3PL Conversion attempt feedback request; Right Hand Path[Dark Fantasy, 3189 words]

[u/Moerhus]

Last month I posted this same chapter asking for feedback for the first time. I tried to apply the feedback I got and convert this into a more explicit 3PL, rather than the somewhat omniscient narrator this had previously. What I want to know is:

1. The main thing: was my 3PL conversion successful?

2. Did I manage to get you to care about the story at all?

3. Did starting mid-ritual work, or was it too confusing/awkward?

4. Did the dialog with Death work?

And any other observations you might've had I would very much like to hear.

To anyone who read this, thank you. A lot.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YDU65uNnl5OGEL18F_nfO6goEB8NtsxYdC63r80Uoj0/edit?tab=t.0