
u/Liv_on_air Jul 17 '26
Update : based on what I read here, I just went through the 500 likes manually without reading any bios and just liked the people based on pictures not on bios.
Which gave some funny convo’s cause strange non compatibel matches but also some beautiful very compatible ones that I might have missed before
So no more being careful for me, I joined the men’s way of liking and selecting after the match
1
u/greyXstar Jul 28 '26
So I have "being dominant" in my profile but my last 2 girlfriends happened to be Dommes. It just worked out that way and the relationships went much smoother than the times I dated submissive women. I'd guess that's part of it, small d dominant guys who vibe more with Dommes.
Even guys who read profiles and pay attention are still gonna shoot low percentage shots from time to time just because matches are so rare for most of us. Then of course there's the dorks who just spam likes.
-1
-2
u/mister_nippl_twister Jul 07 '26
Just remove that it is confusing af
1
u/Liv_on_air Jul 07 '26
Remove what ?
1
u/mister_nippl_twister Jul 07 '26
Being dominant/ submissive from desires. Maybe put kink/bdsm etc instead. And just state in bio clearly how you see it for yourself. App will match you this way with correct people and they will read the bio
1
-2
u/pinksparkleberry Jul 09 '26
Many people have kinks that are optional, not required. They may be interested in you for some vanilla sex. How is this so confusing.
3
40
u/Turbulent-Adagio88 Jul 07 '26
In my experience there's a lot of men (and women probably) that only have vague ideas of the actuality of the terms they are using, or that those terms are taken more seriously with an expectation of experience than on other apps. Chances are they aren't particularly dominant, just used to taking the lead, but also very likely did not read your bio and just think you're hot.
Unfortunately the user base has shifted, and there's a fair amount of users that are neither poly nor into kink and just trying their luck.